


The Human Equation

by progdor



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Canon Continuation, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 11:12:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 132,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7974745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/progdor/pseuds/progdor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asuka and Shinji have awakened in a Post Third Impact world, their bodies and minds have been deconstructed and reconstructed numerous times, their innermost thoughts, feelings and fears laid out before them for each to come to the conclusion that despite the hurt it might bring them, they want to go on living in this world. A new future awaits them in the Post Third Impact world,</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Something happened which meant I lost all of my work on AO3 so I'm currently in the process of re-uploading it all. This was one of my first fics when I came back into writing fics. Enjoy :)

**Shinji Ikari – Third Child, Pilot of Evangelion Unit 01.**

“How disgusting…”

Those were the words she had spoken, the last words that had been said between the two of them leading to an uncomfortable three hour walk through a broken, desolate land that they had once called home.

The image still lingered in his mind, of her hand reaching up to caress his cheek, his tears and the words being uttered. He didn’t know why she had said them, he hadn’t asked, instead he had just regressed into his own thoughts. Did she want him to strangle her? No, that couldn’t have been it, why would she want to die after coming back, she must have wanted to live to come back… maybe she had remembered or knew what he had done whilst she lay in that hospital bed. After all wasn’t that what she had said to him whilst their souls had been linked? She knew about his fantasies? A small voice inside his head told him that it was probably the tears, the tears streaming down his face dripping onto hers.

Asuka had always told Shinji he should show more of a backbone, she never liked the way he’d bend over backwards for others and not defend himself. He always thought it was easier that way and that he’d be accepted and loved if he just went along with what people told him to do. Instrumentality had taught him otherwise, that people were either going to accept him or weren’t, that despite their words Asuka, Misato, Toji, Kensuke, Kaji and even Rei loved him because of him not because they had a use for him or because he did things for them.

Unfortunately it was a small voice that told him this, and that despite what he had gained from instrumentality giving him the strength to come back he couldn’t quite allow it into the front of his mind just yet. _Maybe one day_ he mused, but as he surveyed the broken world around him he thought, _today is not that day._

Shinji was cold, he was wet and felt sick from hunger. With each step he felt his legs getting more and more tired but he couldn’t give up. Just a little longer and we’ll be at some shelter, and we can have food and get warm. Keeping pace with him was Asuka, the Red-Headed German Pilot who was now sporting a bandaged arm and eyepatch. A scowl was etched into her face and she hadn’t said a word since he had attempted to strangle her.

 _Why… did I do that, I don’t want to hurt Asuka but when I saw her…_ He remembered the scene clearly; it was just as Instrumentality happened. Asuka was the first person he linked with and they were arguing about something… something stupid as they had been in the weeks leading up to it. He remembers rushing forward in his mind and strangling her. Months of anger and fury had built up to that, and her taunts in that moment were the trigger for releasing it all. That was what he felt when he saw her on the beach next to him, she was lying still and motionless. It was a trigger, suddenly the anger and fury overcame him again and he couldn’t help himself. It was only when she shown a sign of life... a sign of compassion he stopped.

_Maybe that was it… maybe I was trying to make sure she was real or alive… I am fucked up._

Shinji could feel pain shoot through his feet with each step but he had to keep pushing on. They needed to get to somewhere sheltered, with food and warmth so they could spend their first night in safety or whatever passed for safety in this new world.

 

The landscape was now totally foreign to Shinji, he recognised and picked out fallen or broken landmarks but the sea behind him was now blood-red, tinged with the souls of humanity. The sky was a jet black with a red tear smeared across it and half sunken into the ocean was the disembodied head of Lilith bearing a resemblance to the pilot Rei Ayanami. It was frightening and in a way somewhat comical. To an outsider looking in this was no longer a place for humans, yet his mother... his mother, Kaworu and Lilith/Rei had assured him that humanity can thrive in this world.

_She couldn’t have lied to me could she?_

A small part of Shinji resented his mother, in a way she was responsible for this. Keeping him from piloting Evangelion Unit 1 to fight alongside Asuka, not revealing herself to him sooner, allowing herself to be absorbed into the Evangelion Unit in the first place. He had questions, ones he likely wouldn’t get answers to yet or maybe ever. All he could do now though was push on, find somewhere to rest and see what tomorrow brought.

**Asuka Langley Sohryu – Second Child, Pilot of Evangelion Unit 02.**

“How disgusting…”

Why did she say it? Was it the tears rolling down his face, it must have been. She had always hated seeing him upset, it had always disgusted her to see him upset but... that was before when he didn’t have a reason to be. He had a reason. He had just been through the apocalypse and had possibly lost everything. Even the great Asuka Langley Sohryu wasn’t that callous to think he couldn’t be upset over that.

Was it that he couldn’t finish the job of killing her? No, that definitely wasn’t it. She didn’t want to die, she didn’t want to die before Instrumentality and she didn’t want to die even at her lowest point. If anything she was scared that he would have tried to finish the job and she was too weak to stop him.

_Stupid arm… all I could do was…_

It was the caress, it was her caressing him. She wasn’t directing it at him but herself because she for a brief moment had let her guard down. She had shown affection towards the one person who probably understood her the most and also understood her so little.

Or maybe she was recounting the incident.

_He thought I didn’t know about it, he thought I couldn’t see but I know… he violated me while I lay there in that hospital bed._

It was one of the more vivid images she remembered from Instrumentality, she had never seen anything like that before. She never imagined Shinji would do something like that, at least… not in that way. It did disgust her and it’d take her a while to truly trust Shinji again but that wasn’t why she said it.

_I said it because… because I’m the great Asuka Langley Sohryu. I don’t need a reason do I?_

 

If Instrumentality had taught her something it was that there was a reason, it was her coping mechanism. A way of deflecting the comforting gesture she gave the young pilot after all they had been through. Maybe it was also a way of showing Shinji she was the same Asuka he knew before everything had gone to hell. Except she wasn’t the same Asuka and he wasn’t the same Shinji, things had changed between them and she knew they’d have to face it eventually.

 _I should have said something else, told him it was alright to want to hate me. I should have held him but…_ Her train of thought was broken as pain shot up her leg and her wounded arm. Asuka gritted her teeth resisting the urge to cry out in pain. They had been walking for so long, in complete silence and she was getting tired, sore and felt like she was about to pass out from hunger. Glancing ahead she saw Shinji moving ahead, she could see the look of determination on his face and realized he was fighting through immense pain as well.

_Idiot Shinji._

She quickly hid the brief smile that dared to spread, she did admire him in a way. For all her teasing, for all the times she was horrible he never gave up on her. Even in Instrumentality he was there, trying to help her come back.

Instrumentality had been a rough ride for Asuka, the battle with those Mass Produced Units had threatened to kill her and it was only through Shinji’s will that she was able to enter the process at all. She couldn’t remember every detail of it but the bits she did she held onto, her mother talking to her most of all. Asuka thought of what her mother told her during the process and she finally stopped walking.

“Shinji…”, her voice came out quietly but it was enough to stop him. “Shinji… I think we should stop for a while.”

He turned to look at her, his eyes were red from where he had been rubbing his eyes to hide any tears, and he was pale. In that moment she felt so sorry for him, and realized they both must have looked like such a mess.

“We can’t, just a little bit longer and we’ll be at the shelter Asuka… and we’ll be safe.” He swallowed before continuing, “I promise.”

With that he slowly reached out his hand, it was a simple gesture and she was a little bit taken aback by it. She stared at him for what felt like an eternity before slowly reach out hers too. She took his hand and walked beside him. As she looked up she saw the signpost directing them to the NERV Shelter.

“See Asuka… it’s only another street away.”

She nodded and slowly they both began walking, each desperately hungry not knowing what tomorrow might bring. Not knowing if they would see any of the people they loved again or knowing if they’ll even survive a ‘tomorrow’, but they walked towards the shelter hand in hand.


	2. Thoughts

**NERV Angel Shelter, outskirts of Tokyo III**

“Hey Shinji…”

Asuka strained her eyes in the dimly lit shelter and could make out the boys form lying down, his chest gently raising and lowering as he slept. Asuka couldn’t sleep; she was in a constant battle between wanting to sleep, having too many thoughts and needing to use the bathroom. The only problem was that she was comfortable and warm and outside the blankets they had been able to get from the shelters stock it was certainly not comfortable or warm.

“Yes Asuka?”

Shinji opened his eyes to reply to the girl, he was glad she had spoken to him. He wasn’t able to sleep, the events of the last 48 hours were flying through his head and he was scared that if he did go to sleep when he woke up she might not be there.

“Do you think the others will come back?”

Asuka immediately regretted asking the question, it was packed full of emotion and it was the sort she didn’t like to show. She would never say she was emotionless, she had emotions but Asuka liked to pick and choose the ones she would display. Ones that made her look weak, especially in front of the likes of Shinji, were a big no.

_‘Damn Instrumentality… messing with me like that that I…’_

“I hope so…” he finally replied with his voice registering barely more than a faint whisper.

“What do you mean you hope so? What sort of answer is that?” It was an attempt at least, some sort of facsimile of the old Asuka before Instrumentality.

Shinji was a little bit taken aback by the tone of the response. He looked over at her and in the darkness could see her eyes locked onto him.

“Well I… I hope people come back. They have the choice to at least… I think? That’s what I wan-, that is what I was told.”

 _‘What am I hoping to achieve with this?’_ She questioned herself. This was the first conversation they had had with one another since returning and waking up on the beach. Since then it had been a sequence of “Are you alright?”, “Is that alright?”, “Where are the facilities in this shelter?” and “Maybe we should go to sleep now?” and she couldn’t forget the “How disgusting!” at the start of the day either.

Asuka was caught in a state of flux wanting to show the new Asuka that had come to terms with herself. To show a new Asuka that no longer needed to be horrible towards people and proclaim how great she was to get attention. This new Asuka had cast pride aside, and was ready to introduce new things like compassion and openness.

She berated herself internally, _‘This is so dumb, I hate this so much. I wanted to come back, I accepted all that had happened and thought maybe I could be a different person but… that’s stupid because that is who I am, I’m Asuka Langley Sohryu. I’m the best damn pilot NERV had to offer. I have pride and ambition and… I really have to pee._

“Uhh Asuka…”

His words snapped her from her thoughts and so in kind she snapped at him, “What is it Shinji?”

“You said that last bit out loud.”

She tried her best to cover up her embarrassment and fixed her best glare on him, “Well… I do and I forgot where the bathroom was in here so, why wouldn’t I say that out loud?”

“Sorry I thought you… it’s over there…”, he pointed towards the door at the opposite side of the room.  He then watched as she hopped out of the blankets and made her way to the room leaving him alone with his thoughts.

 _‘Asuka… I don’t know what to do but I’m going to try my best and I’m going to try to help you. I know you probably hate me right now and I don’t blame you but…’_ He stopped himself, he knew that Asuka didn’t hate him but his mind was a mess. _‘I need sleep… we’ll figure this out tomorrow’_

He lay back down and shifted onto his side as he heard the girl return from the bathroom and lie down in the makeshift bed beside him. He quickly went through his mind thinking of something to say before they made another, possibly futile attempt at sleeping.

“Asuka…”

“Yes?”

He shifted again, this time sitting up and looking over at her. Shinji wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to say, he wanted to say something reassuring not just for her but for himself, “People will come back, I don’t know when but they will, they just need a little bit more time than us.”

Asuka smiled and stifled a laugh as a realization suddenly hit her, “It makes you think doesn’t it…”

Shinji wasn’t sure why Asuka was laughing, maybe it was what he had said, it did sound stupid after all, “What does?”

She stopped laughing and climbed out of the makeshift bed, she pulled her blankets closer to Shinjis and lay back down next to him. He could see her face properly and up close for the first time since being on the beach. Her eye was fixed on him and he was sure her bandaged one would be as well. Finally she spoke again,

“If the other people need more time than us, maybe we aren’t so fucked up after all.”

He smiled and didn’t say anything but slowly closed his eyes. In the darkness he could sense her hand through the covers searching for something. Eventually it found its target, his hand and she intertwined her fingers with his, she had removed her plugsuit gloves some time ago and her hand was cold but something about the gesture sent a wave of warmth through his body. He wanted to reply to her but his eyes were growing heavier and finally after what seemed like hours of trying, with pain in their legs and a myriad of thoughts to dwell on. With no idea of what tomorrow might bring be it good or bad they finally fell asleep.

**Earth’s Orbit**

Yui Ikari surveyed the planet Earth, its vibrant greens and blues mixing to a deathly red focused around Japan, the site of the Third Impact and where her son Shinji had awakened along with his fellow pilot Asuka. Yui was exhausted, existing in a state between our reality and the next she only had a limited time before she would cease to exist here and continue her journey.

_‘I have done what I can to restore the Earth for you Shinji, it won’t be easy for you and Asuka and there is a chance you won’t see your friends and loved ones again but the Earth is at least alive. The rest of the world… they’ll only know this as the culmination of the Angel Attacks, Earths victory but also the day Earth lost a significant part of a country. Only the residents of Tokyo III will remember Instrumentality._

_I’m sorry I couldn’t do more, I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you any of my plans, where I’m going or anything but I couldn’t even tell my husband. SEELE had to be stopped, Third Impact had to go this way, and I know you’ve been through so much pain because of it… because of me but hopefully now things will move on.’_

With those final thoughts Yui’s vision of the Earth started to become blurred, a warm white light enveloped her and the question entered her mind,

“Are you ready to embark on the rest of your journey?”

_‘…I am ready.’_


	3. Visions

When Shinji awoke the shelter was in complete darkness save for the small flickering of the emergency exit lights towards the other end of the room. On arriving they had been using a small portable lamp found in storage, it had seemed that this had turned itself off whilst they slept. Shinji knew the shelters had emergency generators and they could have used that for lightning but had decided against to leave it until the next day. The priority had been on food and warmth when arriving at the shelter, everything else could wait.

He propped himself up and surveyed the darkness, his eyes were slowly adjusting and he could make out the shapes of tables, seating and various storage areas in the distance. Next to him lay Asuka’s sleeping form, she had done his best to avoid eye contact with her since coming back and they had still not really spoken to each other save for the brief conversation they had before falling asleep. He noticed her hand was still in the same position it was when it held his last night, Shinji blushed a little bit thinking about it. That had been twice yesterday they ended up holding hands.

Shinji yawned, trying to not make too much noise so as to not wake Asuka. He gently peeled back the blankets and was about to stand up when he heard a thud from the other side of the room.

_‘Is someone there?’_

Shinji froze where he was, straining his eyes for any sign of movement in the darkness. Next to him the redhead slept, the noise making little impact on her.

_‘Has someone else came back, are they here now?’_

He felt a sickly feeling in the pit of his stomach as he came to the realization that he and Asuka had no means to defend themselves, and if there was someone there they might not be friendly. He listened out for what seemed like an eternity. Moments passed and that was it, no movement or further noises.

He glanced over at Asuka and back again, this time there was something there. There was no need to strain his eyes, she was there clearly with a faint glow around her body. Her blue hair and pale skin creating a stark contrast to the pitch black room. She wasn’t moving, just staring straight ahead and Shinji felt pure terror as he saw her.

_‘Ayanami?’_

Shinji blinked, and as quickly as she had appeared she had gone. He threw the blankets to one side immediately leaping to his feet, Shinji’s eyes were transfixed on the spot he had seen her.

_‘That can’t have been her, why would she appear like that?’_

This was the second time since returning that he had seen her, the first had been shortly after he looked out towards the ocean, a brief moment before Asuka had returned to his side. The first time didn’t scare him, he had put it down to the after effects of Instrumentality and his fragmented mind putting itself back together.

_‘Ayanami is… gone isn’t she?’_

He felt a pang of sadness at the thought, all of his friends, his loved ones could come back.

_‘…except her…’_

Rei had fused with Lilith and betrayed Shinji’s father Gendo, she instead gave control of Instrumentality to Shinji and Eva Unit 01. It also allowed for the wishes of his mother, whose soul resided in Evangelion Unit 01 to be fulfilled, she could change the course of Third Impact. The being that was Rei Ayanami surely no longer existed, her soul having transcended our own world but Shinji had seen her figure twice since returning. At one point he might have been happy but now it terrified him.

 

Asuka resisted the urge to open her eyes, instead waiting to hear what happened next. She was certain he had said that word, said her name but why? Immediately after he said he she could hear him leap to his feet and move forward. She opened her eyes just enough to make out his shape in the darkness; he was staring straight ahead towards the entrance to the shelter.

 _‘Shinji you idiot what are you doing?_ ’

Him saying Ayanami’s name bothered her, she couldn’t figure out why or at least she couldn’t pull out one reason from many for it to bother her. Asuka had never got on with Rei, she never liked Rei because to Asuka she represented a lot of what she hated in people. Rei didn’t talk back to people, Rei went along with whatever she was told to do, she didn’t seem to aspire to do anything and Asuka hated every bit of it.

_‘Worst of all… she got his attention somehow…’_

Her eyes were fully open now and she could see Shinji walking towards the entrance, away from her.

_‘No! I’m not being left here, not by that idiot.’_

“Shinji?”

Her calling out to him startled her, his plan was to go to the entrance check one corridor and come back. Reassure himself there was nothing there and his mind was just playing tricks on him, he had failed to take into account that Asuka might have woken up.

“Hey Asuka, you’re awake.”

_‘Let’s see how he responds’_

“Of course I am, what are you doing?”

He still had his back turned to her, “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d take a look around…”

It was weak but it was the best he had for now until he figured out a better way to explain, or even if he could explain.

She was angry, not so much at the lie but at the stupidity of it, “You were going to get up and leave me here alone while you looked around? I’m not sure if you noticed Shinji but I’m not exactly in peak condition what if something had happened to me? Or you even?”

_‘Or is that maybe what you were hoping for Shinji? Is that why you tried to…’_

“Sorry…” It was the only word Shinji could muster up, one he was used to using and for once it actually seemed appropriate. He turned to face her, and sat himself down across from her. He kept looking around for a trace of the girl that seemed to be haunting him. It was a fact that didn’t escape Asuka who could feel herself getting more annoyed with him by the second.

“Shinji!”

_‘What is up with him?’_

“Sorry, I just…”

_‘Is he going to explain now, this had better be good.’_

He took a deep breath, not sure if this was the smartest course of action but he felt hiding the truth would only lead down a darker road. What if it kept happening, what if he kept seeing her and having to hide that from Asuka? He was still reeling over the incident on the beach, he was still reeling over Instrumentality and from the displays of affection being shown. His emotions were still a complete mess, piecing together one bit at a time and realizations of what awaited him and Asuka when they went outside were creeping into his mind. He didn’t want one further thing to have to deal with on his own, he had to tell her even if he did sound like an.

“Idiot Shinji… hello? Are you actually going to say something, or just sit there with your mouth wide open?”

He hadn’t realized that in all the time he was discussing this in his own mind she had actually turned the small lamp they had been using back on and was sitting closer to him. He looked into her eyes, they were fixed on him. Bright, blue and angry he often thought they were beautiful but now they scared him almost as much as Rei’s ghost did. He looked at her hands, the one that was bandaged was propping her up and the other was curled into a fist.

“Asuka… I, I think I saw something whilst you were sleeping and…”

“Go on…”

“This is going so sound stupid.”

Asuka knew she shouldn’t say it but the words flew out of her mouth, “No more so than most things that you come out of your mouth.”

“Asuka…”

“It was a joke Shinji.”

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

A month ago she might have laughed at the question, this time she didn’t. Between being confronted with her own past numerous times and the apocalypse a ghost didn’t sound that strange.

_‘Ghosts? What is this, Shinji just tell me before I… ‘_

Shinji was looking at her, awaiting her response, she didn’t want to admit it but she also didn’t want to hurt him, she settled for, “Uhh…”

“Before you turned up on the beach, I thought I saw Ayanami. When I turned back around you had appeared and well…” The memory of what he did still stung, he felt a tear well up in his eye but quickly wiped it away.

Noticing his discomfort, and also experiencing some herself she attempted to move the subject on, “I’m aware of what happened next Shinji, we’ll ignore that for now. What did you see tonight?”

“I woke up and heard something over by the entrance, and when I looked… I saw her Asuka, she was standing there motionless but it was her.”

Asuka couldn’t help herself yet again, “Standing there motionless? Well it certainly sounds like wondergirl.”

“Asuka!”

“It was another joke Shinji, god knows we could do with a bit of humour. Besides she should feel privileged to be granted such a nickname by myself.”

He smiled before continuing, “I’m scared Asuka, I…”

“It’s alright Shinji, I’m not at my best yet but you’ve got the great Asuka Langley Sohryu here, I’ll protect you from the even ghostlier Rei Ayanami.” She didn’t mean to keep making jokes but truth be told she was scared too, the realization that they were alone was sinking in and news of ghostly apparitions weren’t helping. She was about to continue and then the realization hit her, “Shinji, what did you say about seeing her at the beach?”

“Huh?” He wasn’t aware of where she was going with this, instead wrapped up in his own thoughts.

“Now is not the time to be an idiot, what did you say?”

“Uhh… I.. saw her and when I turned back around you were there?”

“And tonight you saw her and when you looked back she had gone?”

“Yes…”

“You don’t think…”

He thought about it but wasn’t really following the young Germans thoughts. He looked at her, mouth agape trying to form an answer. Eventually she sighed.

“Shinji, try actually thinking about things, it isn’t that hard. If Ayanami appeared to you moments before I turned up on the beach, then possibly someone else might have returned now that she appeared to you again.”

It made sense but if it was true then who could it be? Misato? Toji? Kensuke? One of their other friends or even his father? He had told Asuka people might come back but he hadn’t actually thought about who would and wouldn’t and what they would do when they came back. He had wanted a little bit more time alone with Asuka to sort things out before thinking about others being added to the equation.

It was a relief to Shinji when Asuka spoke again, confirming she was feeling the same.

“Shinji, we need to be careful. It might be someone we know but Tokyo 3 was a big place if someone else is back it could be anyone…”


	4. Coming Home

The light was subsiding being replaced by the light of morning. A smell of salt-water invaded her nostrils and the sound of waves gently lapping against the sand provided her with the knowledge that she was back. She tried to sit up, struggling to do so and grimacing at the sharp pain in her stomach. Glancing downwards she could see her uniform still had some of the bloodstains upon in but as she lifted up her top to check she saw that the wound had been bandaged.

_‘Who… when did this happen?’_

The events of the last 48 hours were still running through her head but she had made the final decision to come back. She could have stayed there, in the world without pain or barriers. The world that catered to her desires and provided her ideal life but it would have been useless. She knew it was false and she could sense they weren’t there anymore, and they needed her.

_‘Oh Shinji… Asuka, did you both make it back? Where are you now?’_

Bracing herself for the scene she gingerly started to stand up and survey the new world around her. In the distance, coming out of the blood red water she could make out the petrified forms of the Mass Produced Evangelion units, each of them turned to stone and impaled on their lances. Rubble and debris littered the beach with chunks of building providing an eerie decoration in the sea. Worst of all, making her sick to the stomach was the disembodied head of Lilith wasting away and sinking.

_‘It… it looks like Rei, oh my god what happened here? I… I have to find them now.’_

With that thought Misato Katsuragi, alone and frightened, with pain in every muscle and what felt like the worst hangover of her life turned to face the ruins of Tokyo-3. The world had gone to hell, it was unrecognizable and Misato wasn’t even sure they’d be capable of living here anymore. They would still try though. Misato would find Shinji and Asuka and more importantly she’d finally live up to her role as their guardian.

Misato took a deep breath, instantly regretting it as pain shot through where the gunshot wound had been. As she recovered something in the distance caught her eye, it was the figure of a man couched on his knees. Fear and anger gripped her as she realized who the person was, instinctively she reached for her gun.

_‘It’s still there, thank god…’_

She walked slowly towards the man, her approach going unnoticed and gently pressed the gun to the back of his head.

 

_‘I’m back and I understand now… I can’t stay in that world, in that illusion. My place is here, trying to help them. I don’t know if I deserve a second chance but I have to try.’_

The world had been devastated little by little over the last few months. All part of the plan, all part of the scenario that had been laid down. Destroy the world to fix it, be re-united with the one he loved and live in happiness for eternity. He hadn’t bargained on a number of factors throughout all of this though. Rei betraying him and handing the keys to the machine to his son and his wife Yui still being aware of all that was happening and having an agenda of her own.

Years of planning, scheming had all fallen apart at the last second because as usual Gendo Ikari, just couldn’t understand people. He could barely even understand himself, the only one who could had been Yui. She had been taken away from him though, a pawn in SEELEs game and he had tried to subvert it, not for the benefit of anyone but his own selfish self.

 

_‘What do I do now? He is here somewhere but where would he go, is anyone else with him? What would I even do if I saw him… he’ll…’_

Gendo suddenly realized that things weren’t going to be quite as easy as he might have imagined. In wanting to break free of Instrumentality it all sounded so easy. He would return, see his son again and all would be well but that was in the comfort of a perfect simulation of life. This was reality and things wouldn’t be quite as easy as walking up to Shinji, apologizing and moving on together. Gendo was scared of his son, he had been since Yui died. He realized that the bridge between them might be a little bit too burnt to be mended, in which case he had to start on building some new bridges.

Gendo might not have the chance to do that though, as he got onto his knees and started to climb to his feet he could sense someone approaching. He froze in place feeling the cold steel of the tip of a gun being pressed firmly against the back of his head.

 

Misato didn't move, instead she kept her eyes fixed firmly on the back of Gendo’s head. She kept her gun fixed firmly to the back of his head. Her finger hovered over the trigger and it would have been so easy and so quick to pull it.

_‘I… I’m not a murder, damn you Gendo Ikari you don’t deserve to be alive and as much as I’d like to be the one to do it I won’t kill you. Shinji wouldn’t want that…’_

“If you’re going to kill me… at least allow me to find and see my son first”

It was a weak plea but it was all he had. The chances of whoever it was holding a gun to his head even caring about this weak old man wanting to find his son caring was slim but maybe today luck would be on Gendo Ikari’s side.

Misato was furious but she wasn’t going to allow him to get under her skin. The man who was in many ways responsible for most of Shinjis pain, one of the men responsible for this hell surrounding them was pleading for his life. Using the son he had abandoned as a bargaining chip.

“Gendo Ikari… I’m not going to kill you, but if you think you’re going to get anywhere near Shinji then I will not hesitate to…”

_‘That voice…’_

Gendo felt the gun lift from his head and he slowly turned himself around, finding himself staring straight up in the angry eyes of Misato Katsuragi.

“Captain Katsuragi… I..”

She cut him off, raising her voice. “Don’t call me Captain! In case you haven’t noticed things seem to have changed here. I’m no longer ‘Captain Katsuragi’, you are no longer my Commander, as far as I’m concerned you should be dead.”

“I understand but…”

“You understand nothing, that’s why this has happened. All the blood shed on the day, all the people who have died and are left in there. The pain your son went through, that’s your fault Gendo.”

He didn’t say anything but instead dropped his head, doing his best to avoid her gaze. Misato was right, all of this was his fault and his earlier thoughts about making things better were dwindling with each passing moment. Gendo was starting to think that it would have been easier to stay but then…

_‘No… I have to explain and make things better. I can’t run away no matter how hard this will be.’_

“Katsuragi… Misato. You have no reason to believe anything I say right now and I don’t blame you. Instrumentality… the Eva’s, what happened to you, Shinji and everyone else. You’re right, their blood is on my hands but I want to make things better.”

Misato could have laughed, _‘Make things better? What could you possibly to do make things better you fool, unless you can rewind time you’ve got no chance.’_

“I’m not asking for you to forgive me, but I’m asking you for a chance to try to put things right. I need to see my son again, even if it ends up with him hating me I have to speak to him to explain things to him.”

“If you think I’d let you anywhere near Shinji you’ve got another thing coming…”

Gendo looked straight up at her, “He’s my son.”

Misato slapped him, “No! He isn’t Gendo, you abandoned him and had no contact with him for years. You brought him here because you ‘had a use for him’, remember that? Those were your words when he fought the third angel. Then what did you do? You didn’t speak to him, you stayed distant and watched as his… as our world fell apart. Whilst you conspired with SEELE, while you hid Lillith right under our noses and set this up. You’re not his father, you’re just someone who existed.”

Gendo’s face stung from the slap and the words being yelled at him rung loudly in his head and rattled through his soul. She was one hundred percent correct and more and more Gendo was regretting his return, after a pause he weakly mustered up one word.

“Please…”

He was desperately reaching for any reason he could give her for not just abandoning him there and turning away. They had planned for a lot of scenarios, the idea of humanity coming back had occurred to them. Should something had gone wrong the Angel shelters had been fitted to sustain life for some amount of time. Maybe he could use that.

She had started to walk away when he called out to her, “You won’t survive out there on your own Katsuragi. Neither of us will, like it or not we have to stick together. I can help, I know which shelters have supplies.”

He was getting desperate, she knew it but she also knew he was right. She was still suffering from the gunshot wound and if she ran into difficulty she might not survive long on her own.

“I don’t trust you.”

“I know, and I don’t deserve your trust but I can help. We’ll be able to find things to use in there, and if Shinji is out there it’ll help us find him too.”

“I won’t let you get to him.”

He rose to his feet and looked her in the eyes, Misato was almost shocked at how much the man resembled his son. The expressiveness of the eyes, the hair and determination in his face, it was like looking at an adult Shinji, “I know… and I don’t think Shinji would want to see me anyway but he is out there and we need to find him.”

Misato nodded wondering if she was about to make a huge mistake, she raised the pistol again aiming it at Gendo’s chest. She gestured towards a path leading into the city ruins, “You lead and I’ll follow but don’t think I trust you. One false move and I won’t hesitate to pull the trigger.”

Gendo nodded and started walking, he knew exactly which direction to go. The only question would be if he could get what he needed there.

_‘Shinji… please stay alive.’_


	5. Hope

It was morning when Shinji and Asuka emerged from the emergency shelter, if he had to guess Shinji would have put it at around ten or eleven and the growls in their stomachs also indicated a time around breakfast. Shinji wasn’t quite sure what to do now, they could head back down to the beach to see if Asuka’s theory was correct and see if anyone else had returned. They had discussed the possibility but decided to not head back until Asuka’s arm was a little bit better and they had had time to acclimatize to the environment. Another option was to try to make their way to another shelter, see what new supplies they could rustle up along the way and look for anything to help them communicate with the wider world.

Their priority as of this moment though was to get food, they had eaten a little last night. The shelter had been filled with supplies but neither of them felt up to eating. Shinji had faced a constant battle to keep his food down with each swallow and from how pale Asuka had looked she had been doing the same. With everything that had happened the two children had just wanted to sleep and even then, that didn’t come so easily.

Shinji surveyed the area seeing the ruins for the first time. Rubble and glass littered the streets, shop signs lay strewn across the entrances and their hung the sickly smell of LCL in the air. Shops, homes, offices, doctors, dentists, none had escaped the wrath of Third Impact. He was very conscious of the possibility of others being out there and expected to see someone in the distance. It was a terrifying thought in some ways, comforting in others that people would return.

_‘What do we do now? Should we turn around? Should we go forward? Help me someone…’_

Shinji was thankful when Asuka finally broke the silence, “I’m hungry Ikari.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Shinji didn’t want to go back into the shelter yet even if it was easy to get food there. Instead he looked around at any of the still standing buildings. The Impact had been kind to some, blowing out the windows and doors but on peering in he could see the shelves were still somewhat stacked. They kept quiet as they looked around for anything suitable. Shinji wondered if they could get the generator running in the shelter they might be able to make use to the full kitchen facilities there. They could have access to an oven, fridge and freezer rather than the small portable stove they had used to cook the ration packs.

_‘There are enough packets of things, long life milk, cereals to last us a while. It’s not exactly good for us but anything is better than living off the brown rice in those ration packs’_

“Asuka is there anythin-“

He turned and realized the redhead was no longer behind him but had instead wandered over to another part of the store. It was a small section set up for gifts and tourist items, tacky t-shirts with “I love Tokyo-3” on them, mugs and various other items. It took him a while but he noticed she was laughing.

“Have you seen this crap Shinji?”

She held up a decorative plate with the Tokyo-3 skyline on it before placing it down, “Did people actually visit this city for fun?”

Shinji had never really thought about it before, Tokyo-3 was supposed to be a fortress against the angels, built to protect humanity and harbouring the secretive NERV headquarters. It was also a large city and like any other must have served tourists from time to time. They had sports teams and despite it being a relatively new city had its own landmarks and attractions.

He walked over to her, “I never really thought about it… I only ever thought about us. Me, you, Misato, Rei, father, NERV and Eva… I didn’t really think about this being a living city.”

Asuka hadn’t really thought about it either, and Shinji’s words were ringing through her head. Tokyo-3 had just been a place to her, a place to pilot the Eva in and show how good she was at piloting it. She never stopped to think that it was an actual city, home to many not connected with the Eva’s and NERV, thousands of people who would have gone about their daily lives up until the evacuations.

Now she was alone with Shinji, she had nearly gone blind in one eye and had a heavily bandaged arm. Her first few hours back had been a rollercoaster of emotion with her allowing her longing for comfort from Shinji to rise to the surface but also her desire to present herself as the strong one who didn’t need people. Every so often reality would kick in, the loneliness of it all, the lack of people, her only companion for now. The fear of what might happen if the wrong person comes back.

_‘This is no good, this is stupid, what am I doing letting these thoughts get into my head like this. I’m still confused about yesterday, I’m still… Mama, you’ll keep me safe right? I… I need a distraction’_

“Asuka are you alright?”

Asuka was starting to feel far from alright, their conversation and her mind was striking up emotions she didn’t want to face yet at this moment. She was hungry, and dizzy from the combination of heat and the LCL-like smell that hung thick in the air. There was a tightening in her chest and she was beginning to see black dots in her one good eye.

_‘I need to get away from here, this conversation is… Gott help me, this plugsuit is too hot and tight on me’_

Asuka caught the look of concern on Shinjis face, and realized she was propping herself up on the table in front of her. She quickly righted herself and attempted to make it look as if nothing was wrong.

“I’m fine, let’s just go alright? In fact I have an idea.”

“What about the food?”

She snapped back at him, “Put it in some bags and bring it with us Shinji, do I need to spell out everything for you?”

“Bu- What abou-“

Asuka didn’t let him finish his sentence, instead pushing him towards the tills with her good arm and grabbing a number of bags. Once everything was packed she grabbed his hand, and pulled him out of the store, scanning the area she found her target.

 

Misato Katsuragi would happily admit to making a lot of mistakes in her past. This however might be one of the biggest ones of her life. She was sat in a seat in a NERV command post, set up as a small scale command post should their main compound be compromised and stood a few metres from her, rapidly typing and scanning a series of monitors was Gendo Ikari. She sipped at the coffee she had made for herself and leaned back in her seat immediately feeling traitorous.

_‘My world has died, Asuka and Shinji are out there somewhere and here I am in comfort drinking coffee. One of the men responsible for this is a few metres away from me and I’m letting him do god knows what.’_

Misato had contemplated shooting Gendo a number of times on the walk here, it would have been so easy but she wasn’t a murderer. She had contemplated leaving him behind and going their separate ways but despite her hatred towards him she wouldn’t have been able to abandon someone.

“Miss Katsuragi, you might want to see this”

She looked up at him, one of the overhead monitors was on and it was showing a feed into what she assumed to be a shelter. Carefully she moved over and scanned the screen, her heart nearly leapt into her mouth as she saw it. In the centre of the room was a few blankets, a portable stove and a few bandages scattered around.

“Shinji and Asuka?”

He nodded, “I think we can safely assume they spent the night in that shelter. That puts them just on the outskirts of sector E11.”

“Do we have a way of contacting the shelter?”

“Not right now, there is a system but they have to set it up on their end. We have surveillance in case of emergencies but no way to contact them.”

She sighed, “It doesn’t matter anyway, doesn’t look like they’re there right now anyway.”

Gendo didn’t say anything instead continuing to tap away at the keyboard, a screen flashed up with a number of boxes and almost immediately Gendo switched off the monitor. He frowned and this didn’t go unnoticed by Misato.

“What was that screen?”

Gendo paused, “Status of NERV locations around the world.”

“And what did it say?”

“Something I didn’t expect it to say. NERV Germany, United States, England, Russia, Australia and China are all functioning and online.”

Misato was confused, “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“I don’t know.”

Gendo wasn’t sure what to make of this revelation, as far as he was aware the world had been all but destroyed in the impact. It was certainly possible for the locations to be active and online but these weren’t the shelters that had been built, these were the actual NERV Command Centres.

_‘Shinji… Yui, what did you both do?’_

“You don’t know?”

“No, I don’t. For once… all the plans and scenarios, none of them are valid now.”

He was smiling as he said it, “You’re happy about this aren’t you?”

“I don’t know what I am Katsuragi, before this incident I was Gendo Ikari, Commander of NERV, in charge of the human-instrumentality project. I was the former husband of Yui Ikari, absent father to Shinji and I had more secrets than you’ll ever know. Now I’m Gendo Ikari, a man who has nothing and wants to make up for his past sins but doesn’t know how.”

She glared at him, not sure what to make of this speech, he looked like he was going to say more but was cut off by a low beeping coming from one of the nearby consoles. Gendo tapped a button on the console and a voice came through the shelter.

_“This is NERV HQ Germany sending out a message to the NERV Emergency Command Centre in Tokyo-3. We have just observed your station coming online, please confirm your identity and situation. Over.”_

Misato and Gendo looked at each other, there were others out there and not only that they were contacting them. Neither dared to press the button to reply to the message.

“NERV Germany, what do we do?”

“You need to respond to it, I fear my tenure as Commander of NERV ended moments before the JSSDF invasion. If they hear my voice come through there who knows what they’ll do, if they hear from you everything should be fine.”

Misato nodded, her hand hovering above the consoles keyboard. Eventually she lowered herself to the microphone and spoke, “This is Captain Misato Katsuragi of NERV Tokyo-3. What is your situation?”

There was a pause before a voice came back over the system, _“Captain Katsuragi? Are you alright? What happened there? The last we heard was that the U.N had put out a warrant for Commander Ikari’s arrest and had approved a full scale invasion of Tokyo-3, we lost contact shortly after that. We got readings like some sort of large scale Angel attack and everything went dark.”_

Misato paused wondering how to formulate a response, Gendo was stood beside her silent and stoic. His expression reminded her a lot of Shinji, he turned to her his thoughts seemingly correlating with her own.

“Something isn’t right here, they’re acting as if nothing happened to them.”

Misato agreed with him and pressed the button down again to try to get some more information, “Sorry but I’m a little bit confused, what do you mean everything went dark?”

_“Exactly that, forty-eight hours ago we detected Pattern Blue signals all over Tokyo-3. We were preparing to send aid but then lost all contact with Tokyo 3 and… well there it’ll take time to explain. How many of you are there?”_

Misato glanced at Gendo, he nodded. “Two of us here, Pilot’s Ikari and Sohryu are alive and in the city. We’re in the process of tracking them down now.”

_“I see, we have some transport craft prepped and can be with you in a day. We’ll be in contact again, over.”_

“Asuka… are you sure this is alright?”

Her voice was muffled by the curtain and she was not hiding her annoyance at the question, “Look Ikari, I know you’re having a moral dilemma with this but think of it from my perspective. I’ve been in this Plugsuit for days, it’s hot in this city and I’m covered in salt, blood and LCL. I think I deserve to be able to change into some new clothes.”

Shinji knew she was right, “I suppose you’re right…”

“Of course I am. Besides you can’t be comfortable in your school uniform so we need to find you something. If we’re going to survive in this apocalypse we may as well be comfortable.”

He waited outside the changing room and heard her fumbling around before swearing loudly, “Schiesse!”

“Are you..?”

“Shut up!”

Asuka glanced at the clothing in front of her, it was nothing special just a nice looking T-Shirt and a pair of jeans she had picked out. She wasn’t going to admit it to Shinji but she did feel a little bit guilty about taking the stuff but she needed to get out of the plugsuit so badly. Unfortunately her injured arm had chosen now to be awkward in removing the thing.

She glanced towards the curtain, to where Shinji was.

_‘No… I’m not going to, I don’t want him to think I’m this weak… and besides who knows what he’ll do…’_

She began to make another attempt to remove the suit, _‘Why is my damn arm being so awkward now?’_

Asuka looked towards the curtain again, she knew she was being unfair towards Shinji but she didn’t want him to see her like this. She might have been making an effort to be nicer and comforting and she enjoyed it. She was even willing to let him help in changing her bandage but she was not about to let him help her get changed.

_‘One final try… and then…’_

It was no use, she got a little bit further before pain shot through her shoulder, she resisted the urge to cry out and using her good hand slammed it against the wall.

_‘How pathetic do I look, the great Asuka Langley Sohryu sat in a changing room with my plugsuit half on and unable to remove it because of a bad arm. Asuka Langley Sohryu the slayer of angels resorting to asking for help to get dressed…’_

She sighed, “Shinji.”

“… Yes?”

“Can you, look can you help me?”

She covered her chest up with the plugsuit as she saw him enter, he was averting his eyes and clearly nervous. _‘Probably not as nervous as I am.’_

Shinjis heart was pounding heavily in his chest, “W-What… H-How can I help?”

“I need you to help me remove my plugsuit… and hey Shinji…”

She paused and smiled mischievously as he raised his eyes to meet hers, “If I catch you staring at me… I’ll kill you”


	6. Far From Heaven

They had twelve hours to find Shinji and Asuka, at that point a transport from an offshore NERV facility would arrive to take them away from Japan. It had been half an hour since the confirmation from NERV Germany, both Misato and Gendo had been studying various feeds of the shelters dotted around Tokyo-3 that they could, including keeping a close eye on the one they knew the two children had already been in. Unfortunately there had been no sighting of the two of them on the shelter feeds.

Misato sighed and broke the silence, “This is useless, we need to go out there and look ourselves.”

Gendo was seated across from her, his arms and hands folded in his traditional pose. He nodded, “NERV Germany are aware of our situation, we agreed to radio silence until they arrive. The only question is where do we start?”

_‘That’s a good question… Shinji, Asuka… where would you be right now?’_

Misato was trying to piece together a picture of where they might have been at that moment. She was their guardian and had spent a lot of time with the two of them which means she knew them fairly well. She was also a master tactician which meant she was very good at predicting people’s movements.

_‘They aren’t troops through… they’re children in a wasteland, not really sure conventional tactics come into play.’_

Gendo was thinking about it too but predicting people wasn’t really his speciality. He had relied on others to do that, Gendo didn’t understand people let alone the two pilots.

“They’ll probably want to look for supplies, food, medicine, that sort of thing.”

Gendo was confused, “They had all of that in the shelter.”

She laughed, “You don’t know Shinji and Asuka like I do, Asuka won’t stand for those tasteless rations for long. By the looks of the leftovers there neither were too impressed so I reckon she’ll have suggested they’ll try finding something different.”

“And Shinji will have agreed?”

Misato nodded, “Of course, but I’m guessing that with the impact they’re going to be limited. Supermarkets will be the best bet rather than smaller shops due to the larger amount of space.”

Gendo stood up and looked at the map of Tokyo-3 he had on his screen, “There is one in that area, only ten of fifteen minutes from that shelter. We can get there quickly using one of the stored transports.”

Misato eyed him, “You guys really did prepare for a lot of eventualities didn’t you?”

He lowered his gaze, “We planned for what we needed to, and implemented the minimum. This was not an eventuality we expected but we needed to ensure those who were unaware of our true intentions were not suspicious.”

“I see.”

“I’m not asking you to forgive us Katsuragi… We don’t deserve that.”

“It won’t be me you have to answer to, it’ll be your son.”

She brushed past him, “You’ll let me see him?”

Misato had thought hard about it. She had known about the strained relationship between father and son even before meeting Shinji. As she became his guardian she became more and more aware of the feelings he had towards Gendo and she could only imagine what Shinji must be feeling towards that man. The man who had abandoned him, had lied and nearly sacrificed the world and people Shinji loved for his own selfish gains. In Misato’s eyes Gendo had no right seeing Shinji ever again and she desperately wanted to make that so.

“It isn’t my decision, I’m his guardian but he is his own person… but if you hurt him.”

“I know… I have no intention of hurting him further.”

 

"There don't we feel better now?"

Shinji looked at the clothes he was now wearing, he certainly felt more comfortable and a touch cleaner but he was uncertain of ‘better.’ He kept on telling himself there was no reason to feel guilty, there was no one here and they needed to do what they had too in order to survive.

“Yes…” he finally said sheepishly.

Asuka sighed, “Well you’re still not a good liar but it’ll have to do. I don’t really like it that much either but I had to get out of that plugsuit.”

Asuka had felt considerably calmer since getting changed and dumping the plugsuit. Her arm still stung and her eye itched from behind the patch but she was no longer feeling dizzy and her thoughts were no longer racing in her head.

Shinji on the other hand had spent most of the last half hour in a terminal state of fear, first from helping Asuka change out of her plugsuit into her new clothes. He had been very careful to ensure his eyes were facing the correct direction lest her wrath be brought down upon him, and then when trying to find something for himself his inability to be assertive bugged her even more.

_‘Asuka was right though… I do feel a bit better now.’_

They stepped out onto the street, Shinji had the takings from the store tucked under his arm and a gentle breeze swept through the area. Both were hit by the eerie silence before them, once this street might have bustled with life. Now it was a shell of its former self, in ruins and deserted.

Shinji mumbled to himself, “This is what my father wanted huh?”

Asuka looked up, “Huh?”

He shook his head, “Nothing… I just wondered, is this what they really wanted for the world? Is this their new beginning?”

“You mean the old men at SEELE and your…” Asuka trailed off as she saw Shinji start to cringe at what her next word could be. Asuka had never come to understand the situation between Shinji and his father. She had tried to advise him to talk to the Commander on one occasion but that didn’t go so well as far as she recalled and as time went on she got so wrapped up in herself she didn’t bother to care. A lot of what she knew was what she recalled from Instrumentality, it wasn’t knowledge freely given. She guessed it was very similar to what Shinji knew about Asuka and her mother, she had never spoken openly about it but she knew the secrets would be out.

Shinji had started walking back towards the Shelter, Asuka behind him. As they walked the conversation carried on.

“Yeah, did they know people might have come back? Did they plan for it or not? What was supposed to happen if I…”

Shinji wasn’t quite sure how to phrase the next part, what exactly had he done? Saved the world? He wasn’t so sure, the blood red sea, the city devoid of life and him and Asuka being the only two around weren’t exactly great indicators of a world that had been saved.

Asuka glanced over at him, she had been with him during his journey in Instrumentality. She couldn’t quite remember everything but she was there alongside fighting her own battle. She had seen him fight through his demons and make the final decision to come back. A decision that she had also made.

Shinji looked down the street, “It doesn’t matter anyway… we should probably get back in the shelter and eat.”

Asuka nodded, “What a good idea, I’m starving. I couldn’t stomach that rubbish last night, you’d think if they were planning for an apocalypse they would have at least put something that tasted nice down there.”

Shinji appreciated her attempt to lighten the mood. Having Asuka there with him made him feel stronger and helped ease some of the loneliness he was feeling. Shinji knew that one day they were going to have to discuss what happened on the beach, he felt that Asuka also knew this but it wouldn’t be until they were both ready for now he just knew that we wanted her by his side.

His thoughts turned to the others in his life and then to what had happened this morning with the sighting of Ayanami and what it could mean.

“I think we should go back to the beach this afternoon.”

Asuka grinned at the sudden outburst, “Starting to take charge are we Shinji?”

“I was just thinking about what you said this morning, about me seeing… her.”

“Wondergirl you mean?”

“Yeah… her. What if you’re right and someone has returned but what if they need our help? I know it might be dangerous but think about who was left in the city when everything started! It was only really NERV personnel.”

Asuka had thought about it, she thought about it earlier this morning when Shinji confessed to seeing Ayanami. Shinji could have been right but there was something nagging at Asuka that gave her a bad feeling about it.

_‘He could be right… but why do I have such an uneasy feeling about this, it was only NERV left when Third Impact started right?’_

Her memories of that time were hazy, what had happened leading up to Reis betrayal and instrumentality beginning.

_‘I woke up in Unit 02… I was alone and he wasn’t there. A bomb went off overhead and I started fighting those… things’_

She shuddered at the memory of the Mass Produced Eva series, the things responsible for her wounds.

_‘No wait… NERV was attacked by someone else first… Oh Gott, I remember now! They tried to kill us all, they pressed a gun to his head and tried to destroy me in Unit 02!’_

“It wasn’t just NERV left…”

Shinji glanced over at her, “Wasn’t it?”

She looked at him, “Do you not remember? The JSSDF invaded us Shinji! They came to murder us and in your case they nearly succeeded.”

Shinji stopped and looked at her, he was struggling to remember. His state during the lead-up to Instrumentality meant his memories weren’t exactly the best but he was starting to remember. The memory made him feel sick.

_‘I was worse than useless… They put a gun to my head and Misato saved me. Misato had to drag me to the elevator and they… they…’_

“I remember now…”

She stopped, they were almost at the shelter now.

“Do you still want to check it out?”

Shinji nodded, “Yes... I have to know.”

 

_‘I watch… I wait… they will know me soon… I know not what I am, only what they are and that they must die. I am… I am human, no, I am no longer human. I have changed. I’m different now and I am alone. I must kill, destroy them’_

It peered over the wall watching its prey, the two it held responsible for it being the way it was. For the pain that had torn through its body. It carefully placed one claw on the wall and prepared to jump down.

_‘Just a little bit longer…’_

It watched some more and finally they had arrived in a small clearing. The beach sat in the distance, the sun reflecting on the blood red water and the grotesque body sinking into the sea.

_‘Now… I finish what I was sent to do…’_

The last of its humanity left the beast, it let out a guttural roar and leapt towards the clearing. The scream filled the night sky.

_‘Good, scream for me Third and Second’_

Misato stared at the row of Grave Markers that had been set up on the Cliffside. There were a small number of them but it was the one in the centre that had grabbed her attention. Around the grave marker hung a necklace with a solid cross on it, her necklace.

_‘Oh Shinji… I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I promise I’ll find you soon.’_

Misato bent down to collect the necklace and placed it back around her neck. She and Gendo had driven to the Shelter but by the time they had arrived Shinji and Asuka had already gone. Now they were on their way back to where they had returned in the hope that maybe the two Children had gone back themselves. It was not long after that they had found this makeshift graveyard.

Gendo was standing by the side of the truck, his face bearing a solemn expression as he surveyed the row of crosses. Each one, he supposed, representing a person Shinji or Asuka knew. If the numbers were correct there was even one there for him.

_‘Shinji… even after all I have done you still…’_

The scene sent a chill down Gendo’s spine, he had never really thought that he feared death but now he was face to face with his own grave marker and he was most certainly frightened.

“We should leave here.”

Misato wasn’t about to disagree, “We haven’t got much time, they might still be nearby.”

She looked out towards the water, it was red but calm. The scent of LCL still hung heavily but there was something peaceful about it. She took a deep breath and began to walk back towards the truck. As she began to climb back in she felt a knot in her stomach, the silence and calm of the air around her was suddenly broken by a loud blood-curdling roar.

She scrambled back into the vehicle, Gendo doing the same.

“It didn’t sound like it came from too far away, let’s go.”

_‘Please whatever is up there right now, protect the two of them’_

Shinji didn’t have time to react to the noise, before he knew it there was something standing in front of him. It was about six foot tall and was standing hunched over. Its arms were almost human like but the hands had deformed into claws, with one being slightly larger than the other. Tattered shreds of clothing hung on its body mixing in with a dark red armour. The beast had no face, only a mask that reminded him of the first Angel he fought.

He took a step forward placing himself between Asuka and the monster and clutched the metal pipe he was carrying. He and Asuka had brought weapons with them in case they had ran into something but they weren’t expecting this.

_‘Asuka… please run’_

The words wouldn’t come out, in fact after moving those few steps Shinji found himself completely rooted to the spot, transfixed on the monster. The monster studied him, angling its head from side to side and Shinji felt a tightening in his chest.

_‘Asuka…’_

“..Run!”

The words came out weakly but he could sense that she hadn’t moved. There was no time to get anymore words out, the beast let out another howl and dashed towards him knocking him to the floor. The pipe flew out of his hand as he felt himself get pinned to the floor.

One of the beasts’ grotesque claws grasped his throat pinning him to the ground as he desperately tried to scramble away. There was a scream and a blur as he saw the monster swipe at Asuka who was trying to help. Both of his hands reached towards the monsters wrist as he tried to pry it off of his throat.

Up this close he could make out more details, where the monsters heart should have been was a red pulsing light like an Angel’s energy core. The clothing was cream in colour and he was sure he could make out the text JSSDF on it.

_‘You were right Asuka… something did return and it wasn’t good’_

Shinji desperately tried again to force the monsters claw off of his throat but he was too weak. He was running out of breath and praying for a miracle to happen. As his consciousness faded he was sure he could hear a woman shouting his name, there was a sequence of loud noises and someone running over to his side. The pressure on his body lifted and he felt lighter,

_‘Is this… dying?’_

He felt someone kneel down next to came cradling his head and saying his name. There was a familiarity about the voice but he felt himself slip into unconsciousness before he could even think about the source.


	7. Hand Cannot Erase

_‘Am I dying… is this was death feels like?’_

_“Is that what you want?”_

Shinji had been close to death before on a number of occasions and fought it off each time. Each time had brought a new experience for him, ghosts from his past appeared to him providing him with new monsters to confront.

This experience was peaceful, as if he was floating through a serene ocean. It wasn’t what he wanted though and he told himself that.

_‘I cannot be here, I have to go back’_

_“Is that what you want?”_ The voice from before repeated itself, he couldn’t make out who it belonged to. It sounded like his mother but it couldn’t have been. She was no longer of this Earth, Evangelion Unit 01 had left.

_‘Who are you?’_

_“I am a voice, chosen from many to aid you. I am a manifestation of your mind. So tell me again what you want.”_

_‘I want to go back to her, I want to help her.’_

Shinji felt the calmness in the air dissipate slightly. It felt as if the ocean around him was heating up as the voice changed to another.

_“Help me? What if you can’t Shinji, what if you try to hurt me again? How can I trust you?”_

The voice belonged to Asuka, but it wasn’t her and Shinji knew that.

_‘I don’t have the answer to that, but I have to try.’_

_“Didn’t you try before, look where that got you! You’re weak and pathetic, you’re better off dead.”_

_‘No! That… that isn’t true. I’m trying!’_

The voice changed again, returning to the one from before and with it the calming feeling also returned, _“That voice represents your fears. Another manifestation, you have to answer it Shinji.”_

_‘I… know I hurt her, I know I tried to hurt her but you’re wrong. I’m not better off dead, I chose to live and that’s what I’m going to do.’_

A ripple went through the water as he finished, the air got colder as another voice spoke, this time it belonged to his father. It was cold and emotionless.

_“Where will you both go? There are only so many resources in Tokyo-3 and you’re probably out-numbered by the beasts that attacked you. Do you really think you can survive? You’re better off dead.”_

Shinji already had the answer, he was alive now which meant they had beaten the beast. No matter what these voices in his mind wanted him to think. Someone had saved them and that was the key.

_‘You’re wrong, someone helped us. We can survive this, let me go back!’_

Warmth returned but it wasn’t the voice of his mother returned, it was the voice of Misato, _“Do you still hate yourself Shinji?”_

_‘I don’t know what I feel about myself right now… but I’m learning… isn’t that enough?’_

_“We all wanted to help you but you rejected us.”_

_‘I know I did, and you did help me but I wasn’t ready to help myself. You all needed my help too but I wasn’t able to help you. Send me back please!’_

Another rippled was sent through the water, the voices around him spoke all at once.

_“You’re better off dead.”_

_“You hate yourself.”_

_“You can’t survive this!”_

_“Do you hate me Shinji?”_

_“How can you protect anyone?”_

Shinji could feel himself struggling with it all, desperately fighting back inside his own mind, repeating to himself, to the manifestations of his guilt and his fears to let him go back.

_‘Let me go back, please let me go, I don’t want to be here, let me go!’_

The voices were gone, replaced by deathly silence. The sensation of floating had gone and he felt himself lying face up on something solid. He could hear a voice echo in the distance, it was not like the others. This one was not an apparition brought on by his mind but something real, something tangible. It echoed again getting louder and louder, he latched onto it and tried to focus until finally it thundered all around him.

“I NEED YOU!”

Suddenly his eyes flickered open, revealing a hospital ceiling and Asukas pale and tear streaked face staring down at him.

Asuka didn't know what to do as she sat staring at the sleeping form in front of her. It had almost been twenty four hours since they had been attacked and subsequently saved and picked up. She had barely slept and ate, all of her thoughts instead on the person lying in that hospital bed in front of her.

_‘Why does he affect me so much? It’d be so much easier for me to just go back to how I used to be, to shut away the feelings, pretend I didn’t care but… there is no going back. I promised mama that, and I promised myself that.’_

She daren’t think about how she must look right now. Her eyes stung and her eye-patch was still damp from where she had been crying. Asuka was not going to leave the room until he had woken up, no matter how much anyone else told her she must.

_‘I don’t care what Misato, Gendo or the Doctors say! I’m not leaving him, no matter how long it takes.’_

The doctors and nurses on board the carrier had tried to get her to move but she was stubborn more so than all of them. Even when it came to them giving her a medical check-up she had insisted it was done in this room. Misato had made special arrangements for her, and came by every few hours to see if all was alright. She hadn’t seen anything of Gendo since the initial encounter in Tokyo-3.

Asuka heard a noise from Shinji’s direction, it was a whimper and she noticed him twitch. Slowly she rose to her feet and went over to his bedside.

“Hey idiot… I’m… I’m not really very good at this alright.”

She laughed at herself, “See Shinji, there is something I’m not very good at. I know you used to come and visit me when I was in the hospital before Third Impact. I know you used to talk to me, I heard it all even…”

She brushed aside the memory, “…even that incident. I hope that maybe you can hear this. The doctors and nurses, they said you’re fine physically and they don’t know when you’ll wake up or why you haven’t already. I know why though, you’re fighting again aren’t you?”

“I want you to listen to this though, don’t you dare think about abandoning me, don’t think about leaving me alone here. If you do… I will never forgive you Shinji. So please just wake up, wake up and apologize for something stupid like you always do. Wake up and avert your gaze from me because you think I caught you staring I don’t care what you do just wake up.”

She swallowed and realized that she was crying as she spoke, “I can’t do this by myself Shinji, I thought I could. I thought I could do everything alone, that I didn’t need people there but I did. I thought I could defeat the Angels alone, but you were always there to help me.”

_‘What am I doing revealing all this to him, he probably can’t hear me.’_

Despite these thoughts she continued, “Remember the angels we beat, how good I wa… how good we were. I… I need you Shinji.”

She noticed his body twitch as she spoke and she leaned in closer. Taking her one good arm and cradling it around his head, “Shinji… open your eyes please… I need you…”

Asuka didn’t notice her voice had raised significantly as she said it, “I need you… so wake up… I need you! I NEED YOU!”

The boys’ eyes suddenly opened, his mouth agape and his expression blank but Shinji Ikari had finally woke up. Without thinking Asuka let go of his head and stepped back stunned into silence. Shinji spoke, his voice registering barely above a whisper.

“A-Asuka?”

Misato felt useless as she sat in the ships canteen nursing her coffee and thoughts. It had been twenty-four hours since the rescue craft had shown up on the Tokyo-3 Shoreline, since that time she had been given a medical exam, released and left to her own devices as the routine of everyday life on the NERV Air Carrier carried on around her. No one had brought her forward yet to discuss what had happened in Tokyo-3 instead they had quickly taken Gendo Ikari in for that part. Shinji was still unconscious in the sickbay and Asuka was by his side.

They had arrived just in time to help Shinji and Asuka against that monster that had attacked them. That had been carted away by the NERV Team that rescued them with no further word on it. She was without answers and without a friend on this carrier. Just what was the situation in Tokyo-3 right now, what had happened to the rest of the world?

_‘Third impact happened… it should have destroyed everything but it barely seemed to leave a dent here. Everything seems to have been isolated to Tokyo 3 but how is that possible? I saw it all go up, we watched the world through his eyes. Every living thing, every soul was a part of it.’_

From her seat she observed what she could, there were a young couple making plans for when they finished their shifts. A slightly older man was berating a younger one for making a mistake during a training exercise. Two women walked past discussing test results from one of the experiments on board. Misato couldn’t hear what the exact details were nor did she care, all she wanted was for everything to make sense again.

She mumbled to herself, “Beer wouldn’t hurt either…”

“Excuse me, Miss Katsuragi?”

Misato looked up at the source of the voice, it was a young female officer. Couldn’t have been much older than twenty and sporting medium length black hair and glasses. Misato looked at the rank on the officers’ uniform, First Lieutenant.

_‘Must be my time for questioning…’_

Misato put on her best smile, “Yes, how can I help?”

“I’ve been sent from the medical bay, it’s Pilot Ikari. He has finally woken up and wishes to see you.”

Misato’s eyes widened and she felt a wave of happiness wash through her, “Shinji is awake?”

 

“Shinji you’ve hardly eaten anything.”

Asuka was glaring at him from the other side of the room as he set the food tray to one side. He was tempted to mention that she too hadn’t made much of a dent in her meal but quickly thought better of it. He didn’t intend to extend his stay in this room.

It wasn’t that Shinji didn’t want to eat, or that he wasn’t hungry. It was more the fact that he hadn’t eaten anything properly for the past week so his body wasn’t quite sure what to do with real food.

“I know… I just don’t feel that great.”

“You want me to get the nurse?”

“No… I’ll be fine. I just need to get used to this again.”

Asuka smiled and went back to poking at her own meal. Now that Shinji was awake she had finally allowed the Nurses to change her bandages and eyepatch. They had also seemed optimistic that she would make a full recovery, the damage had been bad at first but was recovering at a fairly rapid pace. Another couple of weeks and she’d have full usage of her arm again and might have full vision in her eye.

Shinji was hoping he would be allowed to get out of here sooner rather than later. He had spent far too much of the previous year in hospital beds, he hated everything about it from the smell of them, to the sounds and the layouts of the rooms themselves. It was always the same layout, the same bed placement, same potted plant placement and visitors’ seat placement. The only difference in this room was that the seating had been made into a makeshift bed for Asuka due to her insistence on staying with him.

His stomach growled at him and he tried eating some of the food again. There was a silence in the room as both he and Asuka ate. He realized he actually had no idea where he was. All he remembered was the attack, losing consciousness and when he woke up being told they had been rescued by Misato and brought here. Where ‘here’ was he hadn’t been told.

“Asuka, where exactly are we?”

Asuka looked up, “Huh? Did I not tell you?

Shinji had a mouthful of food so opted for shaking his head.

“Oh, well… shortly after you lost consciousness and Misato saved us we went back to the beach where we woke up. Oh just so you know, I was right, you seeing Ayanami did mean people came back.”

She smiled and continued, “About an hour after that a transport helicopter arrived saying they were from the German NERV branch, apparently Misato had been in contact with them. We were brought to this air carrier. No one really told me anything else, Misato was taken away and we were brought here.”

“The German NERV branch?”

She nodded, “Yup, you did know that we had headquarters around the world right?”

“Of course I knew that it’s just… how are they still functioning? I thought the UN or SEELE shut NERV down before the impact. That’s why we were targeted?”

Asuka shrugged, “No one is telling me anything, it might explain why Misato was taken away so quickly.”

Shinji was about to ask another question when the door suddenly burst open. Asuka barely had time to register the figure that dashed past her straight to Shinjis side. Shinji barely had time to react before he felt himself being embraced tightly by Misato.

“Shinji, I’m so happy you’re alright!”

Shinji didn’t have anything to say to her, he was just happy to see her and know that she was alive.

“I’m so sorry for everything Shinji”

As Misato spoke he felt the hug get tighter, to a point where it started to become a bit uncomfortable. He tried to let her know but was unable to get his words out, fortunately Asuka had noticed.

“Misato!”

Misato didn’t register at first so Asuka tried again.

“Misato! He can’t breathe.”

Misato looked down at the boy and realized she might have gone a little bit over the top with the hug.

“Oh! Uh sorry about that Shinji… Asuka I’m glad you’re alright too.”

 _‘Not so pleased to see me huh?’_ Asuka forced the thought away, there was no use being bitter over it. Misato was Shinji’s guardian before Asuka arrived in Tokyo-3 and had a different relationship than she and Misato did. Besides it was Shinji she cared about, he needed the attention right now.

“That’s fine Misato jus-“

Asuka didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence as she felt herself being pulled into an embrace by Misato too. It was tight, pain went up her arm but it was also comforting. It was something she had wanted for so long, to be hugged by another person.

“Misato…”

Misato turned to face Shinji, “Yes.”

“When you… saved me out there, I thought I saw was another person. Who was it?”

“Ikari…”

Gendo stood facing the Vice Commander of NERV Germany. He had been careful in his actions since arriving on the carrier, been careful to present himself as the Gendo from before the incident. The guarded Gendo, the man in charge of everything.

“You realize having you here, having Major Katsuragi and those two pilots here presents an enormous risk to us?”

“I understand that, but you realize that the JSSDF attacked us needlessly. That the UN was fed false information about us and that those pilots are the ones who stopped the incident from going any further.”

The Vice Commander sighed, she was slightly older than Gendo and had been in NERV for around the same time. Since joining she had heard a lot of rumours about Gendo and Project EVA. She had heard significantly more rumours since the UN orders a couple of days ago.

“So you’ve told me, and Major Katsuragi has backed up your story as well. It is for those reasons, and because I have the daughter of Kyoko on board this carrier that we are in lock-down right now and that I haven’t reported this to my superiors.”

He nodded.

“So tell me Commander, who started Third Impact, and why didn’t it destroy the world as it should have done? Why is Tokyo-3 the only affected area, and what the hell was that monster you brought on my ship?”

Gendo Ikari, for once did not have any answers.


	8. The Colony Of Slippermen

Asuka hated the silence, it was awkward but neither she nor Misato dared make the next statement. There didn’t seem to be a good way to say, _‘Oh hey Shinji, that person you saw. That was the man who attempted to start Third Impact, namely your father.’_

One of them was going to have to say it, Asuka had originally wanted to. So she could be there for Shinji when he heard the news but now she was growing more comfortable with the idea of Misato doing it.

_‘Damn that idiot, making things more complicated. Who does he think he is? Shinji needs to hear it from me... It’d be easier to let Misato do it but it’d be better for me to say it.’_

Misato on the other hand was now really hoping for that beer she was craving. She had secretly hoped that Asuka might have told him already but she had barely given them an hour since hearing he had awoken, not exactly enough time to drop such a bombshell.

_‘These kids have been through so much already god only knows what they’re thinking or feeling right now. Shinji can’t deal with this right now, it isn’t right to tell him yet… but he has a right to know doesn’t he?’_

Misato thanked her luck when Asuka finally broke the silence, “I’ll tell him Misato, just not now and not here.”

Shinji was confused and kept looking between the two of them. Whatever had happened they weren’t willing to let him know just yet, he sensed that something was very wrong. What were they keeping from him and why were they so hesitant to tell him.

“What haven’t you told me?”

Asuka cut him off sharply, “Weren’t you listening Shinji, not right now. Look let’s get out of here, I think you could do with some fresh air Shinji.”

There was a knock on the door, Misato opened it to greet one of the ships officers, “Captain Katsuragi, we got word that you might be here. The Vice Commander wishes to discuss the current situation with you, there has been a development regarding Tokyo-3.”

Misato nodded, “I’ll be right there.”

She turned towards Shinji and Asuka, “I’m sorry but turns out I don’t even get a break after surviving Third Impact, look I’ll be back along later take care of each other, please?”

The two of them nodded and watched as Misato exited the room, after which Asuka released a large sigh and slumped back into her seat.

“Well that was awkward…”

Shinji assumed she must have been talking about this thing that neither of them were willing to tell him yet, “I’m glad she is alright…”

“Yeah, it’s nice to see the old drunk made it through Third Impact relatively unscathed. Although it looks like she took some damage, wonder what happened.”

Shinji knew what happened, “It… was my fault.”

“Huh?”

Shinji averted his eyes from Asuka’s, “Her… injury was my fault. It was when… we got attacked, after I visited you in the hospital I was…”

Shinji swallowed before continuing, he noticed Asuka flinch when he mentioned the hospital. He wiped any trace of tears from his eyes before continuing recalling the painful memory, “I wanted to die Asuka, so I just picked a place in NERV and sat there waiting for the JSSDF to find me. I didn’t care what happened to me anymore, anything I tried to do just hadn’t worked and I… I reached my lowest point when I…”

Asuka stopped him not wishing to be reminded of what had happened, “I know Shinji, let’s forget about it for now. What happened to Misato?”

“The JSSDF… they found me and one of them held a gun to my head. I thought I wanted to die but when I felt the gun there I realized something… I didn’t want to die but it was too late. I was so scared I couldn’t move, I couldn’t fight back. I got lucky and Misato saved me from them.”

Shinji had stopped wiping tears from his eyes and instead was letting them fall freely, “She… she had to drag me, she told me what SEELE had done and told me I had to pilot again to save us. She said… that you needed my help but I couldn’t do anything. She was dragging me to one of the service elevators and she got hit.”

Asuka had moved over to his bedside and had placed both her hands around his, “What happened next?”

“I tried to argue with her, told her that she didn’t understand me and her and everyone else only cared about themselves. She slapped me and forced me into the service elevator. Then she… kissed me.”

Asuka was more than a little bit shocked, “She kissed you!?”

“Huh?”

Asuka felt a sharp pang of anger within her, “What do you mean she kissed you? I knew she was a pervert but…”

Asuka stopped herself, “Actually it doesn’t matter, that isn’t important.”

_‘Gah, why does that make me so angry? She was just being regular perverted Misato. Probably teasing him one last time before she snuffed it. Besides it’s not like it was his first kiss or anything, I got that one.’_

“I think she… was just trying to make me feel better or something… then she closed the elevator door with her still on the outside…. I heard her fall to the floor Asuka. If… If I hadn’t have been that way if I hadn’t have been so pathetic…”

Once upon a time the way Shinji was speaking would have angered Asuka but now she felt nothing but sympathy for him, she knelt down and held him. “Shinji… it doesn’t matter now, she is alright…”

“I know that but… she’s still hurt from it… I could have done more Asuka, I should have done more to help her and you…”

She shushed him and held him closer to her, “Shinji, you idiot. What do you think you could have done? The Eva series were near enough invincible, I had ran out of power and your Dad and Rei were doing god knows what underground. You might have bought us a few more minutes but you couldn’t have prevented it, Misato was probably going to get hurt regardless of your actions. They’d have found her, and… well I’m fine now aren’t I?”

“You don’t blame me?”

She looked him in the eyes and teasingly smiled, “I might have done at first but not anymore. Don’t think however that this means you’re off the hook, as soon as we’re both better you’re paying me back somehow.”

Asuka was thankful that her teasing had seemed to cheer him up, it was one of a few times she had seen him smile since their return.

“Thank you Asuka.”

She nodded and without thinking leaned in and kissed him gently on the cheek.

 

Gendo nervously handed the folder to Misato before turning to the Vice Commander. What he had seen within those pages was disturbing. It was a series of images from the surviving members of the recon team that had been sent to Tokyo 3. He waited for Misato to scan through the pages and finally spoke.

“How many?”

“We can’t be sure, we sent in a team of six and have lost four. One of which is in critical condition in our medical bay, the other has been sent to their quarters to get some rest. As the images show there are at least fifteen, they’re very strong, agile and most disturbing of all they’re capable of projecting an A.T. Field.”

Misato glanced up, “Are they Angels?”

“No.” Gendo shook his head, “All of the Angels were destroyed. This is something else entirely, these were human once but something happened during the Impact.”

“You realize Ikari I have to report this to my superiors? It’s bad enough that Tokyo-3 has been destroyed and we’ve somehow avoided Third Impact but now these things are running around there. I don’t even know where to start here.”

Vice Commander Adlers’ head was spinning, a couple of days ago everything was peaceful and calm. Her air carrier was stationed, performing standard drills and then all of a sudden the call came from the UN shutting down NERV in Tokyo-3, the Japanese Government labelling Gendo Ikari a criminal and Third Impact itself occurring in Tokyo-3. She was still awaiting an explaination from Gendo on what exactly Third Impact and the Instrumentality Project was.

Misato had another question, “How could this have happened, is this going to affect anyone who returns?”

Gendo shook his head, “I’m not sure.”

He studied the photo again, more carefully this time looking for any sort of detail they might have missed regarding the creatures. They were all of varying heights and builds but had the same features, their hands had formed into claws with one being large than the other. Their face bore the markings of the first Angel spotted in Tokyo-3 and a black armour had formed around sections of their body. Remnants of their humanity could be seen in sections, traces of skin and uniforms. In all of the pictures the uniforms were the same, this was the detail he was looking for.

“JSSDF… all these creatures are wearing uniforms of the JSSDF.”

Misato and Adler looked at each other, Adler questioned them “Didn’t you say the JSSDF attacked NERV before the impact?”

Misato nodded, “That’s correct, they were ordered to assassinate the pilots and all NERV personnel. They were ruthless, that’s now I got this.” Misato pointed to the bandage around her waist.

Adler took the folder back off of Gendo, she needed answers quickly before deciding on her next move. If the Japanese Government had ordered the assassination of the pilots that put her in a serious predicament as far as contacting her superiors went. It would seem there were other forces at work within the UN and there was the matter of the organization known as SEELE which had been mentioned.

“I need to think about my next move, I was hoping to set up a base camp to rescue survivors but this new situation with these creatures has changed all of that. I also need to think about what to say to the UN representatives.”

“What is the UNs relationship with the other NERV branches?” Gendo questioned.

“As of now unstable, since shutting down Tokyo-3 the other commanders have been locked in meetings and interrogations constantly by all accounts, the only reason I’ve been spared from it because of the cargo we’re transporting and being stationed all the way out here. They’re breathing down my neck though, rumours are spreading of the communications out of the area.”

“That means others might send in teams to investigate…”

“Exactly, my main concern is the safety of yourselves and the pilots. Certain groups may wish to finish the job started by the JSSDF and I won’t allow that.”

Adler stood up, “Wait here, I need to consult a few of my officers before we decide on a next step.”

Adler left the room.

“So… how is he?”

Misato glared at Gendo, her words were cold. “He’s as well as can be expected.”

“I see…”

She turned away from him, wanting to change the subject from Shinji. She didn’t want to discuss Shinji in front of Gendo, she distrusted him greatly and decided to question him, “So… what do you know about those things Gendo?”

“Nothing.”

Gendo realized something, “You don’t believe me do you?”

“Of course I don’t. I saw first-hand some of what you had in those headquarters, how can you expect me to believe you don’t know anything about this?”

Gendo didn’t blame her but he didn’t have the answers this time. Everything since returning was new to him and that included this. The answers for once lay with others and all Gendo could do was observe, guess and be as helpless as the others.

“I can guess if that’d make you feel better.”

“It wouldn’t.” She snarled.

An uneasy silence developed between them. Gendo continued to flick through the folder of photos trying to find any detail he could relating to the creatures. Unfortunately he was unable to do so, aside from all creatures seeming to have mutated from JSSDF personnel there was nothing. If this was anything to do with NERV it was completely new to him and this was a fact that scared him. Could this be man’s doing or an unfortunate side effect of the Third Impact?

“What about your friends in SEELE?”

Gendo shrugged off obvious jab. “Doubtful, the old men of SEELE won’t have anything to do with this. They were focused on starting Third Impact and the Human Instrumentality Project. If it didn’t fit their scenario they weren’t interested.”

“Then what? Whatever those things are they’re related to the Angels, NERV or SEELE in some way Gendo. The A.T. Fields, the way they look and turning up in Tokyo-3.”

Gendo was thankful for interruption from one of the ships officers at that moment, “Commander Ikari, Captain Katsuragi, the Vice Commander has asked that I escort you both to the bridge, there has been an incident.”

Misato sighed, _‘When will this end.’_

Shinji took a deep breath and looked out across the endless blue ocean, the air smelt fresh and despite them being on a military carrier it was calming. A sense of normality, of things that used to be from weeks ago. Here there were no ruins, no monsters and no reminders of the pain he had suffered.

“I forgotten what this had looked like, it feels like we’re in a completely different world from Tokyo 3.”

Asuka nodded and smiled at him, “We first met on a carrier like this didn’t we?”

Shinji remembered it all too well, it was shortly after the Jet Alone incident and when he Toji and Kensuke were becoming closer as friends. He hadn’t really liked Asuka at first, he thought she was arrogant and his cheek stung for ages after the initial meeting.

_‘She never did apologize for that, as if I have control over gusts of wind.’_

“I remember, you had to fight an Angel that day as well.”

Asuka laughed, “Yeah, and you had to wear one of my plugsuits too because you didn’t have one of your own. You looked ridiculous.”

Shinji blushed, “Gee, thanks…”

“I on the other hand looked fantastic, and dispatched the Angel in no time at all.”

It was hard to argue with that, out of all the pilots Asuka was by far the most talented. She had been selected to be a pilot from a young age, trained from that age and was able to handle he Eva with a finesse Shinji and Rei could never achieve. It was just a shame the Angels never played by conventional rules, half of the time they relied on luck rather than skill to beat them.

Shinji nodded as Asuka continued, “Of course I would have dispatched the one afterwards just as easily if…”

Shinji was waiting for her to blame him, she did that at the time but she didn’t. “If it didn’t cheat and split into two… still we got it thanks to my leadership.”

Shinji laughed, “You mean thanks to Misato making us learn that dance.”

Asuka turned to face him, “A dance… I’ll remind you, that you learned only because I took the time to teach you it properly.”

Shinji didn’t quite remember it like that but he wasn’t going to argue the point, he remembers her only slowing down when Misato threatened to put Rei on the mission instead. Still she had taken the time to teach him properly and was patient with him from then onwards.

“We did kick its ass though didn’t we?”

Shinji smiled, he didn’t have too many happy memories of being in Eva or fighting the Angels but fighting alongside Asuka in those days would probably be the closest thing to happiness he had in there. It was a time before everything started to go to hell for them all.

Shinji looked at Asuka thinking about everything they had gone through and wondered that if either of them had acted even a little bit differently things might not have turned out as they had. He had seen glimpses of the real Asuka during their dance training, and every now and then cracks in her wall would reveal bits of her true self. He had heard he call for her mother in her sleep, he had tried to help but his own issues had prevented him from going the one step she needed because he was scared.

_‘She’d probably call me an idiot if she knew what I was thinking, I need to accept that no matter what, and the things that happened were unavoidable. I just… never realized… how pretty she was until now.’_

Shinji felt his face burn a bit red as Asuka looked at him quizzically, “Huh, did you say something?”

_‘I said that out loud? Where did that even come from? I’ve always known how…’_

“Um, Earth to Shinji, your face is turning red is everything alright?”

Shinji wasn’t sure why his brain had suddenly went down this path. He had always thought Asuka was pretty, from the day they met he thought that although he did have issues back then with her personality. Something felt different at this moment in time though, it was a realization but he wasn’t able to piece together what it was. This was beyond just finding her attractive or cute, he felt butterflies in his stomach.

He swallowed, “I’m fine, just thinking about… things.”

She eyed him curiously before shaking her head and laughing, “Idiot.”

“Every active NERV Headquarters received the same video at the same time, senior U.N. Officials also received it. They’re an organization calling themselves Körper and they’re taking responsibility for the creatures we saw in Tokyo-3. They sent a video showing them mauling one of our recon teams along. We haven’t received any information on who they are beyond the name or what they want.”

Gendo sat watching the screen, his hands folded in front of his face and his expression had not changed since the start of the video. It reminded Misato a lot of the Gendo Ikari she had known throughout her NERV career, the cold, emotionless one.

He spoke, “Körper… the German word for body. How apt.”

He looked at Adler, “Has NERV Germany ever encountered this name before?”

“No, never but all the NERV Commanders and U.N Officials are treating this very seriously. We’ve confirmed that the event in Tokyo-3 took place and they’re asking about survivors. I cannot hide your existence any longer.”

“Understood, I will face the rest of NERV and the U.N, Captain Katsuragi, may I ask a favour of you.”

Misato merely nodded not wishing to give Gendo the satisfaction of an answer. For the moment, until the pilots were guaranteed safety and things could be explained properly they had to continue the façade that there was a command hierarchy.

“Assist the Vice Commander in any way you can but the Pilots safety is to be your priority. If there is any danger to them you are given permission to leave with them and find somewhere safe. Vice Commander Adler, I have another question.”

“Yes?”

“The people you were contacted by, was a man called Keel amongst any of them?”

Adler shook her head, “Not that I recall? Why?”

“Good, then this will be easier than I expected.”


	9. Confrontation

Gendo had been gone for a number of hours and all Misato could do was wait anxiously for his return. She had wanted to visit Asuka and Shinji both the ships doctors had got a hold of them first to perform a number of check-ups and tests before taking them to their individual quarters. She had been told they’d be brought up to her soon but that was over an hour and a half ago. Vice Commander Adler had been locked in meetings with her senior staff since Gendos departure which mean Misato was left to do a whole lot of nothing but contemplate.

She was currently contemplating once again her decision to allow Gendo to live and more important to let him off on his own. More importantly she was contemplating what would happen when both he and Shinji met once again, it was only a matter of time now.

_‘Well done Misato… you’ve done it once again, somehow managed to completely muck everything up and just make things more complicated for everyone involved. Shinji should have been told by you about his father, and Gendo shouldn’t have been allowed to meet with the U.N and other NERV branches on his own. God only knows what lies he is spewing in there and most likely to save his own skin. More to the point you actually believed him when he said he knew nothing about the creatures in Tokyo 3, of course he knew… you saw what Rei was, the truth of the Eva’s and the Instrumentality project. You fool.’_

She sighed trying to force the negativity out of her mind, but for every positive she came up with a number of negatives. Only a few weeks ago she’d have been able to drink her problems away but she doubted a NERV military carrier was likely to serve the quantity of alcohol she was craving.

Why had she came back? She could have stayed in that world, the one without boundaries and sadness, without pain or suffering. Where her dreams became reality, where Kaji was and everyone was happy. She knew exactly why, because she knew it wasn’t real. She had tried to stay but every minute she spent in those imaginary worlds just created a larger feeling of emptiness. There was no sadness or pain or suffering but it is was those components that make people human.

_‘Besides… I spent the last few months berating Shinji for running away, telling him he mustn’t and to fight for us and himself. I couldn’t justify running away myself, it wouldn’t be right. Also… they needed me here.’_

The ‘they’ was of course Shinji and Asuka, whilst they were present in her ‘reality.’ She could sense they had already gone, that all she was interacting with at that point was a facsimile, a mirage conjured by her hearts version of Shinji and Asuka. The real ones had already left Instrumentality and along with doing that given those souls within the opportunity to return.

Misato still had a lot of questions, how come Third Impact seemed to have been isolated to the areas surrounding Tokyo 3? Everything had said the incident was supposed to have wiped humanity out, so why did the rest of the world seem to be unaffected? What did Shinji do?

“Misato!”

She was thankful for the voice but it took her a few moments to register who it belonged to. She stood and smiled as she saw Shinji standing on the other side of the room, Asuka was beside him. Both of them looked significantly healthier than they had previously and somewhat happier.

_‘God only knows what those two have been through…’_

“Shinji! Asuka!”

She made her way over to them, and gave them both a hug. Before inviting them to sit at one of the many empty seats within the room.

“Are you both alright? Where have you been?”

“I’m alright but Shinji nearly passed out after his blood test, otherwise we would have been up a little bit earlier.”

Shinji looked a little bit sheepish, “Sorry…”

“Fortunately it wasn’t anything serious, the doctor just said it was because he hadn’t eaten or drank enough today.”

Misato nodded, “You are both alright though?”

The two of them nodded and there was something of an awkward silence. Misato wanted to ask them everything about what had happened since they returned, about what had happened during Third Impact but wasn’t completely sure how.

“Misato… what happens to us now?”

Misato would have been thankful for Shinji breaking the silence but the question was one she didn’t have an answer to. She debated how best to answer it before deciding that being honest with the two of them was probably the best option.

“I… don’t know, the Vice Commander and staff from NERV Germany are in a state of shock and confusion over what happened in Tokyo-3 and we can’t give them any answers. NERV Tokyo-3 is for all accounts still considered an enemy of Japan and the U.N so if we’re found to be alive…”

Misato stopped herself before continuing. Perhaps it would be best to leave that detail out, she was a litte bit shocked when Asuka finished the sentence for her.

“They’re likely to want to arrest us all… or try to kill us like they did before.”

Asuka had tried to sound calm whilst speaking but she couldn’t hide the venom in her voice. She had risked her life for the world, to save Tokyo-3 and its people and all because of one groups actions she was potentially now seen to be lower than an Angel on the food chain.

Misato nodded, “I know… it isn’t exactly ideal but we have no real choice but to stay here for the moment. They’re trying to buy us some time but without any answers to satisfy them over what happened we’re stuck.”

“We do have answers though…”

Misato looked at Shinji, he was avoiding everyones gaze, perhaps embarrassed at his sudden outburst or perhaps contemplating his next words. She didn’t respond instead letting him continue.

“We know why this happened and whose fault it was… it was because of that group SEELE… they are responsible for this…”

“I know Shinji but… convincing the U.N, other NERV groups and the Japanese Government of that won’t be easy. They’ll need more than our word for it and these are all stubborn people in these roles. They’re going to…”

“Try to spin it in whatever way they can so that they gain the most from it. Third Impact will be nothing more than a plaything for them, the thousands of lives lost nothing more than pieces in their game. They will forget tomorrow the tragedies of yesterday if it benefits them so it serves us to play their game better than they do.”

Shinji froze when he heard the voice from behind him, he dared to not turn around or look at its source for fear that he would be correct. He felt movement on his leg, Asuka had placed her hand there in what he presumed was an attempt to calm him and he could hear Misato swearing under her breath.

_‘This was what they hadn’t told me… this was the person…’_

He felt sick and his leg began to shake but he still did not dare turn around. The hand on his shaking leg stroked it gently still trying to calm him down.

_‘No… what is he doing he… he shouldn’t!’_

Shinji placed his hand on top of Asuka’s and gently lifted it off, he heard her whisper his name.

“Shinji…”

“It’s… alright Asuka.”

Shinji rose to his feet and slowly turned around, sure enough standing in the entrance to the room was his father, Gendo Ikari. He was without his glasses but his stance and figure was still as imposing to Shinji as it had been for the past few months. Shinji tried to speak,

“F-Father..?”

Gendo didn’t speak and Shinji noticed something, there was something different about his father. Maybe it was because it was one of the few times he had seen him without his glasses but there was something in his eyes. It was fear, fear of locking eyes on his son and meeting him face to face.

Gendo suddenly wished he was back in that room talking to the U.N. and NERV Commanders. Compared to this that was easy, they were predictable and easy to talk to. His own son however was not, this was something Gendo had always known.

“Shinji…”

Misato stopped him, “I don’t think this is the best time, Commander.”

She said the word Commander with such venom it surprised Shinji. He knew why, Misato blamed his father for a lot of things and number one on that list was the death of Kaji.

“It’s… alright Misato… wh.. why are you here?”

Gendo still hadn’t thought of what he could say to his son, he was improvising at this point.

“Shinji, I won’t get in your way while we are here or attempt to make things difficult for yourself, Miss Sohryu or Captain Katsuragi. I appreciate I am probably the last person you expected to see or wanted to see, and I know it will take time. I want you to know that if and when you are ready I would like to try to mend our relationship.”

The words were processed quickly by Shinji and before he knew it he had leapt forward darting towards his father. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to do, part of him wanted to hit his father. A smaller voice told him not to, that he’d regret it and in the back of his mind he knew it was right. Nothing was going to stop him though, except that is for the red blur that had raced past him and tackled him to the ground. He looked up to see a pair of cold blue eyes staring back at him, Asuka’s red hair draping down and her hands had his shoulders pinned to the ground.

There was a grimace of pain on her face as he realized she was using both her arms, including her injured one. Even with the injured arm she was remarkably strong, even so he stopped struggling.

She leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “What the hell do you think you were doing?”

He didn’t reply, she let go of him and turned to face Gendo. Since arriving in Tokyo 3 she had interacted with the Commander on very few occasions. She hated him, for the way he treated the pilots and for what he had done. She didn’t blame Shinji for leaping at his father but she had to stop him, she knew he would have regretted it and he didn’t need to be hurt any more.

Asuka spoke, calmly and precisely allowing each word to hit Gendo, “Commander, Shinji doesn’t wish to speak with you at this moment. I think for now you should leave.”

**The Next Day**

Asuka stared at the door to Shinjis room, contemplating whether or not to knock on it or to just go ahead to lunch with Misato and hope Shinji would turn up. He had always been so, childish, when it came to things like this shutting himself away or running when something bad happened.

_‘Like I’m any better…’_

Shinji hadn’t said a word to her after the incident with his father, she didn’t blame him. She had tried to explain but he hadn’t said anything to either her or Misato. Only leaving straight for his quarters and it worried Asuka. She hadn’t acted to upset him she had acted because she knew he’d regret his actions if he did attack his father. Even Misato had said to Asuka she had done the right thing and that Shinji would come to see that. It wasn’t much of a consolation to the girl who felt that once again on the cusp of winning she had been dealt a crushing blow.

_‘As soon as he appeared after that attack I knew something like this would happen. We were progressing, and now… things are going to go back to how they were aren’t they.’_

Asuka felt a pain in her chest as she thought about it and the potential for things to return to how they were. She suddenly felt incredibly dizzy and placed her hand on the rail across the wall to steady herself.

_‘Gott, not again, this is what happened in Tokyo-3… what the hell is wrong with me?’_

She took a deep breath and tried to push the thoughts of yesterday out of her head along with any of her other thoughts. After a moment she felt the tightness leave and the dizziness begin to subside. A low growl from her stomach indicated what she thought might be the cause of her problems.

_‘To hell with this, I’m too hungry to wait for that idiot…’_

She started to slowly walk down the corridor towards where they would be meeting Misato and peered behind her just in case of any activity from Shinjis door. Every few steps she would stop and turn around.

_‘I hate you sometimes.’_

After a few more steps she gave in and marched herself back to his door and began knocking heavily on it.

“Shinji, open the door and get out here. We agreed to meet Misato and I’m not making an excuse for you. I’m hungry so hurry up!”

There was silence, she could hear movement from inside and waited as patiently as she could for him to finally open the door. One seeing her he averted his eyes and mumbled a greeting.

“What? Is that it Shinji?”

“Sorry…”

She sighed, “Urgh why are you apologizing? Look… about yesterday.”

To her surprise Shinji was smiling, “I already know… it was for the best, you and Misato said that enough times to me yesterday. I would have regretted it later and despite how good it would have felt at that moment it would have been a mistake.”

There was a definite hint of annoyance in his voice, Asuka had rarely heard him speak like that. It was true that they had argued a lot in the past but it was usually harmless bits of fun, or at least to Asuka it was. This was a side of Shinji she had seen maybe once and one she didn’t like. They had grown closer in the past week, something Asuka had wanted and started to admit to herself and she was starting to worry she might have messed it up.

“I know why you did what you did, and the more I think about it the more I know it was the right thing to do. Just… seeing him there… knowing he was to blame for it all, for my friends, for Misato, for you… it just.”

He sighed, “It doesn’t matter.”

Shinji was fed up of crying and being upset in front of Asuka, the first thing he had done when they had come back was cry in front of her, and in the days that followed it seemed like he had gotten upset for one reason or another. He was happy that each time she had been patient with him and tried to comfort him but was scared that she would eventually reach a breaking point. That was why her next words surprised him.

“No Shinji, it does matter. I’m your friend and we’ve been through hell together. You know fine well how hard this is for me too, you’ve seen it for yourself and I know you’re not about to abandon me, so I’m not about to do the same. If you have something to say then say it, it matters!”

 Shinji felt butterflies in his stomach as he processed what she had just said. Once again Asuka had been there for him when he needed it.

“Thank you, again.”

Asuka was feeling good about herself but there was an uneasiness within her. She had been careful over the past week to hide her own emotions and thoughts but could feel it within her, slowly building up. She couldn’t let herself be weak in front of Shinji, and she didn’t know why. He had no issue with opening up to her lately it seemed despite the fact that weeks ago she’d probably have berated him for it. Why couldn’t she do the same?

_‘Because I’m elite pilot Asuka Langley Sohryu, that’s why and I don’t want anyone to see me be weak, despite the fact that he already knows everything about me. Despite him baring everything to me for the past week, why can’t I do the same? I thought it’d be easy.’_

“Asuka, you know that I’m there for you as well right?”

“I know Shinji.”

 

The door shut behind Shinji leaving him, Asuka and Misato in darkness. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as an overwhelming feeling of deja-vu swept through him. The Vice Commander was giving them a tour of the Carrier. As Misato was a Captain and both Shinji and Asuka were NERV pilots this meant every area of the ship, including the storage hanger that was sealed off to everyone but a select few. Shinji wasn’t too bothered about touring the ship, a lot of what was on there wasn’t of any interest to him and he suspected this to be true for Asuka. Misato had however insisted they come along, it was a better use of their time than sitting in the ships canteen.

The lights in the hanger slowly started to come on one by one and he felt himself freeze up at the sight of it. On either side were towering staircases leading up to a small bridge-like platform. A variety of control consoles were scattered around the room along with cables leading up its back. It towered over them all, its black and gold paintjob amplifying its beast-like appearance.

“That’s… an-” Misato started to speak, her sentence was finished by Vice Commander Adler.

“Evangelion Unit, one of only a handful left in the world. Developed in Germany as a successor to Evangelion Unit 2. Tests were due to start this month but all potential tests were halted when NERV was ordered to ramp up production on the Eva series. We’ve been holding onto it ever since.”

“A handful?”

Adler nodded, “With the destruction of Units Zero through Four and the Mass Produced Evangelion Units there are only a few left in the world. This was supposed to be for Pilot Sohryu but hopefully it will never be needed.”

Shinji was transfixed on the Evangelion, it was the last thing he had expected to see since his return. The Evas weren’t supposed to exist anymore, they had all been destroyed during Third Impact yet now he was learning that there were more of them… did that mean…

“Where is Pilot Sohryu?”

Shinji turned around at hearing Adlers question to see that Asuka had indeed gone. He saw that the door to the hanger was open a touch and wondered what had happened. He had been so distracted by the Eva he hadn’t noticed her leaving. Feeling no desire to stay in the room with the Eva he decided now would be a good time to leave.

“I’ll go look for her Misato.”

He left through the door and looked around, it didn’t take long to find Asuka but when he did what he saw concerned him. She was leaning forward against the ships railing and clutching her chest, he couldn’t have been certain from this distance but it looked as if she was having trouble breathing.

 

Asuka felt a cold shiver down her spine as the Evangelion appeared before her, she wasn’t ready to see this. She felt the world around her drop out of focus, Adler, Misato and Shinji had been reduced to a blur and their words not being processed. She was beginning to feel it again, only now it was much more intense than before, a wave of nausea passed through her as the tightness and dizziness followed.

Without thinking she turned and quickly made her way to the hanger entrance, hopefully they wouldn’t notice her make her escape. At this point she didn’t care, she needed to get out of there to somewhere she could breathe again.

Stepping out into the sunlight she immediately made her way forward and placed her hands on the railing to steady herself. It was no use, the dizziness wasn’t subsiding this time and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t catch her breath.

_‘Gott… damnit… what… is.’_

“What… is...” she gasped for air.

“What… is… wrong with me?” Asuka shut her eyes and was trying to force the image of the Evangelion away but the more she tried the more intense it got. First it was there, a static monster encased in armour, then it was moving and then…

“It’s… only an Eva…” She struggled through each word, and sank to one knee. Her stomach was now churning and she suddenly didn’t care who saw her. She just wanted it to end.

“Can’t… breathe… can’t… move…”

Asuka was sure she heard a noise from behind her, probably someone passing by and getting a good look at her.

_‘Go on… take a good look, I don’t care anymore, just end this…’_

She heard the sound again, it was closer this time and seemed familiar. Through the haze she saw a shape in front of her, it was a person but the lack of vision in her eye was hindering her ability to make out who it was.

“Help… can’t…”

The figure moved towards her and she felt its arms around her taking her into a gentle embrace. She let herself drop to both knees. She heard the person whisper into her ear.

“Asuka… it’s going to be alright.”

She didn’t reply but instead knelt there letting him hold her, she nestled her head into his should and felt his hand running itself through her hair. She didn’t know how long they had been there for but she gradually felt the dizziness subside again and her breathing return to normal. She could feel a tear rolling down her cheek and her body was trembling.

“Shinji… I think there’s something wrong with me.”

He shushed her, “You’re going to be alright Asuka, I’m here for you.”


	10. Lost In The New Real

Asuka lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling, her hand draped across her forehead and the other arm resting at her side. She was reflecting on the past week, trying to piece everything together in her journey from Instrumentality to now. The only noise was the gentle winds from outside the carrier and every now and then the footsteps of people moving back and forth in the corridor outside her room. She kept on expecting Shinji or Misato to knock but she had told them both she needed rest tonight after what had happened.

She had of course lied to Misato about what had happened, it was bad enough that Shinji had to see her in that state and know about it she didn’t want Misato to find out. The doctor had said it was a panic attack, probably triggered by seeing the Evangelion. Asuka had lied again in that moment, the doctor had asked if she’d experienced these symptoms before to which she had said no. Asuka knew she had, back in Tokyo 3 when browsing the Tokyo-3 souvenirs and also just earlier on that day. Nothing had been as severe as when she saw the Evangelion though, it was as if there was a vice around her chest and every bad feeling was being conjured within her.

_‘Look at how invincible I am now, I fall apart when seeing an Eva and I can’t even get my thoughts and feelings straight.’_

Asuka was lost, caught in a whirlwind of emotion and conflict. Stuck between who she used to be and who she wanted to be. On one side was the Asuka Langley Sohryu before Instrumentality who closed herself off, suffered alone and didn’t let anyone in. This was who she was scared of becoming again because that path only lead to more pain. Yet she could feel it there eating away at her, a coldness that spoke to her. It told her that if she opens her heart it’ll only lead to her being betrayed or hurt.

_‘When I began to admit my feelings about him to myself that was when… I started to lose my grip on Eva. I got hurt and he… had to take it too far and disappear into that thing for a month.’_

She remember it clearly, she had returned to the apartment early from a date with some boy. It had gone badly, she wasn’t interested in him and he was only interested in saying he had gone on a date with her. When she returned home he was there, practicing his Cella in the front room. Asuka’s heart had fluttered when she saw it. It was the first inkling she might have liked him as more than a friend but everything went wrong.

_‘I teased him that night didn’t I… I wanted him to take notice of me but he wouldn’t. So I got him to kiss me, and I pretended to hate it afterwards… but I… ‘_

Shortly afterwards it had gotten worse, the confusion she was feeling over her feelings for Shinji sent her sync rate downwards and she watched as Shinji overtook her. She allowed that bitterness to carry over when Shinji was pulled into the Angel.

_‘I go from thinking I might like the idiot one night to acting like I detest him. I said those things about how he deserved it, I couldn’t even face him when he woke up.’_

The spiral continued, not long afterwards they encountered something worse, an angel that used one of their own against them.

_‘That was the first… no the second time I’ve ever felt that scared. I couldn’t do anything but watch as it took Touji and used him and his Eva against us… and then, I got beat again…’_

Asuka remembered the pain from that fight, the Angel had taken out her Eva’s arms and knocked its head clean off. Luckily the neural link between the Eva and her had been shut down before the head had come off otherwise the damage could have been worse. It was the mental damage that was worse of all though, yet another loss for the girl who presented herself as ‘elite’ and ‘invincible.’

_‘Worse of all he came back to save me and I lost him straight away… for thirty days he stayed in there whilst all we could do was watch and hope. Once again I called him an idiot and blamed him for it.’_

Asuka was hesitant to confront the next memory, but she knew she had to and despite the pain and conflict she felt now it was nothing compared to that day. The shame she felt of having Rei rescue her, the pain she felt inside her head as the Angel tore into her very being and her soul being exposed and shredded in the worst way imaginable.

_‘Everything… and I was forced to repeat it over and over again until Rei saved me. My heart poked and prodded by that angel like it was some lab specimen. That was it, from arriving in Tokyo-3 I had started to make friends and let people in and all that happened was that I got hurt more and more.’_

Asuka shifted on the bed raising her injured arm into the air and studying it, it was a reminder of what had happened just before Third Impact. The doctors had told her it’d heal and her eye would heal up eventually too but it would take time. For now it served as a reminder of what those horrible Mass Produced Eva’s had done to her.

_‘Once again… I was at my lowest and I learned the truth, my mother was watching over me… her soul was with me in the Eva but as soon as I opened my heart… I was defeated again.’_

This was where she was at now, the last week she had tried to open herself up. Allowing herself to display little displays of affection towards Shinji, holding his hand, holding him and even kissing him on the cheek to calm him down. It was an attempt to grow closer to him, to open her heart some more but every time she did she heard the voice warning her that she’ll only end up being hurt.

A part of her felt it had already started, the panic attack she had suffered as a result of the Evangelion. She had allowed her to be more open and now she felt that because of it she had allowed fear to creep inside her, triggered by the sight of the Evangelion.

_‘I keep on calling Shinji an idiot but I’m the stupid one, I was always afraid but instead of dealing with it I bottled it up and hid it somewhere. I replaced it with pride and arrogance, anger and jealousy and look at what happened to me. I’m trying so hard mama… but I’m scared that next time Shinji won’t be able to save me.’_

\-----------------------

Gendo stared at the screen pouring over the vast amounts of information being presented to him. He became aware of someone entering the room but did not turn to greet them nor particular care who it was, all that mattered was what was on the screen in front of him, everyone else be damned. He had locked himself in the room since yesterday, since seeing his son again properly for the first time. There was nothing he could do at this point in time, Shinji clearly wasn’t interested in talking to him yet and Gendo still didn’t know how to handle interacting with his son.

_‘Maybe it is for the best we drift apart again, we can never hope to have a normal relationship or understand one another.’_

After that Gendo had returned to this room, one of the ships many archive rooms and began pouring over the information he had requested from the people he had spoken to. He might not be able to mend the bridge between him and his son just yet but there was something he could do and that was dig into who the group known as Körper were. It had been a long time since Gendo had done something like this, stayed up all night to seek for answers. For the past few years he had people to do that for him, people he could pay to fetch him information, people he could pay to hide information and people he could pay to silence others. Now he had no one, no Fuyutsuki, no Ritsuko Akagi, no Ryoji Kaji and no SEELE Committee to believe the lies he told.

“I brought you something.”

There was a clunk beside him as someone was setting down a plate of food, he turned and saw it was Misato Katsuragi. He might have mistook her actions for concern if it wasn’t for the scowl she wore every time she saw him. This wasn’t kindness, this was just Misato checking he wasn’t working on betraying them all.

He replied sharply, “Thank you, but I’m not hungry.”

“Do whatever you want, I’m just making sure I’m not responsible for you starving yourself to death.”

“Do you really think I’d do that?”

She turned and began to walk out of the room, stopping at the door to ask him another question, “What exactly did you think you would achieve yesterday?”

Gendo leaned back in his seat and sighed, he had asked himself the same question many times but couldn’t come up with a suitable answer.

“How were you expecting him to react?”

“I don’t know… I didn’t expect him to be…”

“That angry at the sight of you? That upset at the sight of you? Were you just expecting him to turn around and say ‘hey Dad, how are you doing?’ ”

He didn’t reply to her, instead turning back to the screen and hoping Misato would leave him to his work. This was the only thing he could do, there was no point in anything else. He was slowly piecing together the bits of the puzzle, everything else could wait.

“I’m busy Captain Katsuragi. Please refrain from speaking to me further about this.”

He knew it was a cold thing to say, reminiscent of the Gendo he wanted to get away from but he also knew it would work to get rid of her. He heard her mumble something and finally leave, shutting the door behind her and leaving him in the dimly lit room once again. He turned towards the food on the plate that had been set down next to him, it was nothing special a few bits of chicken and vegetables. Standard canteen fare for a carrier like the Sindram but Gendo suddenly realized just how hungry he was and that made it look so much more delicious.

As he ate he kept reading through the files he had acquired. Profiles and background of each of the members of SEELEs exclusive committee. Detailed background information, much more than he had access to at NERV and throughout his years working for them. SEELE was a complex beast, whilst Gendo knew he held a lot of cards during his interactions with them there was much information he was not privy to and because it didn’t suit his scenario he hadn’t needed it.

He had been sure to be careful though, each member of SEELE was also a high ranking official in the UN, some representing countries, others representing companies and others ambassadors for a cause. This meant he had to play a very careful political game, using opposing corporations and rival countries to gather information, playing one against the other and making promises and suggestions. Over time he had managed to gather more detailed information on each member of the group. Within that he had made one important discovery, it would seem that one member of SEELE had invested very heavily in genetic research over the last fifteen years. Not through GEHIRN, NERV and their Artificial Evolution projects, no this was something else. Something they hadn’t wanted the rest of SEELE to know about.

_‘A company set up in 2000, shortly after Second Impact called Olympus Genetics. Research into STEM cells and advanced disease fighting. Nothing too unusual but…’_

Gendo had looked into Olympus, starting with the public face of Olympus.

_‘Cutting edge science, slogans promising a brighter tomorrow and happy faces presenting a sense of hope in a Post Second Impact world. Everything in order from their webpages to taxation, they even had their people give speeches at universities.’_

Everything was perfect, all in order but Gendo knew better so he had dug further.

_‘Funded by independent sources and businesses, a web of start-ups, already existing and individuals. All of which had money but no real public image… a headquarters out in the Mediterranean where no one would question them. This is exactly the same as Marduk, he was using SEELEs own technique to hide his own agenda right under their nose.’_

Gendo had to admire it, it was a bold move but the members of SEELE were so secretive in what they did no one would have dared question it. He continued to read through all the information he had gathered, marking off a list of companies that had invested in Olympus as he went.

_‘All these people… all these companies are false. Shell companies and pseudonyms, it’s exactly the same but why... what were you trying to d…’_

Gendo paused as he got to the next name on his list. It was a name he recognised very well and one that was very much real. He opened up the profile and saw a face staring back at him from behind the screen, it was of a young researcher, one he had met many years ago whilst he was in Germany. She was a brilliant mind and a big part of Project-E’s development, it would seem that she too had her secrets.

_‘Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu… how do you fit into all of this?’_

\----------

The sun was beginning to set as Shinji looked over the sea towards where his former home used to be. It was hard to believe that just a short journey away from his current location lay the horrors of Tokyo 3, the blood red sea, the remains of Lilith, the ruined buildings and now those creatures that had attacked both he and Asuka before they were rescued. Everything here seemed peaceful, serene yet there was a heavy sense of dread in the air.

Things were not going to get better immediately, he knew that and he had even said it himself to his mother, to Ayanami and Kaworu when expressing his desire to leave the false world of Instrumentality. He would therefore be forgiven for having thoughts and feelings of negativity because he knew there was a long path to be walked. This was different though, this was amongst the carrier and its crew, and it had only grown as the day went on. They probably knew something he didn’t, Misato had been guarded with her words since they came back. She had only let them know parts of the story, that which would keep their spirits up. Shinji was sometimes oblivious to the way people acted but in he had become quite accustomed to the ways in which his Guardian would act.

“I was wondering where I might find you Shinji.”

“Oh… hey Misato.”

She placed a comforting arm around his should and pulled her towards him, “Peaceful isn’t it?”

He nodded, “Yeah… it’s nice.”

“How is Asuka doing?”

“She is… fine, just resting in her quarters.”

“I see, did the doctor say what had happened?”

Misato hadn’t seen what had happened to Asuka, as far as she knew Asuka had felt a bit unwell and passed out. Shinji knew the truth but Asuka, in typical fashion had made him promise to not tell anyone. It wasn’t so much a request but more of a demand, lest she throw him overboard. Deep down he knew Misato should probably be told but if he was going to say anything he wanted to make sure he was a better swimmer first.

“By the way, you don’t have to worry about telling me what happened, the doctor already told me. I won’t say anything to Asuka, though.”

It was something of a relief to Shinji to hear Misato say that, it made talking about Asuka’s condition that little bit easier. Yet he didn’t want to, there was nothing he could really say about it except that he wanted to be at Asuka’s side, helping her through it but there was nothing he could do.

“You care about her don’t you?”

Shinji hesitated unsure of how to answer the question, there was a part of him that wanted to tell Misato everything. About the feelings he had for her but he couldn’t bring himself to, every possible way of telling her just sounded stupid. In the end he decided to settle for a simple one word answer.

“Yes.”

Misato smiled, “Like that then I see.”

“Huh?”

She winked, “Don’t worry, I won’t tease you about it… well yet anyway.”

Shinji felt himself blushing, Misato could tell and that was yet another thing he didn’t have to tell her. Still he didn’t really want to continue this line of discussion, there was something else on his mind. Something he had wondered since waking up on the carrier.

“What is going to happen to us Misato?”

“Honestly, I don’t know everything is… complicated at the moment. No one is really too sure about what happened in Tokyo 3, all the remaining NERV branches are confused and various world leaders along with the UN are demanding answers. Your father…”

She paused for a moment unsure of whether to continue but deciding it’d be best to be honest with him, she did of course decide to leave out the part about Körper, “Your father spoke to them, I don’t know what he said but it seems to have held them off for now.”

“I see… We, won’t have to pilot again will we?”

“Not if I can help it Shinji, the Eva’s aren’t needed anymore. We… you averted Third Impact and all of the Angels are gone. We don’t need the Eva’s and that means you and Asuka won’t need to pilot them.”

It was the truth, somewhat but the full truth wasn’t something Shinji needed to worry about. There wasn’t any need for the Eva’s anymore, this was true but need and want were very different things. She had once made a comment when she sent all three Eva’s into battle that she could have taken over the world. With the Eva’s no longer being needed against a common threat to humanity there was a possibility that certain places might desire them.

_‘Humanity is saved one day, and the potential for a new struggle opens up…’_

“But what if-“

She cut him off sharply, “Shinji! Look… I know what you’re going to say and I can’t promise you. I don’t want you to pilot anymore, I don’t want Asuka to pilot anymore and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you both don’t have to. Eva has already caused you both so much pain and it can’t be allowed to cause you anymore.”

Shinji wasn’t sure “Thank you.”

There was a content silence as they both looked out over the calm sea. Misato didn’t know what’d happen next, how long they would be on the carrier for and where they might go afterwards. She didn’t know if she would be able to continue being Shinji or Asuka’s guardian. Shinji most likely but there was a question mark hanging above Asuka’s head, despite her relationship with them Asuka still had family in Germany. That was of course depending on how the UN treated her.

Still there was a dream that they might be happy and in this new world provided to them thanks to Shinji and Asuka it could be a reality.

\----------------

Asuka couldn’t sleep and it was irritating her so she had decided to try to walk herself into tiredness. Unfortunately she was now onto her third lap of the ship and the thoughts in her head were showing no danger of going away and tiredness was several hundred laps away. She was no longer thinking about the Eva on the ship, nor her battles with the angels. She had a different thought now a more human one, and she couldn’t get him out of her head.

_‘Stupid Shinji… stupid stupid Shinji and stupid me… why couldn’t he just… not be Shinji then this’d be easier but then… he wouldn’t be Shinji and… I hate this!’_

She had tried to push him out of her head but every time she did it was a new image, him playing Cello was replaced by his smiling face when he rescued her in the volcano. That was replaced by the image of him cooking her breakfast which was replaced by the image of him holding his hand towards her on the way to the shelter. That image was replaced by the quick glance she had stolen when he was buttoning up his shirt.

_‘Stop it Asuka… and you call him a pervert.’_

She smiled and continued walking, around the ship. Her feelings for Shinji were complex and she knew it, she knew she had fallen for him but admitting it was going to be a tougher task. She also still resented what had happened in the hospital room before Third Impact and that was going to be tougher to resolve and forgive.

She walked a few more steps before a noise interrupted her thoughts and caused her to stop. It was the sound of helicopter blades. She quietly made her way to the source and nearly gasped at what she saw. It was Commander Ikari walking towards an open helicopter, preparing to get inside. She could feel her anger rise and without thinking she stepped out, shouting after him.

_‘What the hell am I doing?’_

“You’re abandoning him again then?”

Gendo stopped and turned towards her, she thought she could see a look of surprise on his face but the dark lighting made her uncertain. If there was anything it very quickly returned to his usual stoic expression.

“Pilot Sohryu. I have to leave for some time. I’m going ahead to Germany to sort something out. I don’t know when I’ll return.”

The last person he had expected to see before he left was Asuka. After the revelation he had made earlier in the day regarding her mother he had wanted to avoid any contact with her. That was part of his reason for travelling to Germany, to investigate to connection between Koyko, Olympus and Körper.

“I shouldn’t have stopped him.”

“Why did you?”

“Because he would have regretted it, and after all he had been through I can’t stand the idea of that idiot regretting something else.”

“You care about my son don’t you?”

Asuka didn’t reply, she just gazed forward with her eyes fixed on him. Gendo walked towards her, his face not changing and stopping just a few steps away from her. He reached into his inside jacket pocket and pulled something out.

“Miss Sohryu, I don’t deserve to make any requests of you but I would like to ask you something.”

She didn’t respond, after a moment’s pause Gendo continues speaking.

“Look after him, and give him this.”

He handed her the item he had just pulled out of his pocket and silently walked away. She kept her eyes focused on him as he climbed into the helicopter and left. After standing for what felt like an eternity she slowly turned the item over in her hand revealing exactly what it was. It was a photograph, showing a younger looking Gendo, Yui Ikari and what Asuka assumed to be a baby Shinji.


	11. In The Presence Of Enemies Pt. 1

Shinji turned the photo over in his hands a couple of times, studying the picture carefully. It seemed like his mother was smiling up at him from within the image, his Dad looked a completely different man and Shinji of course was a tiny baby. Barely recognisable in the blanket he was wrapped up in. Shinji smiled and placed the image down on the table, neither Asuka nor Misato had said anything to him since Asuka had gave him the picture. He could feel their eyes on him wondering what he was going to do next.

“He lied when he said he got rid of everything.”

Asuka stayed silent not really sure what to say, instead she shifted uncomfortably in her seat relieved that Misato was doing the talking.

“Is that the only thing you have of your mother?”

Shinji nodded, “It is. She went into the Eva after the contact experiment so there was no body and just a false grave, I suppose Eva was something but I think I prefer the picture.”

He started to laugh at the ridiculousness of it, his mothers’ soul had been inside the Eva all that time waiting for him to pilot it. Waiting for him so she could carry out some convoluted Machiavellian scheme in order to subvert the plans of SEELE. Everything from her ‘death’ to Shinji being the cause of Third Impact was part of her plan, the only hiccoughs were his Father developing his own scenario including Rei and placing himself at the centre of Third Impact.

Shinji had the opportunity to interact with his mother during Instrumentality and he was able to learn some of the truth. Maybe not all of it but a good portion of it. The truth about his father, Second Impact, Third impact, SEELE, Rei Ayanami and various other things. He wasn’t sure whether to resent his mother for abandoning him or thank her for setting them onto the path to saving the world. In the end no matter how conflicted he was he loved her.

“Are you alright Shinji?”

“I’m okay, Misato. I just didn’t realize how ridiculous everything was until now.”

Shinji put the picture into his pocket and returned to his breakfast. It had been a strange morning with the news of his father leaving for Germany. Misato had been furious when she had found out he had been allowed to leave but Shinji was actually pleased by the news. The fact that his father wasn’t here meant he didn’t run the risk of encountering him and on a vessel like the Sindram that was going to happen eventually.

Misato frowned, “I still can’t believe he got permission to leave that easily, between everything that has happened they just granted him permission and let him go.”

Asuka finally chimed in, “They don’t know the full story though, he was probably able to tell them some story and turn any suspicion away from himself.”

“Did he say anything else before he left?”

“Just what I’ve already told you a hundred times Misato, he was going ahead to Germany and then he gave me that photograph to give to Shinji.”

Asuka shifted in her seat awkwardly, she had conveniently left out the part of the story where she had been out walking because all she could think about was Shinji. She had also left off the part of the story where Gendo had guessed, correctly that she had feelings for his son.

Misato let out a sigh, “I suppose it doesn’t matter, Adler said he was going to be under constant supervision wherever he goes so we should probably just enjoy the rest of our stay here.”

Asuka went back to eating her breakfast and now felt Misato’s eyes on her. It was approaching the part she was dreading, Misatos’ focus had changed from Shinji and his father to her. Asuka had spent all of yesterday psychoanalyzing herself and piecing her thoughts together after seeing the attack. She was hoping Misato would conveniently assume she was okay.

“It’s good to see you feeling better after yo-“

Misato quickly stopped herself from continuing that sentence. Asuka fixed her gaze keenly on Shinji with a look that chilled him to the very bone.

_‘If you’ve said anything… you’re going for a swim.’_

Shinji was sat directly opposite Asuka, she brought her foot directly in line with Shinji’s shin and gently tapped it. A warning of things to come depending on the next few words to come from Misato.

“After… you seemed to be unwell the other day. Shinji said it was exhaustion brought on by everything that had happened, you two had it tough.”

Asuka tapped his shin gently again, and her expression softened.

“Yeah well, you know it isn’t like we got a lot of rest and of course Shinji here wasn’t able to make me dinner like usual. Of course, he still hasn’t but I’m sure her will…. Right Shinji.”

“Umm…”

He hesitated until he felt Asukas stare and the foot return to his shin. He wasn’t sure why he was hesitating, in truth he enjoyed making meals for Asuka. He just wished she didn’t have to be so demanding about it.

“Of course Asuka.”

The movement on his leg changed to a gentle stroking before her foot eased off. He wasn’t quite sure of the significance of the stroking but it was a fair nicer gesture than being kicked under the table.

_‘It’ll be nice anyway, something normal for us to do.’_

\--------------

Gendo found himself standing in a magnificently decorated hallway outside a pair of solid wood double doors. Portraits of the owners’ family lined the walls of the hallway. Placed at regular intervals were identical drawer units each displaying on top of them some form of expensive ornament. It was exactly what he expected when he arrived but the decorative choices of its occupant wasn’t what concerned him. What concerned Gendo was within the room beyond those double doors.

He shifted his weight onto his other foot waiting for his guide to return with the key for the room. He wasn’t entirely sure what he would find in there but whatever it was it was substantial enough for this particular member of SEELE to hide it from the committee.

_‘I have to be quick, getting permission to get inside was easy but remaining inside without arousing suspicion will be harder.’_

Thankfully it was at that moment the keeper of the house returned. He was an older man, wearing a perfectly kept black and white suit, white gloves and carried himself with a particular air. He was the sort of man people think of when they imagine a housekeeper.

Gendo smirked to himself.

_‘He looks like a cross between the Monopoly man and Alfred from Batman.’_

The housekeeper eyed Gendo suspiciously, although Gendo had a sneaking suspicion that everyone who entered this home was probably eyed suspiciously.

“Mr Ikari, you are aware that it is most unusual for someone such as yourself to be able to get permission into the master’s archives. Especially when he is away on business.”

_‘Business… that is an interesting way of putting it.’_

“Of course, did Lord Cohen say when he might return?”

“He did not, some business regarding the UN Council he sits with I expect. Cleaning up after your mess I expect Mr Ikari.”

Gendo was surprised to learn that this housekeeper knew of Gendo.

_‘This might be a problem, just how much do you know?’_

“My job in Tokyo-3 often leads to a little bit of mess to clean up.”

“So I understand, anyway you may enter the archives now. What exactly was it you were looking for exactly?”

Gendo entered the room, “I need information on a company your master was involved with, Olympus Genetics. Now if you’ll excuse me I have work to do.”

Gendo brushed past the housekeeper and entered the room, he paused waiting for the old man to take his leave and made sure the doors had closed behind him. Immediately he reached into his pocket and pulled out the key he had just stolen from the housekeeper and locked the door. It was a trick he hadn’t had to employ since his college days but one he had to use to ensure he got himself privacy. The next stage would be locating the more secretive parts of the archives. For all the plotting and secrets some of the old men of SEELE could be very predictable choosing to house their secrets in archives like this. Lord Cohen was no different, coming from English nobility made him just that little bit more arrogant too.

He got to work, there were two floor to cover as well as a couple of work stations. Gendo had dug deep enough into the Olympus Genetics records whilst aboard the Sindram to learn of their shadier experiments. This was enough to confirm the link between them and the organization calling themselves Körper, what he wanted now was to learn more about what the aims of these experiments were and also how Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu had managed to get involved in this.

He managed to get into the terminal using a piece of software Ritsuko had written should he ever need to gain full access to a system in this manner. He was pleased that in its first outing it had worked as expected. Now that he was in as Lord Cohen he could begin to see what secrets were within.

A lot of what was on there was regular UN business and was of no interest to Gendo. Discussions on reducing funding, increasing funding, sending aid and withdrawing it. There were a few personal e-mails to family members. Correspondence as a part of SEELE was hidden behind a further layer but even that wasn’t of interest to Gendo.

After more digging without any results Gendo came to an alarming conclusion, anything to do with Olympus Genetics or Körper was not on the system. He cursed silently and stepped away from the machine wondering where next. Checking the individual rows of books and files in the room would take far too long and he was running out of time. He contemplated what his next move would be and was unaware of the figure standing behind him.

It was only when he felt the cold press of steel against his head did he understand the truth. In his haste to learn more about Körper and the truth about Kyoko he had exposed himself and this time there was no way of talking himself out of it.

“Well Mr Ikari, did you find what you were looking for?”

Gendo turned slowly and found himself looking into the eyes of the housekeeper. The aged expression had gone, the hunched elderly man had been replaced by one standing fully straight and capable of bad things.

“I should have guessed.”

“We English are very fond of a cliché Mr Ikari, ‘The Butler did it’ is a trope often favoured in our countries literature. Of course you’re probably aware that I am no Butler Ikari, and you are not here on a UN investigation are you?”

Gendo finally realized and smirked, “Lord Cohen I presume?”

“One and the same, the man you saw during the committee meetings, the one who sat behind the monolith was nothing more than a trick, a facsimile developed by Olympus Genetics, or as you are coming to know them Körper.”

Gendo stepped back and observed his surroundings, he had a weapon concealed in his jacket but was certain that in the time it would take to withdraw it he would have been shot several times. The room was too large to run through and there was little to no cover to get to. All he had was the power of speech and for once he had nothing to say.

“What exactly is Körper Cohen?”

Cohen laughed, “It is exactly what we advertised it as to the UN and remaining NERV branches. It is humanities future, its true future. The rest of the fool on the committee got it wrong, instrumentality wasn’t the path to godhood, death and rebirth wasn’t the answer. We could have had that perfect world but you know what would have happened? Eventually people would have broken out and the cycle would have started all over again, a cycle of death and rebirth.”

Gendo remained silent, everything Cohen had said was the truth that was why Yui had remained in the Eva without telling him. They were supposed to fight against it together but Yui had left him without telling him why, leading him down a dark path.

“Humanity needs to evolve Ikari but it isn’t by all becoming one and living in a fantasy world. It’s by using the power of the Angels, of the Seeds and Eva with ourselves. Bettering humanity using the resources those beings can provide. Evolution through scientific progress and with Körper as a leading light.”

“I don’t understand.”

“No, and I wouldn’t expect you to, after all that is why you’re here isn’t it. To find out who we were and what we do. You might even want to learn more about the creatures you saw in Tokyo 3.”

Gendo kept his gazed fixed on Cohen letting him speaking, “Tell me Gendo, were you impressed by them? Created using a forbidden fusion of human and Angel DNA. Despite the damage your son did to it the third Angel proved to be quite a boost to our work. While it might have self-destructed we were able to gather enough to really kick start the marionette project. Just add a few mindless JSSDF soldiers itching for action and bang, things really got interesting.”

“So you were responsible for those things?”

“Not me personally no, the theory behind the Marionettes is over ten years old but we’ve only been able to put it into place now that we have an appropriate angel sample. The person responsible for the Marionette Project is sadly no longer with us.”

Cohens face wore a twisted smile, “Which of course will answer your second question, the connection between Körper and Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu.”

\----------------

 

When Shinji awoke it was to the sound of panic, above him he could hear people yelling and running about frantically. There was a hammering at his door, still half tired he leapt out of bed and scrambled to open it. Almost immediately after unlocking it Asuka burst through, almost knocking him over. Shinji observed that she must not have woken up long ago herself.

“Asuka what’s happening?”

She shook her head, “I don’t know, I was woken up by a sound. An explosion I think and then all of a sudden I heard yelling and screaming and….”

Asuka trailed off and seemed to be struggling to catch her breath. Shinji calmly lead her to his bed and sat her down placing an arm around her shoulder.

“I’m fine… It’s fine…”

There was a hint of aggression in her voice, one that might have made Shinji recoil but he knew it was important he stayed beside her. He held her tighter as her breathing returned to normal.

“Thank you Shinji.”

There was another loud noise, it seemed closer than before and the two of them jumped. Shinji felt Asuka instinctively move closer to him.

“Asuka! Shinji!”

The voice was coming from down the hall and belonged to Misato. Without warning she burst through the door, her pistol clutched in her hand.

“Thank god, you’re both alright! Look we need to hurry, Adler wants to move you both to a safer location near the bridge.”

They both got to their feet, Shinji raised the question, “Misato what’s happening?”

“Radar picked up several unidentified objects approaching at high speed. Before we knew it they… had appeared and the carrier was under attack. We’re winning at the moment it seems but we have to be alert.”

Shinji rushed around the room quickly throwing on his clothes, and before long he, Asuka and Misato were making their way to the main deck of the ship. The sounds of gunfire and explosions was more thunderous as they approached. He glanced behind him to check on Asuka, she was pale but didn’t seem to encountering any difficulty.

When they reached the deck the stench of gunfire was all around them. Misato put out an arm to halt them and gestured for them to crouch. She surveyed the area beyond.

_‘We can stay in cover for a while longer but then we have to get across a wider open space to reach the bridge. We can take cover by the helipads perhaps, or there is the… no, we can’t go in there. That’s where th-‘_

Misato didn’t have much time to react as the object came crashed down near to them, she dived back taking Asuka and Shinji to the ground as it exploded. The three of them got back to their feet, ears ringing from the explosion and franticness around them. Shinji looked up and finally saw the strange enemy the men and women of the Sindram were fighting.

It was a deadly swarm of black-disc –like objects. From the bottom hung a device which was firing back at the ship. The swarm seemed to be in a losing battle but for every one that was destroyed another two seemed to take its place.

Asuka yelled over the gunfire, “Misato, what the hell are they?”

“We don’t know, they just started attacking out of nowhere but there seems to be no end to them. Quickly we need to run.”

Misato shoved them both forwards towards the next bit of cover and waited until they were safely in place before running herself. Another drone came down near to her position, the heat and shrapnel from the explosion nearly knocking her over but she continued running.

_‘Need… to stay alive, need to keep moving.’_

The three of them crouched again and Misato gestured towards the cover near to one of the helipads.

“This one is a bit further away, you both need to run and not look back okay. Please, whatever you do, do not stop until you make it there.”

The both nodded and readied themselves to move. Misato was ready to give them the go ahead to move when one of the swarm seemed to notice them. It broke away from the pack and came down to their position. She instinctively leapt forward unloading a clip into it knocking it out of the sky and sailing into the ocean. Reloading she turned towards the two children and readied herself to speak but was cut off by the thundering of the carriers heavy turrets firing at the swarm. A number were taken out and came crashing to the deck but many were left, more drones joined and the turrets fired again. Only this time the shells made no contact with the swarm exploding against a perfect shield that the three of them recognised only too well.

“Mein Gott! That’s…”

Shinji finished her sentence, “…an A.T. Field.”

“An Angel?” Asuka questioned.

Misato was shocked, she couldn’t believe what she had just seen. “It can’t be… they’re all gone. These… are something else, they have to be.”

The three of them crouched in the cover, watching the gunfire rain fury upon the swarm. Nothing was breaking through the swarms impenetrable A.T. Field as it moved into a position directly over the centre of the carrier. It hovered for a moment before altering its formation into a perfect sphere. One by one each individual drone glowed red and emitted a burst of fire towards one of the carrier’s heavy turrets.

There was the sound of screams and explosions as people ran back and forth frantically. Misato looked towards the next set of cover again but it seemed more and more like an opportunity was not going to present itself.

Another of the carriers’ heavy turrets fired towards the swarm only to be met with the A.T. Field. The sphere hovered for a moment and suddenly let out a deafening electronic growl. The combination of a ships foghorn mixed with the distortion heard on an old dial up modem. The sphere of drones held its position and readied another blast effortlessly taking out the second heavy turret.

The sphere was holding position over the centre of the main deck leaving the trio with only one option. They had to go back, but the residential quarters were now sealed off the only safe indoor location was the hanger.

“Change of plan, we’re going back the other way.”

Shinji and Asuka instinctively covered their ears as the sphere let out another blast, causing an explosion that took out a number of soldiers on the main deck. Misato cursed under her breath.

_‘This is a massacre, NERV personnel aren’t trained soldiers. We need a miracle.’_

Shinji looked back towards the direction they had just came from. There was only one thing in that direction and that was the hanger. His heart was pounding in his chest and his legs were trembling but he wasn’t going to give up. He looked over towards Asuka, she was pale and shaking still in shock at the A.T. Field.

“Asuka… are you alright?”

Asuka looked straight into his eyes, it was a sight Shinji wasn’t used to seeing. The sight of Asuka afraid of something, she had always been the strongest of them all but here she was almost unable to move. He grabbed her hand.

“Asuka?”

“Shinji… I don’t want to die.”

“I’m not going to let you, come on we’ve been through worse than this… right?”

It was a weak attempt to make her feel better but he hoped that if he shown some backbone it’d perk her hope. The sounds of the screams and explosions around them definitely didn’t help his efforts.

Misato didn’t give her a chance to respond, “Guys we’ve got to go. Now! Run!”

Asuka stood up still holding Shinjis hand as the two of them sprinted towards the hanger, Misato was close behind. All around them were the sounds of explosions, screams and the electronic groaning of the sphere. They could feel the heat of fire and fighting and the rocking of the carrier each time a soldier or turret went down.

It felt like an eternity but they finally made it to the hanger. They were tired, out of breath and out of ideas. Shinji couldn’t help but be distracted by the Evangelion Unit that was stored within the hanger. He wondered about the beast contained within the armour, whether it was aware of the battle outside and who the soul once belonged to.

From within the hanger the sound of fighting was slightly dulled but now the carriers guns were speaking more frequently and being very subsequently silenced. An explosion rocked the carrier knocking him and Asuka off balance. He fell to the ground with Asuka draped over him and as he looked up from Misato to the Eva he felt a strange sense of déjà vu.

_‘It’s like the day I came to Tokyo-3, only… this time my father isn’t here and Asuka is here instead… does that mean…’_

Shinji felt his stomach churn as he came to the realization, he looked down at Asuka. She was grimacing in pain having landed on her bandaged arm. She was looking back up him, he noticed that the path that was usually hiding her injured eyes had been discarded somehow. Now he was looking into the bright blue eyes belonging to the girl he wanted to protect and do anything for. He looked up at Misato, his guardian the one who had once died protecting him. He was not about to let that happen again.

“Misato…”

Shinjis voice was quiet but full of determination, she turned to him. “What is it Shinji?”

“I…”

He glanced up at the Eva and back down at Asuka. A look of realization had spread onto her face as she now knew what he intended. Almost immediately she started shaking her head at him but he said the words anyway, “Misato… I have to get in that Eva.”


	12. In The Presence Of Enemies Pt.2

Adler stood at the front of her carriers command centre, she had barked out her final order. A notice for all hands to evacuate. Every last person on the carrier was to evacuate. She watched as the final members of her command crew left and then she was alone. What was remaining of the ships defences would be set to automated, controlled by the carriers’ onboard MAGI system. This would hopefully distract the enemy long enough for the evacuees to get a safe distance away. Only one thing was left after that, her last action in charge of the Sindram to engage the self-destruct systems.

It had been fun while it had lasted, sitting out in the middle of the ocean. Processing research reports and enjoying an easy mission away from the stresses of the mainland but as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. She should have seen it coming, the incident in Tokyo-3, finding the survivors and bringing them here. It was all an omen leading up to this moment. She just hoped that her guests had been able to evacuate.

Adler felt an itch in her right leg and resisted the urge to scratch it. It had been a while since she had felt that, years even but in this time of stress the phantom pain had returned. What was there was artificial, a facsimile created for her after she had lost her real leg during one of the many Post Second Impact riots. She couldn’t remember the exact details of how it happened. The doctor’s had told her but her memory was hazy. Her father, a senior U.N. official, had been visiting the scene of a protest when she was fifteen. There were many of those after Second Impact, economies had been decimated and the people were made to pay for it. She and her mother were there. Suddenly things got ugly, there was an explosion and when she woke up in hospital that her leg had been taken from her and her mother was in critical condition.

She was visited in the hospital shortly afterwards by an acquaintance of her fathers. He had come with an offer, he represented an organization that was recruiting talent. Through her father they had heard of her, young, athletic and full of potential the ideal candidate to take up a role at the organization known as Gehirn. They could fix her, the best prosthetics in the world and allow her an opportunity. An opportunity to work for the betterment of mankind and ensure this sort of thing won’t happen again.

As she sat in her seat she wondered just how much she had done to better mankind. Gehirn soon became NERV and NERV developed the Evangelion Units. Humanoid Bio-Mechanical beings that would fight the enemy known as the Angels. They were mankind’s’ saviour against the coming apocalypse. Yet as she reflected on their usage she wondered if many mankind had squandered it’s humanity in the search for something else. The scenes in Tokyo-3, the usage of children as pilots and the human instrumentality project all indicated that.

Adler sighed and rose to her feet again making her way towards the command console. Displayed above it were a number of screens, a few of them had been knocked offline by the attacked but the ones function shown various parts of the carrier. In them she could see her crew finishing up the evacuations, she held her breath every time she saw a helicopter taking off or a boat speeding away. The automated weapons were keeping the enemy busy but it was only a matter of time until they were eventually exhausted. Suddenly a scene on one of the monitors caught her eye, it was of a hanger door and it was beginning to open. Her eyes widened with surprised.

_‘No… it can’t be.’_

_\-----------_

Misato peered at the control panel in front of her and then shot a look over towards Asuka. The redhead was standing over her panel an intense look in her eyes but Misato noticed her legs were trembling.

“Are you alright Asuka?”

Asuka turned towards Misato and snapped back, “Just fine Misato, I love nearly being blown up this early in the morning.”

Asuka didn’t mean to snap back at her, she knew her guardian meant well but being angry was all she had at this moment in time. It was that or curl up and she knew which one she preferred right now. She cursed under her breath as she attempted to use the control panel again.

“We need that bridge moved Asuka”

“I’m aware of that, I’m trying to figure out how to use this machine.”

Misato fired back, “I thought you were college educated?”

“Sorry I missed the ‘lowering bridges in front of giant robots using unfamiliar control panels’ module. Besides you have a degree and you’re not exactly having much luck”

“Yeah well… I’m just… they made this look so easy.”

A voice sounded over the communications channel, “Um guys… is everything going alright?”

Misato and Asuka shouted back in unison, “Yes!”

Asuka muttered again, “Idiot Shinji, what the hell is he thinking getting inside that thing. If he survives this I’m going to kill him.”

Asuka glanced over the panel again and tried a different combination. Overhead the bridge in front of the Evangelion moved forward allowing her to breathe a sigh of relief. Now all she had to do was wait for Misato to activate the link with the Eva. Asuka had tried her best to not look at the machine since entering the room fearing it’d bring on another attack. She was already feeling hot, irritable and was trembling she had felt her chest tighten a few times but managed to stave it.

_‘It can wait… for now I need to focus. I need to stay focused on this, if I don’t…’_

She felt a surge of dizziness over her and took a deep breath.

_‘No… stop it, just calm down. He needs you.’_

The bridge finished lowering which would now allow the Evangelion to move safely out of the hanger. Asuka allowed herself to smile at Misato.

“You see, I had it all under control.”

“Good work, I’m activating the link to the Evangelion now. Shinji, how are you doing?”

Shinji looked forward at the scene in front of him changed from the grey of the entry plug walls to the view from outside the Eva’s eyes. He breathed deeply to calm himself as the LCL moved around him bringing with it the scene of blood. His hands tightened around the units control modules and various bits of data and information whirred around him reporting the condition of the Eva.

His heart was pounding and he was wondering if he had made the right decision. The last time he had gotten into an Evangelion he had nearly caused the end of the world. This was different though, he had something to protect now and he had people he cared about and despite her promise to kill him he was sure she cared about him too. He thought about Asuka and her reaction to him piloting. Her frightened eyes when she realized what he was going to do and her protest.

_‘If it had been the other way around would I have reacted the same?’_

He thought about it, coming to the conclusion that he probably would. He didn’t want to be piloting this thing, this wasn’t about a choice though this was necessity. He hoped Asuka would understand that but he felt he had a lot of apologizing to do.

_‘I don’t want to do this, I wouldn’t want her to do this and I hate that I have to but… I have to protect us.’_

“I’m… alright.”

Misatos voice came through again on the channel, “Good… look I don’t know what this thing is capable of okay? So take it slow, focus on walking first and then we beat that thing. It looks like you’ve got a progressive knife tucked away in there and a handgun. You’re plugged in as well, so keep that in mind, if that gets cut you’ve only got five minutes.”

Shinji nodded in acknowledgement as Misato finished, “Oh and please… be careful.”

Shinji prepared himself to move out when another panel appeared in front of him. It was an incoming communicate tagged as private. He accepted it and was greeted by Asuka glaring at him. He scanned the area and saw that she was on the other side of the hanger away from where Misato could hear her.

“Idiot.”

“A-Asuka… I’m”

“Don’t even think about apologizing to me because that isn’t what I want to hear.”

“Sorry.”

“Gah, you’re impossible. Look… just, don’t die alright. Go out there, be Shinji the invincible hero one last time but please… come back to me.”

“I won’t leave you.”

Asuka ended the conversation, he saw her removing the headset and making her way back to Misato. Once again he readied himself to leave the hanger waiting on Misatos confirmation.

“Sync ratio is 53.5% Shinji, go and get it.”

That was the signal Shinji needed, he gripped the controls tightly and felt himself within the Eva’s body.

_‘Walk… Left leg first and then the right.’_

He could feel the unit jostle into motion, its left leg lifted and moved forward with the foot coming down with a deafening thud. Almost immediately afterwards the right leg lifted repeating the motion. Piloting the Unit was an odd sensation. The process of piloting was the same but there was something foreign about this unit he couldn’t feel a presence like he could in Unit 01.

_‘I have to win, I can’t rely on my mother this time.’_

He continued to will the Eva to move eventually guiding it out of the hanger. The screech of the enemy was heard as he saw another explosion from one of the carriers’ towers. He brought the Eva into an upright standing position and positioned it looking directly at the enemy.

It was still in the form of a sphere and was rotating slowly picking up the defences one by one. Shinji upholstered the handgun attached to the Eva and prepared to fight.

\-------------

Gendo scanned the room for what felt like the hundredth time. Once again confirming that there did not seem to be any way out of this predicament. Cohen was not like the others that had threatened Gendo, there was a very real feeling that if Cohen wanted to he could end this quickly. Gendo scanned the man up and down. He had changed, the old man he had seen out in the corridor looked twenty years younger, he still bore white hair but now it had a youthful shine to it. It was the smile he wore that got to Gendo though, twisted and maniacial.

Gendo was running out of options. He had no intension of dying here, he needed to accomplish his goal. The first option was to stall for time. Talk to Cohen and hope that the escort would grow suspicious and return for Gendo.

“So Mr Ikari, what do we do now?”

Gendo didn't respond which drew a laugh out of Cohen.

"Oh come out, don't be boring Ikari. I thought you were a master of manipulation, surely you have something to say. Aren't there things you want to know? Go ahead, ask away."

Gendo still didn't respond and looked around for a hundred and first time. He could rush Cohen, run directly at him and knock him off of his feet. Something told him that that too was not going to work. There was too much of a gap between himself and Cohen that meant the risk was too great.

“Come on Gendo say something, make this interesting.”

"Tell me about Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu."

"Of course, Kyoko... she is the reason you're here isn’t it? It was finding her name amidst all those in Olympus that brought you here."

"Amongst other things yes."

Cohen motioned towards a desk that had been set up in one of the corners of the room. There were a few chairs around it. Gendo followed the wordless instructions and made his way over to them sitting down slowly. Cohen followed ensuring that he never once lowered the gun.

“So tell me Gendo, what do you know about Kyoko?”

Gendo admittedly did not know a lot about the woman. He had met her once in Germany but their areas were away from each other. He knew that she was the mother of Asuka, one of his pilots and that she had tragically committed suicide after the contact experiment.

“She was the mother of one of my pilots and a scientist within GEHIRN. I know she did her work in Germany and died shortly after a contact experiment. You'll have to fill in the rest.”

This brough a sigh out of Cohen, “I expected as much. For someone who in the last ten years has manipulated a vast amount of people you're rather predictable and dare I say it, boring. If it didn't fit your scenario then you just didn't care did you?“

Gendo wasn’t going to deny that. It was how he had lived his life for the past ten or so years. Everything he had done, every bit of information gathered, every conversation were to benefit him and his own goals. Everything else had fallen by the wayside be it music, television, or even the feelings of those he used. He didn’t even know what his own sons grades were instead leaving that to others to care about. If it didn’t fit, he didn’t care.

“Much like your wife, Kyoko was born into a family which had connections to SEELE. Her uncle was a member of the committee which meant that aside from having something of a privileged upbringing she was also kept under our watchful eye. Growing up she shown a particular aptitude for the sciences and went on to study genetics. It was just a couple of years prior to Second Impact that she first came to my attention.”

Gendo eyed Cohen curiously. “Came to your attention?”

“Oh yes. Kyoko had delved deep into the rabbit hold that was genetic modification. Only she was interesting in how it could be applied to people which at that time was rather taboo. Hell at that time the world was still arguing about Test Tube Babies and vaccines so it was bound to gain attention from certain corners."

He paused for a moment pulled a mobile phone out of his pocket and checked the screen before nodding and placing it back. Cohen then continued his story.

"Kyoko was proposing ideas that others had done in the past. Manipulating humans in the womb to alter certain genetic defects and cosmetic details. From there she discussed how we could trigger certain genes and use that to enhance natural human abilities like concentration, memory capacity and even physical traits. All to create better humans."

Gendo wasn't sure what to make of the story. This didn't sound like anything that hadn't been proposed a vast number of times, so what made Kyokos' effort so different to the previous ones?

"What made her work any different to the many others who had proposed such things?"

"Kyoko was born into SEELE and therefore through her uncle she had access to a greater library to draw upon. I don't know how but she learned about Adam and Lilith, her paper referenced using the materials present in the Antarctic as a means of achieving these goals. Naturally, it only reached a handful of people before it was pulled."

Of course the people who at the time did see it turned away in disgust at this idealistic young woman presenting her theories on how through engineering we could breed the perfect humans. They laughed at mention of the Antarctic materials and the references to Dr Katsuragis work. Personally I think most were jealous that a woman had better theories than they did and the other from fear of the subject matter.”

“But not you?”

“Of course not, I saw it for what it was, brilliance and I could offer her what she needed. You see I had started to lose faith in SEELE and their plan, it was too fragile relying on this idea of death and rebirth. What was it you said to them?”

“…death creates nothing…”

“Exactly, and while we agreed that humanity was stagnating they were too blinded on sticking to the plans laid out by the Dead Sea Scrolls. Much like yourself they didn't see the potential that was there and alternatives uses of Adam and Lilith.”

“And she went along with you?”

“Of course she did, it was easier than I thought. Kyoko was obsessed with the idea of creating the perfect human and when she learned just what Adam and Lilith were she knew she could achieve it. You’ve experienced it yourself, that fusion of Angel and mankind when you stole Adam from us.”

Gendo did remember, he remembered the power he felt when he had Adam implanted into himself. He could have done so much but he only desired one thing back then, in any other person there was no telling what the world could have been. He wondered if Shinji had felt something similar when he looked down on the world having been given the power to shape it how he wanted.

“In Tokyo-3 you saw one of her projects in action. The Marionette, a hybrid of Angel and human that can be controlled remotely. Capable of carrying out any instruction and highly adaptable. She would have been proud to see it in action.”

Gendo shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was uncertain which parts were truth and lie, he admittedly didn’t know Kyoko but found it hard to believe she could have been capable of producing those monsters let alone be proud of them.

“You mean those creatures were her doing?”

“All based on her work, we lacked the necessary raw materials, the Angel sample to finish her work in those days but thanks to the Third Angel we were able to carry it out. We were able to create her vision of the ‘perfect’ soldier.”

There it was, the word ‘perfect’ again, “Is that what this was about, creating the perfect soldier?”

“Is that not why we need to evolve Gendo? To keep moving towards perfection? She understood that and she aided us with her experiments. The Marionettes were the first stage, the soldiers protecting our new world. We needed more though.”

“More?”

“Every actor must have a role must they not? Some are born to be soldiers, the Marionette program was for them but what of those destined for other roles? Scientists? Teachers? Entertainers? All must have a role within our new world lest humanity stagnate again. She worked towards that until…”

His voice trailed off and a frown appeared.

“Until what?”

“Until she met the fate that befalls all people. She met someone, fell in love and had a family. Oh don’t get me wrong she was still useful to us. We needed her, she was bringing us closer every day but once she had that daughter of hers well… things changed and the committee suddenly took a deeper interest in Kyoko and her daughter.”

“They wanted Asuka to be an Eva pilot?”

“Exactly, her daughter had been selected as a pilot for Evangelion Unit 02 and Kyoko was to undergo the Contact Experiment which would ultimately end her life.”

“So Körper was to be without its primary Scientist. I imagine you took issue with that.”

Cohen nodded but the smile returned to his face, “I did but I am if anything adaptable. We would lose Kyoko physically but that didn't mean she would stop being of use to us. You are of course aware of the Personality Transplant OS having relied upon the MAGI for so long?”

Gendo was indeed aware of the system. It was the same system that Naoko Akagi had used to transplant her own personality into the MAGI system. It split her personality into three different aspects. Her as a woman, a scientist and as a mother. The MAGI was not complete until some years after Kyoko's death though, Naoko hadn't perfected the system which mean...

“That system was still in its infancy then, the small number of experiments on it resulted in a number of side effects. If something had gone wrong you'd have risked the contact experiment.”

"Which is why we only activated the system during the experiment, as you know yourself Ikari you can do wonders with a little bit of sabotage."

The pieces were becoming a little bit clearer now. No one had ever been able to explain just why Kyokos contact experiment had gone wrong. The Evangelion had extracted something from her but left the body. The introduction of the Personality Transfer must have been the reason.

_'So... this is why she was returned like that.'_

“Everyone won in the end, we got Kyoko's personality transferred. At least the part we needed and the Committee got their Evangelion.”

"Why did you need Kyoko so much? Surely you could have found another scientist."

“Kyoko had some... quirks. In developing the Marionette system she did one thing we didn't count on. She ensured that only she could control the system, without Kyoko there would be no Marionette system and we couldn't waste time finding someone else to replicate that work. Our time was running short.”

"So she didn't trust you?"

“Trust doesn’t come into it, the system was her baby and she was like a stubborn child. If she couldn’t have it no one could. So we did what had to be done."

Cohen paused and reached into his pocket again pulling out his phone. His face lit up when he saw what was on the screen.

"Well Gendo, I hope this has been an illuminating discussion for you but I have other business to attend to. I'm sure you can see yourself out."

\-------------

Shinji darted forward firing a few shots at the spinning drones each one of his bullets bouncing off of their A.T. field like hailstone bouncing off of glass. He knew the gun would have been useless against it, projectile weapons usually were useless against an A.T. Field but defeating it with the gun wasn’t his aim. He needed to distract it before it blew a hole in the ship and his plan was working.

The sphere ceased its firing and rotated slowly to meet the Evangelion. It let out a low electronic roar and fired a few volleys of its own towards Shinji. He willed the Eva to crouch and it responded almost immediately. He raised one of the Evas arms and produced an A.T. Field of his own stopping the projectiles from hitting him.

One of the enemy bullets had managed to slip by just before he got the A.T. Field up causing Shinji to yelp out in pain. He had the enemies’ attention, now to plan his next move. The sphere had stopped rotating and was now emitting a low hum. For a few moments it hung motionless in the air until one of the individual drones moved forward ever so slightly. The rest also broke from the spherical formation now forming a diamond shape.

Without waiting for them to finish moving into formation Shinji released the Progressive Knife hidden in the Eva’s should and darted towards the drones. With a scream he brought the blade down towards it meeting the A.T. Field. He projected his own A.T. Field attempting to neutralize it and noticed the drones began emitting a red glow.

Shinji gripped the controls of the Eva tighter willing the A.T. Field and knife to break through. He was sure he could hear someone yelling at him over the comm channel. Yelling at him, pleading with him to…

“SHINJI MOVE!”

He came to his senses and saw the red glow had doubled in size from with the diamond. Shinji quickly dodged out of the way just in time to see a red blast miss him and fly off into the distance. The next thing he heard was Asuka berating him.

“Shinji you idiot, keep your eyes on what it is doing!”

“Sorry…”

Shinji brought the Evangelion back up and swung around with the knife towards the drones, he could see they were beginning to charge another attack but it was too late. He screamed out projecting the A.T. Field as much as he could and thrashed down with the knife. The knife met its target taking out a number of the drones in the formation. Explosions rattled the Eva and the carrier as the drones span wildly out of control.

Those that remained scattered around now circling Shinji and taking shots at him when possible. Now that they were acting individually the shots barely phased his A.T. Field. Shinji walked forward swinging the blade taking out another couple as several more appeared from the sky to join the fight.

_‘How many of these things are there?’_

Suddenly the drones came to a stop, there was a low humming noise and almost as suddenly as they had arrived they had gone. Save for one drone which hovered directly above Shinji. It was just out of his reach and hovered motionless, the device on the bottom of its disc like body pointing directly at him. There was a flash and then that one was also gone.

Misatos voice came in over the channel, “Shinji what happened?”

“T-They left… did we win?”


	13. Lost Boys & Golden Girls

Shinji felt his heart rate returning to normal as the LCL drained from the entry plug. The realization of what had just happened was finally beginning to sink in. Only two weeks after returning from Third Impact he had piloted an Evangelion again. He pounding in his chest was being replaced by a queasy feeling in his stomach and suddenly the confined space of the plug was beginning to suffocate him. Thankfully the plug slid back out of the Eva and opened allowing him some measure of fresh air.

He stepped out of the Unit onto the bridge and started to climb down. Scanning the area he could see Misato looking up at him but Asuka was nowhere to be seen. As he reached the final few steps Misato reached out and pulled him towards her. He didn’t return the embrace, partly because he was pre-occupied looking for Asuka but also because he felt gross still being covered in LCL.

“You did it Shinji! It looks like they’ve all gone.”

Shinji didn’t know how to respond. He never did in a situation like this, he should probably have been happy and proud of his accomplishment but whenever he took part in a fight with an Angel the aftermath was the same. Even with Misato hugging him he felt empty and alone.

“Yeah…”

Misato knelt down looking him directly in the eyes. There was a sympathetic look in her eyes, she was trying to understand him and probably struggling herself with what had just happened. She had told him that they wouldn’t have to pilot again just a few days ago but now here he was, caught in the aftermath of another Eva battle.

“I’m… sorry you had to do that Shinji.”

Shinji shook his head and pulled away from her embrace. He felt a stinging in the corner of his eyes but quickly tried to blink them away. He wasn’t going to cry over this, not in front of Misato again. This would pass, what he was feeling was just the aftermath of the battle, the adrenaline had gone leaving only this.

“It isn’t your fault, I had to pilot, I promised myself that I wouldn’t let Asuka or you be hurt. I had to do that, I just… didn’t realize how painful it’d be afterwards.”

“Does piloting Eva really bring you that much pain?”

Shinji gently sat himself down on the floor bringing his knees up to his chest. Letting out a sigh he nodded, “I’m not like Asuka, she grew up knowing she would be a pilot. She trained and worked at it to be the best. She was proud of being a pilot but me… I only became a pilot because father summoned me to do it, it was thrust upon me and was given no choice. It was pilot or die. I just piloted because I was the only option, people told me how important it was or how cool it was but I was just looking for validation… even when I started to get it the pain just didn’t go away.”

Misato had had similar conversations with Shinji in the past. She knew about his pain when he piloted and had known since he first got in the Eva. At first it had angered her, the kid had seemed stubborn and not realizing just what was at stake. Now she was sympathetic, she understood him more now, she knew what he was looking for because she had been doing the same herself. She wondered what she could say, if anything to ease his mind.

“You know, Asuka didn’t really have that choice either. From a young age that was all she knew and she faced pressure to excel in everything she did.”

He nodded again, “I know, none of us really had a choice. We were the only ones that could and that’s why I piloted again. I just forgot about the feelings that came with it. I want to protect her… and you and everyone.”

Shinji paused and looked around for Asuka again, he was starting to get worried about her. Maybe the same thing that had happened before was happening again. Something else was bugging him as well. Asuka had seemed angry at him, at first she looked scared when he said he would pilot again but from then aside from the one message her tone and expression was one of anger.

“Misato… is Asuka mad at me?”

Misato couldn’t help but laugh, “Wondering where she went are you?”

“I’m being serious, she seemed upset with me.”

Misato nodded, “She left here shortly after you started making your way back to the hanger saying she wasn’t feeling very well. You saw the way she reacted to the Evangelion the other day, I think just pure adrenaline got her through this but it’ll have taken a toll on her. I’ll go and see her later.”

“Should I go?”

“No, I’ll go and speak to her. I’ll probably need to speak to Adler about your little adventure in that thing too. God knows what how she’ll react to that… seems looking after you two isn’t the easiest of tasks.”

Shinji laughed, “Sorry… I suppose we don’t really make your life simple do we?”

Misato put her arm around him, “No you don’t. Look, go back to your quarters, grab a shower and a change of clothes and I’ll come and get you later. I’ll go and speak to Asuka too and see how she is doing.”

\----------

Asuka looked at her reflection in the mirror, water was running down it from where she had just washed it. She cringed as she saw it running around the scars on her eye. She had forgotten to put her patch on this morning, she attack had woken her up and without thinking she had just gotten dressed and left the room.

_‘I look disgusting…’_

She clenched her hand into a fist and sent one into the wall, pain shot through it but she didn’t care.

“This is all Shinjis fault, getting in that stupid machine, piloting it again… I hate it!”

She looked up again, a tear had started to trickle down from her scarred eye. Asuka ran the tap again splashing more water onto her face before looking back on how pale she had become. Seeing the Evangelion had been a lot for her but seeing Shinji pilot it had been too much. She had relied on anger to get her through the fight but when it was over all that remained was nausea and fear.

_‘A few days ago I see an Eva and it gives me an anxiety attack, today I see it and it gets piloted and I’m sick afterwards… how pathetic have I become?’_

Dizzy and with shaking legs she slowly made her way back to her bed and lay down gingerly. She contemplated allowing herself to burst into tears. She didn’t like crying, to her it had always been a sign of weakness and she had always been told to be strong. It was drilled into her but she knew there was nothing wrong with it. The tears were threatening but she blinked them away.

_‘Maybe later, I feel disgusting enough after throwing up… I don’t want to add to that, maybe I’ll just sleep.’_

She closed her eyes hoping that the pain and shakiness in her body would go away. That was a mistake, as soon as she closed them she saw the Eva.

_‘No use… guess I’ll just lie here then.’_

She rolled onto her side and pulled her legs up to her chest and sighed wanting some form of distraction. Too many times on this carrier she had been lying here confronted with her own thoughts.

_‘Why can’t they have put a TV or a Games Console on this stupid carrier, at least then I wouldn’t have to think about that Eva or Shinji all the time.’_

Once again Shinji had crept to the forefront of her thoughts. Asuka had yelled at him during the battle, called him an idiot and acted angrily when speaking to him. She didn’t even know where the anger had come from, one second she was terrified watching him go into the Evangelion and the next she was angry and snapping at everyone.

_‘Urgh, I yelled at him throughout the battle and I wasn’t even there to see him return. He must think I’m a complete bitch now. Then again he’ll probably apologize for it later on.’_

Suddenly there was a light tap at the door. Asuka wondered if maybe Shinji had come to see how she was but that thought was dismissed as she heard Misato calling through.

“Asuka, can I come in?”

Asuka got up off of the bed and opened the door letting her guardian into the room. Asuka lay herself back down on the bed with Misato sitting on the edge of it gently placing her hand on Asukas forehead.

“How are you doing?”

Asuka suppressed the urge to make a snappy comment, she didn’t have the energy to and decided to be honest with Misato. “Not well…”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that Asuka. I promised Shinji neither he nor you would have to pilot again and…”

Asuka waved her hand towards Misato, “Don’t worry about me, I’m just feeling a bit under the weather, might be sea-sickness.”

It was a poor lie and Misato saw right through it. “Asuka, I know it isn’t sea-sickness, it was seeing the Eva again wasn’t it.”

_‘Shinji told her… I knew he would, I hope he can swim.’_

“Shinji…”

“Didn’t say anything, I spoke to the Doctor. I’m your guardian Asuka, certain things I need to know.”

“I’ll throw the doctor overboard then.”

“Good because I don’t think Shinji can swim.”

Asuka grinned, “Are you serious?”

Misato shook his head, “He told me once, he never learned how to. I think he said ‘humans weren’t meant to float.’”

Asuka eyed her curiously before bringing her hand up to her forehead in frustration, “What an idiot, human’s float easily. Well maybe when my arm has healed I’ll teach him. ”

Misato, clearly surprised by Asuka’s offer to help Shinji learn to swim replied. “You’d do that?”

“I need something to do here besides thinking about Eva and everything else in my head. Besides what better teacher could he wish for than me? I taught him how to dance remember?”

Misato did remember, she remembers Asuka flying into a rage numerous times during the training for that battle. She remembered Asuka only becoming more agreeable when she threatened to swap Rei in for her. A threat she had no intention of carrying out because she knew it’d work. Misato only hoped Asukas’ patience had improved since that time.

“I… remember something.”

“We beat the Angel didn’t we?”

“Well yeah… but…”

“But nothing, you see under my expert guidance Shinji will be able to swim like a professional just like I got him to dance in that Eva. Nothing to worry about.”

The two of them laughed. It was one of the few moments since Third Impact being over either of them had the opportunity to laugh at something. Asuka especially needed something to laugh at after the events of today and thinking about Shinji floundering about in a pool of water was doing the trick.

“How is Shinji?”

“I’m not sure, he seemed alright but piloting it took a lot out of him. I told him to go to his quarters and get a shower and some rest. He was worried about you as well.”

“He was worried about me?”

“Of course he was, you weren’t there when he returned.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That you weren’t feeling well, he wanted to come and see you but I told him to leave it a short while until he had time to get some rest.”

Asuka couldn’t hide the smile that had crept onto her face, Shinji didn’t hate her and had even wanted to come and see her.

“You care about him don’t you?”

Misato was the second person to say that to her in the past week. The two of them had been teased in the past about the subject but it was only teasing. Jokes made by Misato and their friends as a way of annoying them. She doubted they were ever serious. Asuka had always gone to great lengths to try to hide her attraction to the younger Ikari. She realized that on the carrier she had let her guard down a few times and Misato had probably noticed it right away.

_‘Is it starting to become that obvious?’_

She contemplated lying to her guardian but for once Asuka wanted to talk about the subject. She nodded, “I… Of course I do. I care a lot about that idiot but…”

“How long?”

She shrugged. “I dunno, a long time.”

“Does he know?”

“Of course he doesn’t know, even if I told him outright he probably wouldn’t know and besides I don’t know if I want him to know… yet.”

“Why not?”

Asuka thought back over the last few months, from the time she knew she started to have feelings for Shinji up until prior to Third Impact. The scene from within the hospital room flashed through her mind turning her stomach. She had tried to push that thought away, pretend it didn’t happen and then she wouldn’t have to confront it.

_‘…it did happen though, he… did that. I’m not naïve enough to think he’s never done that but there in that room while I was in there. I don’t know if I can trust him, I mean… he was at his lowest but that isn’t an excuse but he confronted that during Instrumentality and so did I… still so much has happened.’_

“Did something happen after you both came back?”

Asuka shook her head, “No nothing happened. I still need to work things out, things happened before Third Impact and I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we haven’t exactly been in the best condition since returning.”

Misato was tempted to probe further wanting to help the two of them along but decided to leave it for now. The morning had already been tough enough without her forcing Asuka to conjure up memories of what had happened before Third Impact. Besides which the memory of what had happened to her before Third Impact was lingering in her own mind and was something she didn’t need reminding of.

_‘They both deserve to be happy, but it’s up to them to find their own path to it. I can’t force it.’_

“What’s going to happen to us now Misato?”

Misato shrugged her shoulders, she still hadn’t spoken to Adler yet about what had happened. She had intended to before seeing Asuka but had instead came straight to her quarters deciding to give it a bit more time before facing the German NERV vice commander.

“I haven’t spoken to Adler yet so I don’t know… I’m not quite sure how she’ll react to us ‘provisioning’ the Evangelion.”

Asuka raised her eyebrow slightly, “Provisioning? Isn’t that a fancy way of saying stealing?”

“We won didn’t we?”

“I’m glad to see your moral standards haven’t slipped.”

“Would you have done it any different?”

\--------------

Adler stepped out onto the deck of the Sindram and observed the results of the chaos. The stench of wrecked machinery and death was around her. Wrecked turrets and helicopters littered the once clean and pristine deck and various sections were littered with footprint like indentations from where the Eva had fought.

Outside of video footage this had been the first time she had seen an Evangelion in action. It was an impressive yet terrifying sight, a thing that should not be. Despite being piloted by a human it’s movements seemed feral like control could have been lost at any moment. When Misato and her people came to the carrier they had told her the Angels had been beaten, that Third Impact had been averted and whilst the details were not yet fully revealed to her she took their word on it. Yet those things that attacked her ship exhibited behaviour like an Angel. They had an A.T. Field, they weren’t able to be communicated with and they didn’t discriminate when it came to their target.

_‘If that wasn’t an Angel… what the hell was it? Where did they even come from?’_

With every passing day more questions were being asked with very few answers being provided. There would be time for her to ask questions later though, her priority right now was to find Misato and the two pilots. The crew that had evacuated were returning and a distress call had been sent out. There would be time for questions when they were back in Germany.

She didn't have to look far to find Misato. The NERV captain had emerged from the quarters and was heading towards her. The Captain was dishevelled but alive and hopefully that meant the pilots were as well. This brought some comfort to the Vice Commander and she called out towards the Captain.

"Captain Katsuragi, what the hell did I take on when I brought you people on board my carrier?"

Misato guiltily shook her head, "I don't know..."

"Explosions and monsters in Tokyo-3 and now the Sindram has been attacked and we've had an unauthorised Evangelion launch."

"We had no choice, the things attacking us..."

Adler waved her hand, "I know, they had an A.T. Field and there was no choice. To be honest I hadn't even thought about the Evangelion we had on board until I saw it emerging from the hanger. I can see why you were so highly praised."

"Actually you have Shinji to thank for that, he's the one who thought to use the Eva."

"How are Shinji and Asuka doing?"

"Shaken but both alive and well..." Misato paused trying to find the right words, "Look I'm sorry for everything that has happened since we got here. I can't help but feel this is our fault and..."

"Forget it, it isn't your fault. We've been at risk for weeks, especially with us having an Evangelion on board. I don't think your presence was a factor in it, whatever those things were they seemed fairly indiscriminate rather than targeting anyone specifically. Hopefully we'll get more answers when we're in Germany."

"Germany?"

Adler nodded, "Yes, I've been in touch with my Commander and the U.N. we should be expecting rescue fairly soon and we'll be going back to Germany. You three will be rehomed in the same location as the other Tokyo 3 refugees. From there we can start to piece together this mess."

"Oh right, what will the arrangements be?"

"I don't know yet, similar to what you had in Tokyo-3 I presume, I didn't get the opportunity to ask too many questions. Apparently another communication came in from Körper just as I was explaining our situation."

"Taking responsibility for this attack?"

"It would appear that way, again I didn't get the chance to ask any questions."


	14. The Path

**1997  
Charité, Berlin - Germany**

She stepped out into the hot German sunshine throwing the double doors open in frustration. It had been another mistake, no one was interested in her work or her writing. They were just interested in trying to discredit her, to tell her what she was proposing wasn’t possible or was unethical. She reached around to her hair allowing it to come out of its ponytail into its more natural state. Her red locks flowing down to her shoulders Kyoko finally stopped at a little bench under one of the University Campus’ trees.

_‘Idiots… they had made up their mind before I even went in there. My methods are perfect, my research was flawless and my conclusions exemplary but those old men are too scared of progress. Sure it’s risky and might pose some ethical questions but we’d be able to help people…’_

Kyoko sighed heavily and glanced at the folders in her hands. She believed in her work and her theories, the problem was conveying that to others and getting them to believe in it. She had access to her Uncles library, a wealth of information beyond that in the University but that was the problem. She could read the additional information as much as she wanted but she was limited in what she could put into her work.

_‘Why is that old man so damn secretive? This could help people, if I could include more of it. If I could link in the Katsuragi expedition and its aims, if I could tell them about the Artificial Evolution Laboratory they’re building I could make progress but my Uncle won’t let me. He’ll let me read the notes and the library but when it comes to looking at what I can do I don’t even get a second glance.’_

Kyoko observed all of the students of the University going to and from their lessons. They laughed and joked with each other and in a way Kyoko envied them. She had always been a bit of an outsider, her Uncle was a top researcher working for the UN and her parents both held high ranking positions in local business earning her a certain amount of privilege amongst others. Growing up she had always been pushed to be the best at what she did and to strive to be perfect. This meant she would be hailed as a prodigy, top of her class and even going on to get her degree earlier than most. It also made her an outsider, seeming cold and distant from other people.

Fortunately her Uncle had been there, teaching her from an early age the power and potential of science. Allowing her access to his extensive library and even allowing her access to the more secretive side of his work. This was where her frustration lay, she was privy to secret information that would benefit her work greatly but she wasn’t able to include it. When she tried to tell her uncle about her theories he would just brush her off.

_‘What use does knowing about the Seeds do me if I can’t even use them in my own work? What do I have to do?’_

“Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu?”

Stirred from her thoughts Kyoko looked up and saw a man standing there. He had short slicked back black hair and was clean shaven. Amongst the students of the campus he stood out wearing his grey suit and white tie. Kyoko thought she recognised him from somewhere but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

“Yes?”

“Your Uncle said I might find you here, I’m James Cohen I work with your Uncle at the U.N.”

That was where Kyoko had seen the man before, photographs her Uncle had of the group he worked with. Cohen had always stood out in those pictures in his grey or white suits. They always provided a contrast to the black suits or laboratory wear worn by the other members of the group.

“Oh I see, is there something I can help you with? Did my Uncle want something?”

Cohen sat down next to her, she noticed his eyes looking over the folders in her hand, “No no, nothing like that. I’m actually here to talk to you about your research and ideas. Tell me how did your presentation go?”

“Not well, they’re too closed minded. They hear the subject and they’ve already switched off.”

“I suppose being unable to tell them about certain parts of your Uncles work doesn’t help either?”

Kyoko didn’t reply unsure of what exactly to say. Her Uncle had always been careful to tell her to not let anyone know she had access to that level of information. She had never really questioned it and didn’t intend to break that promise to her either.

“Don’t worry Kyoko your Uncle and I are friends. You don’t have to say anything but I know what you’ve seen there and I know that your ideas might rely on that information as well. Tell me, do you know what it is your Uncle does?”

Kyoko shook her head still being careful about what information she let slip, “Not exactly, I know he and the rest of his group spend a lot of time between the Antarctic and Japan. Some sort of research of something they found in those locations I believe.”

“Correct, that ‘something’ being the Seeds referenced in your Uncles library. That is what we’re working on, research into those and how they could benefit mankind. I presume you know of the Katsuragi expedition?”

She nodded, “I’ve heard of it. He is to lead an expedition to the Antarctic to collect date for his Super Solenoid Theory.”

Cohen was lighting a cigarette as she spoke, he exhaled. “Correct again, research that is possible because of the existence of the Seed we found there. I however think there is more potential in the Seeds… and that is where you come in Kyoko.”

“Me?”

“Yes you, we found two Seeds on this planet. The focus at the moment is on the one in the Antarctic and Katsuragi has that one wrapped up pretty tightly and will do for a few years. The expedition itself isn’t planned for a couple of years. The other Seed however is the one that might interest you, it is free for study should I desire it and initial reports have revealed details that could be useful.

“It might but my Uncle won’t let me near the Katsuragi expedition or his work. No matter how much I tell him it’d help me, he’s too stubborn.”

“He is only following directives given to him by his bosses, I’m sure he’d like to see his Niece achieve her dream. That is where I come in.”

“What do you mean?”

“I want to provide you with an opportunity. I’m a fan of your work Kyoko and I have the resources to help you realize your goal. I’m offering you an opportunity to get involved with a new organization I’m setting up where you’ll be able to carry out your research with as much backing as you need. You’ll be positioned as our head scientist and given free reign.”

Kyoko was stunned, she barely knew Cohen and yet here he was giving her an opportunity to realize her goals. It all seemed a little bit too good to be true but Cohen knew things that no one else would. He knew about the Seeds of Life, about the Katsuragi Expedition and he knew her Uncle. It was an opportunity she couldn’t turn down.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything yet Kyoko, go home and think about it for a week and I’ll send you more information. Discuss it with your Uncle, I’ll be in contact.”

\----------

**Present Day.** **  
NERV Carrier – Sindram, two weeks after Körper Attack.**

Asuka eyes flickered open as she awoke from her nightmare. Her face was covered in sweat and she felt a now familiar pressure in her chest. It was the same nightmare she had been having for the past two weeks. She and Shinji were in some sort of complex somewhere and she was asking him, pleading with him to not pilot the Evangelion again. Then something would happen, the details were always hazy on what exactly but it didn't matter. Every time he would enter the Evangelion Unit, fight and the Evangelion would be destroyed taking him with it.

This nightmare had occurred a number of times leading to a fortnight of barely any sleep for her. Asuka got up and made her way into the bathroom, looking in the mirror she could see the results two weeks of barely any sleep were having on her. Asuka had grown up being used to having nightmares but there was something different about these ones. These weren't about someone she had already lost, or about a monster in the form of a doll. These were about someone she cared for, someone who was real and they were something that she was scared could happen.

She contemplated going for a walk around the Carrier but ever since the attack Misato had made both her and Shinji promise to stay below deck in the evenings. Asuka flung herself back on the bed but she knew there would be no further sleep for her. Every time she closed her eyes she saw the image of the Eva Shinji had piloted being destroyed. Sometimes in her nightmares she'd catch a glimpse of Shinjis body, lifeless within the entry plug. Sometimes he wouldn't be in the entry plug having disappeared much like he did after one of the Angel battles. It didn't matter because each time he would die.

_'If only I could get you to listen to me in them... get you to not pilot but you won't. Each time you say you have to, and you get in and you leave me all alone...'_

She looked around her quarters realizing for the first time just how spacious and empty they really were. She had no possessions here to speak of, it was just her. A few changes of scavenged clothing and her thoughts. She wondered if Shinji was thinking the same thing, if maybe he was lying awake right now thinking something similar.

Suddenly an idea started to form in her head. When she first moved to Tokyo 3 she had started to suffer from nightmares but one night after a particularly bad one she had done something. It was in the middle of their synchronisation testing, and it had allowed her to get back to sleep.

_'We're not sleeping on the floor now though... we’re in beds but...'_

During their synchronisation testing Asuka had woken from a nightmare about her mother. It was after she had separated hers and Shinjis living space into two. She couldn't get back to sleep and for some reason she crossed the threshold and settled down next to Shinji. It had worked though, within seconds just knowing someone else was nearby had helped her sleep.

_'So much has happened since then though...'_

Asuka sighed and looked towards her door. She knew she needed to sleep and it certainly wasn’t going to happen while she was here on her own. She had been thinking about her feelings for Shinji over the past two weeks. Ever since her conversation with Misato she had been questioning herself more and more as to the obstacles in her way. She knew she liked him and she was certain he liked her as well but there were still blocks being put in place. For one she still couldn’t shake the events of before Third Impact from her head, it still made her feel sick but while she didn’t think she could forgive Shinji she was trying to understand and realize that what had happened was extraordinary circumstances.

_‘Shinji… the real Shinji, not that one there wouldn’t do that. He isn’t like that, what happened was… he had just killed a friend for god’s sake, he had nothing. I can’t… I won’t forgive him for it but I can work past it.’_

Asuka stood up wrapping her duvet around her, she was wearing a loose nightshirt and her underwear. The chances of anyone seeing her outside on her way to Shinjis’ quarters was fairly slim but she wasn’t willing to take that risk. She took a deep breath and opened the door leading to the main corridor.

\-----------

**1997  
Zeppelin-Sohryu Residence, Germany**

Kyoko sat in her seat gently sipping from the cup of tea that had been made for her. She watched as her Uncle made his way to his desk, he was carrying a number of folders in his hand and placed them on the desk in front of her.

“More U.N. work?” she questioned.

“Expedition stuff, Dr. Katsuragi has a large list of demands and it’s one of my jobs to look through it all and tell him what we can’t do and why.”

"Sounds tough."

"Katsuragi can demand a lot but his work is important to us. So keeping him pleased whilst balancing everything else can be tough. It's all for the greater good though. I suspect however that you're not here to listen to be talk about my work."

"I was visited by a member of your committee earlier today with an offer, he's sending me more information but he also said I should talk to you first."

"Cohen?"

"Yes."

Kyoko's Uncle leaned back in his seat and arched his fingers. It was a pose that signified he was thinking deeply about something. After about thirty seconds or so he finally resumed speaking.

"Lord James Cohen is one of the newer additions to our committee. As you might expect from the name he is descended from their royal lineage, where exactly I couldn't tell you but it doesn't matter. The point is he had a lot of money, power and influence and it might be wise of you to take him up on his offer."

Kyoko was more than a little bit surprised. Whenever she had inquired in the past about working with or around what he Uncle does she had always been shot down. She was expecting something similar here.

"Really but I always thought you didn't want me around your work..."

"Correct, I've always tried to keep you away from any of my work or that of the committee. I appreciate you have a particular level of knowledge about us and our facilities and I’ve always encouraged you to look into it and even use what you can in your own work but working with or around us has always been something I’ve wanted to avoid."

"Won’t working with Cohen involve you and the committee though?"

"Not quite. As you know we all have our own side endeavours, Cohen will be starting up his own away from the committee. Our work at the moment with Dr Katsuragi is focusing on the being we’ve called Adam in the Antarctic. Cohen however will be using the opportunity to study Lilith in Japan. Now we do have plans to use that space in Japan eventually but Cohen has offered to use his resources to begin and offer you an opportunity to work there.”

"Do you really think it will help?"

"I have no doubt, I'm sure Cohen will explain more but initial tests revealed a remarkable similarity in the genetic make-up of Lilith to that of Humans. We're of course more concerned with Adam for the moment so a chance for someone with Cohens considerably resources to study further is welcomed."

Koyko was stunned, it was as if everything she had dreamed of was going to come to fruition. It almost seemed too good to be true. She wondered why her Uncle hadn't mentioned this possibility earlier, he knew how much her work meant to her and had watched her try and try again to secure funding and support and fail and every hurdle.

_'He must have had a reason but... why?'_

"Can I ask, why didn't you mention any of this earlier? I've been trying for the past year to get support and this has been there that whole time?"

She didn't meant to sound angry but the words had just came out. Her Uncle looked a little bit sheepish but his reply didn't take long to come.

"In truth we simply didn't think about it. Our efforts were focused on and around Dr Katsuragi, it was Cohen who put this together, it was his team that performed the basic research on Lilith and it was he who came up with the proposal."

"I see."

Kyoko's gaze turned to the window looking out amongst the large gardens of their residence. Out there lay the key to achieving her goal, after years of hard work it was within reach. She had her Uncles blessing, she had no doubt her parents would give her the all clear, she had nothing else tying her to this place.

_'I'll do it...'_

\-------

Shinji was stirred from his sleep by the knocking at his door, he immediately leapt to his feet fearing another attack but aside from the knocking there was no noise. His room was pitch-black and from what he could hear everything else was calm.

He switched on the room light and made his way over to the door revealing Asuka stood in the corridor. She had her duvet wrapped around her and he could see the tiredness in her eyes. He had noticed Asuka was looking more and more tired since the attack. When inquiring about it he usually got brushed off.

“Um… Asuka.”

Asuka entered the room moving immediately past him. She dropped the duvet to the floor and climbed into Shinjis bed, her back facing away from him and pulling the covers up to her. Shinji wasn’t quite sure what was happening, he stood in the doorway his mouth agape at the scene.

“Close the door and turn off the light.”

He closed the door but didn’t turn off the light just yet wanting to know more about what had just happened.

“Asuka…”

“The light.”

“Are you alright?”

The reply came swiftly and bluntly, “No.”

Shinji knelt down and gathered the duvet Asuka had thrown to the floor. He looked over at her form in the bed as he laid the cover out on the floor. It wouldn’t be the most comfortable arrangement but if he had to sleep on the floor to ensure Asuka was alright then he would do it. He switched off the light and lay down on the cover, starting to pull it around him for warmth when he noticed Asukas form was sitting it. He was sure she was staring at him, this was confirmed moments later.

“Shinji… what the hell are you doing?”

“I err… I’m going to sleep?”

“On the floor?”

“Well… yeah…”

“You’re an idiot, this is a double bed isn’t it? I don’t take up that much space!”

“But…”

“Just get in!”

Shinji wasn’t sure if this was some sort of joke or trick but he slowly rose to his feet and climbed into the bed. He made sure to keep a safe distance from Asuka who had now returned to a lying position. His heart had leapt up into his throat as he did his best to not move  but also try to pull the covers up to keep him warm. After a few moments of awkward movement he heard Asuka sigh, she once again sat up and pulled the cover over him.

“You know by doing that you’re just annoying me more than you think you’re avoiding it.”

“Sorry…”

He closed his eyes wondering if this was some strange dream and if it wasn’t wondering just why Asuka had come into his room this late at night. He was suddenly reminded of that time during their synchronization training when she had done something similar. It had looked like she was having nightmares that night.

_‘Could she be?’_

“Hey Asuka…”

“Yes Shinji.”

Shinji paused for a moment, he had tried over the past few weeks to understand Asuka more and be more forthright in his actions. When she experienced her attack after seeing the Eva he had been sure to hold her. He tried to arrange the words correctly in his head.

“You know, you can tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I see.”

He closed his eyes again scared or prying further into it. Suddenly he replayed a moment from Third Impact again in his mind. It was something Asuka had said to him during it.

_‘You won’t even hold me.’_

He turned around facing her back. She could see her body gently rising as she breathed and he wondered if maybe she had fallen asleep already. Slowly he reached out his hand and placed it gently on the side of her stomach. It wasn’t exactly holding her in the strictest sense of the word but it was all he dared to do at that moment.

He lay for a few moments not daring to move again. After a time he felt Asuka shuffle slightly but he didn’t remove his hand. A few seconds passed and he felt something touch the top of his hand, it was Asukas hand gently caressing the top of it. He raised his fingers allowing her to intertwine her fingers with his.

Gently she whispered, “Thank you.”


	15. Ocean Cloud

Shinji slowly opened his eyes to find himself alone in the room and his bed. The other side having been neatly made and looking as if no one had been in there at all.

_‘Was that… a dream? Did Asuka really…’_

He sat up and examined the room to try to confirm what was real and what was dream. In the middle of the floor was the duvet that he had arranged when Asuka had climbed into his bed. It was real, it had happened but as he looked at the neatly made side of the bed he wondered where Asuka was right now.

There was no movement within the room, no sounds from the bathroom or lights on aside from the slithers of sunlight coming in through the windows. He sat for a few more moments trying to get his thoughts in order before glancing at the clock on his side table. He had slept later than he normally did, not only that he had slept fairly well for a change. There was no waking up, no nightmares or thought cycling through his mind keeping him awake, there was just sleep and warmth.

_‘Asuka…’_

Shinjis door suddenly opened and almost as if his thoughts had summoned her Asuka walked through. She looked over towards Shinji and was actually looking happy. For the first time in a few weeks she looked fresh and happy, she had gotten changed into a simple pair of jeans and t-shirt. Shinji noticed that she didn’t seem to be wearing her eye-patch, he had rarely seen her without it since returning. The most recent being the time of the attack when she hadn’t had the time to wear it. As the lights in the room came on he could see both of her blue eyes fixed on him and the light scarring around her injured eye.

Asuka hadn’t applied the bandages to her right arm either, on there a scar ran up from the wrist to the elbow. The scars had faded slightly compared to when he had first seen them. He felt a sense of guilt whenever he thought of Asuka’s injury.

_‘If only I’d have… done more…’_

“Good morning Shinji.”

Her words stirred him from his impromptu trip into his own failings. He and Asuka were alive now, everything had been averted so there was no point in travelling that road again.

“Hi Asuka.”

“About last night, I trust you won’t…”

Shinji cut her off, he knew exactly where she was going with this. He had no intention of telling anyone about it, least of all his guardian. If Misato found out they had shared the same room for the evening that would earn a solid months of teasing.

“Tell Misato, no of course I won’t.”

“Good because you know of course that if you did I’d have to…”

“Throw me overboard? I know.”

She laughed, “Very good Shinji.”

Asuka got up and made her way over to the wardrobe, she turned around before opening it and smiled at Shinji. It unnerved him in some way, he was even more unnerved as he saw her rummaging through the clothing in there. Occasionally she’d mutter something to herself and eventually it culminated in her looking at him directly.

“This is no good.”

“Uhh… what isn’t?”

“Well, do you remember how before we were brought on here we… borrowed a few items from that store?”

Shinji nodded, borrowed wasn’t really the term he would have used but he didn’t feel like correcting her.

“Yeah.”

“Well… you won’t remember because you were, unconscious but they went back to the shelter and brought the stuff on board. I’m assuming you knew that right?”

Shinji hadn’t known that, in fact he had wondered where all the different changes in clothing had come from and also why they looked familiar.

“Uhh…”

“You didn’t know that did you?”

“I… I… It’s been a long couple of weeks…”

Asuka laughed out loud again, “Did you not wonder how all the changes of clothing you had here matched what you got there?”

“I forgot.”

“Imagine if we relied on you for something important, like saving the world. Thank god you have me.”

Asuka rummaged some more through the wardrobe before eventually closing is in frustration.

“This is no use.”

Shinji was confused, “What’s no use?”

“Well it seems amidst all the stuff you borrowed, you seem to have forgotten something to swim in.”

Shinji was confused, something to swim in wasn’t exactly at the forefront of his mind when browsing that store. Even if it had been he likely would have looked at ways to avoid it.

“I… I…”

Asukas’ eyes were fixed on him again, he smile had turned more mischievous than before. Leaving him even more unnerved, the Asuka he had been sleeping next to not so long ago, who had held his hand as he held her had gone.

“Well I suppose we have three options.”

“For what? Asuka I don’t understand.”

She strode back over to his bed and sat down next to him, closer this time. She reached out and grabbed his hand, intertwining her fingers with his the same way they had done last night.

“Shinji…” Her face turned serious, “Last night… you helped me.”

Shinji blushed not quite sure how to respond to her words. “I was just…”

“Don’t talk, just listen. I’ve been thinking a lot since we returned. About what has happened since we met and in the lead up to Third Impact and even since. I’ve been thinking about… certain incidents.”

Shinji gulped, he knew exactly what she was talking about. “Asuka… I… I didn’t mean to.”

She placed her finger to his lips silencing him. “I don’t want to talk about that right now. Since we’ve returned it hasn’t been easy. I’ve barely known who I am at times, in fact I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. Every part of me is telling me not to.”

Shinji continued to remain silent, Asuka was not the sort of person to confide in someone. She had nearly done it once before when talking about her Step-Mother to him but quickly stopped herself to berate him. Shinji let her continue.

“The fact is since returning we’ve been there for each other, you’ve helped me and I’ve helped you and last night you helped me again. I’m sure even you have noticed I’ve been more off than normal since you got in that Eva.”

Shinji shook his head, “I hadn…”

“Shinji don’t lie to me, you were there the first time I saw that Eva. You saw what it did to me and you know why. You can see the scars those… beasts left behind on me. So even you can see that since two weeks ago I’ve been… even less normal than usual.”

He nodded.

“Last night I finally admitted I needed you to help me. I couldn’t take being in that room on my own anymore and I needed you, of all people, to help me. I decided to cast aside that pride inside me and came to you and you did help me. So today I wanted to do something to help you.”

“Asuka I…”

Shinji started to respond but found the words hard to find. Asuka had never spoken to him like this before and forming a coherent reply was remarkably difficult. He wondered what exactly she had wanted to do to help him, she had been there for him a lot since returning.

He noticed the mischievous smile had crept back onto her face again, “So now I’ve told you that, you’re probably wondering what I’m going to do.”

“Uhh…”

“I already had my suspicions but Misato confirmed to me not so long ago that you can’t swim. So today Shinji is your luck day, today I’m going to start teaching you how to swim Shinji.”

Shinji’s mouth went dry as she continued.

“The way I see it you have three options, you could borrow one of my swimsuits but I’m not sure you’d be comfortable with that. Or we could see if there is anything board you could borrow or we can go with option three…”

He gulped, “What’s option three?”

Asuka grinned, “You could go naked.”

\--------------

_“Captain Katsuragi, Vice Commander Adler thank you both for your time. I understand the Sindram is due to arrive in Germany later today. I thought it best to get you both up to speed on certain… events that have occurred since the attack on the vessel.”_

Misato didn’t know the man who was speaking, he was a representative of the UN, one of many they had been in contact with over the past two weeks. With each passing day they got closer and closer to Germany and with each passing day Misato could sense the storm approaching. Her contact with the UN and NERV had been minimal but she knew after today she would have to face it all.

_“This transmission was sent to all NERV branches and select members of the UN council the other day.”_

The images on the viewscreen changed from the representative to one that both Misato and Adler recognised. It was the deck of the Sindram from two weeks ago. Smoke could be seen rising from the debris scattered on the deck. Misato watched as the source of the transmission made its way over the deck, she could make out the other drones flying around.

“This is from two weeks ago, but why?”

_“Watch.”_

The camera continued to make its way around the deck of the ship, it was at that point that Misato saw it. The camera became fixated on the Evangelion as it fought against the drones.

_“The deployment of the Evangelion against a non-Angel enemy has stirred up discussion amongst members of the council. NERV was created in order to fight the Angels, the Evangelion units were created for that one purpose.”_

“With all due respect, those were not convention enemies. They deployed an A.T. Field and we were left with little option.”

_“Everybody understands that Captain Katsuragi but many were not aware that the Unit had been deployed until they saw this video. We had tried to keep it quiet to reduce panic, but now that they all know we have to address the status of the Evangelion Units that remain and what to do with them.”_

Adler interjected, “With all due respect, the Evangelion Units belong to NERV and we don’t know enough about Körper or those things we faced. There is still the possibility of it being Ang-”

_“It is out of your hands Vice-Commander, we’ve already had extensive discussion with Gendo Ikari relating to the status of the Angels and he assures us all Angels have been defeated an accounted for. This statement has been backed up by Lord James Cohen of the special UN Committee that oversaw Project E and the handling of NERV.”_

Misato felt a surge of rage within her, _‘Gendo…’_

_“It has therefore been proposed that NERV is disbanded and a new organization is put in place to oversee what to do regarding the handling of the remaining Evangelion Units. Certain members have requested the Units for their own countries, as you can imagine we are not keen to see this happen. The Evangelion Units are classed as superweapons, so for those reasons a new committee headed up by Lord Cohen and under the command of Gendo Ikari will be formed. You two will report to them when you return to Germany.”_

Misato clenched her hands into fists but she kept her cool. Her priority was the safety of Shinji and Asuka, “What of the pilots?”

_“Ikari has requested that the two pilots be rehomed with you Captain. They’ll be rehomed in the local school where they will be with the other evacuees from Tokyo-3. This has already been pre-arranged, they will likely be questioned at some point but for now we are hoping to not involve them in any of this.”_

“I see… thank you.”

\----------------------

“Ok Shinji, how are you feeling?”

“It’s cold.”

Shinji felt uneasy in the pool, swimming was an activity he actively avoided. He had always felt uncomfortable in any sort of pool and was never able to pin down the reason. He had never had any bad experiences in a pool but then again never really had any experiences at all. A lot of people he knew growing up had learned to be comfortable from an early age, Shinji never had that so to him it all felt unnatural. There was always this nagging voice in the back of his head telling him that it was unnatural.

“It’ll warm up after you start moving around.”

He watched as Asuka effortlessly dived into the pool. He was fighting a battle between trying to avert his eyes and being unable to take his away from her figure. She looked beautiful to him, her red hair was flowing freely down to her shoulders, the red swimsuit she had changed into fit perfectly on her body but most of all her expression was one of pure happiness. Her blue eyes were lit up and she was smiling as she made her way towards him.

“Okay so, first thing you need to know is that it doesn’t take any effort to float.”

“Huh?”

Asuka narrowed her eyes at Shinji finally becoming aware of the fact that he was looking at her body. She was secretly glad because for a few moments she had also found herself staring at him when he first climbed into the water. She found it incredibly cute how awkward he looked standing there waiting for her to dive in, his face a mixture of nervousness but also determination as he wanted to try his best for her.

They couldn’t waste time staring at each other though, they would be back in Germany in ten hours and she was determined to teach Shinji at least one thing before they arrived. She playfully flicked water in his face to grab his attention.

“Now that I have your attention Third, I was saying that it takes minimal effort to float.”

“Right.”

Asuka moved closer to him and gently placed a hand on his back. She had vowed to herself earlier in the morning that she would be as patient as was necessary with this. If anything just to prove to Misato that she could do this.

“Lie back.”

“What?”

She quickly caught herself from snapping back, it was going to test her patience a lot if she had to repeat everything to him.

“I said, lie back. I’ve got hold of you.”

Shinji felt her hand firmly against his back and then felt her other hand against the back of his leg. He complied with her request and slowly eased himself back. He felt the water start to meet his neck, and around his face. After no time at all he found himself on his back in the water, Asukas. hands were firmly underneath him keeping him up. They were both still near the edge of the pool, so he also had one of his hands on the side.

“See that wasn’t so hard was it?”

Shinji said nothing. His mind was constantly telling him that the only thing right about this were Asuka’s hands. Everything was unnatural, inside a mantra was being repeated.

_‘Humans aren’t supposed to float.’_

“Mm-Hmm.”

Asuka could feel Shinji shaking slightly and sensed his nervousness.

_‘This could take longer than I thought.’_

“Okay so let go of the side.”

“Let go?”

“Yes Shinji, let go. I’ve got hold of you.”

“Are you sure, I mean your arm? Won’t I weigh too much?”

Asuka smiled at him, “My arm is fine now and I don’t think I have much to worry about regarding your weight. Even out of the water you don’t exactly register much. Who do you think carried you back to the helicopter when we were evacuated?”

“You?”

She nodded, “I wasn’t going to let your father do it and Misato had the gun. Seemed the natural option and that was when my arm was injured.”

“I… didn’t know.”

“You wouldn’t, now will you let go of the side?”

“Sorry.”

Shinji slowly released his grip on the side and felt a sense of panic as that side of his body sank ever so slightly. He felt Asuka’s hand adjust its position on his back slightly to compensate. A part of him felt ridiculous for being so nervous and in fact not even knowing how to swim.

“See that wasn’t so difficult was it?”

“I guess not.”

“Okay so, I’m going to let go of your legs. Just try to keep them up, I’ll be supporting your back though so don’t worry.”

“Right.”

Slowly Asuka pulled her hand away from his legs. He felt them slowly start to sink down straight back into her hand, she hadn’t pulled it away fully but had simply dropped it, seemingly anticipating this would happen.

“Raise them Shinji.”

He complied and brought his legs up in the water. It didn’t take as much effort as he thought it might have done. The sensation was hard to describe, it was as if he was making an attempt to hold them in place but the water was doing most of it for him.

“Again, not that difficult right?”

“No.”

Asuka braced herself for the next step. She knew this would be the difficult one, convincing Shinji that humans were indeed support to float. It had taken her some time to formulate a technique for this, after all she had had not had to learn this nor be convinced it was just natural to her. For Shinji however, she knew it wasn’t natural and she knew there would probably be something in place in his mind blocking him from believing it.

_‘I just need to make this natural and not let him think about it… stick to the plan Asuka keep his mind occupied elsewhere.’_

Asuka suddenly realized something, she had nothing to keep his mind occupied. She was drawing a complete blank as she reached for something to say that didn’t sound completely stupid. When rehearsing this moment in her head she had just glossed over the conversational details. For now she just found herself looking down at him, into his warm brown eyes.

_‘This is… those eyes… urgh Shinji when did you turn so cute? Stop it. Think of something Asuka or this is going to fail and Misato will…’_

“Hey Shinji, you know after today we’ll be living with Misato again.”

“Will we?”

Asuka nodded, she knew it sounded silly but she needed anything to keep his mind occupied whilst she carried out the next stage of her plan.

“Yes, I spoke to her after breakfast. She said it had already been arranged and we’ll be moving in tonight. You know what that means right?”

Shinji couldn’t help but smile at the thought of the three of them living together again properly. It had seemed like forever since the three of them had occupied Misatos’ old apartment. The past few months had seen Misato leave for extended periods of time, Shinji continue to leave and go back and even Asuka had gone for an extended period of time. Before that though were happy memories. He wasn’t quite sure what Asuka was referring to though.

“No?”

“It means that the meal you promised me a few weeks ago can finally happen, it also means that you’ll once again be blessed with packing my lunches. You remember how I like them right?”

“Yes, I can’t wait.”

Shinjis voice was dripping with sarcasm, something Asuka picked up on immediately.

“Is that some aggression I detect, Third Child? You’re not going to say no are you? Would it help if I said please?”

She looked down at him directly into his eyes, making sure to put on her sweetest face possible. As she did so she gently moved her hand ever so slightly away from him, just enough to have minimal contact but also ensure he was doing the bulk of the work.

“No, I’ll do it.”

“Good. Unfortunately it means we’ll have to put up with Misatos slobbish ways again. How she dares to call herself an adult I don’t know.”

Shinji laughed just as Asuka lowered her hand some more. She was now making no contact with him whatsoever. She was pleased with her handiwork as she watched him float in the water before her.

_‘Hah, I told Misato I could do it and I have. The great Asuka Langley Sohryu wins again.’_

“She looked worried about something this morning.”

Asuka nodded, “Probably some NERV or UN stuff, she just told me that living arrangements had been made this morning. I’m sure she’ll be fine again once she goes back to her diet of beer and instant food. Which Shinji is something you need to protect me from, it’s simple necessity to keep me alive.”

Shinji wasn’t quite sure it was as extreme as that but he had to admit the idea of going onto what he called ‘The Misato diet’ was one aspect of living with her he wasn’t looking forward to. That said there was no reason Asuka couldn’t contribute, not that he was going to bring that up with her.

“So Shinji, how are you feeling right now?”

“Huh? I’m good why?”

Asuka was still looking straight into his eyes and was now wearing a very proud smile.

“No reason, I was just wondering.”

Shinji watched as she raised her hands and gently ran each one through her hair. After a moment the realization was setting in for him.

“I’m… I’m floating?”

“Yes Shinji you are, I told you.”

Asuka beamed with pride at her accomplishment and the ease at which she had managed it. She took a step back from Shinji and watched as he floated on the surface of the water. She was proud of him as well, he had trusted and listened to her and it paid off.

“I’m really doing it.”

A smile was on Shinjis face as he turned to look at her. Seemingly forgetting that whilst he had learnt to float, there was still some way to go and all Asuka could do was watch as the smile on Shinjis face quickly turned to one of panic. With one motion he went from calm floating to awkward thrashing as he went under the water.

Asuka quickly dove under the water and grabbed him to help him back into a standing position. She rubbed his back as he coughed suffering the effects of the sudden shock of going underwater and managing to swallow some of the water.

Shinji finally stopped coughing and slowly turned towards her, with an embarrassed smile etched on his face.

“Um… I did it, sort of.”

Asuka had tried her hardest to look sympathetic but now knowing that he was alright the image of him thrashing about had been firmly placed into her head. That combined with his expression of embarrassment and words sent her over the edge. Their eyes met and without thinking she started laughing.

“You idiot.”


	16. Echoes

**1998 – The Black Moon, Japan**

Kyoko stared at the impaled giant before her in a stunned silence. Its face, if it had one had been covered by a purple mask made to resemble that of the organization known as SEELE. Through each hand was a giant nail keeping it in place as it hung on the giant red cross. Kyoko was sure she could make out eyes beneath the mask and for a moment thought that they were watching her.

_‘Don’t be so stupid, this thing is dead. It has been for millennia, but…’_

She shuddered as she gazed on the form again. Dripping down from it was an orange liquid which had been collected in a large pool around the base. Kyoko never though that she would see one of the Seeds, a part of her wished she hadn’t. She tried to shrug the feelings away, she was a Scientist and this was the start of her journey. No matter how grotesque this thing looked it was dead and it was her duty to gather what she could for the benefit of mankind.

“So Kyoko, what do you think? Glorious isn’t it?”

She had been so drawn in by the scale of the being known as Lilith she hadn’t noticed Cohen was now standing beside her. He, like her had a hard hat on but instead of wearing any form of protective overalls was dressed in a black suit.

“It is certainly something Mr Cohen, the liquid it’s remarkably like…”

“Blood? Yes I know, the other one known as Adam secretes the same liquid. It would appear that this is the blood of these particular beings, and please call me Jim. We’re partners in this endeavour.”

“Was it found like this?”

“On the cross? Of course not, that little theatrical touch came after the committee found it and dubbed it Lilith. The committee is rather found of its symbolism.”

“Even my Uncle?”

Cohen laughed shaking his head, “Your Uncle is one of the few who isn’t. He prefers to focus on the scientific side of SEELEs projects, our Chairman Keel Lorenz however…”

“And you?”

“Oh I enjoy a little bit of theatrics and playing with symbolism from time to time. I’m from royal lineage so I have to be but you see people love that. It gives them a reason to take notice of you, draws them in and keeps them guessing.”

Kyoko moved forward making a few notes on her clipboard, she looked over Lilith again taking in each detail of the huge body. She felt more comfortable now that Cohen was there and a few other workers were nearby, before it felt as if the beast was scrutinizing her in the same way she was now.

“I’m going to need samples of the blood it’s secreting, and probably of Lilith itself. I expect the committee want us to leave it intact?”

“I’m sure we can spare certain parts of it.” Cohen turned towards a group of workers on one of the platforms above them, “Ms Sohryu requires a part of the being, and I think the left leg should suffice. Maybe from the knee downwards.”

Kyoko turned away as the worked brought their platform into position taking in the scale of the chamber that was part of what had been dubbed the Black Moon. Over ten kilometres and buried under Japan, it had for millions of years housed Lilith and lay undisturbed until SEELE had discovered it along. Within ten years they were chiselling away at the being within.

_‘Are we doing the right thing with this? Is this the right path for humanity?’_

Kyoko forced the thought away, she was a scientist and this was her dream. If this could lead to a better future for humanity then to her it was the right thing to do. She looked up at the beings masked face again, once again noticing the seven eyes peering out. They were all open and staring forward.

_‘You’ll help us Lilith, you’re the key to unlocking our future.’_

\----------

**Present Day – Germany**

Shinjis eyes opened slowly with the sound of the alarm. With blurred vision he could make out the time, it was twenty past seven in the morning. A far earlier start than he had been used to for the past month and a half. He made an attempt to move but found his left arm pinned down, he looked over just as the source of that what was pinning down his arm let out a small snore.

_‘Asuka…’_

He smiled and watched her for a few moments forgetting briefly about his dead arm. They had been in this new apartment and living with Misato for a week and a half and one a few of those nights Asuka had made her way into Shinjis bed. Each morning she would make sure he promised to not tell Misato, not that he would and then she’d sneak off back to her room to make sure Misato didn’t suspect anything.

Shinji did wonder what Misato would say if she found out. Misato knew about his feelings for Asuka, maybe she’d be supportive of it but at the same time Shinji wasn’t sure he could put up with the teasing from her.

Asuka moved gently which all of a sudden reminded Shinji of his dying arm. He made an attempt to move it again peering down under the covers. It was no use, his arm was well and truly trapped. He contemplated waking Asuka but decided against it, even if they were technically supposed to be awake by now.

He peered down again trying to see exactly where she was lying. Shinji gulped realizing his mistake immediately, all he got was a glimpse down Asukas nightshirt. Suddenly his dead arm was secondary to the rapidly beating heart in his chest and redness burning onto his face.

_‘Oh god, she’ll kill me if she kn’_

“Enjoying the view Shinji?”

Time seemed to stop with the sound of her voice.

_‘I’m dead, this is it.’_

“I… I... I…”

He slowly tilted his head up gazing straight into Asuka’s eyes, a scowl had been etched onto her face.

“I.. I..”

“Yes, I.., now finish the rest of that sentence.”

“I didn’t mean to… my arm was trapped and, I looked down to move it because you were still asleep and I didn’t want to disturb you and I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to look, I didn’t see anything.”

Asuka said nothing and just gazed into his eyes, Shinji was sure he could feel her putting more force onto his arm. After a time the scowl faded and was replaced with a smile, she playfully messed up his hair before sitting up finally freeing his arm and bringing that strange sense of pain and relief that came with the blood rushing back into the limb.

Shinji watched as she draped herself over him examining the alarm clock on his side table. She read the time and sighed heavily.

“Do we have to be awake this early, it’s so stupid.”

“Misato- said it’d be best if we got there early, to give them a chance to sort out any paperwork and such.”

“Oh of course, we got enrolled in the school here didn’t we? What sort of way is that to thank us for saving the world, I mean honestly… Still at least it means I get to see Hikari again and have an intelligent conversation.”

Shinji felt sick at the mention of Asuka’s friend Hikari. It had been a long time since he had seen her. It had been a long time since he had seen any of his classmates and he had not expected to see any of them again. The town they had been brought to in Germany was the same one that most of the citizens of Tokyo-3 had been brought to prior to the Third Impact.

“Yeah… I suppose.”

Asuka could sense the worry in his voice and knew the reason immediately. Shinji had only seen his classmates briefly since the Thirteenth Angel had taken over ToJi’s Eva, an incident which had left the young man in a wheelchair. She knew little of any meetings since that time, only that they Toji and Kensuke had seen Shinji to tell him they were being evacuated and that Toji didn’t blame him for that had happened.

“It’s seeing them again isn’t it? You know it wasn’t your fault that happened, it was that Dummy Plug system.”

“I know that…”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I should have… done something, they wouldn’t have had to use the Dummy Plug if I hadn’t have…”

Asuka cut him off and grabbed his hand, “Then I’ll take the blame with you.”

“Huh?”

Asuka sighed, “There were three of us deployed on that day Shinji, me, you and wondergirl. I knew who the pilot was and I didn’t exactly put up much of a fight either. I wasn’t expecting to have to fight with another Eva let alone someone I knew. As much of an idiot Toji is I didn’t want to hurt him, so if you’re to blame for what happened so am I.”

“Thanks but… you don’t need to take any blame. The only person to blame is…”

“Forget about it Shinji, there is no point. Even if we had have fought back from the beginning it could have ended up exactly the same or worse. Let’s just get this day over and done with, we’ve been through worse… right?”

\-------

**1998 - Körper Laboratories, Kyoko Sohryus Office. Germany**

Kyoko peered towards the shelf at the other side of the office, along it sat a selection of dolls she had brought with her. She had collected the dolls from an early age, since her father had brought her the first one back from one of his business trips. Since that time every time he went to a different country he made a habit of bringing her back a doll from that country. Most of them were simple carved dolls dressed in attire relevant to the country, other times they might be puppets or marionettes or even have basic mechanics in them. Kyoko always found it interesting how each country had produced these items to promote their countries culture.

In the centre of the shelf sat the first doll she had received. She had forgotten where it had come from by now but it was very simplistic. It was less detailed than the others and whilst the others tended to be made of a wood or plastic this one was a softer material. It resembled an old ragdoll with buttons for eyes, a pink dress and curly red hair.

One her desk was a computer displaying a selection of data on the samples they had brought back from the Black Moon. So far the data had proven to be rather interesting, the samples from Lilith had shown it to be a near identical match to human DNA. They had also received word from the Black Moon itself that the section that had been damaged in removing the sample had started to regenerate.

_‘Regenerative properties, nearly identical to humans what other secrets do you have within you? What are you going to help us unlock Lilith, what can we do with you?’_

Cohen had been forthcoming with information on Lilith so far. It had landed here millions of years ago in the vessel known as the Black Moon. The other being in Antarctica was known as Adam, this had come to Earth some time before both bringing with it documents that had been found as part of the Dead Sea Scrolls. What was contained within the documents was a secret known only to SEELEs committee and provided them with information on the origins of Lilith, Adam and an artefact that had been found alongside Adam.

Kyoko was brought out of her thoughts by a knocking at the door. It was one of other scientists brought in by Cohen. A young American called Langley, he much like her was born into a SEELE family but was from more of a military background. Kyoko had not had the opportunity to speak to him aside from a formal introduction and was interested to see how he might be able to help in this project.

Langley was a tall man, fair well built with light blonde hair held in a ponytail. Kyoko observed that he must not have shaven in a couple of days, the man’s stubble noticeable around his chin. Out of all the scientists she was working with he was certainly the most attractive.

He also spoke differently to the other scientists, he seemed more casual than the others and lighter toned.

“Dr. Sohryu, I bring good news. The initial tests on the sample we brought back from Japan have been completed. Results will take some going over but I’m confident it should provide us with a good launch pad for further investigation.”

Kyoko found it strange to be addressed as a superior, she had fought hard over the last few years to just be listened to and taken seriously, now she had an entire team under her to work with.

“Thank you, how long are we expecting the analysis of the liquid to take?”

“A couple of days, week at the most, the rest seem fairly eager to get stuck into it so hopefully the former. I’m assuming that you’ll want to switch focus to the Lilith sample again afterwards though.”

Kyoko nodded, “Yes, I’d like to investigate some of the components that makes the being different from humans. I’m also interested in the regenerative properties exhibited by the main sample back in Japan.”

Langley stood for a moment casually flicking through the folder he had brought in with him, “I’ll see to it that it’s done, I’m sure we’ll have no issues tracking it down.”

“Thank you, is that everything?”

“Well there was one more thing?”

“Oh, and what would that be?”

“I was wondering if I could take you out for dinner, purely professional of course but if we’re going to be working together I’d like the opportunity to get to know my new co-worker.”

\-------

**Present Day**

“Shinji over here!”

Shinji looked up at the sound of the voice and looked across the yard. The voice belonged to Kensuke Aida who was waving at him, stood next to him was Hikari Horaki the class representative and sat on a wall next to those two was Toji. Shinji suddenly felt a cold sweat break out at the sight of the three of them, his heart leapt into his mouth as he slowly walked towards them.

“Shinji, what happened? The battle in Tokyo 3, I saw the details in my father’s files! Did the JSSDF really go after you? What happened to everyo-“

Hikari quickly moved to silence the young man, “Kensuke! Do you really think he wants to talk about that sort of thing?”

“Um, it’s alright… I, it’s a long story.”

“One which can be told at a later time. How are you feeling Shinji?”

“Oh, alright I guess.”

Shinjis attention turned to the one person who was yet to say anything. The last time Shinji had seen Toji the young man had seemed to be in good spirits despite being confined to a wheelchair. This time however Toji was staring straight down at the ground, his face obscured by the shadow of the cap he was wearing.

Without any warning he stood up, gazing directly into Shinjis eyes. He looked angry, it reminded Shinji of the day they first met, when Toji punched him for his sister ending up in the hospital.

“You haven’t changed at all have you Shinji?”

Shinji flinched at the sudden motion of his old friend.

“You know you piss me off sometimes, what did I say to you before we left for Germany?”

“Toji I…”

“I told you not to blame yourself didn’t I? I told you that you weren’t to blame yet you come in here gazing down at the ground, not daring to look any of us in the eye. Thinking that we all must hate you for some reason.”

“I…”

Shinji watched as Toji clenched his hand into a fist and suddenly through his arm forward, not hitting Shinji but instead pulling him into an embrace towards him.

“You saved us all Shinji, we could never hate you.”

“Toji…”

Shinji looked around at Kensuke and Hikari, they too were smiling and nodding. “Thank you guys but… I didn’t, not on my own Asuka al-“

Shinji stopped as he looked around for Asuka. Toji interjected, “Oh yeah speaking of which, where is the devils daughter? We should probably thank her as well… I guess, although god knows how big her head must be after this.”

Hikari swiftly elbowed him in the side, “Toji!”

“Ow! It was a joke!”

Shinji looked back towards the gate, Asuka was nowhere to be seen. She had received a call just a few moments into their journey and told Shinji to go on ahead. She couldn’t have gotten lost it was practically a straight line to their school so where could she be?

_‘That call must be taking longer than she thought… she’ll be here, probably just turn up late and announce her grand return… yeah that’s what she’ll do.”_

“So Shinji, where is Asuka?”

“She’ll got a call just as we were leaving, she’ll be along in a few moments.”

Something inside him doubted that but he quickly forced it away, Asuka had been the one to persuade him he needed to come here. Everything would be fine.

\-------

**1998 - Germany**

“So Cohen came to you? I was referred to him by my father, said he was looking for some people for a new project he was putting together and that I might be interested. I contacted him and next thing you know I’m heading out to Japan to observe Lilith, these are truly exciting times we live in. It feels like by the turn of the millennium humanity will truly enter a new golden age.”

Kyoko sipped a bit of the wine from the glass she was holding, “I’m just happy to finally be taken seriously. It took a long time for it to happen.”

“People fear what they don’t know, I hear Dr. Katsuragi had similar issues with getting his project off the ground. SEELE of course were willing to give him the space needed and it looks like as of next year he’ll be finally be getting that underway.”

“Is that right? I would have thought someone like Dr. Katsuragi would have had no trouble securing the funding and resources needed for his research.”

“You would have thought so but no one was interested, the S2 Theory was in their eyes a massive waste of time. Too expensive, too much time to look into it and too risky when there were other renewable energy alternatives already being looked into.”

“But SEELE were interested?”

“Of course, I don’t know how or why. My father never really went into the specifics, in fact he kept SEELE a secret from me until the week I met Cohen. I digress though, the other being they found, Adam. That seems to be the key to Katsuragis research.”

“Interesting, I heard my Uncle discussing another project happening at the moment as well. Dr. Naoko Akagi is heading it up. A personality transplant operating system. It is as you say, an exciting time to be alive.”

Kyoko sipped more from the wine glass, “Of course, you realize this increases the pressure on us right?”

“How do you mean?”

Kyoko finished off what was left in the glass and immediately poured herself some more. It was funny, she had generally avoided alcohol but in the course of a night she had acquired quite a taste for the red liquid. She could feel it going to work on her, bringing that sense of light-headedness and confidence she had observed in other, “I’m just saying… that if we have all this competition going on, all of SEELEs other projects we’ve got to be the best.”

Langley smirked at Kyokos drunken outburst, “Do I sense a competitive streak?”

“Hey! What are you stupid? My pride is at stake here, I worked too hard to get here and if we’re going to do this, we’re going to be the best!”


	17. The Happiest Days of our Lives

Shinji was barely listening to the words his teacher was saying, it felt exactly the same as it had done in Tokyo-3. He was sat with a laptop in front of him, some maths problem in front of him whilst his teacher rambled about Second Impact. Everyone else appeared to have switched off as well, the more studious like Hikari were trying to work through the questions on their machines, Toji was leaning back in his seat whilst Kensuke was undoubtedly looking for details of whatever was happening at the German NERV branch. Shinjis attention was drawn to the empty seat in front of him, the seat that had been reserved for Asuka.

It was approaching lunchtime and Asuka still hadn’t shown up, Shinji was concerned about her. She had seemed fine when they left in the morning but then she received the phone call and told him to go ahead.

_‘I should have stayed with her… I shouldn’t have left her alone.’_

Shinji had grown used to being around Asuka since they had returned, being apart from her was strange. His stomach felt knotted at not seeing her there, at not being within her presence. She had occupied his thoughts all morning, that growing concern that something was wrong.

Since learning about her condition, her anxiety issues he had tried to learn and understand what he could. He knew that there didn’t always need to be a trigger for it, previously her attacks had been brought on when seeing the Eva on the ship, when Shinji fought it and she had confessed to an incident in Tokyo-3 when they were looking for supplies.

_‘She could be all the way back there… and I’m here unable to do anything.’_

He was snapped out of his thoughts by an alert flashing up on his machine. He sighed to himself, it was probably Kensuke trying to get information out of him about what had happened to the Eva’s, or what happened in Tokyo 3.

_‘Can’t he give me one day? I’ve been through enough.’_

Much to Shinji’s surprise it wasn’t Kensuke, nor was it Toji. He glanced over at Toji who had taken to delicately balancing a pencil between his lips mimicking a moustache. Instead the sender of the message was Hikari, their class rep.

_“Hey… is Asuka okay?”_

Shinji contemplated his response for a moment, it wasn’t wise to tell Hikari the issues Asuka had at the moment. Misato had informed them to keep the details of the last month and a half quiet until she had been to her meetings with the UN.

_“She is fine.”_

_“Do you know why she isn’t here?”_

Shinji looked over at her seat again, he had to come up with an excuse for her quickly. Not being sure of the exact reason himself he just went for a general answer. He couldn’t tell her what he suspected, Asuka would murder him for telling someone else and besides that might not be the reason.

_“She said she wasn’t feeling very well, so she had to stay at the apartment.”_

_“I see… will you let her know I was worried about her?”_

_“Yes.”_

Thankfully the bell rang at that moment signalling the start of lunch, an end to the old man’s rambling and the option to not stare at an empty seat for an hour.

\---------

“We’re detecting rising energy levels inside the test subject. If they keep rising we risk losing the subject!”

Kyoko watched on keenly placing her on the console, “Just a little bit longer, keep it going!”

“This isn’t good, the build-up. Doctor we’re risking the equipment.”

“I’m aware of that, have faith in me. Just a little bit more.”

The two scientists dared not say anything else, and could just watch as the subject of their experiment continued to scurry up and down the tank in a frenzy. Kyoko observed as the final drops of liquid filled the tank to full capacity. This was their first opportunity to observe the effects of injecting a modified selection of the Lilith sample into a live subject.

They had spent weeks analysing, breaking down and reconstructing the sample. Studying it down to its atomic level for anything. Her goal was to isolate the genes within the being that resulted in the regenerative effects seen in Tokyo-3 but also of interest would be the effects splicing the DNA would into a living being. Their test subject was a standard lab rat, chosen due to its missing foot.

Kyoko stayed calm watching the experiment, fully aware of the alerts on the consoles and the risk this rise in energy levels posed. They could lose the test subject, an unfortunate but acceptable loss but at worst they could damage the equipment.

“Tank is full, energy levels are topping out.”

Kyoko placed a reassuring hand on the younger scientist, “See I told you, nothing to worry about. Now… we wait.”

“Excuse me for asking but what exactly are we waiting for?”

Within the tank the rat had finally stopped scurrying around. It was now positioned in the centre seemingly relaxed whilst submerged in the orange liquid. Kyoko wasn’t sure what exactly they were looking for yet, she just wanted to observe the effects. Submerging the animal in the orange liquid had been Langleys idea. They had discovered that the liquid was oxygenated, a breathable substance. So he had proposed for the first experiment splicing the DNA into the animal but also submerging it to see if that’ll allow the rat to accept the foreign body. So far it was working out, aside from the rise in energy levels from within the animal all had stabilised.

“At the moment we just watch, I want scans taken every fifteen minutes of the animal and its condition. Any changes need to be highlighted no matter how small. I’m not expecting much from this but even any progress is some.”

“Understood.”

Kyoko started to turn to leave the room but first took one last look at the rat. There was something strange about it, at first she thought it had just calmed down and was still because of the liquid but now she wasn’t so sure. It had positioned itself towards the centre of the tank and was looking directly towards the Lilith sample in the other tank.

_‘That’s odd… I could have sworn that patch of white fur wasn’t there before.’_

\-------

“I’m home.”

Shinji said the traditional greeting and no reply came as he slipped off his shoes and entered the apartment’s main hallway. He could hear sounds coming from the front room, it sounded like the fighting game Asuka liked to play. That brought some relief at least, it meant she was home but he wondered why she hadn’t turned up at school.

He put down his bag and walked into the front room. Asuka was sat cross legged in front of the TV still in her school uniform. To her left was the lunch box Shinji had packed the previous night, only a few crumbs remained. On the screen itself a humanoid robot could be seen picking up another man, throwing them against a wall before the words “You win!” came up on screen.

“Asuka…”

The reply was swift and nonchalant, “Oh hey Shinji.”

She didn’t turn to look at him, instead her focus was purely on the game as she selected another fighter and prepared for the next match. Shinji observed her win the match with ease, she handled the fighter in the game almost as well as she had piloted an Eva. He was impressed, Shinji had never been very good at fighting games. He liked to watch people play them but could never handle them when he played them.

“You’re really good at that Asuka.”

“Of course I am, it’s easy. Even you could do it.”

“I... doubt that.”

Asuka still hadn’t turned away from the screen, “Whatever you say.”

Shinji wanted to say something, to ask why Asuka hadn’t turned up at school and ask if she was alright but for some reason he was suddenly afraid. In Tokyo 3 and on the ship it had seemed easier but there was something about being back in an apartment that scared him.

_‘It’s not the same place, we’re different people now.’_

The image flashed in his mind, the trigger point for Third Impact was him and her alone in an apartment. They were arguing, he wanted to help her but she kept on telling him he couldn’t and that he couldn’t even help himself.

_‘Why am I thinking of that now, that was… not here, that was… I’m not the same… so why am I scared of asking her.’_

Shinji took a deep breathe, “Asuka… is everything alright?”

Shinji saw her should slump a bit at the question, “Huh?”

“You, didn’t come to school after you told me to go on ahead. The others were asking after you, I was just wondering if you were alright.”

“Oh… that, I suddenly didn’t feel well so I came back. I’m fine now though.”

It was a complete lie and Asuka knew Shinji could see straight through it, she could feel his eyes burrowing into her back. Trying to ignore it she focused more on the game, trying to pretend there was nothing else but her and the fighters on the screen. She didn’t want to tell him the truth, she couldn’t tell him the truth because of what it could mean. At the same time she wanted to confide in Shinji, and tell him what had happened but she needed him to push her.

“I see… how was your lunch?”

More small talk, the knot in Asukas stomach twisted some more. A familiar pain emerged in her chest but she tried to supress it.

“As always Shinji it was good.”

For a moment the only sounds in the room were the two fighters on screen. Asuka could feel her concentration slipping from the game as her fighter took hit after hit. She couldn’t be certain but it felt like Shinji was staring a hole into her back, the tightness was being replaced by anger. She could feel her hands getting sweatier on the controller and Shinjis presence was starting to irritate her.

“Why are you still standing up?”

Shinji felt himself involuntarily flinch as she snapped at him. He slowly moved over to her and sat down cross legged next to her. Her fighter was about to lose and he could sense her irritation. One more punch and the words you lose flashed up on screen as she cursed in German.

“Scheisse.”

His reflex kicked in immediately, “Sorry.”

Asuka tightened her hand on the controller resisting the urge to throw it against something. His apologies for nothing had always annoyed her, she had been able to laugh it off lately but that one coupled with the loss on the game had gotten under her skin.

“Asuka… who called you this morning?”

There it was, the question she had been dreading from him yet she had been desperate for him to ask her. She needed him to pry it out of her, she wasn’t going to willingly volunteer the information.

_‘I hate this so much, why can’t I just tell him! Shinji I’m sorry, please don’t give up on me.”_

“It was… no one important.”

“Oh.”

_‘Idiot!’_

A battle was being waged in Shinjis head, he had to know what was wrong but Asuka didn’t seem to be forthcoming with information. He knew something was wrong, she had hesitated when he asked about the phone call but he didn’t want to make her angrier than she seemed right now.

“Do you want to play?”

“Huh?”

“The game idiot? Do you want to play, against me?”

“Oh, I don’t know I’m not very good at fig-“

“Shinji, just take the controller. It’s easy, I’m sure you’ll pick it up, it’s just like piloting the Eva.”

Shinji wasn’t quite sure the analogy worked but he was going to take her word for it and grabbed a controller. He watched as Asuka backed out of a menu to set the game to two player and selected a fighter. He followed her finger as she pointed at one of the character boxes on screen.

“Pick that one, he’s good for newcomers.”

Shinji complied with the request and selected the fighter Asuka had picked out for him. She gave him a quick run through of the controls, which button did which type of punch and kick, how to block and even a special move as the game loaded. The fight started with Shinji immediately blocking and Asuka doing the same.

“Hikari was worried about you.”

“Was she?”

Shinji nodded as he tried to attack Asukas character only for it to be blocked and countered immediately.

“She sent your work home with me as well.”

“Just like her, can’t even give me one day back.”

The two fighters moved back and forth, Asuka being the more experienced clearly had the upper hand but Shinji was holding his own.

“I was worried about you too.”

“Were you?”

_‘Here it comes, ask me about it! Stop being so scared!’_

“I thought something might have happened to you.”

_‘Ask me… ask me… please!’_

“You seemed fine before the phone call.”

The fighters continued to move on screen, Asukas hands tightened on the controller as her attention darted between what was on screen and listening to Shinji.

“If you don’t want to tell me…”

The tide was being turned, Asuka could see her fighter’s health bar being depleted but her focus was now on what Shinji was saying.

“But I want to help you if something is wrong. So please tell me what happened this morning.”

There it was, Shinji had hit the winning blow in the game and his fighter was celebrating on screen.

“Hmph, you got lucky.”

_‘Thank you Shinji.’_

“Asuka… I’m being serious, I know something happened with that call. I want to help you Asuka.”

Asuka started to say something but stopped herself, a part of her was still resisting telling Shinji what had happened. She fell silent turning back towards the game.

“We’ll play again.”

_‘What the hell is wrong with me? Just tell him!’_

“Asuka!”

“You got lucky that time Shinji! Tell you what if you beat me again. I’ll tell you who called me, seeing as you seem so interested.”

_‘What am I doing? How ridiculous am I.’_

“Fine!”

There were no words between them during the second fight, just concentration with Shinji wanting to ensure he won so Asuka would finally tell him what the problem was. Asuka on the other hand was playing for pride, on one hand wanting Shinji to beat her so she had no option but to tell him but also not wanting to lose because she hated to lose.

Shinji was focused in on the fight. He was holding his own but Asuka clearly outmatched him. Everytime he went in for a move she was just that little bit faster and able to counter him, dodge or block. He couldn’t lose though, he needed to know what was going on with Asuka. Suddenly an idea began to form.

“Hey Asuka.”

“Shut it Third, you’ll distract me.”

Shinji waited for the right moment, he felt a little bit bad for what he was about to do but it was for the greater good.

“Kensuke was worried about you, he said he missed you.”

That had done it, Shinji heard the controller drop to the ground as Asuka stood up shrieking a somewhat disgusted and confused “What?”

Shinji took the opportunity to hit the fighter on screen taking the victory in the process. Kensuke had of course said no such thing, it was a trick and from the look on her face Asuka had now figured this out.

“You… sneaky. Little. Shit.”

“I won?”

“No you didn’t, you tricked me… you deceived me… you…”

Asuka had to admit it was actually brilliant, Shinji wouldn’t have been able to beat her from skill alone and knowing what was at stake he distracted her.

“I won though.”

“You… you… fine. You won, even though you cheated.”

Shinji was now standing as well, he reached out for her hand. “Asuka, I want to help you. What happened this morning?”

_‘No escaping it now… congratulations Shinji.’_

“Fine, I’ll tell you. The person who called me was my step-mother, she and my father know I’m back in Germany… and they want to see me.”

\---------

Kyoko watched the video back, watching the movements of the rat intently. A number of hours into the experiment the rat had started exhibiting the behaviour. Frantically running again and again against the side of the tank. The same spot each and every time, but it was accompanied with the same build-up of energy they had detected at the beginning of the experiment.

Kyoko watched, again it ran into the side. Trying to escape from its confinement, the energy within it building more and more. By this point in the experiment the rat had turned completely white. Kyoko kept on watching until the final moment of the experiment, the energy had reached a critical point and then the rat vanished. It didn’t explode, it merely vanished.

Kyoko rewound and changed the angle on the camera.

_‘When I left it was sat in the middle focused on that point, then it just kept running into that area… why? What was it doing, what was it trying to escape from? Was it just a bad reaction to the serum and environment?’_

Watching the video was just drawing up more questions. What had happened to the rat? Why did it change colour? What was the source of the energy build up? Everything had been recorded, every scrap of data for them to analyse so it was just a waiting game now.

Kyoko suddenly felt the arms of another person suddenly draped around her.

“You know, you shouldn’t push yourself so hard Kyoko. Well won’t get the reports until tomorrow.”

She looked up at Langley and smiled, “I know, I was just hoping watching the video back might help us in some way.”

“Well you’re not going to find anything on an empty stomach and on your own, why don’t you accompany me for dinner?”

“Maybe, just one more time. Take a look yourself, see if you notice anything.”

Kyoko rewound the video to the moment before the rat began trying to make its escape.

“The rat is white now, and what is it doing?”

Kyoko shrugged, “I’m not sure, from the moment we filled the tank to capacity up it was just sitting in the centre of the tank. If I didn’t know better I’d say it was staring at something but, that seems ridiculous.”

“Maybe not”

“Huh?”

Langley reached over and fast forwarded the video to the moments of the rat was running and hitting the cage. The same point over and over again.

“Look, in the distance.”

“The Lilith sample?”

“It’s looking directly at it, and it runs straight towards it.”

“Interesting, is it trying to get to the sample?”

With that question Langley switched off the monitor, he placed his hands on her shoulders massaging them gently, “Enough, we can answer that later. For now dinner.”

“Fine, but don’t let me drink this time. I want to take a closer look at this later.”


	18. The Storm Before the Calm

**1998 - Körper Labs**

Kyoko stared at the screen in front of her, more results from the experiments to go through. More details on dead rats, more videos showing their final moments before they dissolved into the orange liquid they filled their tanks with. More data to run through showing their vital signs are key points in the experiments, they had even moved into analysing the rats neurological pathing. With each test a new question was being posed.

It had been weeks since they had started the experiments, and whilst Kyoko knew that to achieve her goal it would take time she couldn't help but be impatient at the lack of progress they had made. Especially when by all accounts progress was being made in the Katsuragi Expedition next year and Naoko Akagi had started work on the personality transfer OS. These people Kyoko had never met, yet she felt as if she was in competition with them. All under the umbrella of SEELE in some way, working to change the world and Kyoko wanted to be the first and the best.

There was of course no need to haste in her task, this was a personal thing rather than any sort of constraint placed upon them by Cohen or SEELE. In fact SEELE had little to do with their project, as far as she knew this was directly from Cohens pocket. The fact that they had access to anything from Lilith was good fortune, still she had requested any additional information that could be provided. She was especially interested in the existence of the secret Dead Sea Scrolls but was doubtful she would gain access to them.

She sighed, _'SEELE already have their favourite with Dr. Katsuragi, they aren't taking any notice of what we do here despite our potential. Still I wonder what Katsuragi is planning, Langley said they were hoping to launch a large scale experiment on Adam late next year. I have no idea where he gets his information, he seems much closer to the workings of SEELE than I ever was...'_

Kyoko had spent a lot of time with Langley over the past few weeks, regularly going out for dinner with him and going through the results with him. She always preferred to work alone in the past, working in groups when forced on her but with Langley it was different. He helped fill in the blanks when she couldn't, he complimented her perfectly.

If it wasn't for him they wouldn't have discovered the homing behaviour of the rats during their experiments.

_'Every rat, seems to be trying to get to the Lilith sample. Each and every one will head straight for it regardless of where we place it or the cage we put them in... Why?'_

Kyoko and Langley had made two other observations during the round of experiments. Most obvious was the transformation in the rats, those rats which had brown fur to begin with all mutated to have pure white fur after having the sample spliced into them.

Third was on analysis of the liquid taken from the pool around Lilith after the samples had disintegrated. It found that the rat had been absorbed into the liquid, they could still find traces of something within the liquid, a weight that wasn’t there before. It was almost as if the rat had returned to its primordial state.

_‘Mutations we didn’t expect and returning to a state before life itself, just what is Lilith? How long has it been there and why? We found that the liquid is similar to that of the theorised primordial soup that we suspect spawned life on Earth but… that is just a theory… we need more.’_

\---------

**Present Day**

Moments passed before Shinji fully processed the words Asuka had said to him. It hadn’t dawned on him that Asuka’s family might have wanted to make contact with her now that she was back in Germany. In all honesty he had forgotten she had family here, in the wake of all that had happened it had eluded him. Shinji wondered what they were like, he remembered seeing Asuka having a conversation on the phone with her stepmother a while ago. She had looked so normal during it but Shinji felt that it wasn’t normal.

“Your stepmother?”

A nod of confirmation, her gaze was elsewhere as she shifted uncomfortably on her feet, “Yeah, she called just as we were leaving. I think I told you about her in Tokyo-3.”

“I… remember.”

Shinji gazed down and realized he still had hold of her hand. He led her over to the sofa sitting her down ensuring he didn’t let go.

“How did she get your number?”

“My father works for the U.N. and she is really high-up on the medical board in my home-town so they probably found out about me being here as soon as I got back. All it took is one call and they could get my number.”

“I see…”

Shinji was realizing that moment knew next to nothing about Asukas family or her past. What he did know was distorted, twisted images seen during Instrumentality. Images of Asuka’s mother before the contact experiment, images of her in the hospital and ultimate images of her in that room. Ever since a young age Asuka had been forced to bury those memories but he knew she had never forgotten them. He had heard her talking in her sleep and he heard her screams when that Angel forced her to relive the memories.

He had tried to speak to her before Third Impact, wanting to help but he was broken then and unable to help himself. He wasn’t sure if he was any better at helping himself now but he knew he wasn’t going to run away from her this time. He was going to be there for her throughout it.

“What did she want?”

“She wanted to see me, she works in this city and apparently my father is back next week so she wanted to arrange something for next week.”

“Oh.”

There was a tightening around his hand, as she fell silent. Shinji recognized something in her, it was the same thing that he saw in the mirror when he used to think about seeing his father. He remembered the words she had said to him on the day of that phone call.

_‘It’s not like I hate her.’_

Did Asuka hate her stepmother? Shinji didn’t know what the relationship was between Asukas and her parents. When the phonecall occurred in Tokyo-3 she told him that she just stayed in contact to keep up appearances.

"Asuka... do you not like your family?"

The question elicited a small laugh from her and a sigh as she leaned back in the seat.

"I don't hate them if that's what you mean."

Asuka admittedly wasn't sure how she felt about her family. It had been as she had told Shinji months ago, a story of convenience. Asuka felt very little towards her family, towards her stepmother or indeed her father. From the time of that incident, from being told she was to be a pilot of the Eva she decided she didn't need anyone.

"I just, don't feel anything for them."

"Nothing at all?"

Asuka contemplated the answer, there was something she felt. Guilt perhaps at the person she had been growing up. The scorn she had shown for the gifts and how she had upset those people who tried to help her. Was her statement true, how did she feel about those two people who tried to take the role of parents? Her father who appeared infrequently, who had remarried only a matter of months after her mother’s death. Did she hate him for that?

Her stepmother, who tried to take the place of her mother. She had been nice enough to Asuka but Asuka had seen her at the hospital. One of the nurses who looked after her mother. Did Asuka hate her for that?

"I... don't know."

_'Am I stupid? I don't even know how I feel about my own family? If that was Shinji talking I would have yelled at him but now I'm saying the same words.'_

"Shinji, you know about my past now don't you?"

She watched for his response, "I know parts, about your... mo..."

Shinji stopped himself, he didn't want to say the word to her. He didn't want to be the one to bring up that subject, even though Asuka herself had asked him if he knew. There was a part of him that was scared of her reaction. She had asked him the question though and he had to give an answer.

“I know what happened to your mother.”

A knot was forming in Asukas stomach at the thought of telling Shinji about her past, there was a brief wave of dizziness as she tried to arrange her thoughts in a coherent manner. A part of her thought she might have to run to the bathroom but the warmth of Shinjis hand and a deep breath eased some of it.

“I… “

“You don’t have to tell me anything Asuka.”

“I know that! Let me just… think, this isn’t easy for me.”

“Sorry.”

Her vision had become blurred from the rising feeling inside her. She knew what was happening and she was trying to combat it. First would come the dizziness, then the tightening and the nausea but she was stronger than it, she could fight it. Shinji was there with her. She shut her eyes and instinctively tightened her hand around Shinjis trying to focus.

“I… When that happened. I told myself that I didn’t need anyone anymore, I was going to do things by myself and be the best I could be. I wasn’t going to let anyone beat me. I was going to be the best pilot. I was going to be the best in my studies. I went to College at a young age. I got a diploma. I synchronised with an Eva faster than you or Rei. I trained to be a pilot before you and Rei. In my mind I was all that I had.”

It wasn’t quite what she had hoped to say and she had hoped that Shinji might have somehow been able to sift through the ramblings. She had spoken at speed, barely pausing between sentences and she wasn’t even sure any of it made sense.

“I cast aside the people who tried to me. They’d tell me it was alright to cry. I told them I wasn’t going to. How stupid is that? I didn’t even cry at my own mother’s funeral. It’s stupid! They’d bring me gifts. I’d tell them I wasn’t a child anymore. I was barely five years old. The only time I was happy was when I was at NERV around the Eva. I felt safe in there. We both know why that is don’t we?”

Shinji could barely keep up with her words she was speaking so quickly, instead of giving a reply he moved in closer to her switching the hand he was holding hers with to put his arm around her shoulder.

“Asuka… it’s alright. You don’t have to see them.”

“I do Shinji, just like you had to see your father again on the carrier. I can’t avoid it.”

He pulled her closer to him allowing her to rest her head on his chest. She was starting to calm down, no longer speaking as frantically. He was told that when she might experience an attack it might not be the same each time. She might start talking faster or not at all, she might experience dizziness, nausea or tightening but it wasn’t always going to be the same or it might always be the same. All he could do was help her the best he could, it scared him knowing that but he was going to help her.

He wondered how he could help her through this, if it was him going to see his father what would he have wanted.

“Asuka, I’ll go with you if you want?”

“Huh?”

“When you visit them, I’ll come with you.”

“You’d… do that?”

“I want to help you Asuka, I want to be with you and I don’t want you to do this alone. I’ll be there with you.”

_‘His first good idea… I wonder how that feels for him. She did ask what he was like in that last phone call we had… and… Shinji you sometimes are wonderful.’_

“Fine, but on a few conditions.”

Shinji sensed the plotting in her voice, it always made him nervous. It had been heard the first time they met when the Angel attacked the boat and on subsequent occasions. It always made Shinji nervous because he always seemed to end up in an awkward situation, like wearing her spare plugsuit or nearly drowning like in the pool last week.

“This weekend, we’re taking you to get a suit and cleaned up. Misato will of course be paying for it, she doesn’t know that yet but I’m sure her back-pay from the last month will cover a little trip. I can’t have you meeting my family unless you look good.”

Not quite as bad as he thought it might be, although he wasn’t going to be the one to inform Misato of her upcoming expenditure.

_‘Although… I do need a new Cello.’_

“Oh and Shinji.”

Blue eyes were gazing up at him, a smile was attached to the owner of them, “Thank you.”

**\----------**

“I’m home!”

Misato’s voice echoed through the dark corridor but there was no response. Just the dim lighting of the front room and the murmur of the television. She was careful to not make any noise as she guiltily made her way through the front passage. Accompanying her was the familiar feeling of guilt she had carried with her every evening since they had returned to Germany.

_‘Late home again, they must have already gone to bed. So much for being like a family when we got back.’_

Deep down she knew it wasn’t her fault, there was a lot to sort out in regards to their return and their arrival in Germany. With the avoidance of Third Impact came paperwork and questioning and Misato wasn’t sure which she hated more. She had been interrogated by a wide range of people in the last week, prime ministers, defence secretaries, UN officials, journalists and more. She had never met so many important people yet she didn’t care about any of them. All she cared about was ensuring Asuka and Shinji were safe, so if that meant sacrificing an evening with them it was the right thing to do.

_‘Still they seem to be getting on well, they seem happy. I just wonder how their first day back went.’_

Misato crossed through into the kitchen, the light from the television providing the only illumination. She grabbed a beer from the fridge and contemplated which of the instant meals to throw into the microwave.

_‘Life’s tough choices, do I go for pasta something or sausage with something?’_

She crossed back into the front room turning on the light, not quite being prepared for the sight in front of her. Shinji had fallen asleep in one corner of the sofa, and cradled in his arms was the sleeping form of Asuka. Her head was resting on his chest and their hands intertwined with one another. There was no noise from either of them, just two people asleep in it others arms. Misato would have to wake them, they couldn’t stay there but she’d wait until later.

_‘They must have stayed up for me, poor things. They’re going to love knowing I saw them like this.’_

It was nice for her to see their relationship developing, she knew their feelings for each other were complicated. Two who needed each other but were afraid to confess to it for fear of many things. She had been keeping an eye on them, not wanting to push them into anything but ensuring she was there to help if needed and be there for them. She had seen Asuka trying to teach Shinji to swim the other week, remembering Shinjis panicked face as he sank and Asukas suppressed expression of frustration as he did so.

If anything their improved relationship gave her something to smile about. She needed that after returning to NERV, or whatever it was going to be rebranded next. There was still uncertainty over what would happen to her when the new group was formed. As a part of NERV she had been in charge of planning the operations for the Evangelion units, she had devised the tactics for the pilots to use and therefore she knew what the Eva’s were capable of more than anyone. Whether or not that made her suitable for looking into the future of the units was the big question.

It would also mean interacting with Gendo Ikari again, something she didn’t feel comfortable with. Her contact with Gendo had been minimal since returning, snippets of conversation but nothing more. It seemed he was back to being the Gendo they knew back in Tokyo-3. Misato got the sense though that no matter what she wanted, her future was going forever going to be tied up with the Eva’s.

_‘My only hope is that I can keep Asuka and Shinji away from all of that.’_

There was a ding from the microwave signalled that her meal had finished cooking, she took another sip of her beer. She was ready to move back to the kitchen when the sound of her cell-phones ringtone distracted her. It was an unknown number, she was tempted to cancel it. Misato had dealt with enough phone-calls for one day.

_“Miss Katsuragi?”_

The voice was distorted, not belonging to anyone she knew.

“Hello, who is this?”

_“A concerned citizen, I have a warning do you. The three of you are in danger.”_

“Is this a joke, who is this?”

The voice was gone and the line was dead. Misato stared at her phone blankly, was that a joke? Some kind of prank? If so then who could it have been, very few people knew she was in Germany and by extension knew her number. Out of all of those people none of them would be the sort to pull a prank like that.

_‘What the hell was that about?’_


	19. Love You Out Loud

Asuka’s hand hovered over the buzzer for a moment, she took a deep breath. It had been over a year since she had seen them. She had gotten her degree and moved straight from there into a NERV facility where Kaji was her guardian before the eventual transfer to Tokyo-3. Their conversations over that time had been infrequent, Asuka preferred it that way. Keeping up the appearance that she had a family whilst she just tried to bury any feelings she might have had for them.

Asuka could barely remember what they looked like, those people that had made the effort to bring her up. It’d be so easy for her to turn around and run, she had gotten good at running away from her problems this would just be another one.

_‘No Asuka, no more running.’_

She turned to look at Shinji standing anxiously behind her. She could tell he was nervous as well, he was meeting her parents for the first time. Misato had taken great pleasure in ensuring Shinji was nervous about meeting them, something for which Asuka had wanted to throttle her guardian for. Misato had also went to great lengths to remind the two of them every couple of hours each day, and whenever she saw them about what a sweet couple they made.

_‘I can’t believe she saw us asleep on the couch like that, I told that idiot we shouldn’t have stayed up late for her to get in but he insisted. Now she won’t let it go, we’re not even a couple... yet.’_

Her finger gently pressed the buzzer, what felt like an eternity passed before the response came.

_“Asuka?”_

“Mother it’s me, I brought Shinji.”

_“Wonderful come on up!”_

The front door buzzed to signify it’s unlocking. Shinji watched Asuka take another deep breath.

“Well Shinji, here we go. Remember what I told you?”

Shinji nodded, it had been a pretty comprehensive list of items. He wasn’t to mention Asuka being injured in any of their battles against the angels, he wasn’t to mention any of the issues Asuka had leading up to Third Impact, he certainly wasn’t to mention Third Impact. As far as they were concerned everything was fine with her and normal, aside from the being a formal giant robot pilot. Stories that would of course re-emphasize how amazing she was as a pilot were greatly encouraged.

Asuka paused in the doorway, “What did you feel when you were about to see your father again?”

“I… thought I hated my father, but that was different. My father abandoned me and only summoned me back because he had a use to me. Your father and stepmother… they wanted this.”

Asuka thought about his words for a moment, rolling them around in her mind. That much was true, this wasn't some summoning because they thought she had a purpose, this wasn't the same as Shinji and his father. They wanted her there because they wanted her there, they had never abandoned her in fact they had tried. Asuka was the one who had been trying to run away.

She looked over at Shinji, stunned by how different he looked, the suit she had picked out for him had worked wonders.

_'Just a shame he still looks so nervous, come on Shinji I'm the one who should be nervous here.'_

“You’re right, come on then Shinji and remember, I’m an amazing pilot and wonderful. You can manage that right?”

“I think so.”

\--------

**Korper - February 1999**

Kyoko took her seat behind the desk and sipped at her coffee, it was still so early in the morning. Early enough for her to be the only person in the building. It was not by her own hand this had happened, Cohen had contacted her the previous day asking for a face to face meeting. He had even gone so far as to cancel his current appointments in the States to travel to Germany to meet with her.

Kyoko sometimes had to remind herself that Cohen was technically her boss, he had a very hands off approach when it came to Körper, or as they were known publically Olympus. Previous dealings had been infrequent, every now and then she would send over a report on their progress and then they'd receive feedback commending them on a job well done. This was the first face to face meeting they had had for some time.

Naturally she wondered what this could have been about, it had to be serious for him to have cancelled all of his prior engagements. After a period of time there was a knock and Cohen entered the room. Light stubble dotted his face, a souvenir from a day of travelling with barely any rest.

"Good morning Kyoko, I trust this isn't an inconvenience for you?"

"Not at all, we have nothing scheduled until this afternoon."

Taking a seat he placed a folder on the desk in between them. On the front of it she made out the familiar markings of SEELE.

“Either way I apologize for calling a meeting like this so urgently, I had intended to be quite hands off in this project. Certain things have changed thought, which mean we need to have a discussion. It is nothing to do with your running of this facility, I'm incredibly pleased with that it is more issues on my end.”

Kyoko was confused, what could have happened regarding Cohen for him to step in and get involved. What did him getting involved even mean, he had admitted himself he wasn't a scientist and barely understood the reports being sent. Still he was her boss and she would go along with it.

"I understand but if you don't mind me asking, what exactly is this about?"

“Well as you know I was in the States until yesterday. All of SEELE were there, it was to finalise the plans for the Katsuragi expedition. I'm sure you're aware of Dr Katsuragi and his work?”

 “Partially, it's been in the works for a couple of years. An expedition to Antarctica to perform research and tests for his S2 theory. I believe they'll be using Adam. I of course have my doubts, it's a nice idea in theory but I don't see how it can be achieved. If anything I believe SEELE are wasting their resources, they'd be better served focusing on our work here.”

Cohen leaned back smiling, “So you don't think Katsuragi can succeed? Kyoko what would you do if I were to say that the S2 Engine already exists? That it is currently in Antarctica and Katsuragis job isn't to develop it but instead to extract it."

"I'd have to ask how such a thing was possible, and also I've ask what this existing S2 Engine is?"

Cohen flipped the first page of the folder open, Kyoko tried to not gasp in surprise at the image of the giant in front of her. It was an old photo, it must have been ten or so years old and in it she could see her Uncle looking up at the giant. This had to have been Adam, it was very different to Lilith. It was a much more slender looking beast and on each should were large pylon-esque protrusions. In its centre was a large red sphere and located just above was a huge red lance sticking straight out of its chest impaling it on the wall behind.

"This is Adam, and within Adam is the S2 Engine."

Kyoko for a moment wanted to laugh but the expression on Cohens face told her this was nothing to laugh about.

_'The S2 Engine already exists... but how and what even is it? What is Adam?'_

“The Katsuragi expedition is not trying to create an S2 Engine, they are going to try to awaken Adam and when it does it will have catastrophic consequences. Ones that they have already planned for.”

_'Catastrophic? But... how?'_

“Mr Cohen…  look I don’t understand, what exactly is happening here?”

Leaning forward he turned a few more pages of the folder revealing what seemed to be ancient parchment, upon this were markings in a language Kyoko didn’t recognise. There were images on it as well, she could recognize some of them. A drawing of Adam on one page, another page seemingly dedicated to the large lance object that had been seen protruding from his chest.

"These are images of something you requested a while ago. I apologize I was not able to show you them at the time but as you can see they probably wouldn't have helped you. I'm risking a lot showing you these but these are images of the secret Dead Sea Scrolls."

_'So these are the Dead Sea Scrolls that I heard about...'_

"Only SEELE and certain people admitted into their inner circle are supposed to know about these. They are not to dissimilar to the real ones you might see exhibited in museums. Instead of religious texts written by man however these are not of human origin. These are to be thought of more like an instruction manual or a guide. Do you remember the Voyager mission launched in the seventies?”

“Two probes sent to the far reaches of space, each carrying a golden record with detailed information of our species. Should an alien race come into contact with it they can learn all about us and our culture.”

Kyoko was finding it hard to believe the thoughts running through her head. Despite knowing and hoping that one day an alien species might find the gold discs on the Voyager craft, Kyoko hadn’t contemplated the idea that humanity itself might find something similar left behind by an alien species. Let alone on their own planet. Yet this was the implication she was receiving from Cohen.

“Exactly, what you see before you is similar. We call them the First Ancestral Race, we know little of them except that they existed billions of years ago and took it upon themselves to seed a number of planets with life.”

“You mean…”

“Adam, yes. Adam was the Seed that was sent to this planet. It came with two items, that which we call the Dead Sea Scrolls and also that which we refer to as the Lance of Longinus. A Spear that is currently embedded into the torso of Adam while it lies dormant in the frozen wilderness of Antarctica.”

He flipped the page showing a picture of Lilith, "Things didn't quite go to plan and for some reason a second seed fell to Earth. This is the being we call Lilith, Lilith wasn't meant to be here and while details are hazy it seems a battle broke out. Adam was impaled with that which we call the Lance of Longinus and Lilith could go on to seed the planet with life."

Kyoko could feel her head start to spin with the information he was giving her. She had always considered herself open minded to a degree, her scientific endeavours were proof of that. She had of course knew about Adam and Lilith but this was still a lot to take in. Cohen still hadn't explained what this had to do with Katsuragi and his experiments though.

"So what does Katsuragi have to do with this?"

"Adam and Lilith aren't dead, they're lying dormant and SEELE plan on reawakening Adam."

"Which will do what?"

"It'll doom us all."

\-------

**Present Day**

Shinji stared out across the balcony taking in the sights of the German city before him. This city was similar to Tokyo-3, erected as a stronghold for NERV in the wake of Second Impact. It didn't have the same defensive capabilities as Tokyo-3 as it was not supposed to ever be attacked. This was more a city made for engineers and diplomats. A place to build Evangelion Units and debate on them, there was no threat here.

He turned and looked back in, Asuka was sat at the table discussing something with her stepmother. Asuka looked happy for a moment, it was similar to how she had been on the phone that time in Tokyo-3. Shinji couldn't help but wonder if this was genuine or still part of the illusion, the façade of being a happy family unit.

It had been a pleasant evening so far, the food had been good and Shinji hadn't felt uncomfortable and he had managed to meet Asuka's demands. No mention had been made of the scarring on display around her eye and she had seen to it that she wore gloves that had covered up most of the scarring on her arm. Shinji had managed to inform her parents how great a pilot she was and how she had routinely beat both him and Rei in the sync tests.

The pleasantness of the evening was what gave him an uneasy feeling over what was going to happen next. Asukas father, a bald gentleman called Langley had asked Shinji outside onto the balcony.

_'I wonder what he wants... Asuka hasn't told me anything about her father.'_

"So this is Shinji Ikari, the boy who we have to thank for saving the world."

Shinji felt his cheeks burning red, it had been the first time someone outside of his group of friends had mentioned his actions. He didn't know how to respond to it, he hadn't even thought about it in those terms.

"I err.."

Langley laughed, "Don't worry, you don't have to say anything. I understand it probably isn't something you want to hear."

Langley passed by him placing one hand on the balcony rail, his expression turned at that moment. He was no longer smiling but instead looked almost sorrowful.

"Asuka seems happy, do I have you to thank for that as well?"

Uncertainty again on how to answer the question. Shinji had promised Asuka that there would be no doubt cast on her state so as to not worry anyone. As far as they were concerned she had no issues, she was just Asuka. Asuka did seem happier lately though, was that because of Shinji or was it something else?

"I don't think so, she's always been fine."

This brought a small laugh out of the man.

"Is that right?"

Did Shinji lie again to him. He had the sense that Langley had already seen through the first lie, dare he try his luck again. Langley was Asuka's father, he can't have been oblivious to her state growing up. He was present in her life and she told Shinji about how she was to them growing up.

"She..."

"Hasn't been happy for a long time and I know how she feels about me and her step-mother. I don't blame her, she went through something no one should have ever gone through especially at such a young age."

Shinji looked back through the glass door, Asuka and her stepmother talking about something.

"I know about what happened to her at NERV as well, the battle with the Angels."

"I... you know about what happened to her at NERV?"

"Every excruciating detail and regrettably there was nothing I could do about it. I knew if I tried to step in to help her it'd only wind up killing us and her. All I could do was read the reports I got."

Shinji looked at him in astonishment. Asuka's father had known every detail about what had happened to her whilst she had been there. Did that mean he knew about Third Impact as well? About what had happened in the final battle? About what Shinjis own father had done? Who exactly was Asuka's father?

"Tell me, what did Asuka tell you about me?"

Nothing was the basic answer, he had no idea what sort of person Langley was only that he worked for the UN. Asuka had not said anything beyond that.

"That you were a representative of the UN, she didn't really say what it was you did."

"Well that's the official version, I am certainly a part of the U.N but my actual role is complicated. I was part of a special team investigating SEELE. We knew some of what they were planning but unfortunately they were just too powerful and things advanced much faster than we anticipated. Your fa... sorry.”

Shinji didn’t hesitate with his response. He knew what his father was responsible for and had no wish to defend him. Shinji wasn’t his father nor did he want anything to do with the man. There was no embarrassment on his part for it.

"I know... my father helped accelerate their schedule... I know what he did."

"Fortunately... you helped put an end to that. You stopped Third Impact, how I don't know but I fear this isn't the end."

“Sir?”

“Please call me Langley, I’m certainly not worthy of being called sir.”

“What do you mean this isn’t the end?”

Shinji had the feeling that he already knew the answer to that. The creatures in Tokyo-3 and the attack on the carrier. It told him that despite Third Impact being avoided there was still something lurking in the background.

“I’m not sure I should be telling you Shinji… you and Asuka you’ve been through enough already but part of the reason for it is because of people hiding the truth from you. If either of you knew the truth of things earlier maybe things would have turned out differently.”

Shinji thought about it for a moment, what were the truths he had learned throughout the past year. Would knowing about SEELE, his father’s intentions or even what had happened to his mother have helped? Would he have been able to do anything sooner or would something else have happened. He had often thought about his mother, her actions when he was a child. If he had known her intentions then would he have grown to be a different person?

_‘Her actions, going into the Eva… she abandoned me without telling me why. How could she… what sort of effect would that have had on me? Maybe it was better things happened like they did… Despite the pain.’_

“Then again… it doesn’t matter. Things happened the way they did and there is nothing we can do to change that. A few years before Second Impact a member of SEELE went behind the committees back, using their resources to achieve his own goal. Your father was good at leading SEELE on but from what I understand they always had their supicions about him but this individual was able to fool them completely.”

“Fool… SEELE?”

“Yes, members of SEELE were prominent figures in the world, businessmen, members of government and parts of ruling families. This particular invidual was able to set up an organization and was working with them but at the same time against them. I and Asuka’s mother were the first recruits for this organization. They are using that which I and Kyoko helped develop. Look Shinji, I don’t want you or Asuka to get caught up in this but it seems you might already be, can you promise me that whatever happens you’ll protect her?”

“From what… I don’t understand, I don’t even know if I can.”

Shinji felt his stomach drop at the request, the evening had gone from pleasant to awkward in the space of five minutes thanks to Langley. Shinji wanted to protect Asuka but he didn’t have the means to do so, this was beyond him. There were no Evas anymore and no Angels, he wasn’t a pilot. Both he and Asuka were just trying to be regular people. There was nothing for them to get caught up in anymore.

_‘But then… I piloted an Eva again, I fought against them and saw those monsters… We’re already caught up in this.’_

Shinji looked up at him, “Who are Körper?”

“Many years ago I and Asuka’s mother were recruited by a man on the SEELE committee. We were to perform research on Lilith in the hope that we could use it to develop new advancements for humanity. Genetic research and manipulation, we hoped that we could cure diseases and perform miracles… that sort of thing.”

Shinji stayed quiet taking in the information, this was not the way he had expected the night to go and the growing sense of dread within him was only growing.

“One day, the man in charge came to Kyoko and told her about SEELEs plans for Adam. To start the Second Impact. On that day our quest changed course, we were no longer trying to develop cures and help people but we were working for the greater good… to stop SEELE. Kyoko changed on that day, she became more focused on stopping SEELE. Her Uncle was a member of the committee and she felt betrayed so wanted to stop them at all cost. That included developing… monsters…”

A cold sweat was forming on the back of Shinjis neck as Langley continued speaking.

“You’ve seen them haven’t you, the Marionettes in Tokyo-3.”

“Asuka’s… mother made them?”

Again only a nod of acknowledgement, “Yes, she was determined to stop SEELE at all costs even if it meant making some sacrifices. Then… we found out we were going to have a child and suddenly SEELE became interested in her. They wanted mothers for the contact experiment and potential pilots.”

“The contact experiment…”

Shinji knew all about the contact experiment, he for the longest time had blocked out the memory of it. Seeing his mother vanish into Eva Unit 01 never to return but leaving her soul behind in the machine. Effectively abandoning Shinji and causing his father to become little more than a shell of what he was.

“A couple of months before Asuka was born we were visited by another woman, your mother to be precise.”

“My mother? She knew Asuka’s mother?”

“I don’t know the nature of their discussion but it changed Kyokos goals. Maybe Yui offered her an alternative but Kyoko became distant from Körper. Almost paranoid, she released all the staff working under her and even got me transferred away. For a period of time she was Körper, sealing off her research and ensuring no one except for her would be able to use it.”

_‘My mother… Asuka’s mother… they knew all along what was going to happen to them… they… I don’t understand any of this, Asuka… can’t learn any of this.’_

“Kyoko then made the decision to go ahead with the contact experiment, it was… strange knowing that the person I loved was soon going to vanish forever. That their soul was going to live in inside a machine. On the day before the experiment she told me that Körper were not to be trusted, that she ensured they cannot use her experiments, that the only person who can use them would be her.”

Shinji wasn’t sure why Langley was telling him any of this, was it to get him to do something. To take some sort of action or just to make him want to protect Asuka more? Was it some attempt for an old man to tell his sorrows to the world? Shinji had always been the person people told things to, Misato had been like that with him and even Kaji had been. Was this the same, an attempt to spur him into action, but if that was the case what action.

“Shinji, I’m telling you this because I believe you and Asuka are in danger and you both need to look out for each other. If those reports are true from Tokyo 3 about those creates we have a very serious problem, those Marionettes and the drones you fought on the carrier… only one person is supposed to be able to control them.”

Langley didn’t need to say the words, Shinji didn’t need to ask the question. He peered back through the glass door and saw Asuka still talking with her stepmother. They were both laughing about something, there was a brief moment where Asuka caught Shinjis eye and smiled at him. He returned the gesture.

He thought back to Langleys earlier statement about them both knowing the truth. If Asuka learned this truth how would that affect her? Asuka loved her mother, she wouldn’t have known any of this and if she did know what would happen then?

_‘Asukas mother… who was she?’_

\--------

“Shinji you’ve barely said anything since we left, did something happen? Did my father say something to you out there?”

_‘Yes he did, but it probably isn’t what you were expecting.’_

“I’m fine, just tired.”

“Hmm, you know I’ve always thought you were strange. So what did you think?”

“Of what?”

“Of my parents of course! What are you stupid, what else?”

Shinji laughed, “They were very nice. Your father seemed like a nice man and your stepmother seemed friendly as well.”

He felt Asukas arm around his waist pulling him closer. She seemed happy, she had been happy since they had left the apartment and started their walk back to the apartment. Shinji wondered if it was genuine happiness at how well the evening had gone, or a side effect from the two glasses of wine she had consumed. Shinji had learned tonight that despite Germany having a legal drinking age of 16 it was considered normal for members of a family 14 years or upwards to drink alcohol with a meal. He had of course turned the offer of wine down, Asuka being Asuka had jumped at the chance.

“They aren’t too bad I guess. I suppose we’ll be seeing more of th-…”

Suddenly Asuka stopped still releasing her hold on Shinji. For a moment Shinji wondered if she was feeling unwell but it passed when he noticed her gaze seemed to be fixed firmly on Shinjis chest, her expression one of confusion.

“Asuka… what’s wrong?”

“Shinji, what is that on your chest?”

“Huh?”

Puzzled he looked down and immediately saw it, it was a small dot just bigger than the end of a pencil and it was slowly making its way up his body. It hovered for a moment over where his heart would be. Frozen still he looked back to Asuka.

“Asuka I…”

There was a loud bang, his ears were ringing as he felt himself fall to the floor. He felt an almighty pain down the left side of his body and a weight on top of him that wasn’t there before. He hadn’t fallen, Asuka had tackled him to the ground just in time to avoid the bullet that had been aimed at him.

Peering down he saw Asuka slowly getting up off of him, terror in her eyes and all sense of joy gone.

“Someone… just shot at us…”

Shinji sat on the floor his mouth wide open from the shock of it all. Were they safe now? Asuka had managed to move them into a nearby alleyway out of view of the sniper.

“Asuka are you…”

She nodded, “I’m alright. My arm hurts a bit. Are you alright?”

Shinji shook his head mustering a very weak smile, “No, someone just tried to shoot me.”

“Not funny.”

He could see she was shaking and had turned pale from the shock. He too was shaking and wouldn’t be surprised if he had turned a whiter shade of pale himself. Without thinking he reached up and grabbed Asuka towards him, holding her and letting her put her arms around him.

_‘How could this have happened? Aren’t Section 2 supposed to be protecting us?’_

He counted the seconds passing by, five seconds, ten seconds, thirty seconds and eventually a minute. There was silent, no red dots, sirens or further fire. Whatever danger they were previously under seemed to have gone but yet he still couldn’t move from this spot.

“Asuka I…”

He wasn’t sure why the words popped into his head at that moment in time. It didn’t seem like the most appropriate time to say it, maybe it was because of what her father had told him earlier that night. Maybe it was because he was holding her close to him. Maybe it was because of how beautiful she looked in her purple dress, gold earrings and purple gloves or maybe it was because of the adrenaline rushing through his body from the very real danger they were in. Something made him want to say those words to her.

“Asuka.. I love you.”


	20. The Baying of the Hounds

Shinji fixed his eyes firmly on the man behind the desk, he stood firm his face betraying no emotion. Not displaying any of the anger, the fear and sadness within him at that time. The man also had his eyes fixed on Shinji, his hands folded in front of his face and his glasses also betraying nothing. Finally he spoke.

“Tell me what happened Shinji.”

“I already told Misato, we were walking back to her apartment. Asuka noticed something on my shirt and then someone shot at us.”

“Was there anything else?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Shinji was more than aware of how he sounded right now, but he could barely stand being in the same room as the man. He knew that he should probably be more cooperative, he should forget that the man sitting behind the desk was his father and that he hated him at that moment for his and Asuka’s safety but he couldn’t. Shinji couldn’t let that go, not after everything.

“Did anyone know about you being at Asuka’s parents tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Who?”

Shinji could sense some exasperation in his father’s voice. There was a temptation to push further, to see how far he could go but he thought better of it. He had promised Misato he wouldn’t do anything stupid.

“Kensuke, Hikari, Misato, and Touji.”

He narrowed his eyes on Gendo as he said the final name letting it sink in. Shinji was sure he saw something, a small flinch at the mention of the name. He quickly convinced himself it was nothing.

_‘Do you even remember who Touji was father? Remember how you used me to crush him?’_

“Anyone else?”

“No.”

Gendo lowered his hands and made a few notes on the pad in front of him. Shinji kept his eyes fixed firmly on his father. Part of him wanted to say something, to ask questions, yell, scream but it would have been pointless. He had given up long ago on anything to do with his father.

“Am I done here?”

Gendo looked back up at him.

“Shinji, you do realize how serious this is don’t you?”

_‘Of course I do, someone tried to kill me!’_

“Yes.”

For a brief moment Shinji thought he saw something in his fathers’ eyes, a second where the light stopped reflecting off of his glasses and shown what was behind. Eyes that looked tired, regretful and remorseful but barely a moment later the light was hiding them again and any semblance Shinji got of his father being human vanished with the lights return.

Misato had told Shinji that when she first came across Gendo he seemed remorseful. That he told her he wanted but didn’t deserve forgiveness. What Shinji saw in front of him now was not a man who had remorse, he was the father he had always known. It angered Shinji that he was even here having to do this, it was pointless his father could have just taken what Misato had been told and been done with it. There was no need for this game.

Gendo sat behind the desk, Shinji stood in front of it in the centre of the room just as he had done a number of times in Tokyo 3. Before he knew anything but now he knew, Shinji was desperate to do something.

_‘I promised Asuka, I promised her. I won’t.’_

“How did you manage it?”

The words fell out of his mouth without meaning to. Shinji immediately felt the fear rise up in him as Gendo stared straight at him.

_‘I… why am I doing this?’_

“After everything you did, how are you still here?”

“I cannot answer that.”

“Liar.”

“Son I…”

“No! Do not… you don’t deserve to call me that! What is this really about? Why am I really here now?”

Gendo peered back at Shinji following the outburst and tried to formulate an answer. There was in truth no reason for Shinji to be there but as soon as Gendo had heard his son had been in an incident he had to know, had to confirm for himself that Shinji was fine.

_‘This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have done this.’_

“I wanted to see you.”

Truth was not something Gendo was used to hearing come from his own mouth. He had become so accustomed to lying and burying the truth that in that one act or telling the truth to his son it sounded completely foreign.

“Of course I can see that that was a mistake. I have what information I need, I trust we will not be seeing each other after this.”

There was a smile on Shinjis face but it wasn’t one of happiness. It was sarcastic, dripping with malice. “You’re giving up already, seems I’m not the one who has a problem running away.”

Shinji finally turned to face away from his father, as he did so he could feel the emotion in his stomach. The conflict of emotions threatening to reach to the surface, the burning of tears in the corners of his eyes. Being in this room had brought back the images of the last few months, of the last few years. The abandonment, the calling and the way Gendo had made him feel whilst he piloted the Eva.

He desperately wanted to leave at that moment, to get out of this room and as far away from the man and people as possible.

_‘No, I said I wouldn’t let him do this. I wasn’t going to feel anything anymore for him. He isn’t my father he isn’t anybody.’_

Shinji began to walk away only to stop when he heard Gendos voice calling him.

“Shinji… Regardless of what you feel about me I promise I’ll find whoever did this.”

“Do as you wish… father.”

Shinji felt a single tear drop down his cheek with that last word.

\------

_‘We interrupt the scheduled programming to bring you a joint announcement from the U.N and NERV. As of 2200 hours the city of New Berlin has been officially locked down with all travel in and out of the city prohibited. We urge all citizens who work and study within the city to carry on as normal and would like to reassure all residents that there is no risk to them._

_To repeat the city of New Berlin has officially been locked down, travel in and out of the city is prohibited. We now return you to your regular broadcast.’_

“They’ve been back with us for barely two weeks and the city has already been put on lockdown…”

Kensuke peered over his laptop screen at Touji and Hikari sat on the sofa watching the television. This was how they spent most of their evenings, sitting around wondering what had become of their friends or waiting for a sign. Now they had their friends back and they still continued the routine, tonight was waiting to hear from them after the dinner with Asuka’s parents. With that announcement it turned into something else.

“Aren’t you getting a little bit ahead of yourself there Kensuke, it might not have anything to do with those two.”

Kensuke let out a sigh, “I hope you’re right. Maybe it was something to do with that loud noise we heard earlier?”

“You mean the one that sounded like a firework? How is that going to cause a city to do into lockdown? It’s probably just some stupid drill, you know how NERV and the U.N enjoy their practice runs.”

Hikari finally chimed in, “We’ll probably have to do some sort of evacuation drill tomorrow at school. I should go and read over the procedures I guess…”

Touji laughed, “What do you wanna do that for, we already know procedure. We did it enough times.”

Kensuke went back to his laptop screen and casually checked his father’s e-mails again for anything interesting. He worried that one day he might get caught doing this but he had to know what was happening. There was more to it all than what they had been told.

“So… what do you guys think happened to Asuka and Shinji after we left Tokyo 3?”

Hikari with an exasperated tone replied, “Kensuke they already told us, they spent their time on standby waiting for the final angel. Spent a couple more weeks on standby before being transferred over here, what more do you need?”

With a laugh Kensuke shot back, “You two actually believed that?”

Touji nodded, “Yup, got no reason to not believe them have we?”

Hikari also nodded, “I believe it.”

Suddenly Kensuke stood up, “And what about everything else guys? They beat the final Angel and returned? No, I don’t believe that, the Eva series was deployed in Japan, there was some sort of activity on the air carrier Sindram in the last month and NERV have been preparing for something in the last month. Asuka and Shinji are lying to us!”

“Kensuke don’t you think you’re being a little bit paranoid, why would they lie to us?”

“I don’t know, maybe something happened they don’t want us to know about. Maybe they’ve been threatened but I’m going to find it out. Come on guys, you have to admit they’ve been different since they got back… right?”

“Well… I did notice something…”

Touji paused a moment thinking it over before giving his reponse, “Nope… all fine with me. Red being a bitch and Shinji being Shinji.”

“Oh come on Touji, you must have noticed at least one thing about them.”

“Nope! Hikari don’t tell me you’re buying into this?”

Hikari took a moment to think about it. She certainly didn’t believe any of Kensukes conspiracy theories nor did she care about his need to find out about the Eva series but she had noticed a change in them. Before she had left Asuka was broken, a shell of the person she once was and now she was similar to the person she was before. Shinji on the other hand, he seemed much the same but he didn’t walk around with his head lowered as much. The two of them kept on looking at each other a lot more too.

“I’m not! He is right, they are different. They seem… closer.”

Touji let out a laugh, “Nah, Kensuke didn’t mean that. He probably meant replaced by robots or something. Besides they are exactly the same, she probably only seems nicer because he is making her lunches again.”

Kensuke slapped his hand against his head in frustration, Touji was a good friend, loyal and kind-hearted. Smart however was not an attribute he’d assign to him. Hikari had noticed it though, Asuka and Shinji seemed closer. This was how Kensuke knew something had happened in that couple of months they were away. Asuka and Shinji were in bad shape back in Tokyo-3, and Kensuke already knew the Eva series were deployed in Tokyo-3 for some reason. He also knew another fact he hadn’t let his friends in on, Tokyo-3 was now in ruins. The Geofront had been torn open and the sea around it had turned blood red. He had seen the images in his dad’s files but it was one aspect of this he wasn’t going to share. For the first time he didn’t want to learn the truth so satisfy his Otaku urges but because he was scared.

“Touji… they’re different. The way they look at each other and talk to each other. They seem the same but it isn’t, it seems… staged. I mean Asuka is visiting her parents tonight and Shinji went with her? Why would Shinji go with her, why would she have taken him and not Hikari or even went by herself?”

“So what? If they’re closer then that’s good surely? At least they’ll be happy. Forget about it, they’re just getting used to being back and they said everything was over now. We’re safe and they saved us. ”

_‘I hope you’re right Touji… for all of us…’_

\--------

“I have to say Gendo… he really hates you doesn’t he. He could barely stand to be in the same room as you.”

Gendo glared back at Cohen from behind his desk, he had made his way into the office shortly after Shinji had left. He had of course seen the exchange between Gendo and Shinji.

“I can of course sympathize with him, I never got on with my father either. Being brought up in that circle, British Royalty meant there was always something to prepare for, something to attend and some sort of business to see to. I soon learned to not care and hey, I ended up alright.”

Cohen was grinning at him from the other side of the room, decked in his grey suit and with his black hair slicked back he cut a very different figure to the old man Gendo had seen a few weeks ago. Despite being fifty five Cohen looked much closer to how he had at the age of thirty five. It would seem he had many tricks up his sleeve, Korper certainly had their share of secrets.

“Of course your son’s hatred of you, however justified is not the reason I am here. I am however here about your son and his young friend. You see, I feel bad about the attack on them tonight, I feel somewhat responsible for not securing better agents for Section 2 so I’ve initiated an order. In your name of course.”

Gendo rose from his seat, “If you dare to do anyth-“

Cohen let out a laugh, “Oh Gendo, don’t worry I wouldn’t do anything to hurt your son or his friend. That is to say of course unless you happen to step out of line. In that case I, unlike Keel, will not hesitate to arrange for some… accident to befall poor Shinji. You understand don’t you?”

“Of course I do. What would you have me do?”

“Tonight Gendo, marks a special occasion. Körper is of tonight officially disbanded, it’s over and as of tomorrow NERV will no longer exist as an organization either. They are to be replaced by WILLE, a new organization with myself at the head, you as my Commander and I think… Misato Katsuragi will make a fine Vice Commander. What do you say Gendo?”

“If that is what you want.”

“Good answer! Now this order I’ve initiated, New Berlin has been locked down. No one enters and leaves without proper authorisation. All routes are closed, docks, air traffic and roads. I feel it is only right to try to capture the person responsible for attacking your son. After all to attack former Eva pilots, those who saved the world… this person must have some backing.”

_‘He did this… I don’t know how but he did.’_

“So tomorrow Gendo what you’re going to do is make a statement to the U.N. detailing the state of New Berlin and the lock-down procedure. You are also going to lay out our plans for the disbanding of NERV and formation of WILLE. From there you will request formal access to inspect and bring the remaining Evangelion Units in the world to New Berlin.”

_‘What are you planning Cohen… they aren’t going to accept any of that. Not from me, they don’t trust me.’_

“Mr Cohen…”

“Please Gendo, call me Jim! We’re beyond formalities here.”

“Jim… what makes you think the U.N. are going to grant me that sort of request. The U.N. don’t trust me, the Japanese Government is still battling for me to be taken into custody and when I inform them of NERVs disbanding that is going to…”

He paused as Cohen raised a hand, he waved his finger.

“Now now, I’ve thought of all of that already. Don’t worry about it, they will grant you your requests. I’ve already made arrangements for it to happen, they will grant your requests and by next week they’ll have forgotten any negative feelings they had towards you… even the Japanese government,”

“How?”

“Because I know people Gendo, and people are dull creatures who are easy to change. I could if I wanted to convince the world that I never existed, that I was an actor conjured up by someone and they’d eat it up.”

Gendo narrowed his eyes behind his glasses not entirely sure what he was dealing with in regards to Cohen. This man was beyond anything he had expected when he started looking into the activities of Körper. Cohen wasn’t another lackey in SEELE who got lucky, Cohen was a man who had been pulling strings and manipulating people for over twenty years. He had an answer to everything and Gendo wondered just what the end-game was here.

“If that is the case I shall do as you wish, but guarantee me Shinji will be safe.”

“You have my word.”

\------

It continued its journey, leaping from rooftop to rooftop hearing the sirens get quieter and quieter. Soon it’d be out of range and the mission would be a success, then it could return to its source.

It had performed its job with no problems. One bullet aimed at the chest of the young boy with a gentle nudge when firing so as to miss. Now it had to leave and return, wait for further orders from the Mother.

It hopped to another rooftop, the sirens were barely audible anymore. This would be as good a place as any and with one swift motion it threw the rifle off of the top of the building into an alleyway below. It could now continue with its journey.

A voice came through, one of a woman. It was the Mother, to give new orders.

_“This is the beginning my child, now go… meet with your brothers and sisters and wait.”_

\------

Shinji pushed open the door through to the entrance way. He had spent the last few minutes stood in the corridor trying to compose himself. He had tried his best to not cry but after leaving his father’s office he couldn’t help it. As he walked into the entrance way he felt Asuka and Misatos eyes on him, they could tell straight away that he had been upset. There was no fooling either of them and straight away he felt the burning in the corners of his eyes. He blinked them away and turned to the two of them.

“I want to go home.”

Misato nodded, “I think that is probably for the best. A car has been arranged for you both and you’ll have an armed escort straight to the door. I’ve… got to work late tonight but I’ll be back tomorrow morning and we’ll spend the day together alright?”

Shinji nodded as Misato leaned down to hug him. He daren’t hug her back lest he burst into tears right there but he did whisper to her.

“Thank you Misato.”

He watched as she hugged Asuka as well. His stomach tightened on catching Asuka’s eye. She had been silent since he said those three words to her back in the alleyway. In the car journey to NERV, whilst they waited and now she was silent. He wondered if maybe she hated him, or was embarrassed by him saying that. He didn’t even know why he had said them, at that of all times but the words were true. Shinji did love her.

Misato finished saying her goodbyes and went back through the doors into the corridor Shinji had just come from. It was likely to be a long night for her but she would be there for them both tomorrow, to hell with her job.

Shinji glanced over at Asuka, she immediately averted her gaze from him not daring to catch his eye. The two of them stood in silence waiting for the Section 2 vehicle to pick them up. He turned his head and caught her eying him curiously, she frowned and finally broke the silence.

“You’ve been crying.”

There was almost a hint of annoyance in her voice as she stated the fact. Shinji nodded.

“I… yeah.”

“It was him wasn’t it?”

Shinji nodded, “I thought I felt nothing regarding him anymore, that there was just emptiness and I wanted that but… being in there I couldn’t help it. I left and… it just happened.”

Shinji faced out across the entrance to the building, a gentle breeze was now blowing causing his hair to sway ever so slightly. He had always liked the feeling of the wind blowing through hair, it felt calming somehow. Out of the corner of his eye he was certain he saw Asuka edging closer to him. She was still eying him curiously.

“You’re an idiot, do you know that?”

Her words were something of a shock to him, “Huh?”

“You… thinking I wouldn’t notice you had been upset.”

“I didn’t want to burden you with anything.”

“Typical invincible Shinji huh? Thinking he is alone when there are others to help him.”

Was that true? He had become more open with Asuka lately but between the problems she had been facing and the events of the night he hadn’t wanted to make himself the focus. Maybe he was scared too, that if he kept on being upset in front of Asuka she would get fed up of him.

“I’m sorry.”

There was a return to the silence and again Shinji was sure Asuka had edged towards him again. In the distance he could see a car entering the car park. It slowed and Asuka turned to him one more time.

“Why did you say what you did… in the alleyway?”

He turned to face her, she was now directly in front of him and looking straight into his eyes.

“Huh?”

“You know what I mean Shinji, after we were attacked. Why did you say that?”

Shinji swallowed feeling a knot forming in his stomach. He had been thinking about it earlier and wasn’t sure why he said it. He certainly felt it and he wanted to say it but he had always wanted it to be a more ideal situation. He had always pictured it being with nicer surroundings, not with the two of them panicked in an alleyway after being shot. Maybe that was why he said it, because if he hadn’t said it then he wouldn’t have had another opportunity.

“I’m waiting for an answer Shinji…”

“Because… I meant it Asuka. I love you.”

“Are you sure you mean that?”

Asuka looked up into his eyes searching for any hint of deception. She had to know his words were true, she had been turning them over in her mind since he had said them. For over an hour all she had heard in her head were those three words. They filled her with warmth and happiness yet at the same time fear. She was scared that it was a lie, that it was a ruse and a means to betray her. Something he said in the heat of the moment.

She had thought about her feelings for Shinji a lot, the word love. It meant a lot and she was certain she felt that towards him but she had to know he felt it too. She wasn’t going to let herself be betrayed. As far as she could see his eyes were telling the truth, those deep eyes full of emotion. The corners of them marked from where he had been crying.

_‘Oh Shinji… you mean it don’t you?’_

He nodded and Asuka heard the car getting nearer, she was going to have to say what she wanted to.

“I… love you too.”


	21. A Great Day for Freedom

Shinji was having trouble sleeping on that night, every sound was disturbing him causing his eyes to shoot straight open. Every noise from the apartments around him, cars rolling past outside, ticking of clocks all of it would bring any attempt at sleep end immediately. It was only natural he supposed, being shot at would have that effect on a person, although Asuka seemed to have gotten to sleep with no issue.

Shinji was at least thankful of one thing, that Misato had said they could spend the next day off. It meant that when his body did finally give up and go to sleep he wouldn’t have to worry about getting up early. That of course was if Misato and Asuka were in the mood to make their own breakfast, which he suspected they probably weren’t.

_‘I’ll make them and go straight back to bed. If Misato is here then I probably won’t be as scared…’_

Shinji had never felt fear like this before. When he was inside the Eva he feared for his life but it was something he felt only when he was inside the Eva, on leaving the feeling was replaced. When he saw his father he was scared again but he could always leave that situation. This was different, there was someone out there who had targeting Shinji and Asuka purposefully and tried to kill them. Something like that had never happened before and Shinji worried that any noise he heard could be them returning to finish the job. What would he do in that situation? He was fourteen, hardly able to fight off an attacker.

_‘Section Two are protecting us though… they’re posted watching all entrances and Misato will be back soon. We’re safe.’_

He kept on telling himself those facts but it didn’t help, every noise kept him awake and the one time he did manage to get close to sleep his body decided he needed to use the bathroom. Shinji turned on his side and looked at Asuka sleeping peacefully, she was lying on her side with her mouth open ever so slightly. He had grown accustomed to seeing her sleeping next to him lately always thinking she looked cute.

_‘At least one of us can sleep tonight.’_

He resisted the urge to reach out and stroke her face not wanting to risk disturbing her. Instead he just lay there with his eyes open peacefully watching the girl he loved, and who had told him she loved him too sleep.

“Can you stop doing that, you’re putting me off.”

Shinji jumped slightly at the sound of her voice, was she talking in her sleep? Her eyes flicked open and he watched her roll onto her back and sit up, rubbing her eyes.

“Doing what?”

“Watching me trying to sleep, I can’t get to sleep.”

He could feel his cheeks turning red with her words, he was certain she was asleep.

“Sorry, I thought you were…”

“No of course not, can’t sleep.”

“I see.”

Asuka reached over Shinji to tap the light on the small alarm clock, half three in the morning and there was no sign of sleep anytime soon. She flopped onto her back and lay for a moment her eyes looking up at the ceiling. Her mind had gone through a lot today, she felt like bridges had started to be built between her and her father and stepmother. Then she had been shot at in the street followed by Shinji confessing his love for her. She was surprised it hadn’t had an effect on her, maybe it was the adrenaline of it all still in her body forcing it away and then it’d strike. That’s how it had happened on the Sindram, during the battle she had been fine but once it was over and Shinji had won it had struck.

She hoped not, that was the last thing she wanted right now and she hoped that being beside Shinji would help keep it away. There was another thing she was feeling right now, fear.

“Hey Asuka.”

“Mm.”

“I’m... scared.”

“I know.”

“Are you?”

Asuka thought about confessing she was scared to him, that it was the fear of what had happened that night keeping her awake.

“A little bit, someone did shoot at us after all.”

He went silent for a time, Asuka knew there was something else on his mind. In fact when she thought about it there had been something on his mind from the time they left her parents. She was about to ask him but they were shot at before she had the chance.

“When we piloted, were you ever scared?”

That wasn’t the question she had expected from him. She was expecting something about her parents, something about her feelings for him maybe but not a question about piloting. In fact the subject of them piloting had barely been brought up since they returned.

“What sort of question is that?”

“I was just wondering.”

She thought about it for a moment. Asuka had to admit there weren’t many times whilst piloting she was scared. She knew exactly what her Eva was made out of on the outside so always felt safe inside it and most of the time was confident she was going to win. There were maybe two incidents that she could recall but she decided to question Shinji first. She wasn’t going to confess anything like that without knowing his answers first.

“Well… were you?”

“Yes, all the time. Every battle.”

“Really? Why?”

“I guess… I don’t know, I guess I was afraid of dying in some of them and others I was afraid of disappointing people.”

“You mean your father right?”

“I guess, what about you?”

“Well when you’re as good as I was you don’t really have a reason to be scared.”

“Not even once?”

Asuka thought about those two incidents, both of them involved Shinji. She decided to withhold the information just a little bit longer. She was a little bit surprised at his confession, in the battles she had fought with him he had never seemed scared. A little bit nervous but that was just him in most situations.

“So you were even scared when I fought alongside you?”

“A… little bit but not as much as I was the first few times… after I got pulled into the Angel that changed though.”

He wouldn’t be able to see it but she nodded in agreement, when Shinji got pulled into the Angel known as Leiliel that did seem to mark a turning point for all of them. A descent into something no one had imagined. Her ego was a little bit boosted by hearing that he wasn’t as scared when he fought alongside her though, seemed she might have been as good as she said.

“So, what was it like for you in the Eva?”

“It was, at first it was what I wanted it to be. A chance to show off how good I was and show I was the best. Towards the end it was, hell and then it…”

Images of that final battle flashed through her mind, she felt invincible in that battle, not just invincible but free for the first time ever. All the control she had placed on herself had come undone and she was free to be herself knowing that her mother was watching over her. Unfortunately it had ended in pain.

_‘Forget about that, just tell him the two times. He doesn’t need to know that.’_

 “Okay right, yes there were two times but don’t you dare tell anyone any of this.

_‘How many things am I gonna make him promise to not say?’_

“I promise”

“First time was when I got lowered into the Volcano and the cables pulling me up snapped and you have to dive in and rescue me.”

Asuka smiled at the memory of that, it was true she had been scared but it was also the first time she had started to realize some of her feelings for Shinji. He had dived in and saved her at great risk to himself, it told her what sort of person he really was.

“Really? I didn’t know…”

“Well I was in a volcano, surrounded by lava and sinking into it with nothing to bring me back up. It does seem natural to be a little bit scared don’t you think? The second time…”

The second time wasn’t quite as happy and it wasn’t because of the risk to her. The second time was Leliel and watching Shinji being pulled into the Angel. Around the same time she learned that Shinjis sync ratio had beaten hers, she had said some horrible things about him before it had happened and even some horrible things after it. She said he had gotten what he deserved.

_‘And yet… he still ended up loving me? I suppose he probably doesn’t know about it, or does he and he’s just ignoring it? Would he ignore that? Has he forgiven me or something else…?’_

“…was when you got pulled into the Angel. I was scared then because we had had a good run with the Angels and then this one came along and it wasn’t normal and it took one of us. We weren’t able to fight it with our Eva’s and they were going to use N2 mines whilst you were inside.”

“They were?”

Asuka nodded, “It was Dr. Akagis idea. Misato fought against it and I didn’t really say anything. I was scared because of how effortlessly it beat us, I was scared because it made me question my abilities and scared because of how expendable we all seemed to be in NERVs eyes.”

_‘And I was scared because it had taken you...’_

“I understand, I was scared when I saw what that Angel did to you as well. I wanted to do something but my f.. he wouldn’t let me.”

There was a hint of regret in his voice. Asuka remember that day very well, she wished she didn’t but it wasn’t something that could be forgotten. That Angel had invaded her mind, made he remember all of her past, confront herself and so much more. It wasn’t something she wanted to remember at this moment.

“I know, can we not mention that right now?”

“Sorry.”

_‘Again with the apologizing, you don’t need to do it all the time.’_

“Stop apologizing! Look what brought this on anyway?”

“I was just thinking about what happened tonight, I was always scared when I piloted Eva but there was always something there… a feeling that I’d be safe. I don’t feel that tonight.”

Asuka knew exactly what he meant. Whilst in the Eva there was always this feeling inside her that she’d be safe, that a presence was watching over her. She never really understood what it was until the battle with the Eva series. There was even a time when the presence had vanished, when that happened she didn’t care about her own safety so she didn’t have anything to be scared of but she was aware of what it was.

“Because we weren’t in an Eva, this happened for real and they couldn’t protect us from it.”

“Yeah…”

Asuka reached over for the alarm clock again, it was nearing four and at that moment she suddenly felt immense heaviness in her eyes. This must be it, the moment when her body was about to give up and force sleep upon her. She had to wrap up this conversation quickly.

“I’ll protect you Shinji.”

“Huh? How?”

_‘Why did you have to ask that you idiot.’_

“I don’t know, I just will. Now let’s get som-“

She barely had time to finish her sentence as her body forced her eyes to close her mouth still wide open and her arm draped across Shinjis chest. He looked at her and smiled, her words had made him feel better even if the truth was that there was little either of them could do. He turned onto his side placed an arm over Asuka and closed his own eyes. Finally sleep came for him as well.

\------

“Man neither of them are here today, I told you what happened last night had something to do with them!”

“We don’t know that for certain, maybe they’re just ill or something? They only just got back so who knows what is happening with them!”

Touji tried to protest before Kensuke could let the fact that he might have been right set in anymore. It was no use.

“What did I say? They return and over a week later the city is put into lockdown and neither of them are here today. Something is happening that they aren’t telling us!”

Touji rested himself against the wall allowing his leg to stretch out rubbing it gently. He wondered if he would ever get used to this thing, he was thankful for it of course. NERV had treated him really well since the incident and having a state of the art prosthetic leg so that he’d be able to walk again was great but it was still jarring. He would still feel the little aches, pains and itches a person would feel in their limbs except he knew that what was there was false.

_‘I should probably rest it more, I have been pushing myself with it lately.’_

His thoughts were also with Shinji wondering if the former Evangelion pilot was truly alright. Touji kept on telling himself that there was nothing to worry about but as much as he tried to ignore it there was something different about the two pilots since they returned. He was just pretending to not notice it. It was exactly what Hikari and Kensuke noticed, the two of them were acting as if nothing had really happened and any issues were dealt with. It couldn’t have been the case, he knew Shinji better than that. He didn’t know Asuka as well, always taking measures to avoid her but he had noticed the scarring on her arm and around her eye.

_‘Maybe they just don’t want to talk about it…’_

“Gragh fine! What do you want to do about it?”

“What do I want to do about it? They’re our friends Touji, I want us to help them.”

Kensukes words took Touji off guard. He wanted to help them, he didn’t want to know about the Evas, he didn’t want to know about the battles or the details of NERV but he wanted to help them. Maybe it was Kensuke who had had something happen to him.

“Help them… are you feeling alright?”

Kensukes expression soured, “Yes, of course I am! We don’t know what happened to them but they shouldn’t suffer alone, they have friends. ”

“This isn’t about getting information about the Evas? Or the Battles? Or Tokyo-3”

“No Touji, for once it isn’t.”

_‘Yeah, definitely something up with Kensuke.’_

\---------

“Considering we haven’t had the chance to do this since we were on board the carrier I think you did well. Of course with a teacher like me it’s only expected that you have good results, a good teacher results in a good student… don’t you think?”

“I guess.”

She turned and shot him a glare, getting closer to him and poking a finger into his chest. “I said, a good teacher results in a good student. Isn’t that right Shinji?”

“Ow! Yes, it’s right. I just…”

Asuka cut him off before he could protest. Her ego had been sufficiently stroked, he had made progress and she wasn’t going to let him say otherwise.

“You just what? You were just going to buy me lunch for being a great teacher weren’t you?”

“I…”

It was useless trying to say anything and Shinji knew it. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel she was a great teacher, in fact far from it she had managed to get him to swim a small amount in just two lessons. He didn’t even know what his concern was, he still felt somewhat unnatural in the water and he could still taste the pool water in the back of his throat. Maybe lunch was a good idea.

“Fine, I’ll buy us lunch and thank you.”

“That’s more like it, enthusiasm Shinji. A few more lessons and you’ll be a pro.”

It had been a pleasant afternoon for the two of them, a chance to relax after returning to school and the stress of the earlier part of the week. They unfortunately had a few restrictions placed on them, being out past a certain time wasn’t permitted and they had a much more visible security escort than before. It was also an opportunity for them to actually be a couple, they had decided to hide the fact from their friends until later. There was still a lot their friends didn’t know but Asuka or Shinji had no desire to tell them any of it.

_‘It took long enough for me and Shinji to figure things out, it’d take too long to explain it to anyone else.’_

She grabbed Shinjis hand and pulled him towards one of the cafes nearby and sat down at one of the tables. She pointed out what she wanted and Shinji went to the counter to order. It was a fairly busy day in New Berlin with people taking advantage of the sunshine, since Second Impact the seasons in Germany had been off balance which meant winters were a lot shorter and spring and summer became a lot warmer. Asuka couldn’t imagine what the winters had been like before Second Impact, she had heard of snow but never seen it except artificially. A few locations in the world still had it, maybe one day her and Shinji could take a holiday there.

With the restrictions being placed on the city that wasn’t likely to happen any time soon. Maybe if she asked Misato really nicely it could be arranged for later in the year, she was Vice-Commander at WILLE, if this lock-down went on too long she could surely arrange for something.

Shinji made his way back to the table with two drinks in hand, placing one in front of Asuka he looked around at the crowds nervously.

“I ordered it.”

“Well thank you, I knew you had some uses.”

\------

“They’ve just entered the café now sir, the boys went inside and she is sitting outside I’ve got a good view of both.”

_‘Good, what are the streets like nearby?’_

“Streets are fairly busy but no suspicious activity so far.”

_‘Excellent, let me know if anything changes. Over.’_

The Section 2 officer sighed and leaned back in her seat placing the binoculars down on the table beside her. Watching two children on a date around the town, this was her job now. To watch, not be seen and report any changes. She tugged at the collar of her red shirt, with the rebranding of NERV to WILLE had come new uniforms and her shirt had been a size to small. She wasn’t fond of the colour red either. It was supposed to contain some new technology in it, allowing for more movement when needed but also providing a small layer of armour should they encounter any difficulty. It was certainly a step up from the standard suit and tie job they used to have.

_‘But why did it have to be red?’_

She absent-mindedly continued on with her job, watching the children with one eye and checking her phone with the other. Nothing interesting was happening, just the two of them talking, holding hands and waiting for food to arrive. Anyone who didn’t know better would think this was just some ordinary teenagers on a date but of course it wasn’t.

_‘Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu… the Eva pilots, the two who saved the world and no one here had a clue about any of that… how strange.’_

She felt a sudden pain on her neck and raised her hand to swat away the source.

_‘Damn insects.’_

Already a bump had formed where she had been bitten, she felt something wet on her finger and checked her hand. Not only had she been bitten but he had drawn blood. How it had managed to get under her shirts collar like that she didn’t know. She leaned back in her seat again and continued watching. The children were halfway through their meal now.

_“Come to me child.”_

“Huh?”

She sat up startled at the voice and spun around, there was no one in the room. Besides it had felt much closer than that, probably one of her colleagues playing a trick on her. She raised the radio to her mouth to talk.

“Did someone just say something?”

No response came from any of the other agents stationed in the buildings. She could see the two on the ground, they weren’t patched into her feed nor did they have to wear the ridiculous red shirt she did. The ground team were excused from that formality. There were however two more like her stationed nearby, they must have heard it. Either that or one of them was to blame for it.

“Come on guys, cut it out who just said that on the radio?”

Again there was no response just silence.

“Is there anybody out there?”

Still no response, this was strange someone should have responded by now even if it was just to tell her to stop using the radio for casual chat. There was no one responding to her, not anyone stationed elsewhere nor command.

_“Come to me, let it in.”_

The voice spoke again, it was clearer this time. It belonged to a woman, slightly older than she was but her tone. It was as if she was talking to a child. Who was it?

_‘What the hell is going on?’_

She felt her neck throb again, the sensation was more intense than last time and she reached her hand around again. The area where she was feeling pain had hardened. She could feel as if there was something next to it crawling.

Immediately she jumped to her feet scratching at the hard surface trying to get whatever it was on her off. It was no use, instead of subsiding the sensation stared to spread from her neck to other parts of her upper body. White hot pain shot through her head caused her to stagger back to the centre of the room. It was as if someone was burrowing out of her, tearing her apart from the inside. It spread more enveloping her chest and upper arms.

Desperately she tried to scream out loud but could only muster a weak noise as she dropped to her knees. It was still spreading around her body, creeping further down into her stomach. As it hit her stomach she felt bile rising and a feeling in her lungs. Lurching forward she coughed a thick orange liquid onto the floor in front of her.

Between staggered breaths she muttered to herself

_“What’s… what’s happening to me?”_

Her entire body was enveloped in it now, she felt tears burning in the corners of her eyes as her vision blurred and every move brought more and more pain. She felt a new sensation in her face now, it was like it was on fire. Collapsing on the floor she brought her hand up to her face. Unable to see all she could do was feel. Feel something that no longer belonged to her, something that was not her face. It was smooth, rounded like some sort of mask had formed there.

She still couldn’t scream out all she could do was convulse on the floor as pain and burning wracked her body. The burning had spread to her arm and she knew that was changing too. She couldn’t see it but she could feel it. Her fingers were becoming elongated, the skin around the bone tightening. Eventually it was too much and she felt the blackness take her pulling her towards death.

Time passed, a minute perhaps and her vision returned along with the use of her body. She rose to her feet feeling stronger than before. Looking down at the effects of the transformation she felt no fear only a sense of belonging to something. Her clawed hand glistened as the sun shone into the room. A delicate white armour had formed around her shoulders. She was complete, she could return.

The voice sounded again, _“You are complete child, welcome to the family.”_

“Mother… I am here.”


	22. Late Home Tonight Pt.1

“Shinji… who is Kaworu?”

Asuka’s eyes narrowed at him as she asked the question. She was sure at one point she already knew the answer to the question, it was a name that had floated around in Shinjis consciousness during instrumentality. Frustratingly though the memories of that time were fading from the haze they had been when they had returned.

It wasn’t until earlier that morning she had been interested in the person known as Kaworu. Up until this morning she hadn’t cared about the person but events lead to her asking. She had wondered how to ask, when would be the best time to do so but there was no time like the present and no other way than to be direct.

Shinji returned the look and immediately she saw it, the look in his eyes. The paling of his cheeks and the distinct way he immediately tried to avert his gaze. She had hit something without meaning to, whoever Kaworu was they had been important to Shinji somehow and now Asuka wanted to know.

“He… was the last Angel.”

The answer took her completely by surprise, no wonder she didn’t know. When the final Angel attacked she had been lying comatose in a hospital bed, put there for her own safety. If Kaworu was the last Angel then why did Shinji look so awkward at that moment? Angels were their enemies, and if Kaworu was the last Angel why did Shinji shout that name in his sleep last night?

Asuka was curious but fearful of the answers. Very little of those memories she shared with Shinji remained in her mind. Certain ones did because she had held onto them, debating with herself on whether or not to bring them up with Shinji or quietly forgive him but anything to do with Kaworu had vanished.

Shinji got up from the table and silently took his plate over to the sink. Asuka observed him quietly thinking of how to get more information from him. She didn’t want to upset Shinji but it seemed just by inquiring about Kaworu she had done that already.

_‘Well… might as well go all in.’_

“The last Angel?”

She could see Shinji nodding, “He appeared shortly after… Rei was killed.”

_‘Rei was killed? What the hell is he talking about, Rei survived that didn’t she?’_

Another thing she must have missed while she was hospitalized. Asuka remembered that battle, Rei was found at the end of it wasn’t she?

“Rei was killed? Shinji, what happened she was found after the Angel wasn’t she? I remember, it wasn’t long before I…”

Asuka trailed off, discussing what she did to herself after that was a matter she didn’t want to bring up in front of Shinji and wasn’t one she wanted to recall. She was getting better now, she didn’t need that memory.

Shinji glanced down at the plate he was cleaning observing that he had cleaned the same section of it ten times now in an effort to avoid eye contact with Asuka. What could he say about Kaworu to her? It was complicated, Kaworu was complicated and the events with Rei were also complicated. He had forgotten that Asuka would have missed out on a lot of that knowledge, the truth about what Rei was and Kaworu.

“She did die but she… came back. Only it was a different Rei my fath-“

Asuka shook her head and cut him off. She wasn’t interested in Rei, anything to do with her could wait, “You know what, forget it! I don’t care about wondergirl and her secrets right now, daughter of Lilith or whatever she was. Tell me about Kaworu instead.”

Shinji sat back down and sighed. He had a lot of conflicting feelings about Kaworu and didn’t really understand what Kaworu was himself. Kaworu, or Tabris the final Angel sent by SEELE to die at the hands of Shinji. Fooled into believing Adam was being held below NERV and instructed to hi-jack Eva Unit 02 to reach it. A mission to get close to Shinji but at the same time there was something else there, the Angel had touched Shinjis heart.

_‘‘I love you’… Kaworu said those words to me, what did he mean by them? Did he mean love like I love Asuka? Or was it something else. How can I answer her when I don’t even know what Kaworu was myself?’_

“Earth to idiot Shinji, I’m sure looking at your hand is interesting but I am still here.”

“Sorry, Kaworu was… I don’t really know.”

“How can you not know, are you stupid? You must know! You shouting his name in your sleep!”

_‘Did I?’_

Shinji tried to remember his dreams from the night before. He remembered he had had an unsettling dream, a nightmare but like many of them the memory of it had faded on waking. It must have been about Kaworu, but why? He hadn’t thought about that in a long time.

“Oh… I don’t remember.”

Asuka could feel her patience wearing away inside her but tried to remain calm. She had witness it last night, Shinji was twitching in his sleep, muttering and then yelled that name. How could he not remember?

“Kaworu was the last Angel, I think SEELE sent him to us directly to… replace you as the pilot of Unit 02.”

The words stung Asuka as they left Shinjis mouth. Kaworu was her replacement, he was to sit in her Unit 02, he was to pilot her machine and act in her place.

“He was… human I think. Kind of like Rei only he seemed interested in talking to people. He wanted to be my friend right away, he spoke in a strange way but… but I didn’t think anything of it at the time.”

“What do you mean he spoke in a strange way?”

“Well he, spoke about Lillin and seemed a bit disconnected but after everything that had happened I didn’t think it was strange. He was… he was kind to me. Touji and Kensuke had been evacuated to here, Misato was always busy, Rei was… not Rei anymore and you were in the…’

“I know where I was, what do you mean kind to you?”

“He came to me, he was nice and didn’t treat me as an accessory or something to be used. He seemed genuinely interested in talking to me and being friends I guess. I don’t know he was just nice and he…”

_‘Said he loved me… how do I explain that to Asuka?’_

“He…”

_‘Betrayed all of my feelings when he turned out to be an Angel, he took your Unit 02 and tried to destroy us all. He made me kill him… how do I explain that to Asuka?’_

Asuka was slowly starting to wish she hadn’t asked Shinji about Kaworu. She could see how uncomfortable he was at that moment and she could feel herself growing more uncomfortable by the moment at what Shinji might say next. She had already illogically decided she didn’t like him not because he was an Angel but because he had used her Unit 02. That was hers and no one else’s, the only bond she had with her mother. The idea of someone else using it turned her stomach.

“Kaworu, in the short time I knew him became my friend…”

“But he was an Angel.”

“I know and when that was revealed I had to… deal with that.”

A realization hit Asuka at that moment and her previous anger with Kaworu for using her Unit 02 dissipated replaced by something else. Kaworu had appeared to Shinji in human form, befriended him and then when it was revealed he was an Angel, Shinji would have had no choice but to kill him.

“You… killed him.”

Shinji lowered his head and replied, his voice just above a whisper. “Yes.”

There was still anger within Asuka but now it was for a different reason. Shinji had been forced to kill someone he had considered a friend. Angel or not that must have been horrible.

“I stayed with him the night before he revealed he was an Angel, he asked about my father and my friends. He said… he loved me.”

_‘What!’_

Asuka couldn't quite believe her ears and wondered if Shinji was maybe joking but that wasn't the sort of thing Shinji was likely to do. Suddenly she regretted asking about Kaworu, wishing she could take it all back but her curiosity was now driving her on leading her to delve deeper.

"Did you... love him?"

Her words hung in the air for what seemed like an eternity and she wasn't even sure why she asked the question. Logically she knew that even if Shinji had done it was irrelevant now, Kaworu was gone and Shinji and Asuka loved each other. There was something else there though, a fear that she had. She had once said to Shinji in an argument that it didn't matter who it was, he'd latch on to anyone who was kind to him. Kaworu had been kind to him, so Shinji had feelings there. Since returning Asuka had been kind to him, a result of coming to terms with her own feelings for him. Did that mean Shinjis feelings for her were real or just a result of her kindness leading him to be that way?

_'No, that isn't true, he had those feelings before all of this... it isn't true.'_

Shinji was still processing his answer not really sure what his feelings for Kaworu were. He did feel something there, a bond that was stronger than friendship. Maybe it was love but it was different to how he felt towards Asuka. Kaworu represented something within his heart and he did wish he could have spent more time with the boy but it wasn't the same as when he was with Asuka.

"I don't know, I don't know what I felt about Kaworu."

That was enough for Asuka to hear as her stomach dropped. She kept on trying to reason with herself, the logical part of her mind was repeating to her over and over that there was nothing to be afraid of. Unfortunately it was being drowned out by fear, it was being overtaken by the idea that Shinji would eventually abandon her. That someone else would come along and take him away. It was a fear that she couldn't get rid of and suddenly the space between them, and the apartment itself felt very small.

"Asuka are you alright."

_'Far from it.'_

Her chest tightened as claustrophobia set in, it had been a while since she had felt like this. She had learned to let it happen and that Shinji would recognise it and calm her but this time she didn't want to be near Shinji.

_'Stop it Asuka! You can't feel like that.'_

She continued trying to reason with herself but the fear inside her was taking over her, coercing her into rejecting Shinji and to flee from the apartment. Asuka took a deep breath.

"I'm fine, I just remembered... I promised Hikari I'd meet up with her this morning. About everything, don't worry about it alright."

Without giving him a chance to respond she got up and quickly strode to the door putting her shoes on. She could feel a burning sensation in her eyes and didn't dare to look back at Shinji.

_'Time... I just need a bit of time to calm down. I'm being stupid about this. It's just a dumb fear...'_

_\------_

Asuka looked down at her phone scanning the missed call list. There were several of them there all from Shinji. No voicemail had been left, there were also a host of messages left. All variations on an apology from him. Asuka had ignored them all, it wasn’t an apology she wanted it was an alleviation to those fears inside her and Shinji at this time couldn’t grant that. It wasn’t his fault she just needed time to process it all.

She didn’t know how long she had walked for, hours maybe judging by the number of albums she had managed to burn through listening to on her travels.

_‘Hey you, don’t tell me there’s no hope at all,  
Together we stand, Divided we fall!’_

The words brought an end to the track and were replaced by sounds from some old movie and a low hum. She paused the player and took her headphones out, a low rumble in her stomach signalled it was close to lunch time. She wondered what Shinji was doing at that moment in time, it had been nearly three quarters of an hour since his last attempt. Was he out looking for her or had he given up? Was he at the apartment right now preparing lunch for the two of them?

She suspected she’d get her answer in a moment as the car belonging to her guardian pulled up in front of her. She quickly glanced at Misatos face surprised to see no look of anger of disappointment on her. Misato was smiling instead and motioned for Asuka to get in the car.

“Shinji is worried about you.”

“Is he?”

Asuka tried to sound disinterested but in reality she was happy to hear that. She didn’t mean to make him worry but at the same time it was a sign he did care. Maybe what she was thinking was unfounded after all.

Asuka clipped her seatbelt on and the car started to move through the streets. New Berlin was practically deserted, it was a Sunday morning after all and the rain had done its job in keeping people in doors. Asuka was thankful Misato had turned up when she did, her trousers were almost soaked through.

_‘Well done Asuka, you made the idiot worry. You got Misato out of work to pick you up and you’re probably going to catch a cold now. Anything else you want to do today?’_

“I asked Shinji about Kaworu, that’s what you want to know, right?”

This brought a chuckle out of Misato, “So that’s what happened, and what did Shinji say?”

“He told me who Kaworu was, that he was an Angel and then he said…”

Asuka trailed off angrily as Misato finished the sentence for her.

“That Kaworu told Shinji that he loved him right? You know Kaji said the same thing to me once, boys can say strange things.”

“It isn’t a joke Misato!”

“Sorry, so what did you do?”

“I asked how Shinji felt about Kaworu and Shinji said he didn’t know.”

“And you panicked and ran?”

When Misato put it like that it sounded so silly, so childish but Misato didn’t experience the same thing Asuka did. She didn’t feel the rising of nausea, or the tightening, the burning of tears or the genuine fear enveloping her. It lasted all of five minutes this morning once she had left the apartment. A miniscule amount of time for most but an eternity for Asuka.

“It wasn’t like that, that idiot couldn’t give me a straight answer I…”

“I’m not blaming you Asuka, my track record is hardly spotless…”

Asuka sighed and looked at the window, transfixed on the droplets of water cascading downwards. The rain had picked up now that she was inside the car, she gazed back round at the radio and turned to Misato.

“Hey can I plug my music player into that?”

Misato nodded, “Yeah go ahead.”

Asuka pulled a cable out of the cars glove compartment and plugged the device in. The low ambience started up again, building to a point.

_‘Is there anybody out there?’_

Asuka had been given a batch of music from her father when they visited there last week. This particular album interested her, it was what he called a concept album. An album created to be listened to in one go and made to be a story. She was interested to hear how this particular story ended.

“So what did you think of Kaworu?”

“Not the same as Shinji that’s for sure, we suspected something was off with him straight away. It was too convenient how quickly he appeared in Tokyo-3. He was able to synchronise with your Eva with no issues. We just weren’t able to confirm he was an Angel until it was too late.”

“You suspected him from the beginning and you still let him near Shinji?”

“We didn’t have a choice, we didn’t know what he was and it seemed like he and Shinji were genuine friends. There was little we could do.”

“Did you know about what he said to Shinji?”

Misato nodded grimly, “Yeah, after Kaworu was defeated Shinji told me. I… felt so sorry for Shinji but Kaworu had a choice. He choose to die by Shinjis hands, he asked Shinji for death and his wish was fulfilled. I told Shinji to not feel bad, that he deserved to live because he was alive but at that point. Everything was just so fucked up...”

Although it was strong that was certainly an apt way of putting it between Asuka being comatose, Rei’s death and subsequent revival, Shinji having to kill a friend and god knows what else, Asuka could think of no better phrase for it.

“Do you think Shinji loved Kaworu?”

“Does it matter if he did?”

“I don’t know, I guess…”

“Because you want to be the only one Shinji loves right?”

Asuka shook her head, “No of course not, I’m not… Shinji can love people but I just…”

“Is it because Kaworu was a boy?”

Asuka shook her head again, “Don’t be ridiculous Misato, I’m not like those Pre-Second Impact idiots who believe that sort of thing is wrong. If Shinji was bisexual that wouldn’t bother me… I just want to know why he loves me. He said Kaworu was kind to him, is that the only reason he likes me?”

“So you’re worried that Shinji only loves you because since returning you’ve been nice to him?”

When Misato put it like that it only served to confirm to Asuka how ridiculous it sounded.

“Well… yeah, I mean I have been nice to him.”

“How long do you think Shinji has liked you for?”

Asuka was about to reply and started to think about it, how long had Shinji liked her for? Was it only since returning that he had started to have feelings for her? She had no answer for Misato at that moment, her only thought was that she wished she could repeat the day over again.

"iguessawhile..."

She didn't pause between the words hoping that her guardian would drop the subject. Asuka was going to have to do something she didn't like doing when they returned. Swallow her pride and apologize to Shinji and somehow make it up to him. Maybe she could cook him a meal for a change, that seemed easy enough for someone of her talents.

Misato pulled up at a set of traffic lights that had just changed to red to allow someone to cross. Asuka observed her surroundings, on her right was a little coffee shop. It looked nice in there, dimly lit and intimate a big difference to the brighter chain stores you get in most cities. The man finished crossing the street, he turned and leaned against a wall checking his watch.

_'He's out in just a grey suit and casually walking around in this rain, how strange.'_

Asuka heard Misato mutter something about the traffic lights taking ages to change under her breath and turned back to see the man had gone. There was silence between Misato and Asuka with only the sound of the music and low rumbling of the car’s engine.

 _'I've got wild staring eyes._  
_And I've got a strong urge to fly._  
_But I got nowhere to fly to._  
_Ooooh, Babe when I pick up the phone'_

Asuka turned again towards the coffee shop and thought she saw something move within it. There was a figure standing inside that seemed so familiar to her. Her eyes widened as she realized what it was.

It stood about six foot and was covered in a black skin with white plating around its shoulders. The face was a grotesque mask and the arms were two long claws. It didn't move, it remained motionless in the middle of the store staring directly at Asuka.

_'My god... it's one of those creatures.'_

The song echoed its final words.

_'There's still nobody home.'_

Asuka tried to yell to Misato to look out but it was too late, the song was over and all she could feel was the car being lifted up into the air. There was a deafening roar all around her as the car came down on its side with a sickening thud. Asuka felt her body be jerked around inside the vehicle, her seatbelt keeping her in place but also catching her by the throat as she was jerked forward and backwards.

Glass from the windscreen and side window flew across her lashing at her face and body. She felt her body slam into Misato as smoke began to fill the car. She desperately tried to move her arms to get her out of the seatbelt and to crawl towards safety.

_‘No… I don’t want to die, I don’t want to fucking die.’_

Her arm barely responded, it was her left arm the one that had only recently healed and again she was barely able to move it. The pain was almost unbearable, causing tears to form in her eyes. There was a sickening smell of smoke filling her nostrils as she tried again to move her arms to eject herself from the seatbelt but still no response.

She could smell something else now, blood and she could feel it trickling down her forehead. It got into her eyes and down her face. She was bleeding from somewhere else too, her hands had been cut from the glass and there was a burning in her leg. All sound had been replaced by a horrible ringing sensation from the aftermath of the explosion.

Once again she tried to move but her body responded even less this time. She let the tears fall freely now as she finally gave up waiting for unconsciousness to take her.


	23. Late Home Tonight Pt.2

Asukas eyes took a few moments to adjust in the darkness but there were little streetlamp-esque portions of illumination allowing her to see the scene in front of her. She was standing on solid ground in what seemed to be a sort of void. Behind her darkness stretched as far as she could see. In front of her however, providing an illumination of its own was a wall, also stretching as far as her eye could.

Her footsteps echoed as she approached the wall, it was formed out of solid white bricks and brought with a sense of familiarity. She felt the air around her grow colder causing her to zip up her jacket and rub her arms to get to get some warmth.

She wondered where exactly she was, what was the last thing she remembered? She was in the car with Misato driving to pick up food and then back to the apartment. Why was she in the car with Misato? Her memories were a little bit hazy after waking up in this place, she was slowly piecing it all back together.

_'Shinji... I ran away from him because I asked about Kaworu.'_

She felt a little bit ashamed of her actions. She had asked for answers and because she didn't like what she heard she had allowed fear to settle inside of her. That allowed her anxiety to creep in so instead of allowing Shinji an opportunity to explain she had ran. That wasn't her fault, she knew that. Fear and anxiety were a part of her, a part of anyone and she was still learning to manage it. Shinji understood that, Misato understood that but Asuka still felt ashamed by her actions. She felt like it shouldn't have been that easy for it to creep in, that she should have done more to prevent it.

For now that didn't matter. Now she was alone, somewhere she didn't recognize and with a growing desire to go home.

_'I have to put this right, I have to get back to Shinji.'_

There was just one problem, there was no way past this huge wall and it didn’t look like there was anything behind her either. She looked down both ends seeing just how far the wall stretched on for. There was no end to it.

Suddenly there was a noise, like a huge switch being flipped and the walls illuminated surface was gone replaced by a spotlight which shone on her and her alone. She spun around feeling very alone and very afraid.

_‘Shinji… where are you? Where… am I? What is going on?’_

There was another noise accompanied by more spotlights shining on various intervals on the wall. They all stretched on but gave Asuka something of a path. She pulled her jacket closer trying to warm herself up and began to walk towards the next spotlight. She stepped out of the first spotlight and this was accompanied by the noise sounding again. The spotlight she had just left had shut off leaving her in complete darkness. On instinct she ran towards the next one fearing whatever might lie in the darkness.

This continued for several iterations. She would step out of a spotlight, it’d immediately shut off and she’d run to the next one. It was as if she was being lead somewhere. Part of her wondered if it was safe to continue, that wherever she was being lead to was some sort of trap. Her curiosity pushed her on though and so she continued like a moth being drawn towards a flame.

As she continued the wall was changing, it was no longer the brilliant white it had been when she started. Instead now its bricks were dirtier, some were covered in graffiti and symbols. A reoccurring one was the symbol of two crossed hammers, underneath read the text ‘Trust Us.’

There were various obscenities scrawled along the wall, numbers she didn’t recognize offering services she should know about. She thought that maybe she should stop, maybe she should turn back as the text grew darker in tone and the presence of the symbol increased. One particular one grabbed her attention, ‘The Worms are coming!’

Next to it was another iteration of the hammers and a CCTV camera. All of this seemed familiar to her somehow but she couldn’t place it. She continued to another spotlight, this time she was sure she could hear a phone ringing and a muffled television. Stopping to catch her breath she looked ahead again. An endless sea of spotlights and bricks lay before her and lead her to wonder if she would ever make it.

_‘No… I can’t, I won’t give it… I need to get back!’_

There was a loud bang causing her to jump and scream out in fright. All of the spotlights had suddenly gone off save for one. She looked ahead and could see something there, a figure slumped against the wall. Did she approach it? Fear held her back but something about it made her want to continue.

_‘I can handle myself, I’m not a little girl! I can handle myself!’_

She walked towards the spotlight, her heart now pounding in her chest and approached the slumped figure. Asuka’s throat went dry at the sight of it, it wasn’t that of a human. Suddenly Asuka wanted to turn and run but her body refused to respond. All she could do was stare open mouthed at the object in front of her.

It was about the size of a four year old child and dressed in a red dress. Its tattered red hair obscured its face and in its hair were two red clips. Asukas knees were now shaking at the sight of it.

_‘No… No… No… Don’t show me this, don’t, don’t, please…’_

She closed her eyes.

“Asuka…”

The voice echoed all around her.

“No, this isn’t… this isn’t real…”

“Asuka…”

Asuka knew she shouldn’t but she opened her eyes again, the doll was still there but around it the wall had one reoccurring message around it. Scrawled over and over again.

_‘Die with me.’_

“Asuka…”

“No… what is this, what is happening…”

_“Asuka…”_

Asuka finally stepped back ready to flee when the voice sounded one last time.

“Asuka… stay with me.”

With those words the doll looked up at her, she screamed as a bright white light enveloped her.”

_\--------_

_“In the early hours of Sunday morning an explosion occurred in the South-Eastern district of New Berlin killing several people and leaving others seriously injured. The cause of the explosion is not yet known but the news out of the authorities investigating the area is that there was an accident relating to a gas main. We’ll have more on this as the investigation is ongoing. In the meantime WILLE have urged citizens that there is no danger to them and that they should continue as normal. We’ll have information on screen for anyone wishing to inquire about a relative.”_

Gendo switched off the television he had had brought into the room and scowled at the report. It was of course a huge fabrication. There was no gas explosion this had been caused by something or someone. Gendo naturally suspected Cohen but he had no proof and no motive and even if he did, as he was now he was powerless.

This made up two incidents in just a short amount of time regarding the pilots though. First there was the assassination attempt on his son and now an explosion in which Asuka was involved. He knew there was no coincidence here, someone was targeting the former pilots and he wanted to know who.

Whoever it was had to be well funded and connected, Section 2 were not an easy force to get around. Maybe the first attempt could be excused but they had been on heightened alert since that time with double the patrols. For someone to be able to get in and sneak a bomb into a café seemed next to impossible. Yet he knew it was possible because he knew from his dealings with the Angels, SEELE and his son that events with remarkable odds still had a possibility of occurring.

For now there was nothing he could do, he could berate the heads of Section 2 for letting something like this happen but that would achieve nothing. It was best he remained cool under the pressure, shown no emotion and betrayed nothing.

He sat for a time thinking over the possibilities of who this could be. Gendo was convinced that whoever was at the source was targeting the pilots. Very little people in the world knew who the Eva pilots were, that information was limited to immediate families, of which the pilots had none who weren’t already in the NERV or SEELE groups. There was the possibility of it leaking after Third Impact but it’d still be hard to target the pilots.

There was of course Cohen, he was the man behind Körper and now WILLE. He had already used a Marionette as he called them to attack Shinji and Asuka in the Tokyo-3 ruins and sent the drones after the Sindram but they were what Cohen had called controlled experiments. Cohen had gave his word that no harm would come to Shinji or Asuka as long as Gendo obeyed his word. Could Gendo trust his words? He couldn’t shake the feeling that Cohens hand was at work here.

Gendo was beginning to sense the futility of his thoughts right now, he was going in circles and not reaching any conclusions. Perhaps it’d be best for him to give up this evening and wait until tomorrow when he could assemble a meeting with Section 2. He stood to leave when his phone suddenly began to ring. He picked up the receiver and before he could get a chance to say anything a voice spoke. It was unrecognizable, distorted and robotic.

_“Gendo Ikari?”_

“Hello, who is this?”

_“A concerned citizen, we do not have long. You must listen to what I have to say. This line is clean but only for a limited amount of time.”_

Gendo wondered if this was some sort of joke, if so it wasn’t one he found amusing.

“I don’t have time for this, identify yourself.”

_“I cannot, as you are already aware today’s incident was not an accident Ikari. Those children are in danger, you need to get them out of the city as soon as possible.”_

“They’re in danger? How?”

_“Cohen wants them both, needs them both for his plans and he is setting it up so he can have them both. He is using his Marionettes to cause these incidents, I’ve forwarded you proof. Open it tomorrow at eleven hundred hours to see it. When you have done that you will see a number, commit it to memory and contact me again at this time tomorrow night. I will help you get the pilots out of the city.”_

“Wait what..!”

Gendo didn’t have time to finish his question due to the phone line going dead at that moment. He stared at the phone in his hand in disbelief. There was fear within him, for the last year he had felt like he was in control but now no longer he was the one being controlled. Gendo had always tried to supress his fear with that knowledge of being in control using it to balance out the insecurities and fears he had about his son and his life. Now he had no control and a sense his brief return to this world could be about to crash down.

\-------

Shinji stood over the bed glancing down at Asuka’s motionless body. She was sleeping peacefully, her chest gently moving in time with her breathing and the rhythmic sounds of the monitors in the background. Her left arm hung out of the sheets bandaged once again after it was damaged in the explosion. Little scars were dotted on her face from where she had been cut by the glass.

He looked over at the door at the shadow walking past. He shouldn’t be in here the nurses had told him to go home, that Asuka needed rest but he didn’t care. He wanted to be there, near to her when she woke up and to make sure she was alive. He might get shouted at for sneaking into the room but he didn’t care.

The feelings of guilt over the conversation earlier in the day still hung over him. He hadn’t expected Asuka to ask about Kaworu and now he felt like what had happened to Asuka was his fault. If he had explained better, not stumbled over words she might not have gotten the wrong idea. Guilt was a strange feeling, it could creep up on you for no reason and embed itself in you when there was no reason for it. This was one of those moments, what had happened had happened and no one was to blame but he still felt responsible.

“Hey… Asuka…”

Shinji gently placed a hand on her should fighting back the tears in his eyes.

“I don’t… know what to say Asuka but… I want you to be alright. I want you to wake up and everything be fine. I want you to wake up and call me an idiot, or hold my hand or get me to do something for you.”

He paused hoping maybe she would wake up but the only response he got was the beeping of the monitors. He felt stupid, the nurses had already told him she would make a full recovery and wake up in due time. So why was he trying to rush things, he should just go and get some sleep and leave her be.

Shinji didn’t want to do that though, he didn’t want to return to that apartment where he would be alone. Misato had already woken up and in her typical fashion had went straight back into work to work out what had happened. He didn’t want to see Toji and Kensuke, all he wanted was to be near Asuka.

He gazed at Asuka’s face, she looked peaceful and he wondered if she was dreaming and what she was dreaming about. He gently stroked her cheek and made his way over to the small sofa at the other side of the room and lay down on it. Without meaning to his eyes closed almost immediately.

\----

Shinji didn’t know how long he had slept for or what time it was when he woke up in the darkened hospital room. All he knows is that at the point of waking he leapt up and immediately ran over to Asukas bed where the redhead was screaming loudly.

“Asuka!”

He tried to reach towards her to hold her and calm her down. In the darkness he could make out her arm swatting him away, he felt a sharp pain as her hand slapped his across the face and a weak fist landed in his chest.

“NO! Don’t touch me, don’t come near me, I… I…”

“Asuka! It’s me!”

He reeled back but didn’t give up, she sat up and tried to get out of the bed falling forward. He only just managed to catch her as she continued squirming and yelling.

“Don’t… Don’t… come near me, I… I…”

He didn’t know what had happened, a reaction to a bad dream but she was still trying to get away. He held onto her with a bit more force and brought her towards him whispering into her ear.

“Asuka, shhh it’s me… it’s me…”

With the second time of him saying it he felt her finally stop moving and slump forward.

“Shinji?”

“It’s alright… it was, just a dream.”

She sniffed loudly and tried weakly to hold him tight but her arms offered little. He could feel the tears rolling down her face onto his shoulder.

“I… I’m sorry for scaring you.”

He rubbed the back of her head and steered her back to the bed and sat her on the edge of it. He sat beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder drawing her towards him.

“What happened?”

“I don’t want to… talk about it or remember it.”

He nodded, “I understand.”

“Did I hurt you?”

His face still stinging from the slap and his shoulder hurting from where she had thrashed around and caught him with her nails, Shinji decided to lie.

“No, I’m alright.”

“Liar.”

She laughed and looked up at him. The only light in the room was that of the outside corridor shining in through the little glass panel and the ambient glow of the monitors. Shinji could still make out her face in the light. He could see the tracks the tears had left on her face, her eyes were wide and her lips, although smiling were trembling. Whatever had happened had left her terrified.

“How long… have I been here for?”

“They brought you in just after noon earlier today, it was around midnight I think I fell asleep.”

Asuka took a few deep breaths and looked over her body, she was wearing a hospital gown and suddenly became very conscious of the fact that she was wearing very little underneath it. She had practically just thrown herself at Shinji. Thankfully he hadn’t noticed or she’d be feeling a lot more embarrassed than she already did.

“Um… Shinji, I’m going to get back under the covers now. Is that alright?”

“Huh? Oh of course.”

Shinji stood up and Asuka quickly got herself back under the covers ensuring none of her body was exposed. She felt a bit silly about it, Shinji had seen more than that during their swimming lessons and he wasn’t the pervert she always claimed he was but she did feel exposed at that moment.

She felt a pain shoot up her left arm as she got back under the sheets. Taking the time she examined her arm, it was bandaged again.

_‘Mein gott, barely a month after I get the bandages off of this thing I have another one put on… I’m glad I’m right handed.’_

Thankfully her eye was still intact, but as she felt her face she could feel the little cuts and scrapes from the accident and sighed.

_‘My face… how can I go out now looking like this?’_

“Are you alright now Asuka?”

Shinjis voice was soft, compassionate and what she needed right now. She squeezed his hand.

“I think so… it was… just a bad dream, wasn’t it?”

She could see him smile at her as he reached over to stroke her hair, “Yeah it was, I’m just over there if you need me.”

“Thank you.”

She watched as he got up and started to walk over to the little sofa.

_‘He… came here to be with me, he must have forgiven me for this morning… what an idiot, I don’t… deserve that’_

She smiled and lay back before sitting back up, an idea had formed in her mind. A way to apologize to Shinji and thank him.

“Hey Shinji, dya wanna kiss me?”

She spoke in her most teasing voice, the same one she had used months ago. She saw him sit up and give the exact response she had expected.

“Huh?”

“You know… kissing, we tried it once remember?”

“I… remember.”

Shinji did remember, he remembered Asuka pinching his noise, kissing him until he couldn’t breathe and then running off yelling at him. It had left him confused, angry and a little bit sad. He wondered what this was about now, why was she suddenly acting like this.

“So… do you want to?”

“I… Asuka, I don’t kno-“

It was going exactly as Asuka had imagined it to go, but she had answered prepared for him. She wanted to do this, it wasn’t the most ideal setting but much like when he had confessed his love to her the setting didn’t matter. It was the action that mattered.

“Are you scared?”

Shinji gave no response, she was sure she could see a little nod from him and without giving him anymore time to answer.

“So am I.”

“Really?”

He was standing up now and had walked over to her, she sat up a little bit more and reached out to hold his hand.

“Yes, but I want to do this. Do you?”

He leaned down, his face near to hers. She could see into his eyes now, she could see how scared he was but she could also see the love in his eyes. With her bandaged hand she reached out and caressed his cheek. She leaned forward and Shinji did the same. As his lips approached she could feel his breathing tickling the top of her lip. Resisting the urge to say anything or repeat last time she leaned closer as their lips made contact.

She gently stroked the back of his head and closed her eyes as they shared the moment. It felt strange, sort of awkward at first. None of them really knew what they were doing, she felt his hand gently caress her side.

Eventually their lips parted, it was definitely not like last time. This time they were both smiling and within a few seconds, their lips were meeting again.


	24. Get 'Em Out by Friday

Gendo’s hand hovered over the phone waiting for the clock to strike eleven. He remembered what the voice had said on the phone, he would send proof and give Gendo a number to memorise. Gendo had memorised the number and was now waiting until the exact moment to hit to contact him.

The proof the man had spoken of was firmly fixed in Gendo’s memory. Two sequences of images, the first was of a figure overlooking a street below. Aiming down the barrel of a sniper rifle and in the street below was his son and Asuka from the other week. The second sequence shown Vice Commander Katsuragi and Asuka in a vehicle and the inside of the café from which the explosion had occurred. In that one a figure could be seen as well. Gendo wasn’t sure he believed it but the figures weren’t human, they were the Marionettes under Cohen’s control.

He had suspected Cohen had something to do with the incidents but this was proof. Yet he felt this wasn’t the entire story, if Cohen was able to get the Marionettes in the city unnoticed then there was more going on than Gendo thought.

Finally the clock struck eleven and Gendo dialled the number, it rang three times and immediately the same voice from last night answered.

_“Gendo Ikari… you didn’t disappoint me.”_

“I saw your proof, now I want answers. Who are you?”

_“I cannot explain over the phone, I’m about to send you a location. I want you to go there straight away. Go straight to your car, do not stop to talk to anyone and do not linger at any point. I’ve got you a clear window to leave the building but it is only temporary.”_

There was a click as the line went dead. Gendo put the phone down and stood up to leave the office as instructed. He didn’t like this, everything about it felt wrong and the lack of control was getting to him. Yet this person knew things he didn’t and if it meant protecting Shinji then he would follow along for now.

\------

Misato leaned against the wall allowing the streetlight to light half of her body. She adjusted her hat allowing the front to obscure her face and reached around one more time to ensure her pistol was exactly where she needed it to be in case something went wrong. She felt dreadful, physically and mentally. Her arm and ribs had been bandaged and the headache that had lingered since the explosion was still present. It had only been a day, but she had to be here. This was her only opportunity, no matter what the doctors said.

The other side of it was Asuka and Shinji, they had been allowed to go back to the apartment and once again Misato wouldn’t be there to look over them or be there in the morning. How many times was this now? The perfect little family unit she had longed to have would just have to wait a little bit longer, until she knew what this was about.

It had started last night, a phonecall on her cell from the same ‘concerned citizen’ that had contacted her a few weeks ago. This time was different, the voice told her they had to arrange to get Asuka and Shinji out of New Berlin, to somewhere safe. Told her that they would contact her again in the morning with proof of the danger they were in. This was followed by a request to meet at this location.

She didn’t know how long she had been here for. It must have been past midnight now. Once again she reached for her gun for comfort and sighed.

_‘After the Angels… after NERV… after Third Impact this was supposed to be over. Is this the price we have to pay for trying to enter God’s domain? How much longer do we… do they have to suffer?’_

Misato couldn’t answer that question, all she could do was the same as she had done previously and that was fight. She didn’t know what she was fighting against but at least she knew what she was fighting for.

She peered down the road, in the distance she could see a car pull up and turn off its lights. Quickly she stepped out of the light cast by the streetlamp and withdrew the pistol from her holster. It was probably nothing she told herself. This was a dark secluded street with barely any lighting or presence, it was likely to be some horny couple come to have some fun.

Yet she gripped the pistol tighter as the sound of a car door opening and closing echoed and a figure started moving towards her. Misato took a few steps back ensuring she was completely hidden, if this was a trap she wanted to make sure she had some kind of advantage.

The figure moved forward coming towards the streetlamp and Misato stifled a gasp as she started to recognize the man. He walked with his eyes peering down at the ground, and one hand in his pocket. His face betrayed no emotion, she could hardly believe it. Was this the person who had contacted her, send her the images this morning and asked to meet her here?

_‘Gendo Ikari?’_

"Stop, don't move."

She stepped out and aimed the gun at him stopping him in his tracks.

_'This makes no sense, it can't have been Gendo who called me here. What the hell is going on.'_

Gendo stopped still, he didn't raise his hands he merely stopped. The light from the streetlamp half illuminating much in the same way Misato was. There was silence between them, he could sense the hatred from Katsuragi aimed in his direction. He didn't blame her yet he wondered if it was her who called him out here. Maybe an effort to kill him but that didn't sound like something she would do. He thought about the pistol he had brought with him for protection, hoping he wouldn't have to use it. Would he even be able to use it if Misato attacked him, she was Shinjis' guardian. If anything happened to her then what would happen to Shinji.

A thought suddenly crossed his mind. What if this was a trap, a means to eliminate one of or both of them. Lure them both out with some sort of proof and take them both out. There was also the possibility that Misato had set this up and was just being overly cautious.

"Miss Katsuragi, I will be honest with you. I am armed but I have no desire to use my weapon, especially against you."

Misato didn't lower her weapon. He had at least been honest about being armed but that didn't answer anything. Why was he here?

She decided asking him directly was the best course of action, if she was wrong about him calling her out here she was wrong but it was no use wasting time going over it in her head.

"Thanks for the honesty, are you going to tell me why you called me here? What were those pictures about, the phonecalls?"

Gendo shook his head, "I know as much as you do Katsuragi, I believe we have both been called here by the same source."

Misato wondered for a moment whether to believe him. If it wasn't Gendo who called her out here then who could it have been? There were few people who knew the both of them and their connection to the pilots. She didn't move from her spot, she didn't lower her aim.

"You still don't trust me do you?"

It was a stupid question on his part, her words exactly mirrored his thoughts after asking it.

"Why should I? You turn up claiming you want to repair your relationship with Shinji, after he rejects you once you flee and within a few weeks you're commander in a new city. You haven't given us any reason to trust you."

"I understand but there is mo-"

Suddenly a man’s voice cut through the darkness halting his words. It was a calm voice with a hint of an American accent.

"Mr Ikari, Miss Katsuragi. If we could be so good as to end the hostility, there are grander things at stake I fear."

Misato turned to watch another man approach, he was a somewhat tall gentleman. Bald and wearing a dark suit. Something about his blue eyes seemed familiar to her but she was unable to place it. Perhaps it was a mistake of hers but she didn't take her aim off of Gendo, for some reason she perceived him as the threat here.

"Miss Katsuragi, if you could please put the gun away. I pose no threat and Mr Ikari here poses no threat either. We all have a common interest here..."

Misato slowly dropped her aim and put the gun back into her holster. This must have been the man who had sent the images and the phone calls but who was he? She felt like she had seen him before somewhere. She felt like putting the gun away was a mistake, opening herself up for attack but the man had stepped forward knowing that both she and Gendo was armed.

Gendo remained silent, observing the situation. He had seen this man before somewhere, somewhere in his past he had met the individual only he didn’t look like he did not. The man he had met all that time ago was a little bit slimmer, and not bald. The accent, the smile and the way he spoke was the same though.

“I apologize to you both for leading you on in this way, I’ve gone to a great deal of effort to arrange this meeting at great risk to yourselves and myself but it is the only way.”

“This is about the pilots isn’t it?”

Gendo finally spoke, Misato cringed at the words. He couldn’t even namecheck his own son, it was just ‘the pilots.’

“Correct, as you’re both now aware the two incidents were not isolated. There is a guiding hand behind both incidents. Gendo you’re already acquainted with it, Miss Katsuragi I’m sure you will be too soon enough.”

Misato looked at Gendo and was tempted to reach for the pistol again. Gendo was acquainted with this person, did that mean he already knew that Asuka and Shinji had been targeted?

“You k-knew? You knew what was happening and you just sat by and let it?”

“I was not aware something like this would happen but yes I knew who was behind Körper. I had a suspicion he was behind this as well.”

“And you didn’t think to say or do anything?”

The man quickly stepped in between them before Misatos shouting would attract any attention or their argument would threaten to derail the situation.

“Please, this can wait. For now the attention needs to be on protecting those two children. My people have a plan to get them out of the city, but I need both of you to co-operate.”

Misato quickly stepped towards him.

_‘Plans… to get them out of the city? Is this guy insane, we’ve only just arrived, they’re in danger and he wants to send them away on their own! Who the hell does he think he is?’_

“No, they stay.”

Gendo also stepped forward speaking Misatos words before she even had a chance to say them.

“Whatever danger they are in, the best place for them is with Katsuragi. Despite her feelings towards me, I have full faith in her ability to protect Shinji and Asuka.”

She was surprised at what Gendo had said. He truly thought the best place for them was with her, with the lack of time she had spent with the two of them lately and both of them being attacked she wondered if that genuinely was the case. She had always doubted her ability as their guardian, she was trying but didn't feel like success was within reach.

“Ikari I wish that was possible but as it is if they stay here Cohen will keep rigging these accidents. He will continue to use them as an excuse to restrict their movements, to position more Section 2 agents. Eventually the only choice is to keep them at WILLE headquarters and then he will get what he wants from them.”

“Cohen already has the remaining Evangelion Units, he already had his Marionettes in the city. What possible use could he have for the pilot's.”

Misato went silent again.

_‘Cohen… I know that name…’_

“We don’t know exactly. We have agents within Cohen's ranks but getting to know his plans... that's another matter. All we know is he has expressed an interest in both Asuka and Shinji. That makes him dangerous. He thinks they are special. He knows that they were present for the forbidden fusion of Adam and Lillith, and they were the first to get pulled into it and the first to return. That means something to him.”

Gendo should have seen it coming and he felt like a fool for missing it. Shinji was the one chosen by Rei, by Lillith to dictate the path the world would take. Asuka was his trigger for starting that process, it would stand to reason that something about them would have changed and that Cohen, a man who had dedicated a portion of his life to uncovering the secrets of Lillith and performing experiments on it would be interested in that.

There were still other questions though, who was this man and could Gendo trust him? He didn’t like the idea of sending the two of them away, under Misato’s watch they had a guardian who could handle herself but on their own? They were skilled Eva pilots, they were intelligent and resourceful the few days they spent in the Tokyo-3 ruins proved that but this was much more.

“Both of you are well within your rights to not trust me. I know this seems very sudden but we have to move quickly. Cohen has moved faster than we anticipated, he has the Marionettes inside the city, it is only a matter of time before he makes another attempt to get at the pilots."

Both Misato and Gendo absorbed the information. Could they trust this man? He had appeared out of nowhere, leading them on with cryptic phonecalls and messages.

"Our window to get them out is two weeks from now, you don't have to make a decision yet. Tomorrow I'll send more proof that should convince you. Misato, I apologize in advance for any distress it may cause you. Some of the evidence was collected by one of our agents, a man I understand you were well acquainted with."

Katsuragi looked at him in surprise, “I-I-I Was?”

The man nodded grimly, “Yes, a Mr Ryoji Kaji.”

Misatos mouth went dry at the mention of her former lover’s name. She had never fully learnt about who Kaji had worked for, the man had ended up getting his hands everywhere. The UN, SEELE, NERV the Japanese Government. He was more than just a double agent. She resisted the urge to say anything else and let him continue.

Misato could hear a siren wailing in the distance, it seemed to be getting closer. The man looked around nervously.

“It sounds like we have to wrap this up. Before I leave I need to tell you one more thing. I won’t lie that I have a personal stake in this.”

“Which is?”

“That man is responsible for the death of my wife Kyoko.”

She gasped finally realizing where she had seen the man before. She had met him, it was over a year ago now and it was only a brief encounter. He had more hair then but now she looked at his face it was unmistakable. It was her first meeting between herself and Asuka. The man at the time hadn’t said much, just turned up to drop Asuka off while they ran some tests.

“…and I aim to ensure he isn’t responsible for the death of my daughter Asuka.”

\-------

“So what is the story between you and Shinji anyway?”

“Huh?”

“Well… I just noticed you two seem to be a lot closer these days.”

Asuka turned away from her friend so she couldn’t see her blushing. Asuka and Shinji hadn’t told their friends anything about their relationship yet, it’d just be too complicated to explain. They would just ask questions and neither of them felt like answering any questions yet. Hikari was her friend though, and it wasn’t like Asuka was embarrassed of being in a relationship with Shinji. She held hands with him when going out, she kissed him in public. It was just around to their friends they remained silent on the subject.

_‘Last thing Hikari heard me say before she left was how much I hated Shinji, how much I hated everyone. Those last few weeks were so painful… even if I wanted to I can’t discuss what has happened since we got back… what exactly would we say?’_

“Close with Shinji? Don’t be ridiculous Hikari, we just have to spend time together because of Misato, believe me I’d much rather be somewhere else.”

The moment the words left her mouth she felt a weight in her stomach. Almost immediately she knew what it was, guilt at the ridiculous lie she had just told. She hadn’t actually meant to sound as harsh as she did but they had both agreed to not say anything yet, Shinji would probably be saying the same to his friends.

_‘Of course knowing that idiot he has probably said something to them already, actually those two fools probably wouldn’t be able to sense anything. It’ll be fine.’_

“Oh I see… that’s a shame.”

“A shame? What are you talking about?”

“It’s just… been nice, you two would make a sweet couple that’s all.”

Her friends voiced was hushed and Asuka could see she was blushing. Hikari had always had a romantic side to her, she was able to see things in others that most couldn’t.

_‘That’d explain her attraction to Touji the stooge.’_

Still Hikari had hit the nail right on the head, Asuka and Shinji did make a sweet couple. In fact in Asuka’s eyes they made one of the sweetest couples around. Maybe she should tell Hikari instead of lying about it.

“Actually Hikari… something did happen bet-“

Asuka started but was cut off by her phone going off, it was Misato.

_‘Scheisse, what the hell does that drunkard want…’_

“Hallo?”

_“Asuka, we need to talk. Grab Shinji and meet me back at the apartment.”_

“Misato, I’m at school. Can’t this wait?”

_“No it can’t, it’s urgent. You, Shinji… return now.”_

“Fine, I’ll get him.”

Asuka hung up and sighed at her friend, the confession would have to wait. What could Misato want, and why did her guardian have to have the worst timing.

“Asuka, what happened?”

“Huh?”

“You were about to say something about you and Shinji.”

“Oh that, it doesn’t matter. Forget about it, speaking of the prize idiot, where is he?”

“I think he is on the roof with Toji and Kensuke. Are you skipping school again?”

“Misato’s orders, we’ve been summoned back. She probably has a hangover and can’t survive on her own without us, how she continues to be our guardian I don’t know.”

\-----

Shinji glanced out over the skyline of New Berlin. From the school roof he could see much of the city. It was very different to Tokyo-3. This city was not built to be a fortress, the builds did not retract into a Geofront and rise at specific intervals. New Berlin was a strange name for the city, the original Berlin still existed and had escaped any damage during Second Impact. The name just seemed to be something that had been given during the initial building and stuck.

Unlike Tokyo-3 there were very few skyscrapers in New Berlin, it had its number of high rise and tower blocks but everything felt a lot more spaced out. In Tokyo-3 the Evangelion matched the height of a number of the buildings, if Shinji were to be out in an Eva here it’d be like a giant stomping on a model village.

There was a lot more greenery here as well, the streets were lined with trees providing a stark contrast to the browns and greys of the brickwork. From here everything seemed so safe and tranquil, there was a gentle hum of traffic. Yet he knew lurking underneath there was something and it meant he couldn’t feel safe.

The influence of SEELE, although they no longer existed was still felt here. It was felt with the cities council being ran by WILLE, the organization formerly known as NERV. The organization currently ran by his father. As long as WILLE existed, as long as his father still oversaw everything he could never feel safe. He wished he and Asuka could just run away together, flee to some village and live their lives there.

_‘You idiot, what do you think running away would achieve? That’s what she’d probably say if I told her but… then again, maybe we could do something like that. Maybe not forever but go away for a while, she mentioned a holiday.’_

Thoughts of going on holiday with Asuka flashed through his mind, where would they go? He’d probably leave that to her, he didn’t mind as long as she was happy then he would be. That of course wouldn’t be possible, the city was on lockdown at the moment because of the attack on him the other week. Restrictions had since been tightened since the explosion which injured Asuka.

Not that it seemed to have affected Asuka that much. Her injuries had recovered quicker than the doctors expected and if she was bothered by it she certainly wasn't showing that. He was concerned about her, how couldn't he be but if there was something wrong she would surely tell him.

“Hey Shinji, think fast.”

Shinji had fairly quick reactions, he had to when he piloted Eva and had also found out that his reactions when playing video games with Asuka were fairly quick. They were not however quick enough to dodge the scrunched up piece of paper Touji had thrown at him. He had just about turned around for it to hit him square in the forehead.

“You looked lost in thought, that’s dangerous for you guys isn’t it?”

Shinji smiled, Touji was probably correct.

"So Shinji, me and Kensuke were talking and we wanted to know... what's the deal with you and the demon child anyway?"

"Huh?"

Shinji knew immediately who they were talking about. He had just not expected them to have asked a question like that.

"Come on Shinji, we've seen the way you two are together and we saw the way you both were before we left Tokyo 3, what happened? Did she brainwash you or something?"

"No nothing like that, nothing happened..."

_'Except for confessing our love to each other.'_

Shinji wanted to say something but both he and Asuka had agreed to keep their relationship a secret from their friends for a short while. They intended to tell them eventually but there was a story there, a story which involved a lot of pain. Figuring out what to tell them about the incidents after the evacuations, Third Impact, the journey on the Sindram was complicated. If they were to just say that they were in love they'd have to answer particulars, when, where, how and neither of them could answer that without getting a story set up.

Still would their friends be interested in the story? Shinji didn't like lying to them, and besides Asuka would likely tell Hikari. It'd be safe to tell Touji surely?

"Well if you insist but Kensuke swears you two have gotten closer. I told him it was silly, I mean she hated you before we were evacuated."

Hated was a strong word and Shinji cringed at its usage. The story was more complicated than that but that wasn't a story for Shinji to tell.

"She didn't hate me... we just, had things to deal with I suppose."

"Hey idiot"

For once Shinji was thankful for the shout of idiot, echoing across the rooftop. It gave him an exit from this conversation. Asuka walked over glaring at him, or at least pretending to. Touji stepped out of the way.

"Stooge, move it I need to talk to Shinji here."

Shinji watched as Touji started to protest but instead of risking incurring Asuka's wrath he made the smart decision and left.

"I'll catch ya later Shinji, good luck."

Shinji watched a little bit longer as Touji disappeared down the staircase and turned to Asuka who was now grinning at him.

"Convincing, don't you think? I'm a girl of many talents, you're very lucky to have me."

Shinji knew it was a light-hearted statement but he always got the feeling that he was very lucky to have Asuka. After everything that had transpired between them he still got the feeling that he didn't deserve her affection or love.

"Very..."

"Hey what's wrong, I was only playing around."

"I know that! I just-"

"No, no 'I just', no thinking. Just accept it, we don't have time. The drunken one has summoned us to the apartment, says it's urgent."

"Oh, what was it about?"

"How should I know? She just said it was urgent, so we had better go. Oh and I forgot to give you something this morning."

He thought back, somewhat confused. They had brought everything they needed with them this morning. What could she be referring to?

"Huh, what's th-"

She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

"That, now let's go."


	25. Seize The Night

Shinji was awoken by the light tapping on his door, he slowly opened his eyes to see Asuka’s form moving as she too was waking up. He turned to see the light on his alarm clock, three in the morning as planned. The door opened slowly and Misato poked her head around, she was in her old NERV uniform. Her form was dimly lit by the light of the corridor, she spoke softly but sternly.

“Shinji, Asuka… it’s time to go.”

Shinji could feel himself blush in the darkness, they had both fallen asleep in his bed again. They were supposed to hide that from Misato, she knew they were in a relationship but how would she react to them sharing the same bed? They hadn’t done anything but it was still something that just wasn’t supposed to happen. Still Misato didn’t react to it, she had more important things to worry about.

Shinji felt nervous, it was to be expected. By the time the morning came both he and Asuka were to have left New Berlin on their way to a pre-arranged destination. No one knew apart from those two and Misato. They had to keep it secret from their friends, act as if everything was alright but in reality it was far from alright.

Shinji climbed out of the bed and quickly put on his clothes, Asuka was still in the room but that wasn’t important. They had a limited amount of time and embarrassment could wait for another time. He heard Asuka slowly get up.

“I’ll take our bags out to the front room. Asuka.”

“Thank you.”

Shinji picked up the two rucksacks they had packed for their journey. It contained the basics they’d need. A few pairs of clean clothes, first aid supplies, sanitary products and a few personal items. Neither of them had much but it that was probably for the best, it made packing the items easier.

He headed out into the main corridor where he saw Misato leaning against the wall with her arms folded. The first thing that hit him was the smell of the cigarette she was smoking. He looked up to see the fire alarm had been disconnected and shot a frown her way.

“You know those things are bad for you right?”

“I know, I only smoke on… certain occasions. Not sure why but I needed it tonight to calm my nerves… besides it is only one right?”

He placed the two bags down and waited for Asuka to leave the room. Eventually she did heading straight for the bathroom. He saw Misato looking at him, still smiling and blushed again.

“I…It isn’t wha-“

“Don’t worry Shinji, I know you and Asuka have a more unique relationship than others your age. Maybe it’s irresponsible of me but if you two are happy than so am I…”

There was no teasing in her voice, no joking or playing around. He realized that his guardian probably wasn’t as stupid as they sometimes thought, she was observant and she loved them both deeply. His eyes threatened to well up at the thought of what’d happen after tonight. They might never see her again.

He didn’t want to go, he wanted to stay here with Asuka and Misato. He wanted to be a family, to go to school and enjoy his life. Fate had other plans for him though, the curse called Evangelion that had hung over him for the past year was still active and shown no signs of fading. For every bit of progress he or they made there was always something threatening to pull them back.

“Thank you.”

Asuka returned from the bathroom, she looked pale, irritated and tired. Shinji smiled at her, she weakly returned it.

“Are you alright?”

Asuka nodded, “I’m fine… let’s do this.”

\-------

Shinji had no idea where they were going, once they had gotten outside the apartment Misato had lead them quietly through a couple of streets and back-alleys to a waiting vehicle. Inside was a man who greeted Misato in a hushed voice. The car ride itself was silent, Shinji turned to look at Asuka. She was staring out of the window, still pale and unless Shinji was mistaken in some sort of discomfort.

He leaned over and whispered, "Are you alright?"

She nodded, saying nothing continuing to stare out of the window. She wasn't alright, but it wasn't what Shinji was thinking. There was no anxiety or worrying, or tiredness or feeling ill instead it was the pain present in her lower abdomen that was causing her discomfort.

_'Of all the times it had to be now, why does it always hurt so goddamn much? Like I needed this today of all days, not only do I have to wake up this early but this as well...'_

She wanted to say something but couldn't exactly say it out loud to Shinji, would he even understand? She didn't exactly remember this subject coming up in their biology classes in school. This wasn't exactly something she had made a big deal out of before to him, it didn't usually hit her this hard. She got out her phone and tapped out a message in the notes, what could she even say to him?

_'I'm fine, nothing you can do. Don't worry about it :-) '_

Hopefully that'd get him to not worry at the very least. It'd probably wouldn't because it was Shinji and that was what he did. She thought it was cute most of the time but in this case she'd rather the subject just be dropped. It did look for a moment like he was going to say something else, instead he got out his phone and tapped a message back.

_'Okay, if you need anything, just ask.'_

She slipped the phone back into her pocket and reached into her jacket pocket to make sure the things she had prepared were still there. She knew they would be but yet she checked anyway. First was the small rectangular device, her music player. The new one that Shinji had bought her after her previous one was destroyed in the explosion. Attached to it was the headphone splitter and two sets of headphones, one set for her and one for Shinji.

_‘I still owe Shinji for that music player… I know he said not to worry about it but I can’t have him just getting me things without paying him back somehow.’_

It was a ridiculous way of thinking, just because he had done something for her didn’t mean she had to pay him back. He didn’t want her to but it was a pride thing, she didn’t want to have things done for her without proving she was capable of doing something similar.

She thought about the playlist she had loaded onto the device, she wasn’t sure if Shinji would even like it. Truth be told she wasn’t actually sure what music he enjoyed, she meant to ask him but it had never came up. Obviously he played the Cello, and during their time in Tokyo 3 she had seen him listening to his SDAT a lot.

_‘Come to think of it, I haven’t seen his SDAT since we returned… did he lose it?’_

She got her phone back out, she wasn’t sure why she was communicating with him in this way. They could have just spoken to each other. The atmosphere in the car was already tense though, it felt like talking was forbidden.

_‘Hey Shinji, what happened to your SDAT?’_

She held the phone to him but he was peering out of the window, watching the rain falling down the side. She knew immediately how to get his attention, she had found out recently Shinji was remarkably ticklish. Something she had planned to exploit in the future. She readied a finger and gently poked it into his side, causing him to jolt upright and glare at her. He looked like he was ready to say something but instead saw that she was holding out her phone to him, he read the message and took the phone off of her and tapped out a reply.

_‘I lost it in Tokyo 3 :-(‘_

She felt a pang of sadness at the reply, and quickly tapped out another question.

_‘Did it mean a lot to you?’_

He took the phone back off of her reading the question. The SDAT meant a lot to him, for some it was outdated technology but that wasn’t what was important to him. It was a way for him to escape from the world he hated, into a world he loved. It was also a connection to his mother, it was one of the one things he had of hers since she had died.

_‘It was my mothers, it was the only thing I had of hers.’_

Asuka didn’t regret asking, she understood the sadness he was feeling. She had little herself of her mother so anything she might have had she’d want to keep. She clutched the music player he had bought her in her pocket tightly.

_‘I won’t let this go Shinji, thank you.’_

“Asuka, Shinji we’re here.”

She looked out the window just in time to see the car pull up at an old warehouse. The rain was coming down strongly now, there were a few vehicles already parked up. A van, a transport vehicle for soldiers and miscellaneous cars. One of the shutters was wide open, inside a small group of people were walking about, in the dim lighting she couldn’t make out their face or features.

\---

Shinji stepped out of the car and zipped up his jacket trying to shelter himself from the rain. He moved around to the back of the car as the driver popped open the boot and handed both he and Asuka their respective rucksacks.

Shinji follow behind them scared of what would happen after tonight. He had no idea where they were going, had no idea what they were going to do all he knew was that Misato had been convinced by someone that Asuka and he had to be evacuated. She hadn’t explained the details, at first they had resisted and told her that they wanted to stay and that they could deal with whatever was coming. Misato had held firm though, and in the end convinced them. They were to leave, they weren’t to tell anyone of their plans to leave and it was to happen on this night and at this time.

It barely felt real, he half expected to wake up any moment now. Only he knew he wouldn’t. At least he would be with Asuka.

As he entered the room his eyes searched around at the various people gathered. He recognized none of them but he did recognize the uniforms they were wearing. Dark blue zip up tops, a blue triangle motif on the left breast and a red triangle motif on the neck. They were identical to the ones Kaji had worn. Were these people related to NERV in some way?

He continued searching the room, and felt his blood run cold at the sight of him. At the far end talking to another gentleman. Looking at a map propped up on a makeshift table was his father. Gendo looked up to meet his eyes. Shinji felt Asukas’ hand slip into his.

“Don’t… do anything Shinji.”

He felt a hand on his back and looked up, Misato was there now as well. She was looking down at him, her face still stern but now softening.

“What is he doing here… did he?”

“Your father helped arrange this Shinji, it’s up to you whether or not you speak to him. I’m not going to make that decision for you but if you want to confront him you have to do it now.”

“Asuka, what should I do?”

Asuka grabbed his other hand and turned him to face her.

“I can’t answer that for you Shinji, but don’t do anything you’ll regret. Tell him you hate him, tell him everything but make sure it’s what you feel.”

Shinji nodded and slowly walked towards his father. Asuka watched as she felt Misato slip in closer.

“Your father is here too Asuka.”

Asuka nodded, “I thought he might be… he set all of this up didn’t he?”

Misato was somewhat stunned to hear Asuka say that, how could she have known.

“I… suspected there was more to him when we visited them. On the night of the attack he spent a lot of time talking to Shinji, I thought that was a bit strange but then… I was looking through some old photos of him and I saw a picture of his team. I guess I wasn’t supposed to see it. Kaji was a part of his team, I knew at that moment he was more involved than I thought…”

“How do you feel about that?”

Asuka shrugged, “I don’t know, I guess… he has his reasons doesn’t he?”

\---

“Shinji…”

“Father.”

"We will probably never see each other again after tonight."

Those words felt so familiar to Shinji. A sentence like that had been spoken to him before by his father only this time they carried a different meaning. On that occasion Shinji had senses malice and disappointment this time there was regret behind them. For two weeks, since learning he was going to leave Shinji had thought about this. His feelings for his father were no less complex than they had been after the shooting. He was sure he hated the man, sure that he wanted no contact with him and was certain that he had nothing to say to him. Now he felt like he had a thousand things to say and ask.

_'This is my last chance.'_

"Probably not. Father..."

What was he even going to ask? Why did Gendo abandon him? Why was Gendo scared of him? Why did Gendo act the way he did over the course of the last year? Would having the answers to those questions help in any way? He already knew the answers, because Gendo was a coward. He was afraid of being hurt and hurting Shinji so instead of acting like a father he put the responsibility on others and tried to find a solution where he couldn't hurt Shinji or be hurt by Shinji. Did Shinji really need to know anything else about his father? Probably not. There was something though he could learn.

"Father... what was mother like?"

Gendo was taken aback by the question, he had expected Shinji to ask him a number of things but hadn't factored in that his son might want to learn about his mother. Of course Shinji probably knew most of what he wanted to about Gendo, Yui on the other hand he knew little about. No one had really taken the time to talk about Shinji's mother to him.

"Your mother was, an amazing woman. Very talented and highly regarded in her field and one of the kindest souls I've ever met. She saved me and for a time she was all I had until you came along. When you were born we had everything Shinji, and then merely four years later she left us."

Gendo had that day etched into his memory, he recalled it everyday. He was sat behind the desk observing the Evangelion contact experiment his wife was about to undergo. Stood watching a short distance away was a four year old Shinji excited to be in the lab but unable to comprehend the events going on that day. In a heartbeat everything had gone wrong, alarms sounded and when they looked within the Eva, she had gone.

Shinji of course remembered little if anything of the event, it was perhaps too traumatising for the young boy to remember. Gendo however had made sure to remember every detail of it. If he knew then what he knew now, that it was all part of Yuis plan would he have acted any differently.

"Did you know what she was going to do."

"I didn't, she kept it secret from all of us. She knew what was going to happen though, she knew the experiment would pull her inside the Eva and she would never return."

"Why did she do it then?"

Gendo had asked himself that question numerous times since returning. It wasn't until Third Impact that he learned that Yui knew what would happen. Was the plan to always build towards Third Impact and Instrumentality? Yui knew SEELE more than anyone, it was only after her death that Gendo learned of the Human Instrumentality Project... was her aim to stop it?

"Yui wished to stop SEELE I assume."

"Yet you helped them towards their goal."

"I wished to be re-united with Yui... my goal was to use their scenario and use Unit 01 to reunite us both with her in Instrumentality. I was to be the centre of it, fortunately for the world Rei saw fit to change that."

Shinji was startled by the honesty, but it didn't calm him or make him feel any better. In many ways it just served to confuse and hurt him more. He had been told once that the truth can be painful and this certainly was. There was little he could do though but accept it and progress forward, he couldn't run away from the facts.

"Shinji... I know I don't deserve your forgiveness so I won't ask for it. I shouldn't even be here now but I am so I ask that you do something for me."

"What is it?"

"Be a better man than me, both you and Miss Sohryu look after each other. Don't allow yourself to be a coward like I've been, you still have a future, you still have the opportunity to change things."

"So do you."

Shinjis words hit him hard. Gendo had all but resigned himself in the past weeks to the fact that he couldn't progress. All he could do was focus on ensuring Shinji got out of the city and deal with the aftermath.

"When this is over we'll return and finish this conversation. Father."

\---

Asuka stared out across the courtyard at the vehicles being loaded up. It unnerved her seeing so many people armed walking back and forth. There was a heavy tension in the air.

_‘Is this what it felt like before the JSSDF attack on NERV I wonder?’_

She gingerly rubbed her stomach, the pain had subsided a bit from earlier but it was still present. Seems the painkillers Misato had given her had done the trick. She sensed a presence behind her, a moment later an arm had been wrapped around her shoulder. It was strong, definitely not Shinjis. She looked up and saw her Dad also looking out.

“I’m sorry our time together had to end this way Asuka.”

“What’s going to happen after tonight? To you I mean?”

“We’ll be fine, but we’ll be leaving the continent and continuing the fight against Cohen from other locations. It isn’t exactly on our terms but it was never going to be, hopefully this will unsettle him enough for us to gain some ground. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“I enjoyed seeing you both the other week you know. Thank you for giving me all that music.”

“Are you enjoying it?”

Asuka nodded, “Yeah, although my music player got damaged in the explosion the other week. Shinji bought me a new one though, so I’ve got it all loaded onto that.”

“A lot of that isn’t just mine, some of it was your mother’s favourites as well. I’ll let you try to figure out which is which.”

Asuka smiled, “When we were over yours the other week, what did you say to Shinji on the balcony?”

Her Dad laughed, “Oh, well I just asked him how you had been. You know usual fatherly stuff, trying to figure out if he was good enough for my daughter and I also told him to look after you.”

“Look after me? Hah, that idiot needs me to look after him.”

“You know you sounded exactly like your mother then.

Asuka felt his hold tighten on her when he spoke of her mother. She raised a hand and gently took hold of one of her fathers’ hands. Growing up she had always resented her father for getting married so quickly after her mothers’ death. She had heard the others speaking at the hospital condemning it and in truth she guessed she believed some of it. She never really thought about the toll it must have taken on the man.

“Do you miss her?”

“Every day.”

\---

Shinji exited the room from where he had been talking with his father. He saw Asuka at the other end of the warehouse and made his way over to her. His heart felt somewhat lighter after the meeting. There was no forgiveness, no hug, but there was something there a sign of progression. In the warehouse he could see the various people finishing their preparations. Misato was talking to Asuka’s father about something.

Suddenly there was an intense bright light from outside the warehouse. Immediately the air was filled with voices shouting. He could recognise Misatos voice above it all, shouting instructions.

“They’re discovered us already!”

“How is that possible?”

“I can’t see anything.”

One voice rose above the others, it belonged to Asuka’s father.

“Stand firm people, we expected this to happen. It’s just a little bit sooner than possible. Remember our priority is the children.”

Slowly the warehouse faded back into view only now Shinji could see the form of several floating objects outside. He quickly ran over to Asuka who had taken cover behind a series of crates. Shinji recognized the objects as being the same drones that had attacked the Sindram.

At the other end of the warehouse another door was being opened. As soon as it was a black car made its way into the warehouse parking up exactly where Asuka and Shinji were crouching. The back door pinged open and a familiar voice beckoned them to get inside.

“Quickly get in!”

Shinji turned to Asuka, with a brief notion she nodded at Shinji and the two of them darted to the back seats of the car getting in and taking cover. They looked in the front to see the driver, it was a woman. Shinji recognized her as Adler, the former vice commander of NERV Germany. What was she doing here?

“Now we wait.”

“What for? Shouldn’t we be going?”

Adler shook her head, “Not yet, if we leave now those drones will tear us apart. Just watch.”

Shinji watched on as the drones hovered in position at the front of the warehouse. They didn’t move seemingly waiting for some sort of signal or instruction. Within the warehouse a line of officers took up positions at various points, making sure to keep their distance. Each person was setting up a device, it was a tripod with some sort of item mounted on the top of it. It didn’t look big enough to be a gun, besides that would be useless the Drones had A.T. Fields. The only thing that could have taken them out was an Eva.

Asuka observed the scene quietly, watching as her father directed the human traffic. She didn’t know what they had planned but she had faith that whatever it was would work. The officers finished their contraptions. The drones had moved forward a little bit and were slowly entering a formation. She had seen this behaviour before on the Sindram, they’d link together and that’d presumably increase their strength.

Each officer aimed their device at a different section of the drone formation. A red pointer could now be seen where the devices were aiming. She could now hear someone counting down.

_“3… 2… 1… NOW!”_

Simultaneously each officer pressed a button on the devices which sent a red beam of light directly at the drone formation. The result was exactly as she had suspected, the drones raised their A.T. Fields stopping anything from progressing. In that instance where was a violent white flash as the two light sources connected.

“It’s not working… the A.T. Fields…”

Adlers voice came through again, “Just watch…”

Asuka and Shinji continued to watch as the beams continued to hit the A.T. Field. Slowly they saw the beams begin to splinter at the point of the field. Each beam connected with another covering the fields completely.

“The fields…”

Shinji finished her sentence for her, “…are vanishing.”

Sure enough the A.T. Fields that belonged to the drones had vanished. Within seconds another line of officers opened fire on the drones, picking them off easily as their weapons pierced the drones weakened armour.

_“Adler… that’s phase one complete, we’re commencing phase two now. Get ready.”_

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

_‘Phase two? What’s phase t-‘_

Shinji didn’t get the opportunity to finish his thought as another bright white light swept through the night. It was much more intense than the first one and off in the distance he could see a familiar white cross explode in the night sky. There was another flash, another explosion as another cross was sent up into the air. This was followed by another.

There was a sound of gunfire behind him as the vehicle began moving. His eyes widened at the sight of the scene. The officers had turned their devices around and were now aiming at new targets. The creatures that he had come to know as Marionettes had now entered from the other side of the warehouse and were approaching the officers. One of them was taken down with ease, but another managed to dodge the blast from the devices.

It broke into a run and in one motion sunk its clawed hand deep into one of the officers’ abdomen before tossing the officer away with ease. The air was filled with the sound of gunfire and shouting as more creatures entered the building.

The officers were begin to double back towards the waiting transports. Working at a steady rythym of aiming the Anti A.T. field weapons, disabling the field and killing a Marionette. For every one they killed another two entered. For every two that entered more officers were going down.

He turned towards the room where his father was and saw Gendo finally emerge, look around and begin heading towards one of the vehicles. In that moment time seemed to slow down. Gendo was about to make it to one of the vehicles when he was stopped by someone, not just anyone but Misato.

It looked like they were discussing something but Shinji couldn’t make out what it was. An argument maybe? They were slowly moving away from the two of them and Shinji could hear nothing from them over the yelling and sound of gunfire.

His stomach tightened when he saw Misato shove him backwards, what could they be arguing about? Then in one swift motion his blood ran cold, Misato pulled out her handgun. Without warning and without remorse she unloaded a bullet into Gendos’ chest sending him flying back onto the floor.

On instinct Shinji started yelling.

“FATHER!”

He heard a gasp from Asuka next to him as he scrambled towards the door. Almost immediately he Asuka pulled him back into the seat and clutch him tightly towards her. Shinji desperately tried to scramble forward, reaching and clawing towards the door of the car. He had to know what had happened, he had to know why. Asuka was much stronger than him though, holding him tight and pinning him down onto the seat. She reached into her pocket for something pulling out the music player.

“Shinji, put these in. Please… Trust me…”

He stared at her blankly, her face was emotionless or was that just a façade. Something she was putting on to calm him down? He tried one more time to get out of her grasp only to be slammed down again onto the seat. This time she was more forceful pushing him into the seat.

“Shinji! I said to not do anything stupid, just do as I say.”

Shinji felt his eyes well up as he slowly reached up took the earphones from Asuka. His hands were shaking as he put them into each ear. It was difficult to do so as Asuka kept him held firmly down. He kept his eyes fixed on her as she did the same. She scrambled through the list of songs on the player before hitting random and a song immediately came on. It was an old track, the organ melody in its introduction was familiar to her but at the same time it was very different.

_‘We skipped the light fandango,  
turned cartwheels across the floor.’_

He gently lay his head down on Asukas’ lap letting the sound of the music into his ears as she stroked his head. Shinji noticed at this point she was shaking as well, terrified at what she had just seen. It had made no sense, Gendo was there to help them wasn’t he? Why did Misato shoot him? What had just happened?

Asuka wanted to say something, to ask Adler but Adler was busy driving. Weaving the car in and out of the drones that had assembled in the sky above them and avoiding the Marionettes that had been placed on the roads. Instead she closed her eyes sat back, letting Shinji rest his head in lap and just stroking his hair trying to calm him down.

Shinji was going over the scene again, it couldn’t have been real. It must have been some sort of ploy. Why would she just shoot him like that, it had happened but why? It looked like they had argued but again… why?

He opened his eyes, they were stinging as the tears were building up in them. Around the car he could make out explosions, and flashes as bullets were fired and drones exploded. It was too much, he closed his eyes again focusing on her caresses and the music.

 _‘And so it was that later_  
_As the miller told his tale_  
_That her face, at first just ghostly,_  
_Turned a whiter shade of pale.’_


	26. Along For the Ride

_‘In the early hours of last night a state of emergency was called after terrorists attacked several points in the German city of New Berlin. As of yet there have been no confirmed casualties but there are said to be several injured. Amongst these is the Commander of WILLE Gendo Ikari who was shot in the chest. No organizations have stepped forward to claim responsibility for the attacks but it is believed that this was an attack focused on WILLE as the attacks took place at several locations owned and operated by the group._

_Police are urging citizens to be cautious when out and about and a curfew will be put in place this evening. We have also been informed that security on the borders of the city will also be tightened and to remind citizens that no one is to leave the city._

_Police have also sent a warning to be on the look-out for former WILLE Vice-Commander Misato Katsuragi. Miss Katsuragi was witnessed on the scene of one of the attacks shortly before they occurred. They have said that if she is seen to not approach as she can be considered armed and dangerous. If seen contact the police or WILLE security forces immediately.’_

Adler turned down the volume on the radio and breathed a sigh of relief at the report. Everything had so far gone to plan. They had managed to stir up enough chaos in New Berlin to get Shinji and Asuka out of there, it hadn’t been easy but now she was approaching six hours of continuous driving and the border between Germany and Poland. Once over the border she could finally stop and rest. She had been given a location of a small village there which could give her fuel and supplies and then the journey would continue again towards the Russian borders and eventually into Northern Russia. Depending on how many hours they travelled a day they could make it in a week, once there they might be safe.

She glanced in the rear view mirror. Asuka was sitting up staring out of the window, she had long ago taken her earphones out. Stretched out asleep with his head resting on her lap was Shinji. Every now and then Asukas’ hand would gently stroke his hair in a calming gesture. Adler hadn’t said anything to them on the journey, not after what had happened to Gendo.

She turned her eyes back to the road wondering just what she had gotten herself into. At the start of the year everything had seemed relatively normal. Reports from Tokyo-3 were positive, there were no more expected Angel attacks and her own mission for NERV was going fine. She had her own carrier, a small fleet and a happy crew. Five and a bit months later that had all gone, the Sindram had been decommissioned after the drone attack. NERV had been shut down and rebranded to WILLE. She had learned some of the truths behind the Evangelions and the Third Impact and had been recruited to help fight against the man in charge of WILLE.

_'Have I done the right thing?'_

She looked again in the mirror. Asuka was still staring out of the window, Shinji was still asleep. What could either of them be thinking? How were they both able to function having been through all that they had been through? Was it because they had each other or was it something else. Ever since the Second Impact children were no longer just children. They were forced to grow up much quicker, contribute to their societies much quicker and help out in the rebuilding of the world. Certain countries saw this more than others but this had to have been true for Asuka and Shinji more than anyone.

She felt so sorry for them. Adler, even with all she had been through when she was younger. The loss of her father and leg couldn't even begin to imagine the pain those two had suffered. Yet she knew there was going to be more, she knew their journey wasn't over yet. They had got out of the frying pan that was New Berlin but waiting for them in Northern Russia was a raging inferno.

_'Also the means to extinguish it... but we have to put our faith in those two. They are the only two who can do this.'_

The thoughts hit her hard. Once again entrusting the future of the world to Shinji and Asuka. Langley had told them when they planned the escape what lay at their destination. He had also made them promise to not say anything to the two former pilots, especially not Asuka. She had to find out on her own. Adler felt guilty though, like she should say something but if she did would that just mess up the entire plan? If she didn't would that not be worse?

_'When they find out... they'll never forgive us. They'll hate us.'_

\---

Asuka continued to stare out of the window, she could have slept but the dull ache in her lower stomach was hindering any potential attempt. Instead she listened to the music on the music player, then when the battery was running low she switched that off to listen to the radio and the sound of the car engine. All the while she stared at the changing German scenery.

The sun was starting to rise now and with it she could see further along the German countryside. It was so open, so spacious, a more childlike part of her wanted to go out amidst all the grass and flowers and farmland and just lie there but of course that wouldn’t be possible. They had to get out of Germany, put more space between them and the people who were after them.

She shifted slightly making sure to not wake Shinji and again gently ran her hand through his hair. Shinji had been asleep for a few hours. After she had got him to put the headphones in he had rested his head on her lap and shortly afterwards fallen asleep. He looked so peaceful, so calm and cute laying there but she knew that the truth of what was inside was not peaceful.

_‘What happened back there? Misato shot Commander Ikari… but why?’_

Asuka had heard the news report, absorbing every detail of it. Gendo had been shot in the chest and had been taken into hospital. His injuries were severe but not life threatening. Misato on the other hand was now wanted in connection with the attack. Was that part of the plan?

Asuka knew little of the plan only that it was to get her and Shinji out of the city. At first she thought it would be to another part of Germany. They were closing on the Polish border now, was that where their final destination lay?

“Hey… where are you taking us?”

Asuka saw Adlers eyes quickly dart to the mirror to view Asuka, “We’re heading towards a small village in Poland, your father has agents posted there who can look after us. Provide us accommodation for the evening.”

“And then?”

“Then tomorrow we start on our journey again, up to Lithuania, through Latvia and across the Russian border.”

Asuka sighed as she processed the information. Her grasp of European was somewhat shaky, it wasn’t one of her better subjects but she knew depending on how long they drove for it’d probably be a week minimum before they reached the Russian border.

“Is he alright?”

“Huh?”

“Shinji… what he saw as we were leaving, I know he didn’t really get on with his father but seeing his own father get shot. He wasn’t... supposed to see that.”

In truth Asuka didn’t know how Shinji was feeling, he had been asleep for the better part of the car journey. They hadn’t exchanged any words while he was awake, all she had seen was him listening to whatever tracks came up on the music player with his eyes shut. Every now and then she’d hear a muffled noise from him but that was it. There had been very little, there had been no tears, no further yelling, just quiet.

Something about Adlers words had piqued her curiosity though, what did she mean by saying Shinji wasn’t supposed to see that? Asuka thought she should ask but it could wait until later, when Shinji wasn’t in danger of hearing. For now making sure he was calm and looking after him was her priority.

Asuka wondered what the angry Asuka from last year would think if she saw her now. The Asuka who did not hesitate to berate Shinji at every opportunity, who didn’t hesitate to call him a pervert and deride him and his abilities. The Asuka who only had one thing in mind and that was showing how good she was, her only goal to be the best Evangelion pilot of the bunch. She wondered if maybe she had changed of the last few months. Her interactions with Shinji had certainly changed, she no longer derided him or called him a pervert all the time. Other parts of her maybe not so much, she still took pride in what she did and she still set out to be the best. She still wanted people to know just how good she could be.

She shot Adler a smile, “He’ll be alright. After all he has me. What more could anyone want?”

_‘I might not be an elite pilot anymore Shinji… but I am going to look after and protect you. No matter what happens. I’m Asuka Langley Sohryu, I excel in everything I set out to do and this will be no exception.’_

“We should be arriving at the village in half an hour, should we wake him up?”

Asuka looked down, “Leave him be, just give us a few moments alone when we arrive and I’ll talk to him as well.”

She wasn’t sure what she would talk to him about, she’d just have to improvise but there was no telling what sort of state Shinji was going to be in when he woke up. Either way she was the only person who would be able to ensure he was alright.

Adler glanced at the two of them and felt that pang of guilt again. They weren’t supposed to have seen or known about the exchange between Misato and Gendo. Would telling Asuka that make things easier? Would it help Shinji? They hadn’t discussed the possibility of this happening when planning. They had a reason for going to their final desintation and that was something she wouldn’t be able to tell them. They had to discover that themselves but this was different.

“In which case, before you wake him there is something you should know…”

“It’s about his father isn’t it?”

“You’re very perceptive.”

“Of course I am, I wouldn’t have been such a good pilot and leader of the other two if I wasn’t.”

Asuka might have lied a little bit about being the leader of the three pilots. In truth there wasn’t really a leader, although she had devised a successful plan to defeat an Angel once so that did count. Adler was about to tell her but Asuka quickly moved to stop.

“Tell me when we arrive, then I’ll tell Shinji whatever he needs to know.”

Asuka looked down again and again ran her hands through his soft brown hair, she envied his ability to sleep at times like this. When she slept after an incident like this all she found was nightmares, Shinji for the entirety of his dreaming looked peaceful, a million miles away from the hell he had just witnessed.

\---

Shinji’s eyes opened slowly and he found himself looking straight ahead at the back seat of the vehicle. He slowly sat up looking around, the car was parked up at some small petrol station. Outside he could hear voices belonging to Asuka and woman he knew as Adler. He felt numb with the realization that the last night wasn’t some strange dream but was in fact very real. He recalled the image of Misato shooting his father in the chest and strangely enough he felt nothing. Just a strange numbness. It was exactly the same as when Kaworu had been killed, part of him wanted to cry but he just felt nothing.

_‘Misato… why did you?’_

Shinji remembered the last words his father had said to him before the warehouse had been attacked. There wasn’t a reconciliation between the two, no sudden understanding between them or common ground found. He had certainly not forgiven his father for everything and there was no hug or handshake on departing. Just the same awkward silence. What had happened though was a step was taken, the potential for something and within moments it had been ripped away.

_‘The same story… every time we progress forward we get knocked back… what’s the point?’_

He looked over at Asuka just in time to see her look back towards the car. Shinji was unable to make out what they were saying to each other but Asuka didn’t look happy about it. Within a moment she had walked back over to the car and had opened the door. She knelt down beside him and gently caressed his face.

“How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know.”

“Adler has to fill up the car with petrol and get a few things, she said she’ll be about ten minutes. There is something I need to tell you, come on.”

She took his hand but Shinji made no motion to move. He knew Asuka was trying to help him but right now he just wanted to be left alone, “Just leave me.”

Asuka let go of his hand and knelt down bringing her face level with his again. She was smiling at him, “Shinji, if you don’t get out of the car I’ll carry you out. You know I can do that, so it is your choice. Now I have something to tell you, so come with me.”

He couldn’t help but smile softly at her words. Asuka always had a way of provoking something in him, she had calmed him last night and she had made him smile today already. He took her hand and followed her to the other end of the car park.

For a moment the two of them looked out across the vast wilderness. There was nothing here, just a lonely road leading to the service station and a small village half a mile down that road. The rest was vast countryside, in the distance a forest could be seen surrounding the base of a number of hills. Asuka was still going over the facts in her head, ensuring she got the story straight to tell Shinji. Shinji had a right to know the truth, now she was about to tell him it she wondered exactly how to do it.

“There was a news report on the radio earlier, whilst you were asleep. About what happened last night.”

No reply, she had expected as much. Shinji had not moved since they made their way to this spot nor had he looked up at anything.

“They mentioned your father, he’s alive and recovering in the hospital. They also mentioned Misato, in a warning. They said she is believed to be one of the terrorists who committed the attack and warned people that she is armed and dangerous.”

Shinji still didn't say anything nor did he move. Asuka had expected some sort of reaction from him.

_'Damnit Shinji, you're not making this easy for me. Why does this have to be so difficult anyway? It's not like this is a bad thing!'_

"Basically Misato shot your father because that was part of the plan."

The words sounded wrong the moment they left her lips. While the statement was true at some level it left out a lot of important information, like why that was part of the plan, how it was Gendo's idea and how the shot was supposed to be non-lethal and Shinji wasn't supposed to see it.

"Part... of the plan was to shoot my father?"

"Yes... well, yes! But it wasn't supposed to be- we weren't supposed to see- it was-…"

She trailed off again searching for the correct way to phrase it before digging a hole for herself.

"I... don't understand."

_'No, of course you don’t. You try explaining this to someone Shinji and see how far you get. This should be no trouble for someone like me.'_

"After the attack they knew WILLE would need someone to blame so Misato stepped up to the podium. They also know they'd need someone on the inside so both Misato and your father couldn't disappear. Your father volunteered to be the one on the inside, working both with and against WILLE to help us. The argument was staged, everyone knows Misato pretty much hates your father so the idea of her turning against him and attempting to kill him isn't a hard one to imagine."

The images flashed back through Shinjis mind as her words sunk in. Going back over the scene it all made sense, the way his father had come out of the room to be confronted by Misato. The argument and the sudden shooting. His father had let Misato shoot him so that they could escape.

"I... Thank you for telling me."

"Well what exactly did you expect me to do? I wasn't going to hide that from you, you'd do the same for me wouldn't you?"

He nodded, "When did you find out?"

Asuka hopped up from where they were sitting, "About five minutes ago just as you were waking up. Adler told me. She said we weren't supposed to have even seen it happen but because we did it was only right we knew."

"My father... risked his life to protect us. I didn't think he would ever do something like that."

"Well he did say he wanted to amend things. Most families, like mine tend to have a dinner together or talk. Talk about going to the extremes, but I suppose he does have a lot to make up for."

He still felt somewhat numb at the thought of it but he allowed himself to raise a smile at her words. Somehow she always had a way of making him happy. He looked at her confidence, at her smile and the bluntness in which she spoke to him sometimes and it made him happy.

"I don't think I could ever forgive him for what he did but... I don't want him to die."

That much was true, he had even in his darkest moment not wanted to see his father die. He had hated him, wished he could confront him and even hit him but he had never wished death on him.

"I suppose that is an improvement over when you two first saw each other again. The look in your eyes said you wanted him to, and you were even willing to do it yourself."

"I'll never understand my father, I'll probably never get along with him... but"

"He is still your father?"

Shinji nodded, "I am thankful to him, for maybe the first time in my life."

\---

It was evening, Asuka knelt in front of the fireplace of the log cabin they were using to stay overnight. She rubbed her shoulders and arms to try to get some measure of warmth in them, it had grown cold over the course of the day a far cry from the warmth experienced in the city. She had a blanket draped over her shoulders to try to help.

‘Damnit if I had known it was going to be this cold I’d have brought thicker pyjamas…’

She looked around the room, there was not much there. A television that was showing some local news story that she cared little for. There were a few seats scattered around and a coffee table, Adler had commandeered the table to set up her equipment. Basic communications to listen out in case they had been followed or for anything from Asukas’ father. So far they had heard nothing, no news in this case being good news.

One the other end of the room was a basic kitchen. Her stomach growled at the smell of the food that was being cooked within it. She had no idea what Shinji was making in there but she was looking forward to it. Shinji was a perfect cook, she hadn’t told him this back when they had met but from the first time she had tasted his cooking she had fallen in love with it. She of course made it look like she was forcing him to cook for her, almost bullying him into it. Asuka felt guilty about it, she should have told him she liked his cooking and that was why she wanted him to cook for her but of course she couldn’t have done that back then.

She stretched up trying to see what exactly Shinji was making. There was an assortment of vegetables cut up on the side, a few pots and a joint of meat cut up. Whatever it was it smelt delicious. Asuka of course didn’t have much in the way of cooking skill. She could manage, certainly better than Misato but it was not on the level of what Shinji could do.

“Shiiiiinji…”

Without turning to look at her he responded, “Yes?”

“What are you cooking?”

“Food.”

_‘That sarcastic littl-… how dare he.’_

“Can I see?”

“No.”

“Why not.”

“Because it isn’t ready yet.”

“Oh come on tell me!”

“Not yet, it’ll be ready soon.”

Shinji smirked to himself as he heard Asuka flop back down on the floor in frustration. He enjoyed cooking and even more so because he knew Asuka would enjoy it. In truth what he was making wasn’t exactly complicated, it was just a basic beef stew. This was the first time he had tried to make something like this though. When he had arrived in New Berlin he had looked into European recipes and came across this sort of thing. He thought Asuka might enjoy it and it seemed simple enough to try making.

It was probably a little bit heavier than what he might usually have for dinner, the beef and vegetables had been cut fairly thick in keeping with the recipe and the gravy used was fairly thick but he had to admit it did smell good and from initial tasting it seemed alright. The real test would be Asuka. Cooking was one of the few things he had admitted to himself he was good at, one of the things he allowed himself to enjoy.

Adler intrigued by the exchange between them and also at how Shinji had volunteer to prepare the meal spoke up.

“Did you always cook back in Tokyo-3 Shinji?”

“Most of the time, we had a rota but…”

Asuka grinned and cut him off, “Be careful with those next words Shinji, I’m only over here.”

“I was just going to say, I ended up doing most of it because… well… I err… enj-”

“What Shinji is trying to say, in his usual tripping up over his words and digging himself a hole way is that he did most of the cooking in our apartment. This was for two reasons, one because I was an elite pilot and therefore did not have the time to concern myself with trivial things like cooking meals for him and our guardian.”

Shinji frowned, that wasn’t exactly the way he would have phrased it. He wasn’t going to say it but he did feel a lot of that was down to Asuka being lazy than not concerning herself with it.

“The second reason, is because if our guardian had been left to the task we would either be dead from over-consumption of frozen dinners or dead from consuming just one of her meals. Isn’t that right Shinji?”

“Well… kind-of…”

Adler laughed at the exchange. She saw what had happened straight away. Both Misato and Asuka had given the boy little choice, “So those two pretty much forced you to do it then?”

“It wasn’t like that, I enjoy it, honestly…”

“I see, well I’m looking forward to it. It’ll be nice to eat some real food for a change. We have a long journey ahead of us these next two weeks so I’m sure your talent will come in handy.”

Asuka sat back down and watched Shinji finally lift the lid on the pot he had the food cooking in and begin to serve it up. It was perfect timing as her stomach rumbled again. If this was what it was going to be like at their final destination she might be able to get used to it. A place where no one knew them, where they would be safe and alone. Adler had told her that the places they were going were isolated communities, only commuting into larger towns and cities for trade and in some cases work. These places were untouched by the hand of the Second Impact, safe from the reach of WILLE and whatever else might dare to reach them.


	27. Lavender

For two weeks they stuck to the same routine, packing into car in the early hours of the morning with Adler. Driving for four to five hours and ending up in another small town where they would stay over for a night or two. Shinji would cook them a meal, Adler would listen for any news and Asuka would, well Asuka would, much to her annoyance not do much. There wasn’t a lot for her to do, it was frustrating. She wanted to be useful, to show that she was capable of doing anything but the opportunity just wasn’t presenting itself.

_‘Shinji gets to show off every night with his cooking, Adler just sits there listening to news from Misato or my father… I’m just stuck here, getting in the way. What am I even supposed to do?’_

She let out a sigh as she looked down the road and then back to the car. They were at the last service stop before their last destination. A small town in Northern Russia. Nestled at the bottom of a sequence of mountains it was as far away from civilisation as you could get. Miles out from any major towns or cities, entirely self-sufficient and most importantly for Asuka and Shinji it was safe.

That world she had started to get used to in New Berlin seemed like it was years ago, those brief moments she had had with her friends again, with Misato again felt like another world. Now she was here, stood on the side of the road. The wind biting at her face, attempting to pierce through the coat and gloves she was wearing. She suddenly found herself thinking about everything that had happened to her so far.

_‘I hate this… we’ve ran away from it all while they fight to keep us safe. We should be helping them out… but what could we even do, we are Eva pilots and there isn’t an Eva for us to pilot…’_

Asuka felt a twinge in her chest, she knew what it meant.

_‘Shit shit shit, not now, why now… I wasn’t even…’_

She staggered forward looking back towards the car, Adler had gone into the station shop to pay for the petrol. Shinji was stood leaning against the car. She felt the blood drain from her face, if she could get to him… maybe get his attention he could help but something was presenting her.

_‘No… I’m not being useless anymore, I have to do this myself… I have to.’_

She propped herself up against a post and took a deep breathe to try to stave off the feelings. It had felt like forever since she had felt this, what had brought it on now? Had anything even brought it on? She had been thinking about her friends, the life she had left behind and her own perceived inadequacies.

_‘I… did this to myself… because we ran away, I’m to blame… I’m doing this to myself… I’m doing this… it’s me, all me… I’m weak, I can’t even beat this simple thing.’_

She was desperately trying to fight off the thoughts entering her mind, telling herself it wasn’t true but with every attempt to fight it off a new thought came back to answer the challenge. With each attempt the symptoms grew until she felt something else.

_‘Shinji…’_

She felt his breath on her neck as he gently put his arms around her waist, attempting to calm her down.

_‘I couldn’t do it by myself… I needed him again.’_

Asuka sighed and let herself be embraced by him, she closed her eyes and could feel the symptoms and thoughts clearing. All except for one.

_‘I needed his help, I’m pathetic… I’m nothing without him.’_

She shook her head, it wasn’t true. They complimented each other, it was her who helped him the other week. It was her who had helped him a number of times. This was just a temporary blip, brought on by her frustrations of feeling out of place the last two weeks. That was all. Still she had to know.

“Shinji… I’m not a burden on you am I?”

She felt him shake his head, “Never, you’re the strongest person I know Asuka.”

She took his hand and smiled softly, “Thank you.”

\---

Two weeks had passed since they had escaped. Two weeks had passed since he had been shot in the chest. Two weeks had passed since he had heard any news, nothing from WILLE, nothing from Langley and nothing from Adler. All he had done for the past two weeks was stare at a hospital ceiling, listening anxiously to the news for any hint of them. He had heard nothing, all was going as they had predicted. Yet as things seemed to be going right for him he couldn't help but feel nervous. He couldn't help but feel anxious.

With instrumentality it was all about him, it was all about re-uniting with Yui and he knew no matter what he sacrificed along the way all would end up well. At least that was what he had thought, he had not of course counted on Rei betraying him at the last moment and handing the reigns of the whole thing over to Shinji. This time he didn't know how things would end up, he didn't know what dangers might lay out there because no one truly knew the extent of Cohens' power and influence. No one truly knew the state of the world or the choices Asuka and Shinji would make. All they could do is have faith.

Everything in his body hurt when he moved. He didn't regret taking the bullet, it was something he had to do. Gendo wasn't a fighter, outside of a few bar fights in his youth he wasn't like Misato. He wasn't trained to do that sort of thing, so it was decided that he would stay here. Gendo would continue his work with WILLE and Cohen and try to work from within. Misato in the meantime would flee westwards into France and into the United Kingdom. She would make contact with a small group from the former NERV United Kingdom branch and from there start moving against Cohen.

Gendos job was to aid her in whatever way he could, whilst also giving the illusion that he was fighting against her. A role he had played with SEELE, the only problem is SEELE were easy to manipulate. SEELE, even when they had suspected Gendo was working against them were easily placated. This was different, Cohen was not going to be easily manipulated by the same methods. Misato on the other hand, aiding her was also going to be difficult because Gendo didn't know what her plans would be. Again it was a matter of making educated guesses.

_'A near impossible task, the Magi would probably give it 0.00001% chance of succeeding. Fuyutsuki would call me a fool for even attempting it. Dr Akagi...'_

Guilt ran through him at the thought of Ritsuko Akagi and what he had done to her. Manipulated mother and daughter to achieve his goals. Discarded them when they had fulfilled their usefulness to him. For the first time since coming back he thought about Ritsuko, the woman who had been invaluable to NERV and its operations. Had she returned? The state of the former Tokyo-3 was unknown to him. The Japanese government had sealed it off declaring it completely off-limits and blaming its destruction on a Chernobyl-esque disaster.

The question still had to be raised though, had anyone else from NERV returned over the last few months? It was true that by the end of it there were very few of them left but he had heard nothing. When he returned to work it would be the first thing he'd enquire about. For now he needed to rest, to heal and to plan.

\---

Asuka stepped out of the shower and looked at herself in the mirror, her wet red hair coming down to her shoulders. Her slender body had picked up a number of scars over the past year. Minor scarring around her eye and along her left arm that she had picked up during the fight with the Eva series. There was a mark just above her right breast from where a piece of glass had cut her in the explosion. Most of the scarring for her though wasn’t visible, it was internal and she was working every day to try to heal it.

She grabbed a towel and started to dry herself and her hair. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what had happened earlier today. Those feelings that had crept up on her for what felt like no reason. She hadn’t said much to Shinji for the rest of the day, it made her feel bad. She had a plan though, a way to make her feel better and make things up for her neglecting him.

She took the clothes she had laid out for herself from the railing and quickly put them on, along with her two neural clips and slipped out of the bathroom for their bedroom. This was their first night in their new home. Adler had taken up residence in a place a few houses away meaning they were on their own. Asuka smirked at the idea of what she might have said a few months ago if she found out she would be living alone with Shinji.

_‘What! Are you stupid? Living alone with that pervert, I won’t do it! It just isn’t right for a boy and a girl to live together like that, what if he tries something? He’s just a child, a stupid perverted child!’_

Even then she knew it wasn’t a projection of her true feelings. She knew that because the week they had to spend together she had wanted to seek out comfort from him, she had felt something for him but of course her being who she was couldn’t admit it. Now things were different, she had admitted her feelings for him.

She looked at herself again in the mirror, it wasn’t exactly what she would have liked to wear for something like she had planned but it’d have to do. They had to be selective in what they brought with them so functionality won out over anything else. Still she didn’t think she looked bad, her hair was well maintained and she few bits of make-up she brought with her would achieve the desired effect.

Asuka peered out of the window of their bedroom. The street was completely silent, a few of the little houses had lights on but beyond that it was completely devoid of any activity. It was exactly as it had been described to them, a remote location as far away from the society they knew as they could get. The people here certainly weren’t primitive like Asuka had first expected. They had electricity, televisions and even minimal internet but it certainly wasn’t the busy cities that she had been brought up in.

_‘I’m a stranger here… an imposter in their town but then again… haven’t I always been a bit like that? An Asian-American growing up in Germany? A thirteen year old in college? Even in Tokyo-3 I never felt like I belonged…’_

At least here she had Shinji, the two of them were the imposters in this town. She looked down the street again noticing a shadow stood at the corner of one of the houses. It stood about six or so feet, she couldn’t make out any details from here.

_‘Probably one of the residents having a cigarette or whatever.’_

The figure stepped forward into the light causing Asuka to gasp as she saw it for the first time.

_‘One of those… things… no, it can’t be.’_

Yet she could see it there in front of her, only this one looked different to the others. The others had resembled Sachiel, the third angel in some fashion. The others were a grotesque mix of half human, half angel. This one had no human features, the face was covered by a mask, purple with seven holes cut out for eyes. Its body was covered in a white armour. Asuka leaned down peering over the windowsill in fear that it might suddenly turn around and see her.

_‘What… what do I do? Adler! We need to tell her.’_

Asuka looked around the room for her phone.

_‘Schiesse, left it in the bathroom…’_

She turned again and looked outside the window, the being was still stood there. It was looking around the village, turning its head slowly as if it was scanning in every details.

_‘What is it doing here… is it looking for something? For us? How did they find us?’_

She froze up as its eyes suddenly latched onto the house they were staying in. Asuka ducked down hoping that it hadn’t seen her.

_‘What even are these things? Who made them? Why do they exist?’_

She leaned up again, the figure had stepped back into the shadows seemingly having completed its examination. She kept her eyes on it and held her breath watching it as it walked down the road away from her.

“Asuka?”

Her scream filled the room as she suddenly leapt up into the air at the sound of Shinjis’ voice and cracked her knee on the wooden windowsill.

“Argh, shit…”

Staggering over to the bed rubbing her knee gingerly, she shot a glare at Shinji.

“You idiot, what the hell are you doing?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Hah, scare me… you didn’t scare me, just… caught me off guard that’s… anyway what are you doing coming in here unannounced I could have been undressed… or… anything! Or was that your plan all along, pervert! Get out!”

She reached for one of her slippers and threw it playfully at the door. She didn’t mean for it to hit Shinji, neither throwing it with enough force to reach him nor really aiming but he still flinched and closed the door all the same.

“Sorry, what… what were you looking at?”

Asuka sighed. Did she tell him? If she kept it to herself it’d only play on her mind, and besides they shouldn’t be keeping these sorts of secrets from each other. On the other hand if she told him it’d only scare him, it’d ruin the night and she was looking forward to it. Tonight she was going to make it up to him for the way she had acted all day.

She didn’t even know what she had seen, it certainly seemed like one of the beings they had encountered in the Tokyo-3 ruins and in New Berlin but there was something different about this one.

_‘This one looked… complete.’_

“We need to contact Adler.”

“Why? What happened, what did you see?”

“I thought… I think I saw one of those creatures.”

Motioning for Shinji to come over she turned again to see the house the being had been stood at and pointed.

“It was stood over there… but it looked different somehow… I dunno, but I know I saw it.”

She reached for Shinjis hand as he cautiously took a look himself. He was wearing a blue apron from his time in the kitchen along with his usual clothing of a white shirt and black trousers.

“What should we do?”

He looked at her for the answer to his question.

“We contact Adler like I said.”

He nodded, his face a mixture of fear and determination.

“I’ll go and contact her.”

“No.”

“Huh?”

Asuka rose to her feet, “I’ll do it, you go and finish preparing dinner. You don’t have to worry, I can handle this.”

\---

Misato crouched in the darkened alcove positioning her feet amongst the various lines of wires and cables that lead into the numerous systems. It wasn’t that long ago she was hunched up in an alcove like this, a computer on her knees and finding out the secrets of the Second Impact. This time was different, she was here with one purpose.

Outside the clunking of heavy footsteps sounded causing her to press herself up against the wall and hold her breath. In one hand she tightened her grip around the pistol, in the other she gently rubbed the necklace hanging around her neck.

She watched as the two shadows passed her by. The two hunking mutants known as Marionettes. They didn’t speak, they didn’t stray from their path and they didn’t turn around. While they had a biological based they were for all purposes machines, fed instructions from a central system hidden within this complex.

_‘Two guards… just as predicted, that means another level and I should be at the core…’_

She had to now decide how to get past the Marionettes. Her only advantages over the lumbering monsters was her speed and agility. The issue was that the construction of the complex gave her no opportunity to exploit that. She had her pistol but that’d be of no use, the A.T. Fields meant very little conventional weaponry would be effective. Taking them on in combat would be fruitless as well, she was a good fighter but they again were much stronger.

Stealth was her best option but the deeper she got into the complex so too did the number of Marionettes she would have to overcome. She waited as the footsteps grew quieter and slowly made her way out of the alcove. Thankfully she had memorised the layout of the complex so she knew another alcove awaited her in just a few moments.

She crept forward coming to the expected fork in the path. On her left was an elevator leading downwards. That would be the most direct route to the core but if she used the elevator it’d trigger an alert. On her right were another series of corridors, and a storeroom with a service hatch. That was her destination.

This used to be a small NERV facility, one of a few the United Kingdom had. It was supposed to be nothing more than a storage facility for spare Eva parts. Now however it was something else, a facility for aiding in the manufacture of the Marionettes. It was here that people were brought and converted and it was here that they would receive their instructions.

Her role was simple, to destroy it. At its heart lay a machine not too dissimilar to the Magi. It was only one of many around the world but this would so the impact might be negligible but it would be a distraction. An opportunity to keep attention on them and away from Asuka and Shinji.

The footsteps suddenly returned behind her causing her to freeze up.

_‘No… this can’t be right? Another patrol? There is only supposed to be one.’_

Looking from left to right she strained her eyes in the dimly lit corridors for the location of the next alcove as the footsteps started to grow nearer and nearer. She looked behind her just in time to see another Marionette rounding the corner. These things were eerie in perfect lighting but now in the dim red lighting of the complex they were downright terrifying. Misato quickly darted to the right and saw her destination in front of her. Through that panel and she would be safe from it.

She heard another echo from in front of her.

_‘Crap, this is wrong… we got the patrols wrong… damnit.’_

She ran towards the panel, trying to move it out of the way but it wasn’t giving an inch. Looked from left to right. The lone Marionette had entered the corridor, another half a minute and it would see her. To her right the two Marionettes she had tried to slip past had also returned and were walking towards her.

_‘Crap, crap, crap’_

She pulled again at the panel and felt it begin to come away ever so slightly.

_‘Just a little bit more.’_

She gave it another pull finally ripping it off of the tunnel entrance and throwing it to the floor. The sound of steel hitting steel echoed through the chamber as she darted into the tunnel and hid as best she could.

After twenty seconds the lone Marionettes shadow blocked whatever light there was and Misato pressed herself up against the wall even more. The Marionettes couldn’t fit in these small spaces but that didn’t mean there weren’t other measures.

She watched as a lone light scanned the area just narrowly passing by the area she was hiding in. She pressed herself up more, wishing she could merge with the wall at that moment in time. She could feel her heart pounding and sweat starting to form on her forehead as the Marionettes searchlight continued to scan the area.

_‘It heard the panel coming off… it suspects something… I’m done for…’_

Eventually after what felt like an eternity the searchlight stopped scanning and the footsteps started up again. The dim lighting returned to the tunnel and the footsteps began to grow more distant.

\---

Asuka had returned to the bedroom after the meal, she went straight for the music player and stared at the window from the other side of the room. It had been over two hours since she had seen what she thought was a Marionette outside in the street. Since that time neither of them had dared look out any of the windows, drawing the curtains in all rooms except for this one.

Asuka had contacted Adler about it, she remembered the conversation word for word. Still seething at the elders words. Adler apparently had equipment set up to detect the Marionettes and hadn’t detected anything on it. There was even a suggestion that Asuka had imagined it, maybe the stress of all the travelling and a trick of the shadows. Shinji hadn’t seen it

_‘Idiot, the equipment is obviously faulty… I know exactly what I saw.’_

Still Adler did make a promise to check it out in the morning and instructed both Asuka and Shinji to lock all doors and stay inside just in case.

Despite the fear within her she wasn’t going to let this ruin her plans. She grabbed the music player and snuck back into the living room, hooking it up to the small set of speakers in there. Shinji had slipped out into the kitchen to put a few things away. The living room and kitchen were actually joined but thankfully he had his back turned at that moment so he couldn’t see her.

“Shinji…”

He turned to face her, meeting her eyes and returning her smile. She held out a hand to him.

“Do you remember the first Angel we fought together?”

“The one on the boat?”

Asuka shook her head, “No, not that one. I mean the one we actually fought together, alongside each other.”

Shinji nodded, it would be hard to forget that experience. Their first mission together had stated badly with both of them being berated for poor teamwork and making an embarrassment of NERV. What followed was a week of solid synchronisation training to ensure they could defeat the Angel. The aim was to beat it using a choreographed routine devised by Kaji. That had started badly with Shinji unable to keep up with the superior Asuka.

“We were good weren’t we, I mean… you struggled at the beginning but once you caught up to me we made a good team right?”

Asuka was smiling as she said the words, hopefully making it obvious she was joking about Shinji struggling. She knew the fault had been on her side at that time, if she wasn’t so desperate to prove herself it might have been easier on him. There was no point thinking about that now though, they couldn’t redo the past.

“I thought… you know we danced then so I was thinking maybe…”

_‘What… what did I think… how… do I say this?’_

“Well… I was thinking about it, and that we’re a couple now… and I was…”

_‘Why is this so damn hard? Oh to hell with it!’_

“Shinji, I want you to dance with me.”

Shinji stepped forward into the room, he said nothing looking her in the eyes. He appeared to be thinking, Asuka hated it when Shinji looked like he was thinking. She waited for the inevitable questions, the backing out or him to put himself down. She was instead surprised when he walked up to her, his eyes looking deep into hers and his hands taking hers.

“Okay then.”

“R-Really?”

“Yes.”

She smiled and pressed the play button on the music player. She had found the perfect song on there from the load her father had given her. It was a track she had heard herself when she was younger, a band who were fairly big in Germany in the eighties around the time her mother was growing up. He had told her some of the tracks on there were her mother’s favorites and she assumed this must have been one of them.

The track started with its simplistic piano riff. With one hand she reached for Shinjis’ shoulder and felt his hand go to her waist. Their other hands joined as the vocals came in.

_“I was walking through the park, dreaming of a spark.  
When I heard the sprinklers whisper, shimmer in the haze of summer lawns.”_

She smiled at him as they slowly started to move. They barely moved from the spot just swaying if anything but this was fine for her, this was what she wanted. To be close to him, to look into his eyes and enjoy this moment.

 _“Then I heard the children singing,_  
They were running through the rainbows,  
They were singing a song for you”

They got a bit more daring, moving a little bit more now but keeping to the slow pace of the music. Using more of the space available to them and not looking anywhere else but in each other’s eyes.

_“Well it seemed to be a song for you  
The one I wanted to write for you, for you”_

She felt his hand tighten on her side as they came closer together. Still meeting each other’s eyes, Asuka couldn’t help but grin and she gently nestled her head on his shoulder as the chorus kicked in and they continued to dance.

 _“Lavenders blue, dilly dilly, lavenders green_  
When I am King, dilly dilly, you will be Queen  
A penny for your thoughts my dear  
A penny for your thoughts my dear  
I.O.U. for your love, IOU for your love”


	28. High Hopes

_“… the NERV branch in United Kingdom had recently been closed down a few weeks prior to the attack. No personnel were present at the time of the explosion which has investigators puzzled as to the motive. Police are asking for witnesses in the nearby towns to come forward should they have any information.”_

Adler turned the radio down after the end of the report. As if on cue her phone rang, answering it a distorted voice was heard.

_“You heard the report?”_

“Yes, what is the fallout?”

_“Reports in from New Berlin are that Cohen is not happy, reporting a loss of fifteen percent of his UK based Marionettes. We’ve been monitoring the police reports, they’ve been told to keep everything silent as far as media reports go but they’ve found Marionette corpses in Newcastle, Middlesbrough, York and the surrounding moors.”_

“What of Katsuragi?”

_“She is fine, she is en-route to the next location already. New Berlin reports that defences are to be tightened at the other locations. We will attempt another strike soon, what is the status of the pilots?”_

She peered outside the window over towards the house now occupied by Asuka and Shinji. She had seen the two of them go out earlier to explore the small village, they had since returned. Both had looked well, a little bit cold but that was to be expected. It wasn’t as cold in this region as it might have been before the Second Impact but compared to what the two of them had been used to in Germany and Japan it was a sharp contrast.

“Both seem to be fine, but we might have a problem.”

_“In what way?”_

“Their presence has drawn out the Empuse as expected, but…”

_“It is ahead of what we expected… she must have sensed her nearby. It is not anything to worry about, we knew this would happen.”_

“Asuka saw one of them… I told her it was her imagination.”

_“That is probably for the best… I know you have doubts, we all do but progress with the plan. If they hate us afterwards then so be it but we have no choice. She is the only one who can do this.”_

Adler bit her lip, she had had this conversation in her head numerous times. Trying to justify her and their actions going forward. Keeping secrets and moving in shadows. Did it make them any better than those who had come before? Any better than SEELE, or even Cohen? She, Misato, Gendo, Langley had all agreed that the end justified the means but now she was here, now she was actually in the middle of it and had seen the way Asuka and Shinji were she wondered if maybe they should have looked for another way.

_‘She had seemed so scared last night, I know she was trying to not show it but… she was… what are we doing?’_

_“Progress with the plan, prepare them the Empuse will cause us no problem. They were probably curious but they will not interfere.”_

“Understood.”

\---

Shinji looked at the four legged creature in front of him nervously. He had never been this close to one before and despite Adlers’ insistence on it being friendly he still approached it with a hint of apprehension. Next to it stood another, this one was a lighter brown but around the same height. He turned and saw Asuka looking at it but there was none of the nervousness in her eyes.

“We… are going to learn to… ride?”

Adler smiled and nodded, “Yup, seeing as neither of you are legally able to drive and even if you were there isn’t much call for cars up this way this is probably the best way for you both to get around. You’ll be able to go into the fields and even into the mountains on them.”

Asuka grinned but kept her distance from the two horses, “Well that makes perfect sense, you’re not nervous are you Shinji?”

Shinji shook his head and lied, “No… of course not I’ve just never… ridden a horse before.”

“Oh it’s easy, anyone can do it!”

_‘I hope.’_

“You’ll both be fine, these two were specially selected for you both and are friendly enough. Give me a few moments and we’ll start.”

The pair of them watched as Adler headed back towards the small stable she had led the horses away from. Their two horses had been tethered to a pole nearby and seemed to be eying the two of them rather curiously.

Shinji watched Asuka as she took a step forward and gently rubbed her hand along the horses’ side. Shinji was still nervous and apprehensive about approaching his horse. He had never been this close to one of them in his life, he didn’t know too much about them.

“You can ride these?”

 Asuka continued the gently stroke the side of the horse and looked up at Shinji not fully processing his question, “Huh?

“You’re… able to ride a horse?”

She let the words sink in and immediately thought back to what she had said moments ago, about how easy it was to ride a horse. Feeling her cheeks glow a bit red at the slight mistruth she had told she quickly blurted out a response and turned away from Shinji.

“Never been near one in my life.”

“But you just said it was easy!”

“I know what I said! And it probably is easy, I mean… we can both pilot a sixty foot robot right? So how hard can a tiny thing like this be?”

“But this is a living thing!”

“And so were they… kind of? Look trust me, it can’t be that difficult. It’s a horse, even barbarians could ride them, so if they could manage it I’m sure we can.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

Shinji finally stepped forward and nervously put out is hand to stroke the side of his horse. It bowed its head towards him in acknowledgement almost in acknowledgement.

“See, I think he likes you.”

Asuka looked her horse over and hoped that what she had just said would turn out to be true. She honestly didn’t know how hard it’d be to ride one of these things, she was being honest with Shinji when she said she had never been near one in her life. She had barely even seen one, all of her childhood was consumed by learning to pilot the Eva or studying for college. She had known people who had learned to ride, spoke about it in school but Asuka hadn’t the time to concern herself with things like that.

_‘It can’t be that hard right? I mean you sit on it… and it walks.’_

\---

_‘Everything hurts… my face hurts… my back hurts… and my butt hurts… stupid horses and stupid trees and stupid ground.’_

Asuka slinked down in the bath letting the water come up to her chin and the foam completely surround her. Her mood after their first horse riding lesson was not favourable, she had been wrong about how easy it might have been to ride the animal. She had managed to get on the animal just fine, and even get it to walk fine. It was getting it to slow down that had been the issue and also not counting on the clumsiness of a certain boyfriend of hers that rode in front of her.

_‘Stupid Shinji… you’d think he’d have either warned me about those branches or at least made sure they weren’t going to hit me in the face.’_

Asuka could have excused the first time she got hit in the face by the branches, accidents were bound to happen and she would forgive him. After three times she could feel her anger starting to rise. She knew it was an accident but that still didn’t stop her from getting annoyed and yelling at him.

_‘Still… like I need any more scarring or damage to my face… especially from him of all people. We have to do it all over again tomorrow too, I’m so sore… I just want to sleep.’_

She closed her eyes just as a knock sounded on the doors. It was soft, barely noticeable and obviously belonged to Shinji.

“What do you want?”

“Um… Asuka, dinner is nearly ready if you want to… join me?”

“Do you promise to not hit me in the face with it?”

“Sorry about that. Are you feeling any better?”

“No.”

“Sorry.”

“You realize you have a lot of making up to do to me tonight.”

“I know… sorry.”

She stood up and wrapped a towel around herself, the bath had eased some of the pain but she could still feel a bit of soreness in her legs and lower regions. Her arm also stung from where she had landed on it when being knocked off the horse. Nothing had been damaged or broken thankfully, she had just been left with a lot of soreness and damage to her pride.

_‘Tomorrow, I go out in front and show him how it’s done.’_

She finished putting on her pyjamas and headed into the front room. Shinji was finishing up putting their food out at the dining table. He made no eye contact with her as she entered the room, only acknowledging her with an embarrassed nod.

“I’m sorry it isn’t much… I didn’t have time to prepare much after today.”

She looked at what Shinji had prepared for them. It suddenly became very hard to stay mad at Shinji considering once again how good it looked. He was right, it wasn’t quite the stew he had made previously, or any of the homemade Japanese curries he had made but it was still good.

“Appealing to my German side are we Shinji?”

Shinji gave a nod, “The sausages were imported from Germany. The store here stocks them so I thought you might like them, also I thought it’d be a nice way to apologize.”

“You assumed because I’m German I liked sausages?”

“I err… um.”

Shinji paused before responding until he saw Asuka grinning at him. Safe in the knowledge that he was being teased he smiled back and nodded, “I just thought you’d want something from your home.”

“Well I’m very grateful and that’s very thoughtful of you. Maybe I’ll forgive you a bit sooner than I intended. Depending on dessert and maybe if you throw in a back massage after dinner I can forgive you before the night is up.”

“Thank you.”

Asuka started to walk over to the table but stopped at the window looking out onto the street. A pang of fear shot through her stomach as she found herself drawn towards it. The memories of seeing that thing last night suddenly flashed through her mind.

_‘There isn’t going to be anything there… It was just… something else.’_

She looked out of the window over towards the corner where she had seen the being last night. There was nothing there, only an empty space. No figure, no unusual shadow or form to speak of. Sighing she pulled away from the window and drew the curtains.

\---

Gendo stared directly forward avoiding any eye contact with Cohen. The former SEELE man and Gendos’ boss was sat by the side of the hospital bed and he was smiling. It was an unnerving smile, like that of a hunter that had caught the scent of its prey. A natural reaction would have been to be angry, the man had just seen his two targets escape his clutches, he had seen his city suffer what had been touted as a terrorist attack by the media and also one of his facilities in the United Kingom become completely destroyed yet he was calm and seemed happy with it.

“I have to admit Ikari, they’re good. Managing to blow a hole in this cities defences, get the two pilots out and destroy one of the United Kingdom facilities within two weeks. I almost admire them but I simply can’t. It will all be for nothing, my grip over this city will be tightened, the attacks will lead to the UN coming to be to help tighten security in the other former NERV strongholds, fearing attacks there and that only advances my schedule.”

Gendo gazed at him again and kept a stoic expression. Gendo was a man with no answers to the questions he had, he knew nothing of Cohens’ plans and he knew nothing of what Langley had arranged for the children. It was safer that way, Gendo would return to Cohen to act as a double agent but that came as a cost, Gendo would not only have to take a bullet he’d have no knowledge of where Asuka and Shinji had gone.

“You have not tracked down Katsuragi then?”

Gendo tried to sound disdainful, he didn’t know if it worked. Cohen didn’t seem to have an issue with the tone, or at least if he did there was no mention of it.

“Oh her? I have agents working on it, rest assured Gendo we will find her and bring her to justice for shooting you. As regards the children…”

Gendo narrowed his eyes and felt a sense of panic in his stomach. There had been complete silence in his direction regarding the status of both pilots.

“…We also have agents out searching for them. We know the man behind this, Langley. American, works at a level even the highest in the US Government know little about. His mistake of course is that he is driven by revenge, he blames me for what happened to his wife.”

“And were you to blame for what happened to Kyoko?”

“Oh Gendo, I’ve told you before. Kyoko worked for me, I provided her with what she needed to accomplish her goals. If she was alive today she’d be proud to see her work, her art out in the streets and functioning. No, Langley is a misguided fool but he is a dangerous one. He got to Katsuragi and he got to the children, I am of course under no illusions he tried to get to you but here you remain by my side.”

Gendo did not care for the boasting of Cohen, he did not care for his version of the events. He already knew Cohen was to blame for what had happened to Kyoko, he already knew that Kyoko would not have been proud to see those monstrosities being used in her name. He had seen the proof and that was enough for him.

“I want what is best for my son.”

The words were true and what was best for Shinji was to be away, far away from this place. Wherever Shinji was right now was far better than being within the vicinity of Cohen.

“And you will have that, we have a few potential candidates for the location of the pilots. It will take time but we will track them down.”

“And what candidates do you have?”

“Eastern Europe, the United States or Western Africa. I admit not exactly the smallest of locations to search for two people but my networks are vast, we will find them and bring them back.”

“I see, well good luck.”

“As for you Gendo, rest up. When you return to work I have a new project for you, we have recovered the remaining Evangelion Units. I would like you to assist with the locating and training of new pilots.”

With those words Cohen got up and left the room, not giving Gendo a chance to reply. The thought of his task when he returned filled him with fear, more Evangelion Units. They were all supposed to be dismantled. No one was supposed to pilot an Eva again, there was no need for them anymore yet Cohen clearly had some intentions.

_‘He has the remaining Evas… he has his Marionettes… he has the U.N… what do we have?’_

A smile crept onto his face, what did they have? They had Misato Katsuragi, one of the best tacticians he had ever met. The woman who had conjured tactics to defeat a number of Angels under overwhelming odds. They had the two pilots, the ones who had saved the world and who held the key to saving it again.

_‘The MAGI would probably give us a probability of below one percent… but when did that ever stop us?’_

\---

Asuka brought her horse to a halt just at the edge of the stream and surveyed the area. Shinji brought his to a halt too just beside her. She turned to meet his gaze and smiled at him. It had been two weeks since they had started taking the lessons and both were starting to get to grips with the animals. Today was the first day they had been able to go out and ride on their own. Adler had given them a map of the area, and circled a few areas of interest and let them go with a rough time to return to the town, they navigate only to one of the circled areas and contact her when they arrived.

They both had no issues with agreeing to those terms, fully understanding the situation they were in. Asuka dismounted the horse and hitched it to a convenient low branch nearby, she watched as Shinji did the same and went to grab the small pack they had brought with them.

The day was a sunny one, a first glimpse of the summer that was the come. Of course after the second Impact the Earths eco-system had been damaged so the seasons were not what they used to be. This was one of the few areas in which four seasons still occurred albeit at a different pace to what used to be.

She took out a few items from the pack, a blanket, boxes containing their food and drink. In the distance she could make out the town, in the background hung the mountains and surrounding them were vast, endless plains of grassland. It was like something from a painting.

“This seems like a perfect place, don’t you agree Shinji?”

Shinji took the blanket from her and set about laying it out just under one of the trees.

“It’s really pretty.”

 _‘Like you.’_  He thought to himself as he finished laying out the blanket. He walked back over to Asuka and took her hand leading her over to the blanket, and waited for her to sit before he did. Shinji put an arm around her side and felt her rest her head on his should as he looked back towards the town.

“Do you think we’re safe now Asuka?”

“Why would you ask a question like that now?”

“I don’t know, I just wondered if we’re finally safe here. You saw that thing on our first night here but since then it’s been, peaceful. I just wondered…”

Asuka shrugged her shoulders. Despite Shinjis awkward timing when asking the question it was something she had thought about herself. How safe were they here? They had seen and heard nothing for the last two weeks. She had seen that thing on the first day but it hadn’t resurfaced since.

“Probably not… but let’s enjoy it while we can.”

\---

Adler held the scope up to her eyes surveying the valley, her horse made an agitated noise and she quickly patted it with one hand to reassure it. It sensed something, just as she did. This was not a place for animals like that, nor was it a place for humans like her. It was something else now.

Through the scope she could make out the facility. It was small and unassuming betraying its own importance. It sat directly in the centre of the valley, there was no path or at least if there was it had long been lost to the snow that had covered the area.

This was of course only a small section of the facility, most of it lay underground. The small rectangular building she could see was nothing more of an entranceway albeit a guarded one that no one had stepped foot in for over a decade.

She looked for the entrance to the building, just as expected there were two figures stood stoic in front of the building. Adler wondered how long they had been there for.

_‘Were they there from the construction? Do they take shifts? Are they even functioning?’_

There were no footsteps she could see, no disturbance in the snow. Fresh snow that had laid overnight probably hiding any evidence of disturbance.

_‘I wonder… had anyone been up here in the past ten years? What happened to them?’_

She put the scope back in her pocket just in time to hear her radio crackle and the sound of Asuka’s voice come through.

_“We made it to the stream, not that there was any doubt that we would.”_

She held up the radio to respond, “Good, radio me again when you start to return. I’m just in town.”

She looked again towards the facility, the figures still hadn’t moved from their spot. She could swear though that even across this distance they were both looking directly at her.


	29. Angels Arise

Asuka found herself standing on the edge of the lake. She had been here before, it seemed like an eternity ago but in truth it had only been a matter of months. Back then things had been different, she had come here to run away, to flee from the world. She didn’t know why she was here now, why she had returned to this location.

She realized she was completely alone in this city now. No one else had returned, no one had accompanied her here. That was another difference, when she had come here that time she wanted to be alone, she had embraced being alone. Now the thought of being alone in this place scared her.

Towards the centre of the lake a number of broken buildings lay. Fallen tower blocks from the once fortress city. Their features scarred and broken from the numerous battles that had been waged both above and below.

_‘What am I doing here?’_

There was a noise behind her, a soft rustling of footsteps. She turned to see her horse behind her.

_‘That’s strange… I don’t remember riding it here.’_

She walked over to it and gently patted its side.

“Hey there, what are you doing here?”

Strangely it didn’t react to her gesture like it usually did. Instead it stood completely still, facing forward towards the centre of the lake. She wondered if maybe it was looking at something there but when she turned to look there was nothing there.

“What is it, something wrong?”

It still stood completely still, continuing to stare outwards. She looked again, scanning more areas of the lake trying to see what might have had the animals’ attention. She could still see nothing amidst the water and buildings.

Asuka still wasn’t sure why she had come back here. This had been one of the last places she had visited whilst wandering Tokyo-3, before she had been found in that cabin alone and half dead. This was the scene of her last stand against the mass produced Evangelion Units, where she had tasted death. There was no reason for her to return, no desire and yet she found herself once again stood before it.

_‘This is stupid, I have no reason to be here again. I should go back.’_

She hoisted herself back up onto her horse and tried to get it to move. Still no response from the animal, it stayed rooted to the spot.

“Come on move, we have to go back.”

She made another attempt to get it to move forward, accompanied once again by absolutely no movement from the horse. Frustrated she climbed down from it and looked it over. She positioned herself in front of the animal, maybe not the smartest thing to do but she wanted to leave this place. The atmosphere had suddenly changed since she had first mounted the horse. The knowledge of how alone she was had started to set in and despite it being a wide open space it was starting to feel very oppressive.

She could already feel her heart rate increase as she spoke to the horse. It probably didn’t understand her but at this point she just wanted to leave.

“We need to go now, so come on. There is nothing out there alright?”

Still it looked forward, staring through her and some unknown location. She let go of the reins and spun around scanning the area again, her words no longer soft but starting to turn with anger.

“Look, there is absolutely nothing there so will you just mo-“

She turned around as she said the line, stopping herself just as she finished the sentence. It was gone, vanished. In the time it had taken her to turn around and back again the horse had disappeared. There were no imprints of its hooves from where it had stood, nor were there any markings nearby to indicate it had moved away.

Asuka started to get there feeling that there was something very wrong about this place. She wanted to go back but her only method of transport had just vanished. There was no way of getting home now?

_‘Wait… that isn’t right, this isn’t home… where is home?’_

She looked out over the lake again, her mouth went dry at the sight before her. It had changed, the clear water from before was now a blood red. The buildings that littered the sea had shifted but most striking of all was the darkened silhouette of the Evangelion that stood in the centre of the lake. It was her Evangelion, Unit 2, it had been damaged from the battle, its armour cracked in places exposing the organic figure within. It had one hand resting on the surface of the water, its palm facing upwards and on it she could see a figure lying down.

She strained her eyes and gasped when she realized who it was, a young figure wearing a white shirt and black trousers. She couldn’t make out the face but she knew immediately who it was, it was Shinji.

She called out across the lake, “Shinji?”

No response from him, he lay completely still. Suddenly in one motion the Unit raised its hand and tilted slightly dropping the young boy into the lake.

“No! What… he can’t…”

Without thinking she dived forward into the lake. She had only given him a few swimming lessons, he wouldn’t be able to handle something like this. She had to get to him, to save him. She pushed through the water, swimming towards the Evangelion Unit, hoping, and praying that she would make it to Shinji in time.

_‘I’ll be there in a moment Shinji. Just stay alive for me.’_

She made it to where the Unit had dropped him in and dove down, the stench of the lake filled her nostrils. This was not water anymore, it was more like LCL only this wasn’t breathable and the smell of blood almost knocked her sick. She ignored the churning in her stomach, she could throw up later all that mattered now was rescuing Shinji.

She took a deep breath and dived underwater surveying the area. Almost immediately she saw his body floating down towards the bottom of the lake. Without hesitating she dived further towards him, reaching for and grabbing his hand. He was heavier than he looked but within a moment they were both at the surface of the water. She reached for one of the destroyed buildings and hoisted herself onto it, pulling Shinji onto it as well. His skin had turned pale, he was cold to the touch. The sickening feeling only increased.

“Come on Shinji, wake up.”

No response, she nudged him and pressed her head to his chest listening for his heartbeat. There was nothing. She pressed her fingers against his neck trying to find a pulse.

“Shinji! Come on this isn’t funny, wake up!”

Again nothing, she could feel tears stinging the corners of her eyes as she called out his name again. She didn’t know what to do, if she could get him to someone who did maybe they’d have a chance but they were alone in the centre of this lake.

“Shinji!”

“SHINJI!”

\---

Her eyes shot open and she found herself looking straight up at the ceiling of their bedroom. She felt a churning in her stomach as the image of the nightmare faded from her mind. It had been a long time since she had had a dream like that.

_‘Stupid mind…’_

She turned to see Shinji lying next to her, his mouth open slightly and a bit of drool had formed on his chin. Despite the dream fading she remembered some of the content, the image of Shinji lying before her, his skin cold and him not breathing. She felt stupid as she did it but she had to know, she had to make sure so she jabbing him in the side stirring him from his dream.

“Asuka…”

He rolled his head into the pillow, and recoiled as he felt the spot from the drool in his mouth. She tried to not laugh as he propped himself up.

“Urgh. Are… you alright?”

Asuka nodded, “I was thirsty. Can you go and get me a drink?”

Without any protest or hesitation Shinji got out of the bed and disappeared out of the room. She felt a little bit guilty about sending him away like that but it was better than admitting the reason she had woken him up was just to make sure he was still alive. Within a minute he had returned with a glass of water and handed it to her.

He watched as she sipped it before speaking, “Bad dream?”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. She nodded, “I’m fine now though. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Of course she wasn't going to tell him. What exactly would she say?

_'Hey Shinji, I had a bad dream where you died and I couldn't save you. Sweet dreams.'_

No, it would be best to say nothing. She could deal with the bad dreams because that was all they were. That would never happen in real life, she wouldn't let it happen.

“Nope”

“Okay, I understand.”

He wasn’t going to push for her to tell him, if she wanted to she would. Instead Shinji put his arm around her and drew her closer to him. She kissed him softly on the cheek and snuggled her head into his shoulder. A few images from the nightmare were still prominent but each second she spent resting and snuggling into Shinji pushed them further and further away.

\---

Gendo looked up at the imposing form of the Evangelion Unit. He had not expected to see one of these again, let alone have to recruit a pilot for one. There were no more Angels, so what did they need an Evangelion for?

_‘Humans are their own worst enemy, we eliminate one threat and conjure up another straight away.’_

This was the last Eva they had been waiting to be transported to the WILLE facility, there were only five Units remaining in the world. He supposed he should be thankful for that fact but even five Evangelion Units were five too many. At its peak NERV had only held three Units within its facility. All three of those were now lost to the world, Unit 00 destroyed in the battle with the second to last Angel. Unit 02 destroyed in the battle with the Mass Produce Evangelion Units. Unit 01 had disappeared from orbit after the events of Third Impact.

_'Thankfully... if Cohen got his hands on Unit 01... We’d be risking a fourth impact.'_

The Mass Produced Units were also thankfully out of reach for him having been turned to stone somehow after Third Impact. Still Cohen had five Units at his disposal, five of the most powerful superweapons in the world. The only thing they lacked were pilots, Cohen had been very particular about wanting pilots for these Units rather than relying on the dummy plug system. Of course pilots could be controlled, the dummy plug could not.

This was Gendos task now, to look over the list of potential candidates for piloting the Units, to order the contact experiments and ensure the Evangelion Units were functional. Cohen had already given him the list, it was not dissimilar to the candidate list they had in Tokyo-3. All teenagers, all with a connection to NERV in some way.

_'Finding them will be the easy part, it's the contact experiments that will be difficult. The children in this list lost their mothers long ago, we can't perform the experiment with them to provide the best results... we can do what we did with Unit 00 but that was temperamental... Rei could barely handle it sometimes a regular human could have more problems.'_

Gendo could barely believe he was considering going through with these plans. To once again put people into Evangelion Units, and once again subject them to what could be unimaginable pain. He had already done it once when he wasn't even sure of the end result, what had happened many years ago when Yui was taken into the Eva. They were not aware that would happen, now he had to potentially subject others to that fate.

"Magnificent isn't it Gendo?"

"It is a testament to man’s power, but I have some concerns.”

"A testament indeed, but do tell me your concerns.”

Gendo looked up at the Unit, its armour was plain black. All of them were, gone were the colour schemes of the previous Units. Although truth be told Gendo never was sure why the previous Units had been colour coded as such, there was no practical reason for it. The Units had no S2 engine, something Gendo was thankful for, it meant deploying them had an additional layer of complexity. Still even five minutes running time with the internal battery could do a great deal of damage.

“I am presuming these units have been set up in a similar fashion to how we set up Unit 00 in Tokyo 3. The soul within will have no connection with the chosen pilot, is that correct?”

Cohen nodded, “You are correct, you think this will be a problem?”

Gendo hesitated for a moment wondering what he should tell Cohen. He wondered how much Cohen already knew. He was a member of SEELE after-all he knew about the contact experiments and their purpose.

“Maybe, we learned not to anticipate how the Evangelion might react during initial synchronisation tests after that incident. It was always a concern when we activated Reis’ Unit because of that first experiment.”

“You did not have the same concerns for Shinji?”

Gendo shook his head and smiled, “Of course not, I knew all along that Shinji would have no problem synchronising with Unit 01. It was a similar story with Asuka but you already knew about that.”

“Of course I did, still you bring up some valid concerns. It is a shame we cannot use the dummy plug system for it but the system was destroyed after its initial activation by Keel. The Kaworu plugs are unrecoverable too due to the status of the Eva Series. No I’m afraid this is our best option.”

 “There is also the problem of power, these are not equipped with S2 Engines. New Berlin is not equipped with the large power generators we had in Tokyo-3, they will operate for-“

Cohen quickly cut him off and pointed towards the back of the Evangelion. On it was a pack which Gendo had overlooked before. He assumed it was just a quirk of the armour design rather than anything functional.

“Five minutes at most? I’m already ahead of you, whilst the others were busy looking into the S2 Engine I was looking for a solution that wouldn’t risk us being swallowed into a sea of dirac. I’m a fan of that you see, experiments that don’t have a chance of a questionable fate. We were able to develop these packs, essentially external batteries for the Evangelion Units. They’re not what I’d call elegant and they might reduce agility somewhat but they’ll provide at least an hour of operating time without a power-source.”

“One hour…”

“Yup, there is really nothing to be concerned about. I’ve already thought of everything on the technical side of things. All you have to do is get me my candidates, have them perform the activation test and prepare them for deployment. As soon as we track down the children, we’ll be using the Evas to bring them home.”

“Using… the Eva? Isn’t that somewhat excessive?”

“You clearly don’t understand Langley like I do, he is a man possessed. His desire for revenge does not know limits, you saw how he was willing to sacrifice innocent lives to get those children to where he needs them to be. You saw how he has set about destroying my facilities, who is to say the next one won’t have people inside? Of course those I can forgive, what I cannot forgive however is his treatment of Kyoko. The woman he claims to have loved.”

Gendo had no idea what Cohen was talking about, of course he knew nothing of Langley and Kyokos relationship. In truth he didn’t particularly care, Gendo knew what he needed to know. Still he thought it best to play along with Cohens rambling.

“His treatment of Kyoko?”

A sinister smile crept onto Cohens’ face, “Oh of course you wouldn’t know. As you’re aware Langley re-married after the death of his wife. His new love was a nurse, one he met at the hospital his wife was being looked after. In fact he met her while she was taking care of his wife. It is the daughter I feel sorry for, could you imagine that Gendo? Looking over the body of your comatose mother while your father and his bit on the side are whispering sweet nothings to each other next door? Do you think she’d ever forgive him if she knew? She’s already been through so much Gendo, she shouldn’t have to suffer anymore.”

Gendo swallowed back the anger and looked up at the Evangelion Unit one more time. Cohens’ words about Langley echoed in his ear. Cohen was manipulative but there was something about this story that didn’t seem like a lie. Gendo tried to tell himself that it was a lie but Cohen was right in what he had said to him before. He didn’t know Langley, he knew nothing about the man only that he did have something against Cohen. Gendo himself knew the path that grief and vengeance could take a man down. Gendo once again had no idea what he should do. Anyone Gendo had known who would be able to give him any guidance had gone. Ritsuko had not returned, Fyutsuki hadn’t returned and even Katsuragi was not there now.

_‘Yui… she would know what to do but she is gone. I have to do what I feel is right for Shinji, but what is right?’_

\----

Shinji wandered over to the fridge taking out one of the bottles of water and pouring himself a glass. He found it strange that he and Asuka had been living together for nearly a month now in this place. He might even begin to think of it as home sometime but then he had thought that about Tokyo-3 at one point and he had thought that about New Berlin. Was this only temporary as well?

Shinji wasn't naïve enough to think that after the escape from New Berlin that those after them would just give up. His mind wandered to Asuka who was asleep in their bedroom. Things were nice with her, they had routines and things they would do together. Some mornings they would go out together and get groceries for whatever their evening meal was going to be, they'd spend their day riding out to one of the spots outside town and have lunch. They would then return home and play games or watch TV before going to bed. They were slowly learning to support each other as well, Shinji knew the memories of his past as an Eva pilot would never leave him and nor would they leave Asuka. Sometimes they would have nightmares, sometimes they would cry or in the case of Asuka sometimes they would have an anxiety attack but they were learning to be there for each other and they loved each other.

Shinji peeked his head through the curtain and scanned the empty street paying close attention to the corner of one of the houses. This had become part of their routine too, checking that location each and every night. There had been no further sightings of the thing Asuka had seen since the first night yet they always checked.

He turned his gaze up towards the sky just in time to see a moving object off in the distance. He couldn't see what it was, probably a falling star or even a light aircraft. He watched it moving across the sky for a moment, it was definitely an aircraft, its light blinking in a steady rhythm. Without giving it any thought he closed the curtains again, finished his glass of water and returned to bed.


	30. Totale Finsternis

Asuka was sleeping peacefully until the scream pierced the night jolting her from her dreams. She sat up immediately looking around the room, Shinji was not next to her. The scream must have belonged to him. Quickly throwing the covers aside she got to her feet and listened for any sound. Everything was silent and then she heard it, a noise from the front room. Her heart was thumping in her chest as her mind went over a number of scenarios. What had happened to Shinji? Was he alright? Had someone broken in or had another of those monsters appeared? Had they finally been discovered?

She reached for something she could use as a weapon, there admittedly wasn't much in their bedroom that could be used. Improvising she grabbed a lamp from one of their bedside tables and silently moved out into the passageway. She looked ahead, the front room light was on and the door slightly open. Peeking through the door she could see Shinji standing there, his face white and a look of fear in his eyes. Facing him was...

"A spider..."

She let the lamp fall onto the floor and looked at Shinji with a mixture of disbelief, annoyance and amusement. That scream had been because he had seen a spider.

Shinji turned to look at her, his cheeks immediately glowed red with embarrassment.

"It... caught me by surprise... and it's big and... It has more legs than is necessary!"

"You're scared of spiders?"

He nodded, "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, nothing. Just who would have thought invincible Shinji the slayer of Angels and saviour of mankind could be foiled by something so small."

"It's not small, it's big and plenty of people are scared of spiders!"

Asuka sighed and walked into the room straight past Shinji and towards the kitchen. She glanced at the spider first gauging its size. Shinji was right, it was fairly big, a couple of inches across but nothing a glass and postcard couldn't handle.

"You know Shinji, if some day our story does go public and people learn about how we saved the world from certain doom. I reckon this will be one chapter they leave out of the story. 'And lo, the mighty and beautiful Asuka Langley Sohryu, did save her wimpy boyfriend Shinji Ikari from the deadliest of foes, the humble house spider. For it had fierce fangs and...'"

"You've made your point, please get rid of it."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You know when you screamed like that I thought something serious had happened."

"Something serious did happen! It could have..."

"Idiot, stop being so dramatic."

In a swift motion she put the glass over the spider, it sat there. As it had done for the entire exchange. Asuka slid the card she had grabbed under it and suddenly a very evil realization entered her mind. She looked at the spider, and she looked at Shinji and she grinned.

"Asuka... wh- why are you..."

"You know Shinji... I realized something."

Shinji didn't like the tone of her voice, he took a step back as she stood. Her hand on the glass, the spider under it and not moving. She looked at Shinji. She suddenly become very aware of the power she held over her boyfriend. She of course wouldn’t do anything to hurt him but he wasn’t to know that. She could in the meantime have some fun.

“So Shinji…”

“Uh huh…”

“You love me right?”

He nodded, “With everything I have.”

“You’ll love me forever?”

“Of course, forever.”

Of course he would love her forever, she didn’t need the spider to drag that fact out of him. He would have gladly told her that anyway. He adored Asuka, even now she looked cute.

“And you’ll never leave me?”

“No never, come on Asuka just get rid of it.”

“Wait… don’t be so impatient Shinji… just two more things. You’ll make me happy for the rest of my life?”

“Of course I will, anything for you Asuka.”

She looked at him, she looked at the spider. She looked back at Shinji, Shinji looked at the spider. The spider sat motionless. She smiled more and looked Shinji in the eyes ready to drop her final request.

“Make me a cake tomorrow.”

“What?”

“A cake. I want you to bake me one tomorrow, chocolate, with cream and sprinkles.”

“A cake?”

She nodded, “You have a problem with that?”

He shook his head, “No, but you could have just asked you didn’t need to do this whole routine. I’ll make you a cake, I’ll make you two if you want just get rid of that… that thing!”

“Oh I know I could have just asked… but this was much more fun don’t you think.”

She finally stood up, with the card and glass in hand and walked over to their front door. Opened it and released the foul demon into the wild. Despite her bravado Shinji was sure he could see her give a little shudder as she walked back into the front room.

“And thus the great Asuka Langley Sohryu has saved Shinji Ikari from almost certain doom. What do I get?”

She stuck out her cheek for him, Shinji not being the quickest at taking a hint simply responded. “Well you asked for a cake.”

“You really are an idiot sometimes!” She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her, “I wanted you to kiss me, moron.”

“Oh.”

He pecked her on the cheek, “Thank you.”

“It’ll do, not quite the same when I have to ask for it but I do love you so I can let it go.”

Asuka flopped down on their couch and looked at him. Although the cause of his distress was gone he was still looking around nervously.

“So… spiders huh? I thought you grew up in the countryside, thought you would have been used to seeing them.”

“Not really, I did live out in the countryside with my teacher before moving in with Misato but I didn’t really see many spiders. They’ve always freaked me out though.”

“Well fortunately you had me. It was a fairly big one, category two I’d say.”

“Category… two?”

She giggled, “Oh ignore that, it’s just how I classify spiders by their size. Three categories and that was a medium sized one so category two.”

“I see.”

“You don’t think it’ll come back do you?”

“How should I know? I can get rid of them, I can’t converse with them. I don’t really know what goes on, if anything, in the mind of a spider. Not a lot I’d imagine… although probably more than your friend Toji.”

Shinji sniggered at her insult towards Toji. He thought maybe he should defend Toji but it was late and it was funny.

“What was he like?”

He sat back on the couch himself allowing Asuka to place her head on his lap. He gently ran his hands through her hair.

“Who?”

“Your teacher, I’m not going to mean Toji am I? I already know what he was like!”

“Oh him, he was nice. I was probably difficult to deal with and he did his best… I wasn’t very good at making friends, or really doing anything. The other teachers at my school would always talk about how little I spoke, how little I contributed to their classes and how I didn’t have any friends. He would try to encourage me but I guess I just didn’t want to hear it.”

“I see…”

“It wasn’t bad though, he was a music teacher. Taught me how to play the Cello, thought it’d be a perfect fit for someone like me.”

“What did he mean?”

Shinji smiled, “The Cello isn’t exactly the happiest sounding instrument most of the time but it sounds… I guess he said it sounded thoughtful, like there was something trying to push through the sombre tones. I guess he saw me like that. So I learned how to play it… it was something I actually enjoyed.”

“Do you miss it?”

“A little bit, it was a distraction from the pain. Something I could use to escape into a different world.”

Asuka wasn’t sure why she was so curious about Shinji and his playing of the instrument but she was. She remembered hearing him play it on that evening she had returned. It was the one and only time she ever heard him play. He had told her she wasn’t that good but she knew it was a lie. She didn’t know how to play any instruments herself, or have much knowledge in that area but she knew what was good and what wasn’t.

“What did you play on it?”

“Anything really, there was a lot of classical pieces I’d play. Beethoven and Bach, that sort of thing. I could play a few modern things on it, rearranged pop songs for it or sometimes I’d just improvise.”

“We should get you another one soon, maybe you can teach me how to play.”

“Maybe, although I don’t think the Cello would suit you.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him quizzically, “What do you mean?”

“I just can’t imagine you playing a Cello, you seem more like someone who should be in a rock band. A guitarist or a drummer or something like that, somewhere you can show off your skill.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment. We should go back to bed anyway, you’ve got a busy day or baking me a cake in front of you and who knows maybe if it’s good I’ll let you have a piece…. And maybe something extra special afterwards.”

She winked at him before leaving back to their bedroom. Shinji nervously glanced at the front door one final time before deciding that it was time for him to go back to bed.

\---

Misato crouched in front of the screen and looked at the box to her right. It was exactly the same set up as the others. A black box with the faded Körper logo on it, the image of a snake wrapped around an apple. A strange symbol for a company but she supposed it was no strange than NERVs fig-leaf with the text wrapped around it or even SEELEs logo.

_‘I suppose even secretive organizations need recognizable logos.’_

She placed the explosive charge on the device thinking about what was within. This was the last one she needed to destroy, and the first phase of their mission would be over and done with. After this she could relax, or at least that would be the case if she wasn’t a fugitive and if the next phase of their mission didn’t involve the two children she had been the Guardian of not so long ago.

_‘I’m so sorry Shinji, Asuka for all of this. I’m sorry we couldn’t tell you any of what is going to happen, please forgive us, please forgive me, please understand.’_

Everything was silent, she listened out for the sounds of any Marionettes in the distance. This facility had been like all the others. Hidden as a former NERV storage facility, devoid of humans but swarming with Marionettes. More than the previous stations which made sense, she had destroyed four of these after all.

There were not all of the facilities of this type there were but this was the fifth of an important sequence of them. Langley had when he explained the plan to Misato told her about these five facilities, scattered across Europe. Each one was a relay station for the Marionettes, a centre for issuing orders and commands. Each was connected to a central location that was only known to Cohen. This would issue orders to these facilities, the mind within these facilities would interpret those orders and give out its own based on what it deduced to be the best method. It a hive mind of mini Magi systems.

What was special about the five she had hit was the person who had installed them. She lifted the lid on the box and saw the same label she had seen on the previous ones. Only the number had changed.

‘KYOKO-#005 - TUSCANY’

She shuddered at the site of the name, the same was she had done every time she saw it. She knew what it meant and exactly who Kyoko was. Kyoko, the creator of the Marionettes and the mother of Asuka. Asuka didn’t know yet, no one had told her. Langley had kept it a secret from her, as had Misato. How would Asuka have reacted if she did know?

_‘She has already been through so much relating to her mother… if she learned of something like this… she might never recover from it. Her mother was the creator of those beasts we’re fighting against.’_

Misato placed the explosive on the system inside just in time to hear the familiar clunking of a Marionette footsteps coming towards the room. She quickly placed the lid back over the system and crouched back inside the ventilation shaft.

_‘Some people go to Italy for a holiday, I come to blow something up’_

_\---_

_"_ Let it be known Shinji, I am not happy."

"I know that Asuka but we don't have any choice."

"You promised a cake."

"I know but Adler said she wanted to see us, I'll make it when we get back."

"Hmph"

"Sorry."

Shinji was trying his hardest to not feel bad about the whole thing. He had made that promise and he fully intended to carry it out but his trip to the store had been interrupted by Adler asking them to meet at them somewhere outside of town. They were now over an hour away from the town and Asuka had been sure to let him know she wasn't happy on a regular basis.

Their destination was a small clearing just at the base of the mountain range to the east of the town. It was about an hour and a half travel on their horses, at the moment they were making their way through the series of forest. Shinji, still nervous about the appearance of the spider last night was paying close attention to any branches he passed under.

"What could she even want this far out anyway? And she told us to bring our gear as well."

Asuka continued moving forward heading towards the destination. This area was completely new to her and Shinji, they had chosen to not explore it yet instead preferring the stream and open fields to the west of the town. It was pretty here but there was an oppressive feeling about being here amidst all the trees. It served to cut out the natural light and Asuka much preferred being in the light.

The path through the trees was starting to narrow a little bit making it ever so slightly harder to navigate with the horses. She decided to dial back her annoyance and focus on moving forward. She turned and shouted back to Shinji.

"The path is getting narrower, stay close."

"Okay."

She shifted in her saddle the weight of the backpack making her slightly uncomfortable. It was a warm day as well, sweat was beginning to run down her face due to the heat. They continued moving down the narrow path eventually she could see the end of it, the area where the trees gave way to a larger space.

She was thankful, they'd actually be able to take off the packs and rest.

_'Not only do we have to wear these backpacks but these ridiculously warm coats as well. Did she not see how hot it was tod-'_

She had no time to finish her though as the sight before her captured her full attention.

"Asuka what is it."

She heard Shinjis voice beside her but she couldn't process his words, nor could she respond to them. She merely stared straight ahead at the dead centre of the clearing. On the left she could make out a lone human figure, next to it was a horse. On the right something much large, the body of a pure black Evangelion Unit. In front of it was a damaged entry plug, she could make out that it had been opened.

She immediately felt sick as her heart rate began to increase. Was this what Adler had called them out here for? To show them this, what was it doing there?

"Asuka?"

Shinji had seen it too and he had seen the effect it was beginning to have on Asuka. She was staring straight ahead, her eyes fixed on it and her face had turned pale.

"Asuka I think we should dismount for a moment."

Her reached over and lightly touched her on the shoulder causing her to jump. She tightened her grip on the horses’ reins and looked back at him.

“No I’m fine, even if we stay here it’ll still be there…”

Shinji nodded but kept his hand on her shoulder, “Are you sure?”

“No.”

They started moving towards the downed Evangelion, Asuka kept her eyes fixed firmly on it. She could feel the familiar tightening and trembling in her body but she could fight it, just as she had fought the attacks in the past. Sometimes Shinji would help her, sometimes she could fight it herself. If one was to hit now it’d pass, the thought of it was scary and it wouldn’t feel pleasant but it would pass.

She turned to catch a glimpse of Shinji as they got closer. He hadn’t said a word on the journey down. His face was a mixture of concern for her but also fear. She had forgotten what the sight of an Eva Unit must have been like for Shinji as well, he had piloted one on the ship. He had experienced that pain one more time.

“Are you alright Shinji?”

“Not really but I’ll be alright as long as you’re there.”

She smirked at the cheesiness of the line. Finally they reached Adler, she was stood at the foot of the Evangelion. Asukas’ mouth went dry almost immediately on seeing the behemoths body up this close.

“I’m sorry about this… I know this can’t be easy for either of you.”

She felt Shinjis’ hand intertwine with hers, “We’ll be fine, what…”

She went quiet wondering what question she should be asking. “What happened?”

Adler shook her head, “It arrived last night. One of the systems picked up its approach so I came out to investigate. When I got here it was like this.”

Asuka spoke, “Systems?”

“This place isn’t quite as far away from technology as you might think. Underground there are a series of systems created to detect the approach of any enemies that might be nearby. Evangelion Units, Marionettes, Section 2. Anything and anyone is picked up by them. That’s what my job has been, to monitor that system for any intrusion.”

“What about that thing I saw on our first night though, why didn’t it pick that up?”

Adler shook her head, she of course knew the truth of that but she was still unable to tell Asuka about it. She wasn’t to know about the Empuse yet, that was something she would have to discover for herself. The more Adler thought about it the more it didn’t sit well with her, the Empuse and the Marionettes both creations of this girl’s mother. She surely had a right to know.

“I don’t know, I believe that you saw it and I’ve been monitoring the systems every night for another trace of it but I’ve seen nothing.”

Asuka stepped forward, “We’re going to have to be moved again aren’t we?”

It wasn’t really a question. It was a statement because he already knew the answer to that. He and Asuka just as they started to get comfortable in their new place were going to have to move again.

Adler said nothing for a moment looking towards the Evangelion and back to the two children before nodding grimly, “I’m sorry…”

She turned to look at Asuka again, “Your father was prepared for this… there is a place in the mountain. I’ve marked it on the map, I am really sorry about this… we hoped, I hoped that this wouldn’t happen. I didn’t think we’d be found here.”

The lie tasted bitter in her mouth as she told it. Truth was she knew they would have been found eventually, she just didn’t expect it to be this soon.

“It’s fine… I guess I expected it to happen.”

“There are supplies there, everything you need and we have the resources to bring more to you. It might only be tempor-“

Asuka looked back at the Eva, she had been trying to avoid it but the sheer size of it made that very difficult. She noticed that the plug had been damaged, she couldn’t see into the entry hatch but she could see the LCL dripping down the sides and pooling at the base. Strangely all the bad feelings in her had gone. Maybe it was being in close proximity for so much time but she wasn’t as scared of the Eva as she thought she would have been.

“Um… what happened to it?”

This was the first time Shinji had spoken up since meeting with Adler, “If this came for us… why… is it like this now?”

“I think… when it landed something went wrong with the internal systems. Maybe the Eva rejected the pilot or maybe the strain was too much for the pilot but it was deactivated when I got here and the pilot inside was…”

There was no nice way of saying it, “Dead.”

It was another lie, Adler shuddered as she thought back to the scene she was met with when she had arrived earlier that morning. The Eva lying on its side much as it was now, the Entry Plug had been ejected and the hatch was wide open. If Asuka and Shinji were to look inside now they wouldn’t see it, the pilot would be lying there peacefully as if they had died in their sleep.

The sight she had seen was a far grimmer one. The pilot, blood covering his chest and splashed along the walls of the plug and pooled at his feet. A two pronged lance sticking directly out of his chest. Immediately she had set about clearing all traces of the scene, hiding any evidence of the truth before contacting Langley. She remembered what he had said exactly, word for word. They had been sharp and direct, almost emotionless.

_“The Empuse have done what they were programmed to do, prepare the children. It’s time for them to meet her.”_

She looked up again at Asuka and Shinji, the two who had already been through so much. She wanted to tell them what they were going to face, the truths she knew but she had already sworn she wouldn’t, that it wasn’t her role to do so. All she could do instead was speak to them softly and repeat the apology.

“I’m sorry.”

\---

“Pierced through the chest?”

“Yes Commander Ikari. That was the last thing the video feed picked up before everything went silent. The pilot landed in Northern Russia fine, we lost contact briefly and next thing we knew the Unit was in critical condition, the plug was ejected and something got in before piercing the pilot through the chest, then everything finally went dead.”

“I see, it looks like we have our destination. Prepare a number of scout drones, I want more information on that area. Have the other pilots prepare to be dropped nearby but only as a last resort. I want this done cleanly if possible.”

Gendo watched as the young technician left the room, she strangely reminded him of one of the young technicians that worked with him in Tokyo-3. Maya Ibuki, an intelligent and enthusiastic young woman. A pacifist by nature it was the lure of working with Ritsuko Akagi that had really pulled her into NERV. Maya had been lost to Third Impact, one of the others from NERV who had not returned, maybe one day she would or maybe she had found the happiness she desired in those worlds of illusion.

He wasn’t sure why he was suddenly thinking of her, he had barely spoken to her while he was the Commander there. He had rarely spoken to any of the Bridge Bunnies, as they had been affectionately named. Yet here he was now giving a thought to them. Maybe it was because as he looked at this team in front of him he sensed that similar energy and enthusiasm. Maybe it was because as he looked at this team in front of him he knew that they too might end up dying for a lie they believed in.

He thought about the pilot of that Evangelion Unit he had sent out. It was supposed to be a routine exercise, they would drop the Eva in the zone, having it explore the large wilderness before reporting back. That was how it was supposed to be, evidently there was more to that location than Gendo had been told. He should have suspected as much, Cohen had gave him the destinations and told him they suspected the children of being in Northern Russia. Still, sending an Evangelion to take back two children seemed a bit excessive.

Gendo thought again about the pilot. This was the first time he had lost a pilot under his command. He had lost Rei but at that time she had been replaceable so it hadn’t been as big of a deal. He knew Yui would never have let Shinji die while he was in Unit 01 so that was never a concern and Asuka… as much as he hated to admit it now he had viewed her as expendable. Just a means to an end.

The child was much like the rest of them, no family to speak of and from a background of poverty and broken homes. There was no one to contact and no one to miss him. It didn’t seem right somehow.

He felt uneasy about the entire thing, he had been for the past few weeks. Cohen had managed to get under his skin, he had told him stories about Langley. About Langleys quest for revenge, how Langley had sent Ryoji Kaji to NERV and SEELE as a double agent not caring whether he lived or died. He had told him about how Langley had allowed his daughter to live at NERV, study away from home at a young age with people far older than her. Gendo could hardly pass judgement, he wasn’t a model father himself but that’s what disturbed him about it. Cohen had even told Gendo about how Langley had been seen with another woman while his own wife lay dying in a hospital bed. About how Langley had kissed and held that other woman in the very next room, while his own daughter sat wishing for her mother to come back.

He felt uneasy because he knew the path he had been down had been a result of his grief, fear and selfishness. It never struck him during those initial conversations with Langley that his actions might have been orchestrated by those same things and that the plans Langley had might be of a high price. It was too late now though, things were going to end sooner or later and instead of being the one orchestrating them this time all Gendo could do was watch and hope.

\---

“It’s been a long time Langley, over ten years if my memory serves me correctly.”

“Indeed it has, tell me… what are you doing here Cohen?”

Langley glared at the man occupying the seat in front of him. He was sat with a smile on his face, holding a glass containing whiskey from Langleys special reserve. How Cohen had got in here was none of Langleys concern, what happened to him from this moment was of no concern. He had set into motion what he needed to.

“Northern Russia, not bad, not bad. Nice expanses of wilderness, mountains, streams. Picturesque and a charming holiday destination if it wasn’t so cold all the time. Of course you’re probably wondering how I found out about it?”

“Not at all, you have a network of people who are experts at gathering information. Doubtless one of them told you about the destinations Kyoko visited in the lead-up to the contact experiment. It was just a matter of eliminating them one by one. A simple process.”

“You make it sound so simple, but you know better than that. Kyoko wasn’t so stupid as to travel under her own name was she? Admit it you’re impressed.”

“True, she had a pseudonym she travelled under which would have made things a little bit more difficult for you. So looking at the travel records of Kyoko Sohryu would have pulled up nothing.”

“So what did I have to do, come on Langley, you’re enjoying this.”

“You knew Kyoko had been visited by Yui Ikari at one point. Yui Ikari then made a series of trips, nothing unusual as she was one of the head scientists of Project E for GEHIRN. It was her travel companion that would have piqued your interest though, Mana Shikinami was accompanying her instead of Gendo Ikari.”

“As ever you make things sound so dull, whatever happened to that Langley I knew ten years ago.”

“He died when you killed his wife.”

“If memory serves me correctly I did no such thing. She knew the risks when she took part in SEELEs contact experiment. What happened afterwards was not my doing.”

“If you hadn’t activated the personality transfer system at the same time. That would not have happened.”

“I did what I had to do, Kyoko was unwilling to co-operate with us anymore and I was running out of time. What happened was an unfortunately but necessary loss of life. She was going to go either way Langley, you can hardly blame me.”

“You…”

“On another note how is that new wife of yours? I hear you both had dinner with your daughter not so long ago. A pleasant evening I hope? I wonder… does your daughter know about how you and her step-mother met?”

Langley said nothing, he knew exactly what Cohen was trying to do. He was trying to get under his skin, trying to provoke him but he wasn’t going to let it happen.

“She does not, and she doesn’t need to know.”

“How interesting what things she does and doesn’t need to know I wonder what would happen if she were to find out. I shall have to have a nice chat with her when I get her back, maybe I can explain to her the truth of the Marionettes as well, seeing as you have been too cowardly to do so.”

“I…”

“Yet I find it strange you told her boyfriend… Shinji was it? I wonder how he feels having that knowledge. Maybe he’ll tell her, or maybe he’ll just keep it to himself scared of what she might do. You can see it, he is so full of fear of others… just like his father.”

“Why are you here Cohen?”

“To tell you in person that you can’t win, I have the Eva’s, I have the location of Asuka and Shinji, I have the Marionette system and I have a host of UN delegates that hang on to every word that I say. No matter what you have hidden in Northern Russia it won’t be enough to stop me, do you understand?”

Langley glared at the man as he smiled, rose and left the office. He resisted the urge to go after him, to tackle him to the ground and hit him repeatedly but he knew Cohen was smarter than that. That he’d have planned for something like that. His best option was to wait and watch and believe in the plan.

\---

Shinji rammed his shoulder against the door finally sending it flying open. Asuka barely gave him a moment before barging her way through into the small shack.

“Well it’s a little bit on the small side but I suppose we have no choice.”

Shinji got to his feet and went into the shack, a bit on the small side was an understatement. It was barely more than a room with a small kitchen area for cooking and nothing else that’d provide any comfort. There was no seating, no bed and no bathroom. It was a far cry from the comfort they were used to in their village home.

“Are you sure it’s safe?”

“Of course I am, Adler pointed this place out to us didn’t she. Said it’d be a good place to rest before we go onto the bigger shelter.”

Asuka took a look around the shack. It was a bit of a ruin but it’d only be one night. They could manage that. She placed her pack on the floor taking the sleeping back from it and setting it out on the floor. Shinji was still stood by the door looking out nervously.

“Shinji, will you come and help me in here. There is nothing to worry about, Adler would have told us in advance if she had seen anything.”

“You’re right.”

The two of them set out the sleeping bags on the floor and a few moments later Shinji had already got the stove in the shack running and was cooking one of the ration packs they had been given for their journey. Neither of them spoke during this, exhausted from the journey and learning that their safe place might not be that safe after all. The cold from outside was starting to set in, Asuka ducked into her sleeping bag as she waited for Shinji to hand her the food.

“It isn’t quite the cake I promised you… but it’s all we have right now.”

Smiling she took the food from him and started to eat, it wasn’t up to his usual standard of cooking but then again he had only warmed it up. He hadn’t prepared it, it was a step up from the things they had to eat back in Tokyo-3 though.

“Reminds you of our time in the Tokyo-3 shelter doesn’t it?”

He nodded, “Yeah… a little bit. It’s colder here though.”

“Just a little bit.”

That time they had spent in the shelter seemed like a lifetime ago. Back then he had been terrified of so many things. That they would be the only two people to return from the sea of LCL, that Asuka hated him and would abandon him, that they would die out there. He wondered what their former home looked like now, had nature reclaimed it? Had any of the others returned or were they still in that sea of souls?

“Do you think… do you think anyone else came back?”

“What made you ask that?”

“I don’t know… I’ve just been thinking about it recently. We’ve been back for over five months now but we haven’t heard anything about Tokyo-3 since… all we know is that a handful of JSSDF soldiers turned into those things… I just wondered if maybe Ritsuko or the technicians might have returned or even the Sub-Commander…”

Asuka couldn't deny she hadn't thought about it herself. She had even tried to forget about it completely but every now and then it'd sneak in. Especially after that nightmare not so long ago. She and Shinji had been the first to return, followed by Misato and his father but had anyone else come back? She felt guilty for a moment, she had always treated them with contempt, people there to help her look better. She couldn't remember the technicians names, she never bothered to ask. Then there were the other two, Dr Akagi and Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki. She remembered them of course. She didn't feel guilty about them, both Akagi and Fuyutsuki had been in on the whole thing. They knew about the true nature of the Eva's, there was no time wasting guilt on them.

“I’m sure if they had of done we’d have known about it, maybe they just didn’t have the will to come back like we did or maybe they can’t. Don’t worry about it, I’m sure they’re happy…”

“I suppose… you don’t think they’d be angry at me do you?”

“What sort of question is that? Why would they be angry at you?”

“Because I caused it to happen… it was my fault Third Impact happened.”

Asuka shuffled towards him looking him in the eye.

“Sometimes you astound me with how stupid you sound, it wasn't your fault Shinji no more than it was my fault. Everything that happened... it was your father, it was SEELE. I didn't see the Sub-Commander, or Dr Akagi or even Rei making much of an attempt to avert it either. You're probably guilty of a few things but you didn't cause Third Impact.”

He sighed and mulled her words over. His blame for Third Impact wasn't really what was on his mind. He did feel guilt for those others but it was the events leading up to Third Impact he really wanted to talk about. It was just finding a way to talk about Iit.

“You’re right.”

“I know I am, after all I made that decision to come back.”

Shinji grabbed for Asuka’s hand, that wasn’t the only thing on his mind. He had been thinking a lot recently about their time back, about how fortunate he was to be back and to be alongside Asuka. He had been working on something to say but hadn’t had the chance, in light of today’s events he wanted to say it now. There was a genuine fear that he might not get another chance.

“Asuka I… wanted to say something to you.”

“What is it?”

“I wanted to thank you… for everything. Before Third Impact… I was… I did something horrible to you, and I knew straight away it was horrible.”

Asuka froze. She had never forgotten about what had happened. It was an image that’d stay with her forever, a part of her had at one time wanted to confront Shinji about it but she had let it slip away. It was a relic of a messed up past while they both had to look towards the future.

“Then I heard you fighting and I wanted to help but… she wouldn’t let me. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. I saw you die and I wanted to end everything, Rei… gave me the power to do that but I didn’t. I wanted to see people again… I wanted to see you again even though I was sure you’d hate me. Yet you didn’t hate me.”

Asuka slipped out of her sleeping back, she was now face to face with Shinji. One hand of hers gently caressing his face, the other intertwined with his hand.

“You idiot, there was a time when maybe I did hate you. I never wanted anything to do with you but it wasn’t really me. As for what you did to me… I… never wanted to mention it. For a time it made me feel sick to think about it but… it was a long time ago now and… I guess I do forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

“So is that everything?”

A smile cross his face. It wasn't a big one, subtle but enough, “Yeah… I guess. I just felt I needed to say it.”

“I must admit you know how to pick your moments but I do appreciate it.”

Silence fell upon the two of them. It wasn't an awkward silence like it might have been once over. This was a happy silence, a comfortable one. Asuka knelt in front of him gently stroking his face wearing a smile of her own. Shinji brought up his own hand and with the back of it lightly brushed her hair away from her face and caressed her cheek.

Eventually Shinji broke the silence, “It’s not really like the shelter in Tokyo-3. We’re a lot closer now than we were then.”

She nodded. He was right, and that was why she was suddenly so nervous. There was something on her mind as well, something she had wanted to do. They had come so far since returning with regards to their feelings for each other and their place in the world. It wasn't an ideal situation, the two of them being on the run from an enemy neither knew how to fight. She hadn't admitted it to Shinji or anyone but she was scared, the explosion in New Berlin had scared her. She had already come back from death once and she didn't feel it was likely to happen again. Of course she had put on a brave face, that was what she did. There was only so much she could talk about or admit before she felt her mind putting a lock on it.

“Shinji, do you remember I promised you something last night?”

He looked across at her blankly, he couldn’t remember Asuka promising him anything. If anything it was the other way around, he had promised her something.

“I promised you something special… I… I…”

She wondered how exactly to explain what that thing was to Shinji. How exactly did someone initiate something like this? They had never really spoke about that sort of thing. They had experimented a little bit, that night in the hospital when they shared their first kiss being the catalyst for that. This however was a significantly bigger step, she would be giving herself to him completely and him to her. A part of her wondered if maybe they should wait but with all that had happened it might be one of their last chances.

_'No... this is it. I want to do this... I have to do this._

“Tell me you love me.”

“Asuka I love you.”

“I love you too.”

With those words she gently lay him onto his back and stroked her hand along his side as she leaned in to kiss him. His lips met hers and for moments their both lay next to each other gently kissing and stroking each other. Eventually their lips parted and Asuka again spoke softly.

“I want… to give you that special thing I promised now...”

She decided that perhaps words would not be the best way to make her intentions clear and instead leaned in and kissed him deeply again.


	31. Misplaced Childhood

**2004 - Germany**

“Gute Nacht, mein kleiner Engel.”

She kissed the child gently on the forehead and walked out of the room. Closing the door behind her she let out a sigh. A soft keyboard melody could be heard from within,

 _'Huddled in the safety of a pseudo silk kimono,_  
_wearing bracelets of smoke...'_

"Misplaced Childhood again? Hardly appropriate for a four year old."

She turned to her husband who had a grin on his face, "It's her favourite."

"You mean it's your favourite?"

"Actually I think you'll find I have a healthy respect for all four albums from that era and deciding between them is impossible."

He man stepped forward pulling her into an embrace and kissing her on the cheek, “It’s good to have you home Kyoko, Asuka was missing you.”

“I know… the work… this travelling with Yui, I’ve been so busy and we…”

Kyoko paused fighting back the sadness within her. There would only be another couple of months of this, of her kissing her daughter goodnight and playing with her. She had already wasted most of the past four years. Working in the lab, doing her research and travelling with Yui Ikari. It was all for her though, it was all for Asuka. At least that is what Kyoko kept on telling herself. It didn’t help alleviate any of the guilt.

“You don’t have to do it Kyoko… we can find another way. I have contacts in the US, we can hide from them from SEELE, from Cohen.”

“We’ve been through this before, we can’t hide from them… I can’t hide from them. It isn’t just about us, it’s about the world.”

“To hell with the world! What about our family? We’ve already sacrificed so much of Asukas’ life, let someone else deal with it!”

Kyoko had no response for her husband, in a way she wished she could just go along with him. To run away from it all and be a family somewhere else, under a different name. If she didn’t know what was to come she might have considered it but she couldn’t. The path had been decided when she fell pregnant, her daughter would become a part of Project-E. She would become a pilot and she would help to save the world. Her daughter would be an elite pilot and save the world one day, and Kyoko would not get the chance to see it happen.

“I can’t do that, you know what would happen if I don’t go through with this. I promised Yui, my daughter and her son… they’re going to save the world one day but we have to make sacrifices.”

“Are you sure, is Yui sure? There must be some other way?”

“There isn’t! The Evangelion Units need us to complete the contact experiment and when that happens we’ll be gone. There is no other option. We’ll be there though, watching over them.”

Langley sighed, it had been the same conversation every night. He had hoped maybe tonight would be different, maybe tonight she might reconsider. She was never going to reconsider though, she was too headstrong for that. Her daughter was getting to be like that too, stubborn and a way of getting just what she wanted. There was always nothing he could do in this situation but sit back and let it happen.

“What about Cohen? Körper? The Marionettes? You’re the onl-“

“I’m the only one who can control them, they need me to operate them. Without me Cohen has nothing, he knows that but thanks to SEELE there is nothing he can do. We beat him, we won.”

“What if we haven’t… what if he finds a way?”

Kyoko gave a sly smile, “You worry too much. Everything has been taken care of.”

With that she went back downstairs leaving Langley to contemplate it all. In just over a month his wife, the woman he loved would be gone. She’d be leaving him and a daughter behind all in the name of saving the world. It didn’t seem right but this was how it was going to be. It was this or the world was to be sacrificed to rebirth humanity by SEELE.

Yet it wasn’t fair, Asuka and Kyoko had a bond, more so than other mother and daughter relationships he had witnessed. Whenever Asuka cried, whenever she was upset or angry Kyoko could calm her instantly. How could their daughter cope in a world without her mother?

_‘I hope you know what you’re doing Kyoko… for all of our sakes.’_

\----

**Present Day**

When Shinji awoke he wasn't quite sure of what was happening. He slowly opened his eyes and became aware of a frantic redhead shaking him awake.

"Shinji we have to go... now!"

"Wha- What happened?"

"Adler on the radio, just now! They found us, they attacked the down. She didn't say how many but they sent more Eva's after us, we have to move!"

Shinji still half asleep barely processed her words, he heard them but nothing had sunk in.

"What time is it?"

"It doesn't matter you idiot, wake up and put your clothes on we have to go!"

Suddenly the realization set in. He looked up into Asuka's eyes, this was no dream or drill. They were will with genuine panic and fear, this was real. Immediately he got out of the sleeping bag and threw on whatever clothes he could. As he did so he could hear a sound off in the distance. It sounded almost like an explosion.

Scrambling around the cabin he stuffed whatever he could back into his pack and joined Asuka outside the cabin. It was still dark but the sounds in the distance had grown louder. Familiar footstep like thuds sounded, followed by crashes and sounds like explosions.

"What's happening?"

Asuka shook her head and pointed somewhere in the distance. Shinji strained his eyes to see but there it was, the unmistakable silhouette of three Evangelion Units and the glow of fire.

"The village..."

She nodded grimly, "Yes... we have to go."

She turned to leave, Shinji grabbed her hand. "Wait... there must be something we can do?"

"Like what? We're on our own Shinji, we don't have Evangelions to protect us or fight in and even if we did I don't know if I can even get in one anymore. We have to move, get to the place Adler told us to get to. If we're lucky... I don't know maybe Misato or my father will send help."

Shinji looked back at the glow, it was so far away and he knew Asuka was right. This wasn't the same as the JSSDF invasion of NERV. There were no Evangelions for them to pilot, there was just the chance for them to run. He followed Asuka to where they had hitched the horses. Within moments they were on them and ready to set off.

Asuka dared not look behind her again, the idea of their temporary home going up in flames like that made her feel sick. It was the invasion by the JSSDF all over again, an excessive use of force for such little gain. She had toyed with the idea that maybe her and Shinji would return before any more damage could be caused but something was compelling her to move forward.

_'We can't go back... we've come too far.'_

"Wait, we've found something."

Neither of them got the opportunity to move before a voice rang out in the darkness.

_'Schiesse, they found us already!?'_

"You there on the horses, dismount immediately. Hands where we can see them."

Asuka looked towards the source of the voice. Three men, wearing the uniforms of Section 2 had entered the area. There were all armed and had their weapons aimed directly at the two of them. For a moment she contemplated yelling to Shinji to run and galloping away but the path was getting narrower and these officers didn't look like they had been trained to miss. Instead she did the sensible thing, she slowly dismounted her horse and raised he hands above her head. Next to her Shinji did the same.

"Good, we've gone to a lot of trouble to find you two, I’d hate to see it end badly.”

“You wouldn’t dare do anything, he wants us alive.”

“Alive yes… but he didn’t say what state.”

The man stepped forward, keeping his gun trained on the two of them. He stood directly in front of Asuka, raising a gloved hand to her face and grabbing her jaw forcing her to look at him.

“You know, I had a brother who was part of the JSSDF raid on your home. The one to stop you guys from destroying our world, I watched as you killed him without mercy. I never thought I’d get the chance to meet you.”

She said nothing and continued to glare directly into his eyes. She would betray no emotion to this person, she would not let herself feel bad for it. Just like now those soldiers were attacking without mercy, killing everything in their path.

“This is for all the people you killed on that day.

She watched as the man turned his head towards Shinji and grinned. Slowly the man took a step away and raised a hand, preparing to bring it down on Asuka. Without warning Shinji darted forward directly towards him.

“Shinji! No!”

Asuka tried to grab Shinji as he flew past her but didn’t manage to get a good grip on him. Instead all she could do was watch the soldier caught him with a punch to the stomach and sent him flying back onto the floor. Asuka without thinking went over to check on him and also ensure he didn’t try it again.

“You idiot! You could have gotten us killed!”

“S-Sorry.”

Almost immediately the other two soldiers raised their guns at the pair of them. The man in charge took off one of his gloves, the malicious grin on his face had gotten even bigger.

“I think that counts as provocation.”

He took a step towards the two of them.

“I should probably feel bad but...”

Another step, Asuka knelt next to Shinji as they both realized there was nothing they could do.

“I can’t feel bad for a pair of murderers.”

Another step.

“So if you happen to come out a little bit bruised, it’s only what you deserve.”

He was closer now, he raised a boot as Asuka closed her eyes preparing for any impact. Only moments passed and no impact came. There was a sound like someone choking. Slowly she opened her eyes to see him still stood there, a vacant look in his eyes. Blood dripping down his chin. She slowly tracked her eyes down and gasped in shock. His chest armour was covered in his own blood and protruding from it were two unmistakable prongs.

_‘A lance…’_

She watched in silence as the two prongs were withdrawn and the man slumped to the floor in front of them both. She could see in the background the two soldiers that had accompanied him were also lying motionless. It wasn’t the sight of the blood or dead bodies that scared her. What scared her was the white figure that stood staring straight at her and Shinji.

It was around six foot tall, humanoid but clad in some sort of white armour. In its hand was a two pronged now blood stained lance. She observed that on its back were two folded wings protruding from its shoulders. The being was faceless, it’s head smooth with no features yet she could sense it was looking directly at her and Shinji though.

_‘This was what I saw… on the night we arrived.’_

The figure tilted its head at Shinji and Asuka and raised it’s free arm and pointed. Asuka turned to see where it was pointing, it was the mountain path. The one they were going to use to escape. She turned again only to see that the figure had now vanished.

_‘It… saved us?’_

\---

**2005 - Germany**

“When is Mama coming home?”

“I don’t know darling, they have to run some tests but we can visit her in the hospital tomorrow if you want?”

“Is she going to be alright?”

“Of course she is, look Daddy has to go to work now. You be good for your grandparents okay?”

The young girl nodded and ran over to the car in the driveway where the elderly couple were waiting for her. Langley waved and waited for the car to pull away before finally closing the door. He could drop the act now, he could stop being the optimistic father and return to reality. It had been the same routine for the past week, ever since the contact experiment.

It had gone wrong, he didn’t know how but it had done. Kyoko hadn’t been taken into the unit in the same way Yui had been. At first he thought a miracle had occurred, that the experiment had spared his wives life. Until they recovered her from the plug. It was Kyoko alright but it wasn’t the Kyoko that had gone in there. She recognized no one, she didn’t recognize the staff, the doctors or her own husband. She didn’t even recognise the picture of her own daughter anymore.

He had to return to GEHIRN today, his first day back after a week off. He hadn’t told Asuka what exactly had happened to her mother. Only that there had been an accident and they wouldn’t be able to visit her for a week. It had been tough, Asuka was stubborn and kept on trying to make him take her to see her mother. At nights he could hear the little girl cry, missing her mother’s goodnight kiss. Even the music Kyoko used to leave on overnight didn’t help. In that one moment the bond between them had been broken, he knew it and there was nothing he could do.

He felt his phone start to ring in his pocket. He quickly composed himself and answered it. “Langley here.”

_“Langley… sorry to bother you. I know you’re back in today but I wanted to share some of our findings with you.”_

The voice on the other end belonged to one of the technicians at the lab. She had been tasked with looking into the events of that day, looking for something or anything that might explain what had happened to Kyoko.

“I see, go ahead.”

_“We’ve been over the records of the day numerous times. As you know everyone working that day was gathered in the observation deck.”_

“Of course, so what did you find?”

_“Well sir, it appears that there was a power surge at the exact moment of the contact experiment itself.”_

“Did no one catch it at the time?”

_“Well no, the contact experiment itself used a lot of power so it managed to mask this other surge. To be honest the only reason we were able to catch it is because of where it came from, the area in which it happened should have been powered down on that day.”_

“What section?”

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line, he could hear the rhythmatic sounds of the technician typing before she finally got back to him, _“It was one of the labs on Level 5A, but they aren’t being used anymore.”_

“What is housed in that area?”

_“Well it was where Naoko Akagi was conducting some of her research on the Personality Transfer system, before she relocated to Japan. No one has touched it since though, in fact no one has been in there since Dr Akagi left.”_

“Thank you, good work. I’ll look over it when I get into work.”

Langley hung up the phone and looked up at the ceiling of the passageway. A power surge from an unused section of the building at the exact same time his wives contact experiment took place. An experiment that had gone horribly wrong, it was definitely not coincidence.

_‘Kyoko… what the hell do I do now?’_

\---

**Present Day**

“What do you think that thing was Asuka?”

“How should I know? Just be thankful it didn’t seem that interested in us.”

Asuka peered straight ahead looking up the winding mountain path. Her feet ached, she was tired and hungry but she knew they couldn’t stop. The horses had fled during the scene outside the cabin so they had to walk the rest of way, and she was sure news of the missing men would reach any others sooner or later.

She was so tired, being woken up so early was not part of her plan last night. She didn’t regret it but she hadn’t expected to be as tired as she was the next day. She looked back at Shinji and blushed thinking about the intimacy they had shared last night. The further up they got the colder it became. A wind had picked up and was cutting through the jackets they were both wearing.

“Do you think it was one of those Marionettes?”

“Maybe, I don’t know. I don’t think so…”

“Do you think there are more of them?”

“I don’t know! Maybe we should have asked it when we had the chance.”

“Sorry…”

She sighed, “Don’t be, it’s just that thing looked like…”

She paused for a moment, the thing she had seen. It’s pure white armour, the wings and the lance. It was certainly more humanoid than those monsters but it was enough to remind her of the Eva Series, the monsters that she had fought.

 

On the first night they had arrived in the village she had been wondering why seeing that thing had scared her so much. She hadn’t been able to see all of its features then but this time when it was up close it reminded her exactly of it. This was why she had to keep moving, she had to keep the adrenaline going and keep pushing up the mountain. She was terrified of what would happen if she stopped.

Shinji reached for her hand and clasped it, it felt awkward through the gloves they were wearing but it was somewhat comforting for her.

“I’ll explain later, let’s just keep moving.”

They continued in silence for a while longer, neither wanting to speak should it use up any valuable energy. Looking ahead they could finally see the top, where the path ended and seemed to level out. Feeling the adrenaline going they pushed forward.

It was now incredibly cold and the two of them could see their own breath in the air as they moved on. The two of them were both incredibly hungry, sore and tired but it looked like their journey might finally be coming to an end. They looked out over the expanse in front of them and immediately their eyes widened. Asuka couldn’t help but feel a smile spread across her face as the pure white landscape before them.

“It’s… snow…”

\---

**2005 - Germany**

He couldn't face it anymore. The women lying in the room talking to the doll, thinking it was their daughter. While their actual daughter looked on through that single pane of glass able to hear every single word. This woman in the room was no longer his wife and it was no longer Asuka's mother. It was barely even a woman anymore. It was a shell for a fragmented mind. It's memories and instincts torn aware from it by the accident. It wasn't living it was merely existing and with each passing day it just hurt him and their daughter more and more.

"Why does Mama not love me anymore?"

If there was ever a question she could ask that would tear him apart it would be that one. He spoke the same lie he had always done.

"Your Mama is very ill... she does love you."

"Who is she speaking to?"

"I... I..."

He thought about the best way to phrase this, it was a new question so how best to explain? How did you explain something like this? Her mother was talking to a doll that she seemed to think was her daughter.

"Sometimes... when mothers go through an accident they have difficulty coming back into our world. She is talking to someone from that world."

It was a rubbish lie and he knew it but fortunately for him the mind of a four year old was easy to fool. He only wished he could be that ignorant of real life.

"So... Mama is in a different world?"

"Sort of yeah."

_'And there is no coming back... why did she have to leave us like this.'_

_"Die with me Asuka..."_

Asuka turned to him with a look of confusion. He had to get Asuka out of here quickly, this was not the first time words like that had left Kyoko's mouth since the accident. It was the first time they had left her mouth while Asuka was there though. Asuka might have been a child but she still knew what death was, that wasn't something for a four year old to hear.

"What does that mean? I don't want to di-"

Quickly he interjected, "Asuka... I think it's time we went. We have a test remember for your piloting?"

Immediately the mention of piloting put a smile on her face, "Oh yeah! I'm gonna be an elite pilot!"

"Yes... Yes you are."

\---

**Present Day**

For a brief moment all the fear was gone from them both as their stared at the white expanse before them. It was a beautiful sight, one they had only seen in movies or TV shows. A snowy landscape stretching on for miles. Throughout the expanse trees could be seen covered in it, every so often the wind gently blowing their branches sending some of the white powder to the ground. They didn't even care about the cold or the pain in their feet anymore.

"Hey Shinji!"

Shinji barely had any time to react before feeling the sudden thud in his shoulder. He looked and saw Asuka grinning at him and a mark on his jacket from where the snowball had just hit him. Without giving him the chance to saw anything she had quickly scooped up another pile and tossed it at him catching him squarely on the chest. Laughing he knelt down and quickly responded with his own snowball, narrowly missing Asuka.

"Hah! Missed me!"

She gloated at him, giving him just enough time to throw the second one. This one hit her squarely in the chest.

"That one didn't!"

"I'm still two against one!"

"That first one didn't count, I wasn't looking!"

Shinji was too busy protesting to dodge the third snowball hitting him in the chest again.

"Three to one now!"

"It isn't over yet!"

He dodged out of the way of her fourth snowball and in one motion scooped up another one and threw it in her direction. As he was moving he wasn't able to aim properly but this one managed to catch Asuka in the side.

"That doesn't count!"

"Of course it does, that's three to two."

She tried to protest again but Shinji had already thrown another snowball at her. Again his aim was off only this time the shot didn't catch her in the leg, it caught her directly in the cheek. She screamed out as the sudden coldness hit her. Shinjis eyes widened as she wiped the snow off her face and glared directly at him. All he could do was manage a very weak smile.

"Is that three to three now?"

"You idiot... You're going to pay for that!"

Without giving him the chance to wonder what she meant she had leapt forward. With almost unnatural agility she leapt into him tackling him to the ground and rubbing her cold and snowy gloves into his face.

"Ow, quit it! It's cold!"

She stopped as soon as he asked but instead grabbed both his wrists and pinned them behind him. Lowing her face to his she smiled.

"Four to three now! I win!"

She kissed him on the cheek, her lips were freezing from where Shinji had thrown the snowball earlier but he didn't care.

"Fine... you win!"

Asuka finally let go of his wrists and repositioned herself slightly so she was merely sitting across his stomach but also allowing him a bit more freedom to move. She scanned the area and noticed the small building some distance away.

"This must be it then."

Shinji nodded, "Yeah... she didn't tell us all of this was up here. I've... never seen anything like it before."

"Me neither, apparently it doesn't snow in as many places as it used to since Second Impact. We must be high up enough for it to still get some here."

"Yeah..."

For a moment they sat in silence taking in the scene around them. The trees, the white powder covering the ground, even the building itself was covered.

Eventually that silence was broken by a familiar thud in the distance. The Eva's were on the move again. Asuka turning her eyes towards the building finally spoke, "We should probably get inside."

\---

**2005 – Germany**

Dead… she was dead. Kyoko was gone, found earlier that week in the worst way imaginable. By their daughter. Asuka hadn’t said a word since the incident. Not to the doctors, not to the nurses, not to her grandparents and not to her father. She had done as she had been asked to, sat where she was told but just stared ahead. She hadn’t even cried.

Langley could do absolutely nothing to help her either. He had given up weeks ago on ever getting his wife back. Tired of staring at the empty shell. At the woman who had once been his wife and was the mother to his daughter.

Most of all he felt guilty. He had at one point even blamed Kyoko, gotten angry at her. Confided in one of the nurses looking after her that Kyoko had neglected her family for her work. Said she had ignored her daughter. All for what? Sympathy? He got that, the nurse had been really sympathetic. So sympathetic he still felt sick from it. Kyoko had been in the next room, Asuka had still been out in the corridor. She could have walked in at any time.

Yet he hadn’t stopped it from happening, he hadn’t told the nurse to stop and he hadn’t told himself to stop. In fact he had escalated it and arranged to meet her more times since that one moment.

_‘Oh god… what the hell have I done.’_

\---

**Present Day**

The inside of the build had not been what Asuka and Shinji were expecting. Outside it appeared to be a small shelter, similar to what people might have been evacuated to in Tokyo-3. Inside was much different. On entering they had been greeted by a large door, openable by a crank-handle which Shinji had very kindly offered to open. This lead to a darkened corridor, heading deep underground. They had been walking down this path illuminated only by torchlight for twenty minutes now. Both had discarded their gloves and jacket as the warmth of the corridor overwrote any need for them.

Eventually the corridor stopped going downwards. Asuka shone the torch ahead and could see another door.

“Well Shinji, as the guy I think you know what you have to do.”

“What? I did the last one!”

“Don’t you know it’s only polite to open up the door for a lady? Besides, I’m holding the torch. Now go on!”

Without any further protests he walked over to the door and began attempting to turn the handle. He struggled at first, it was slightly harder than the first.

“Come on Shinji, put your back into it. I know you’re stronger than that.”

Ignoring her jab at him he finally for the handle to turn. With each turn the door opened slightly allowing them into the next area. What lay before them was another corridor. Only this one was illuminated. It was a plain steel corridor, not dissimilar to the ones that used to be at NERV. At the end was another doorway with a card reader next to it.

They stepped through the doorway and almost immediately and without any warning the door shut behind them. Shinji spawn round and noticed there was no handle to open the door from this side. Only a card reader and they had no card to us in it.

“Are we trapped?”

Asuka didn’t like to consider the possibility but it certainly seemed that way. She looked around trying to stay calm and focused and shook her head with a smirk, “Of course not, why would Adler send us here to trap us inside. No I bet whatever we need is in one of these rooms.”

“But there are five doorways, and one of them has a card reader.”

“So we split up, you take the ones on the left and I’ll take the ones on the right. We meet up back here and compare notes! Simple!”

Asuka took a step forward, and noticed Shinji hadn’t moved.

“What’s wrong Shinji? You’re not scared are you?”

She looked at her sheepishly, “A little bit, aren’t you?”

_‘Terrified Shinji… but if I admit it I’m going to break down so let me just pretend I’m not for a moment?’_

“Of what? A corridor? We’ll be fine, after all we’re the only two here!”

She turned away from him and making sure he couldn’t see immediately dropped the confident smile on her face. She could feel the anxiety there in the back of her mind, in the pit of her stomach and in her chest. It had been threatening to burst out with each step she took into this place. All she could do was put on the front, the one she had hidden behind last year. The old Asuka Langley Sohryu, the confident one who was always right. She had to do it until she knew they were both safe from what was out there, she wasn’t going to let it attack now. Even if it meant screaming in rage later. Even if it meant sobbing uncontrollably or whatever else might happen later. For now she had to fight it and force it back.

She looked ahead, two doors to go in. This area didn’t seem very big so the rooms shouldn’t be too large. She could enter them, check them out and leave in no time at all. It was probably just a normal shelter except a bit further underground. The doors with the card readers, the steel walls were just security set up by her father.

_‘My father set this up for us… there is so much I didn’t know about him…’_

She watched as Shinji disappeared into one of the rooms and decided it’d be time for her to search as well. Taking the room furthest from her she opened the door and walked straight through. It was a bathroom. A toilet was in the corner, bath and shower on the other side of the room and a sink. A cabinet had been set up in one of the other corners and a mirror hung above the sink. She searched through the cabinet and found nothing.

_‘Nothing unusual here…’_

Stepping back into the corridor she noticed the other door closing.

_‘Shinji mustn’t have found much either.’_

She moved to the other door on her side and took a deep breath before opening it. This was a bedroom. A double bed had been set up on one side of the room. Some basic wardrobes and drawer units had been placed along the walls. She stepped into the room over to the bed and noticed something had been placed on there. It was a small envelope. Someone had been here before them then, that was obvious but they had left something for them. Picking up the envelope she turned it over in her hand and felt her heart rate increase when she saw the handwriting on the front.

_‘Asuka Langley Sohryu’_

Eagerly she opened the envelope, a small card dropped onto the bed and inside was a handwritten letter. As she read it she felt the façade she had been putting on dropping but the anxiety lying behind it didn’t attack. Instead she felt a lump rise in her throat.

_“Mein Kleiner Engel,_

_As I write this I have so many things I wish to say but so little time to say it. I am to leave this place tomorrow where I’ll leave this letter for you to find in a number of years. I only have a few weeks left before I leave this world, in the hope that we can avert the Third Impact. I regret so many things, I regret that as I write this you’re four years old and we’ve already missed so much time together. I regret that I have to go away so that you have a chance of life. I regret that by the time you read this you’ll have grown up without a mother and you’ll have suffered for that._

_I cannot waste time on my regrets though. If you are reading this it means Cohen managed to activate the Marionettes. This place you are in holds the key to deactivating them, the card that I enclosed with this letter is unique. It belonged to me and now it is yours. In the next room will be a control device. That is the key to stopping the Marionettes._

_When you enter the control centre there will be additional layers of security in place. They are unique in case the person reading this isn’t you. You will have to get past them first but you’re my daughter and I have complete faith in you. Just remember your bedtime stories._

_I am so sorry… if I had known what Cohen was going to do from the start I would never have joined Körper… I would never have helped develop those monsters. When I learned the truth from Yui… about SEELE and about Cohen I tried to stop it. I made it so only I could control them but if you’re reading this that hasn’t worked._

_We… You can fix this though, I didn’t want to burden you with this task Asuka. I hoped someone else could do it. I hoped we could find a way but this was the only option. You’re special Asuka, just like I always told you. As I write this I can’t help but be proud of you already, you’re so clever at such a young age and I know that when you become an elite pilot of the Evangelion you’ll be the best of the best. It sounds stupid but I’ve already made a bet with Yui, whose child can beat the most Angels when they return. I know neither of us will be there to see it, at least not in human form but it’s something to ease the guilt of what we’re going to do to our families._

_You are amazing Asuka, from the day you were born I loved you so much. You are the thing I’m most proud of in my life. You’re such a beautiful little girl, you’re my amazing daughter._

_I hope you can forgive me Asuka… I didn’t mean to do this. I was driven by my own foolish pride, I let myself be used and because of that I’ve made so many suffer._

_I love you Asuka and I am always watching over you,_

_Mama”_

\---

 

**August 2014 - Germany**

"You passed? Congratulations, I'm so proud of you. That's incredible. Your-"

He stopped himself before the words came out. It had nearly been ten years now and in all that time he still couldn't bring himself to mention her mother to her. It was an unspoken rule between the two of them, a ghost that had haunted them.

"You're going to have to visit next time you're in Germany, I'll take us all out. It's been so long since we've had a family meal."

_"Oh I don't know if I'll have time. I'm planning on going straight to NERV to start my pilot training when I'm back."_

"Well at least let me know when you're back, I want to see you."

_"Okay, I will. Bye father."_

"Goodbye Asuka, I love you."

The phone clicked on the other side. It was always this way now, the conversations with his daughter didn't exist or if they did it was always short and to the point. It would probably always be this way, no matter what he did. He knew that in many ways he only had himself to blame. He had tried to force her to move on too early all that time ago, he had gotten remarried within months of Kyoko dying and tried to push the new family on Asuka. He had never tried talking to her or comforting her during her tough times. When she had said she didn't want to cry or have anyone around he had respected that instead of forcing his way through.

Yet he was proud of her. She had managed to get a degree from a University at such a young age. It was enough of an accomplishment for anyone but for someone so young it was doubly so. He wanted to celebrate it with her but he knew that wouldn't happen.

There was a light knock on his door.

"Enter."

A young secretary entered carrying an envelope, "Sir, the gentlemen from NERV has called to let you know he's running a little bit late. I also have your mail here too."

"No problem, I don't have anything else happening today. Place it on the desk, thank you."

The envelope was placed on the desk, he eyed it curiously.

_'That handwriting...'_

He opened it up, tipping it upside down a cd fell out onto his desk. Inside was a handwritten letter. His heart skipped a beat as he read the first few lines.

_'To my love,_

_By the time you read this I'll have been gone for nearly ten years. I'm sorry for any pain that I might have caused you or our daughter Asuka. I hope that you were both able to move on with your lives, that you met someone knew and are both happy._

_There is something I must ask of you. I've enclosed a CD with this letter, on it you'll find a list of locations, information on Körper and Cohen. You will also find instructions on what to do next. If our calculations are correct the Angels should be due to return within the next year. Cohen won't be able to move until after that which gives us over a year._

_I'm sorry I can't tell you everything but there is only one person who can do this and that is our daughter. You must ensure she is safe, you have to make sure she gets to where she needs to be. I know you are capable of protecting her._

_I am sorry for everything I have caused. If I hadn't have been so driven at the beginning maybe this would have been avoided, or maybe Cohen would have just found someone else. Regardless it doesn't matter now, what has happened has happened._

_My final wish, I want you to make sure Asuka gets all of the old albums we used to play her at her bedtime. Remember how she used to love them?_

_I hope you can both forgive me._

_Kyoko.'_

For a time Langley sat in stunned silence clutching the letter in his hand. He wasn't sure if it was a prank or if it was real. She had told him in those weeks leading up to her contact experiment that she had taken care of things and that everything would be alright. Was this what she had meant?

He didn't have time to think about it as another knock on the door stirred him from the letter.

"E-Enter..."

The door opened and in stepped a young man, he was wearing one of the familiar NERV Uniforms. Langley quickly took note of the man’s appearance. His long hair tied into a ponytail, stubble protruding from his chin. Langley quickly shoved the letter and CD into one of his desk drawers and stood up to greet the man. Extending out his hand he introduced himself.

"Langley, I presume you are..."

"Ryoji Kaji. Pleased to meet you."

"Ah yes of course, so you'll be looking after my daughter throughout her pilot training."

Taking a seat the man who had introduced himself as Kaji answered, "That's correct, I'll be an acting guardian. Ensuring she gets to her pilot training on time, that she has what she needs that sort of thing but that isn't actually why I wanted to speak to you today."

"Oh but if you're not here about my daughter what are you here about?"

Kaji reached into his pocket and pulled out an ID Card. Langley recognised the insignia on it immeidately. Japanese Government. "I want you to tell me what you know about SEELE and in particular a man called Gendo Ikari..."

\---

**Present Day**

“Asuka… are you alright?”

She hadn’t moved since reading the letter. She didn’t know how long she had knelt there for. Just staring straight ahead going over its contents. Her emotions were a confusing mixture of sadness, happiness and strangely anger. The words of that letter, her mother had been the one to create those things that had pursued them, her father had known this all along and not told her.

“Asuka, what happened?”

“My… my mother, she’s been here Shinji. This is her facility, she set this up.”

“What, really? How do you know?”

“She left this letter here… and an ID Card… she… she created those things Shinji… those things that Cohen controls and that tried to kill us… she…”

Shinji took the words in and somewhere in the back of his mind he remembered that conversation he had had with Langley. On the night they first met. Langley had told him on that night about the creator of the Marionettes, that the only person who could control them was the creator. That the creator had been Asuka’s mother. Shinji had wanted to say something on that night but then they had been attacked. He had wanted to tell her another time but he just hadn’t found a good time. He wished he had been able to find that time.

“I-I know… but she never intended for this to happen… she wanted to stop him…”

“I know that but…”

Asuka raised her head as she realized what Shinji had just said, “Wait a minute… what do you mean ‘I know’?”

He took a step back as she placed the letter on the lone bed and turned to face him. Her face shown no emotion, there was just a glare straight ahead.

“I… I… meant to tell you Asuka…”

“You knew… all this time… how?”

“I’m sorry.”

“How did you know Shinji?”

“Your father told me… on the night we went to have dinner with them. I wanted to tell you but…”

“But what? You mean to tell me you knew this all that time and you never said a word to me?”

“I wanted to… I really did but I just… I didn’t know how…”

“My father… why didn’t he tell me… who else knows about this?”

“I don’t know, honest I don’t…”

She took a step towards him, she hadn’t raised her voice at all. Instead she spoke direct and to the point. With each step she took, he took one back away from her.

“He must have told Misato… and Adler and your father… you all knew. You all knew all along but you never told me… I was the last to know. Why? Why couldn’t you tell me? Was I not strong enough to be told? Is that it?”

Shinji scrambled to find the reason, he had wanted to tell her. He had just not found the chance to do it. He knew she had a right to know all along and he didn’t know why her father had even bothered to tell him.

“No, that wasn’t it… I wanted to Asuka but I just… I didn’t find the opportunity and… everything was… I didn’t know how to tell you…”

“Everything was what? Good? Pleasant? You didn’t want to upset me? Weak little Asuka can’t handle the truth about her mother? Is that it Shinji? You all saw the way I reacted to the Evangelion, you all saw how I acted during the final few Angels and you all thought I couldn’t handle it. Why? Didn’t I deserve to know the truth?”

“No, I just… didn’t know how to tell you… please I’m sorry.”

“Get out.”

“Wait Asuka… I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your apology Shinji, please get out.”

“I don’t want to leave you alone Asuka, please let me help you.”

“I don’t need your help Shinji, not anymore. Not after this. After everything we have been through… I… trusted you. I forgave you… I gave my body to you and this is what I get back. You had opportunity after opportunity to tell me this and you didn’t. You hid it from me because you were scared of how I’d react. Well tell me now, is this what you wanted? Is this the reaction you expected?”

“No, please Asuka… forgive me.”

“No. Leave. Get out. Leave me alone.”

He took a step towards her and reached out a hand to grab hers.

“Asuka… I’m sorr-“

There was a loud crack as her fist connected sharply with his face sending him to the ground. His nose stung as he saw a few drops of blood fall onto the floor. Tears welled up in his eyes as he turned onto his back to see Asuka staring down at him.

“Leave.”

Without any further words she watched as he crawled out of the door, a hand held up to his nose to stop the bleeding. The door shut and for a time she stood just staring straight ahead. Suddenly it started, she felt a heavy weight in her legs. She stumbled over to the bed and slumped down. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wondered where to go from here. She had been betrayed by them all. She had put her trust in them and they had hidden the truth from her.

She felt a stinging in the back of her eyes and throat. For now there was nothing she could do but pull her knees up to her chest, wrap her arms around them and sob in the centre of the room.


	32. Braver Than We Are

She didn't know how long she had sat there for, hugging her legs close to her body. The tears had stopped some time ago but she still hadn't bothered to move. He had hidden the truth from her for weeks if not months and all he could do was stutter an apology. After she had started to trust him and let him into her life. She had forgave him for what he had done and allowed herself to love him. Yet all this time he had known this truth about her mother and not thought to tell her. Did he not think she had a right to know?

_'Idiot Shinji... after all we've been through he kept this from me. I hate it, I hate them all.'_

It wasn't just Shinji, her own father had kept this hidden from her too. She was ready to try to repair their relationship. She knew the mistakes she had made in the past, shutting herself off from him and her family. Yet he had known this as well and he hadn't told her. He had told Shinji, he had told Misato and Adler before her. Even Shinji's father had probably known about this before her.

_'I was a fool to try to open myself up to them... I should never had come back... I've just been betrayed like I always knew I would be.'_

She tilted her head back and stared up at the ceiling. She raised her hand up and clenched it into a fist a few times. It still hurt from where she had punched Shinji. Her mind turned back to the sickening crack the impact of her fist meeting his face made as it echoed in the room.

_'I... shouldn't have done that...'_

Asuka was still trying to make sense of it. Trying to figure out why Shinji hadn't told her the truth about her mother. Was he that afraid of hurting her by mentioning her mother he just decided to say nothing? Or was he scared of being hurt himself? It was a shock to discover, the idea that her mother had created those monsters terrified her. It had made her question what sort of person her mother was but it was only part of a truth.

_'I would have told him... if it was something that'd affect him I'd have said it!'_

She thought back over all of their time together. From their very first meeting to now and a voice echoed in the back of her head.

_'But you didn't... did you?'_

She blinked and looked straight towards the door. Wondering about the truth of her statement. There had been a time once when she had known something but said nothing. When she had discovered the identity of the fourth child she had remained silent and said nothing. She had wanted to but it wasn't until it was too late that Shinji had found out. She had been too wrapped up in being angry about who had been chosen, that her sync ratio was slipping and a multitude of other things. She was also scared of how to approach Shinji about it and decided to hide the truth.

_'If he had known... would he have done anything different? If he had known I wouldn't have been caught off guard on that occasion... he might have been more prepared and we might have...'_

She pushed the thought away. There was no point thinking about what could have been, they couldn't redo it and even if they could would the changes be for the better? All they could do was move forward. She grabbed the letter from the bed and read through it again. This was her mother’s final words to her. Her mother’s real final words to her. Not the words of that shell lying in the hospital bed but an actual goodbye to her daughter.

She felt the urge to cry return as she read the words again. Her mother had known when she wrote this that her time was up. She might not have known the exact fate that would befall her but she had known. She had chosen Asuka to be the one to carry out her wishes too.

_'She has always been there... guiding me and watching over me. She knew something like this would happen... she knew I'd end up here. She loved me and she had faith in me to carry this out. Yet all I can do is sit here being angry at everything... because they did something that I probably would have done myself if I was in their place...'_

She looked at the door again, there was a few marks around the handle from where Shinji had opened it. Looking over she could see a few red drops of dried blood on the floor. Her heart sank as she thought again to that moment. There had been a time in the past when the two of them had argued, that it had devolved into something similar but that had been in their minds. It had been a scenario concocted during the Third Impact. This had been real, she had hit him. She had been angry, she still was angry with him. She had been upset and she still was but she was coming to a realization.

_'I made a mistake...'_

_\---_

Gendo Ikari was not fond of having a gun pointed at him. Especially not by people he had been placed in charge of. Nor was he fond of being placed in a cell and left in complete darkness. Yet he could see the irony in the situation. This had been the exact same fate that had befallen people under his command. He had Ritsuko Akagi placed in these conditions after she destroyed the dummy plug system. He even had his own son placed under these conditions.

Gendo wasn’t sure how long he had been here for. That was the point of this environment. To keep the prisoner unaware of the passage of time. So they didn’t know what was night or day anymore. Complete isolation from any external stimulus so all they had was their own thoughts and eventually their own fears.

Somewhat fortunately for Gendo that was all he had had for the last ten years. This was nothing compared to the fear he had lived with for the last ten years. This darkness was nothing compared to the darkness he had enveloped himself in all those years and it was nothing to the darkness that had found him during the Third Impact. Instead he found himself lightened by being here because he knew that it meant Shinji and Asuka were succeeding.

The last he had known the Evangelion Units had succeeded in capturing the village but Shinji and Asuka had already fled earlier in the morning. Cohen had sent in a number of Section 2 agents to hunt them down along with a team of Marionettes but they were being repelled by an unknown force.

Gendo of course knew nothing about this new force they were fighting. Reports were coming in that they were some kind of winged demons, clad in a brilliant white armour and using lances as weapons. He couldn’t help but smirk when he heard it. Langley had been one step ahead.

The door suddenly opened letting a stream of light into the cell. Gendo could see a man stood silhouetted in the light and immediately recognised it as the form of Cohen.

“Mr Ikari, I apologize for your treatment but I’m sure you understand why I’ve done this.”

“Of course, you’re currently engaged in a fight to recover my son and you fear that having me lead the mission would in some way jeopardize it in some way. You think I would hesitate in some way because you know of my doubts in using the Evangelion Units.”

“I’m glad we understand each other. I feel however that having you placed in this cell is perhaps a bit too much. Come, I think it’s time we had a bit of a reunion with some of your old friends.”

“Old friends?”

Gendo struggled to understand who Cohen could be referring to. As far as he was aware he had no old friends anymore. No one he was even remotely close to had returned from Third Impact. He had seen the reports, Tokyo-3 was now a wasteland crawling with Marionettes born from the bodies of JSSDF soldiers. Nature had started to reclaim the land and the corpse of Lilith was sinking ever further into the sea.

“Maybe old friends is an exaggeration. Perhaps acquaintances would be more appropriate, or maybe even adversary. See I knew they couldn’t stay hidden for long and just like we now have Asuka and Shinji cornered we were also able to round up those responsible for this.

“You found them then?”

“Not all of them, as expected Langley remains hidden. Cowering in his shelter somewhere while those he managed to coerce into his scheme pay the price. It is only a matter of time though, when he hears we have his daughter he’ll come crawling out of the woodwork.”

“You haven’t got them yet though have you?”

“No, we don’t but it is only a matter of time. In the meantime I think video footage of you executing Misato Katsuragi should suffice in sending a clear message to him… don’t you think?”

Gendo froze up. Cohen had found Misato and had her here. He wanted Gendo to execute her. This wasn’t supposed to happen, she was supposed to do what she needed to do and go into hiding. The two of them were never supposed to cross paths again.

“I…”

“Oh come on Gendo, don’t you remember how she shot you in cold blood? Don’t you want revenge for that? Of course you do and I’m going to give you that opportunity.”

\---

Shinji was in the kitchen when Asuka found him. He was huddled against the wall with his head buried into his knees. Asuka felt her stomach drop when she saw the bloodstains on his shirt and the drops on the floor.

_‘I caused that… oh god what did I do?’_

Without saying a word she walked over to the sink and dampened one of the cloths there before walking over and kneeling beside him. She gently pulled at his wrist but he resisted any movement. She spoke to him keeping her voice steady and calm. She didn’t want to sound too sympathetic, she couldn’t but she didn’t want to sound angry either.

“Hey Shinji…”

No reply from him. She reached out again only to see him immediately twitch and shuffle slightly away from her.

_‘He’s scared of me now… because I hit him. I don’t blame him.’_

“Hey Shinji look at me, please.”

This time she didn’t try to grab his wrist, instead she placed a hand on his knee and gently stroked it whilst getting in closer. She felt him twitch again but this time he didn’t move away from her.

“Shinji… look at me okay.”

“I don’t want to.”

The voice was muffled and choked slightly. He had been crying, that much was obvious. She edged closer to him and took her hand from his knee and ran it through his hair.

“Please, I’m not going to… I won’t hurt you. I want to help you, you don’t have to speak or anything just let me clean you up at least. You can’t sit here covered in your own blood.”

“Leave me be, I can sort it out myself later.”

Asuka felt herself twitch slightly but kept her cool. She had forgotten just how stubborn Shinji could be when he was like this.

“I’m not letting you sort it out yourself… I did it so I should sort it out. Just look at me okay, I… don’t want you to be like this. Please.”

She brought he hand down around his face until she could feel his chin. It felt rough from where the tears and blood had dried on his face. Shinji didn’t resist as she slowly tilted his head towards her until she found herself looking into his deep brown eyes. They looked so lost and broken and it was all because of what she had just done.

She examined the damage, his nose hadn’t been broken thankfully but it had bled a fair amount. Thankfully the bleeding had stopped but Shinji hadn’t cleaned any of it up, the tears from his crying had smeared it on his face further. She could see the front of his shirt covered in various splotches of blood. If she hadn’t have known better she’d have sworn he had been shot.

She lightly brought the cloth up to his face and started to wipe some of the blood from his cheeks.

_‘Will probably need to use a few more of these.’_

“This might sting a little bit Shinji, tell me if it hurts.”

She gently wiped around his chin and cheek, clearing up what she could. Every so often she’d feel him twitch either from the pain of where she dabbed him or from how close she was. There was even on moment where she thought he smiled a bit when she caught the back of his neck.

_‘Of course, Shinji’s ticklish there… I guess he can’t hide that even when he is in this state.’_

She continued to try to clean him up in silence until his chin and cheek were mostly clear. Now would be the hard part. The area around his nose. If she caught it wrong or he twitched again she could set it off.

“Shinji I’m sorry…”

He stared back at her, “No… It… I deserved it… I should have told you.”

“Shinji don’t!”

She quickly trailed off as she realized in that split second she had grabbed his wrist and started to raise her voice. It was just like Shinji to say something like that, to blame himself or feel he deserved it.

“Don’t ever say that. You didn’t deserve this, don’t ever think you deserved it. What I did wasn’t right. I was angry but I shouldn’t have hit you. Don’t think you deserved it, please just… don’t.”

“Sorry…”

“Look don’t speak, just listen. In fact don’t move, just tilt your head back a bit while I keep doing this.”

He nodded and complied with her request tilting his head back slightly. She lightly dabbed around his nose wiping away more of the blood and also being careful to not hurt him.

“I’m… angry that you and everyone else didn’t tell me about my mother making those things Shinji. I’m still angry now but that doesn’t justify what I did. When I made the decision to come back it was so I could change things about myself, I wasn’t going to be who I was before. I was going to be more open and I had hoped when we admitted things to each other we both would be more honest and open with each other. It doesn’t work like that though does it?”

“I guess not.”

His voice was muffled by the cloth in front of his mouth.

“I thought I told you to not speak…”

“Sorry…”

“It’s alright.”

She removed the cloth and looked at her handiwork. His face was still red, and his eyes were puffy from him crying. There were still a few specks of blood around his nose but he could deal with that himself, she had managed to fix more of the visual damage. Of course cleaning up the visual damage would be easy. It was the damage she had caused him mentally that would be more difficult to clean up.

Asuka wasn’t really sure what to say. There were a few things running through her head, she wanted to apologize again but couldn’t find the words for it. Anything she went through in her mind just sounded silly and not enough. She could have just wrapped her arms around him and held him but she had didn’t feel she had the right to touch him. There was also her need to know why. She wanted to know why he hadn’t told her.

“I have to know… Why didn’t you tell me?”

Shinji sighed and gazed past her. He had no answer to her question. He had meant to shortly after the evening he found out but then they had been attacked. He had told her he loved her and it had slipped from his mind. Every now and then he’d remember and want to tell her but there would always be something in the way. In truth it had slipped from his memory until the moment he had found her in the bedroom.

That was probably the worst thing about this. That was why he felt he deserved what had happened because the truth was so stupid. He had forgotten about it when it should have been at the forefront of his mind.

“I… meant to tell you Asuka… I really did but I forgot.”

“You forgot?”

He nodded, “On the night I found out I wanted to tell you what your father had said to me but then other things got in the way. I wanted to tell you a few times after that but things kept on happening until I… until it just passed out of my memory… I don’t know how but it did, it was only when you mentioned it just now that I remembered…”

“You… forgot?”

He turned away from her, “Yeah… that’s why I deserved what happened. I told you I loved you and that I’d do anything for you yet I forgot something so important.”

“You…”

“I’m sorry Asuka.”

“Are…”

“I betrayed your feelings.”

“An…”

“I should have told you on that night but…”

“Idiot!”

“I know.”

“You forgot… why didn’t you just say that in the other room?”

“I… thought it sounded stupid.”

“I thought you had kept it from me on purpose.”

“I know but… that seemed better than me forgetting.”

“I thought you had hidden it from be because you thought… I couldn’t handle it. I thought you had seen how I had been and didn’t think I could deal with it… That you thought I was weak.”

“No… I, was scared about how you would react when I first found out but I still wanted to tell you but in everything that had happened it just slipped. Until now.”

Letting out a sigh she slumped down next to him.

“So you don’t think I’m weak?”

“No of course not, you’re one of the strongest people I know Asuka. I’ve never thought you were weak.”

“Thank you.”

She had found out why he hadn’t told her. That was one thing sorted now she had to work out the apology. A proper apology, she couldn’t let him just forgive her. She had done something horrible and she had to make sure he understood that.

“Shinji look… about what happened I…”

She paused, “There is no excuse for it and I am sorry but please… don’t forgive me yet. Wait until this is over, think about it properly.”

“It’s alright…”

“No Shinji, it isn’t alright. That wasn’t me playfully slapping me because you sneaked a peak at my panties. It wasn’t the snowball fight we had earlier, I hit you and hurt you and… I’m sorry.”

She turned to him looking for his response. Strangle enough he was smiling at her.

“It’s alright… really. I know you’re sorry, I do forgive you Asuka. I don’t need to think longer about it. Besides that’s how me and Touji met.”

“Comparing me to your friend Touji just makes me feel worse.”

“Sorry.”

“No it’s fine, at least it wasn’t the other one.”

The apology was over. Strangely enough she didn’t feel any better but it’d take time for her to feel better. She had to know that Shinji was alright properly first, that he wasn’t just saying he had forgave her.

“Shinji… my father. Why didn’t he tell me himself? Why did he tell you?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think he could. I think he wanted me to tell you.”

“Me and him have never really spoke to each other… not since… well you can guess.”

“Do you still hate him?”

“I was angry at him for a long time, after Mama died he seemed to just get over it so quickly. Everyone else wanted to talk to me, to tell me what it was and wasn’t alright to do but everyone was just using me as a conduit to express their own grief. They told me it was alright to cry so they could cry, they told me it was alright to be angry so they could be angry… they had no idea what I felt and wanted…”

“Did you tell them?”

“I was four years old… I couldn’t, all I knew is that I didn’t want to be upset or to cry. What I had seen… and then… he met someone else, he got remarried within a year and I guess I hated him for that too.”

“I see…”

“I hated him and my stepmother, they tried to continue as a normal family. I didn’t make things easy I suppose. I wasn’t a problem but I just didn’t talk much, I threw myself into work into being the best… as soon as I could I studied for a College Degree. Even when they said they were proud of me I didn’t care, I didn’t need their approval.”

Shinji said nothing, instead he let her continue, “I wanted praise from others but just not them. Everyone told me how good I was, how clever or pretty I was but it was never enough. The approval I needed wasn’t from them… it was from myself and from…”

“Your mother.”

Asuka nodded, “Yeah… but I’d never get that. Now I found out she had this other life I didn’t know about, that no one had bothered to tell me about.”

“I guess communication was never the strong point of our relatives.”

“No… or at least not to the correct people. Shinji, what did he tell you about my mother? And please tell me the truth, don’t hold anything back.”

He paused for a moment struggling to remember the contents of the conversation they had had that night. He remembered most of it and he wasn’t comfortable with parts of it but she deserved to know.

“He said she was a brilliant scientist but she… was very determined. When she found out what SEELE were planning he said she was willing to do anything to stop them.”

“So she…”

“Made those things, he didn’t say how but he said… after a time she was visited by someone and then she changed. She started to go against them, sealed them off so only she could control them. I think the person who visited her told her the truth about Körper…”

She already knew the answer to her question but she wanted to see just what Shinji knew, “Did he say who visited?”

Shinji gave a nod, “He said it was my mother…”

“Of course… my mother mentioned her in the letter. I guess our fathers weren’t the only ones who had secrets...”

“Seems that way.”

“Our parents have a lot to answer for don’t they?”

She chuckled at the absurdity of it all. This had all been planned from the start by their mothers. They had started something knowing they were unable to finish it and placed their trust in their children. Children who they had known for all of four years but had complete faith in. They knew their children would beat the Angels, would avert Third Impact and stop SEELE and they knew Cohen would move in afterwards and set something up. Asuka still didn’t know what it was, she knew it lay behind that final door but couldn’t even guess what it might be. Yet for some reason she was alright with that, she was suddenly confident that no matter what it was she would be able to overcome it. After all their mothers had been right so far.

“Shinji…”

Asuka took up and extended a hand out to him.

“Do you want to save the world with me?”

\---

Gendo was finally lead into a circular room. Straight away his eyes were drawn to the figure in the centre. Surrounding her were a number of the Marionettes, they were motionless and brandishing a weapon in their non-clawed hand. Once in the room Gendo heard Cohen close the door behind him, he positioned himself between Gendo and the figure on the floor. It was a woman, her face covered by a bag but Gendo didn’t need it to be removed to know who it was.

“Misato Katsuragi, I didn’t expect to see you here.”

He kept his words calm and tried to show no emotion. They all knew when they agreed to their various roles there were going to be risks. Either of them could have been killed at any moment but it was all in the name of keeping Asuka and Shinji safe. Gendo had had his doubts about it all, he had agreed to his role. To be acting commander and do as Cohen wanted but he had questioned it. Wondering if he should have taken matters into his own hands.

As he stood in this room, a gun in his hand and Misato Katsuragi bound before him he wondered if he had made the right decision. He had trusted Langley, believed that following the plan was the best way to keep Asuka and Shinji safe.

“Misato Katsuragi, you have caused quite a lot of trouble for us. It wasn’t enough to destroy one of our facilities in New Berlin but you’ve destroyed a further five of my facilities around Europe. You’ve hurt and injured countless people. You’ve become a murderer.”

“I killed no one, all that was in those facilities were your Marionettes… those people were already dead.”

Cohen smirked, “A mere technicality, what will matter is what is reported and what will be reported will be the former identities of those people. Those people who were mothers, daughters, sons and fathers, brothers and sisters… the world knows nothing of these Marionettes you speak of Katsuragi, those peoples bodies were destroyed in the explosions. As far as the world will be concerned you’re a terrorist…”

“So be it, if it helps to stop you they can report and think what they want!”

“Except you haven’t stopped me have you? I know where Asuka and Shinji are hiding and I’m about to get them and bring them back. Langley has abandoned you all and gone into hiding and you’re about to be executed. What you have done is produced a mere setback for me, you’ve provided me with much needed amusement, a small obstacle to overcome but ultimately you’ve just bored me.”

Cohen turned towards Gendo, “Well Gendo, don’t say I don’t repay those who are loyal to me. I must admit I didn’t trust you at first considering your track record but you’ve played your part well so I’m going to give you the opportunity to extract revenge on Misato Katsuragi. Shoot her.”

Gendo felt his hand tense around the gun. He knew from the moment he entered the room this was going to be his order and he knew it was something he couldn’t do. He merely looked back at Cohen.

“I don’t desire revenge against Katsuragi, I desire knowledge of my son being safe. Katsuragi can be locked up.”

Cohen let out a laugh, “Hmm… not good enough I’m afraid. Katsuragi has caused problems for us from the beginning. She’s caused problems for you from the beginning Ikari. You want to talk about your son being safe? She took your son away from you, just think about that. You might be reunited with your Yui right now if it wasn’t for this woman’s influence.”

“It is irrelevant to dwell on what could have been. My desire to see Yui again was wrong, I learned that during Instrumentality.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that. Of course you wouldn’t be able to kill Katsuragi… you’re a coward, which is exactly why Langley told you nothing of his plan.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh don’t be boring. How did it feel Gendo to be so completely powerless, to just have to do as I said while you wondered every day what was going on in the world?”

There was no response from Gendo. Instead he felt a sense of being defeated spread throughout him. It was similar to when Rei had betrayed him before Third Impact, a sense of complete powerlessness, that he had no control over anything and once again he had failed to understand anything.

“What do you even want Cohen?”

Cohen turned towards the voice, he placed a hand on Misatos shoulder, “Control Miss Katsuragi, I want control. Over this world and its inhabitants. I want to create a perfect world in my image. You see SEELE were correct, humanity was reaching a peak and drastic measures had to be taken to push them forward.”

“You already have Eva’s, you have your Marionettes and what is left of NERV… why do you need Asuka and Shinji.”

“Let me correct you, I don’t need Shinji. It is by my own kindness I was going to keep Shinji around. It’s Asuka I need, you see her mother did something when she betrayed me. She made it so that only she can control those Marionettes, she locked me out of it. I’ve been able to reverse some of the damage… it was difficult but thanks to some clever rewiring of the Personality Transfer system and everyone being distracted during the contact experiment I was able to fool the system…”

“You mean you…”

“But it’s limited, apparently the personality transfer didn’t complete as expected and caused some… side effects…”

“That’s why she…”

“Went mad? Yeah, it was tragic wasn’t it? To go from being one of the most brilliant minds of her day to… an empty shell. I heard she was unable to recognize her own daughter by the end of it.”

Cohen paced around from Misato back to Gendo taking note of their expressions.

“Oh but that’s all in the past, we’ve building towards the future now. So Gendo… shoot her and… I’ll consider sparing your son.”

Gendo felt himself raise the gun towards Misato, his finger went to the trigger.

“Go on do it Gendo, you want to see your son safe don’t you?”

“I… “

Gendo’s finger tensed on the trigger, he turned the gun towards Cohen.

“My son will be fine regardless of my actions here.”

Another smirk from Cohen, “You’ve let me down Gendo, I expected you to be less… predictable. So be it. Kill them both.”

On his command Gendo watched as the Marionettes raised their arms aiming their weapons at both him and Misato. There was a flash of light and he felt immense pain ripping through his body before complete darkness.

\---

Shinji finished buttoning up his shirt and glanced at the bed. The letter from Asuka’s mother was still lying there along with the card. On the floor lay his previous shirt still covered in blood from where Asuka had bust his nose. He could still feel the effects of it, his breathing was still awkward and he kept on instinctively reaching a hand up in case it started bleeding again. Every time he did he could see Asuka cringe.

“Does it still hurt?”

“A little bit but I’m alright, don’t worry about it.”

“I am sorry, I know that doesn’t help.”

“It does help, I know you’re sorry Asuka. Don’t worry about it. It’s not the first time someone close to me has punched me anyway.”

He smiled at the memory of his first encounter with Touji. Touji had dragged him out into the school courtyard and punched him throwing him to the floor. He hadn’t bust Shinji’s nose but he had left a nasty mark on his cheek for a few days.

“Yeah you mentioned that… what happened there?”

“It was just after I arrived in Tokyo 3… my first fight ended up putting Touji’s sister in the hospital and he took out his frustrations on me because I was the pilot.”

“That’s horrible! What a di-“

“He didn’t know who I was… he just saw me as a reckless pilot who hurt his sister, I don’t blame him!”

“Well you should! What an idiot, you saved his life, you saved all their lives and he did tha-“

Asuka was getting so into her tirade she didn’t realize Shinji was right next to her. She felt his lips meet hers immediately shutting her up. She felt her hand go straight to his side and returned the kiss. She felt his tongue start to probe at her mouth and pushed him off playfully.

“Calm it down pervert, we’ve got a world to save.”

“Sorry…”

“Oh and don’t think you can just shut me up every time by doing that. Are you ready?”

“Yeah… let’s go.”

Asuka grabbed the card from the bed and went back to the door. Taking each other’s hand they stepped out into the corridor and moved towards the only door they hadn’t been through yet. With one swift motion she swiped the card through the reader revealing the inside of the room.

She felt her chest tighten at the sight of it and immediately clasped Shinji’s hand a bit tighter. In the centre of the room was a console hooked up to what appeared to be an entry plug. The hatch was closed but had a small set of steps leading up to it. Around it was a small moat filled with LCL, immediately the smell of it attacked her nostrils. It had been so long since she had smelled it, it made her feel sick.

_‘Let’s get this over and done with…’_

She let go of Shinjis hand and went over to the console powering it on. Within moments it was running, its screen displaying a message.

_‘---- MARIONETTE MANUAL CONTROL SYSTEM ----_

_SCANNING RELAY STATION LOCATIONS._

_KYOKO-#001 – TEESSIDE – LINK DISCONNECTED_

_KYOKO-#002 – BORDEAUX – LINK DISCONNECTED_

_KYOKO-#003 – LIMBURG – LINK DISCONNECTED_

_KYOKO-#004 – MADRID – LINK DISCONNECTED_

_KYOKO-#005 – TUSCANY – LINK DISCONNECTED_

_MANUAL OVERRIDE CONDITIONS MET, PREPARING SYSTEMS….._

_WHERE ARE THE PROPHETS? WHERE ARE THE VISIONARIES?’_

Shinji stared at the screen taking in all the words it was displaying. The screen was now displaying a text entry screen. Six characters in length, the two of them just stared at it for a moment.

“Asuka… did she give you a password?”

Asuka shook her head, “No… nothing…”

“What does it mean then?”

Asuka thought back over the letter her mother had left her, there had been no mention of a password on the sheet. She looked at the question on screen again, the words felt familiar to her somehow, like she had heard them recently.

“I don’t know… god why couldn’t she had just made this simple! Why couldn’t we have just had normal parents?”

“Well what did she say in the letter?”

“That she was sorry, that she had set something up and it had additional layers of security. That I was the only one who could do this. Nothing of use with this, I mean what sort of question is this? The world is going to hell, and she’s asking us riddl-“

Asuka stopped herself mid-sentence, she looked at the question on screen again and thought back to that one passage. There had been one sentence in there that didn’t make much sense to her at the time but she didn’t think much of it.

_‘Remember your bedtime stories.’_

Asuka couldn’t remember any bedtime stories from her youth, that time before her mother had died was a blur to her. What she could remember however was what he father had told her when they had met again. That her mother used to play music for her at bedtime. A grin quickly spread across her face.

“Oh god… she didn’t?”

“What? What is it?”

“I know what this means Shinji.”

“What?”

“It’s so stupid… when I was a kid she used to play me these albums by a band she was a big fan of. When my father gave me all that music he told me about it, there were four albums by them with this one lead singer and she loved them. You heard part of one them when we danced the other night… do you remember?”

“Of course I remember but I don’t understand.”

“It’s a lyric… it’s one of the lyrics to one of the songs on those albums. That’s what she meant in the letter when she said to remember my bedtime stories.”

She confidently typed out the letters on the keyboard.

_‘F-U-G-A-Z-I’_

“I don’t get it?”

Asuka laughed at it as the screen signalled success. She was in the system, her mother’s security was a song title from a song Asuka used to hear when she was younger.

“It’s the title of the song that question is from… it’s so… stupid”

The screen went through a few changes until eventually it settled on one screen showing the interior of the entry plug. She heard a loud noise echo around the room as the door to the plug unlocked and opened. Peering towards it she felt that old pang of excitement and fear she used to get before she piloted. Only this time she wouldn’t be piloting an Eva, she didn’t know what awaited her in there.

\---

Immense pain and a white light were the last things Misato Katsuragi remembered. The immense pain had come from where she had dashed forward and tackled Gendo Ikari to the ground. The white light she was still unsure of. All she knew is that its appearance coincided with her darting forward.

She wasn’t in any pain now and she was sure she hadn’t died. She had already died once before and it hadn’t felt like this. Then again that wasn’t strictly dying, that was Instrumentality. The joining of all souls and what she knew right now is that she was all alone. No wait she wasn’t alone, there was someone else in the room too. Her eyes adjusted slowly to the low light and saw the figure slowly start to stand. It was Gendo Ikari.

“Wh- Where are we?”

He turned at the sound of her voice, “Lower chambers of the NERV Germany Headquarters. Although how we got here I am unaware. It’s quiet.”

Misato listened for a moment, he was correct. It was completely silent in their environment. She could hear no footsteps or sounds of fighting. What exactly had happened to them?

“Are we safe?”

She could see him making his way over the door way, he swiped his card in the reader but the door didn’t open. In fact it didn’t even seem to react to the card full stop.

“The power in this section is out, no one can enter this chamber or exit. For now I would say we are safe but for how long I am unaware.”

She breathed out a sigh of relief, it might not last very long but for now she was safe. She looked around the empty chamber, towards the centre was a platform. A half built device was raised from the middle of it with a mass of cables and wiring leading to consoles.

“Central Chamber? Guess this must be Germany’s version of Central Dogma. Doesn’t look like they finished it though. What do you reckon it is?”

“I’m unaware of the function of it, in fact I was unaware this chamber was being used for anything beyond storage.”

“Seems that the Commander of WILLE wasn’t informed of all the facts.”

“It was to be expected, Cohen kept me on a short leash. I have been kept unaware of a lot of things lately.”

Misato shot a smirk his way, “You’re not a fan of being unaware are you? It must kill you to be so powerless.”

“I am… not fond of it. I have always attempted to maintain a level of awareness over that which concerns me, this is not something I am used to.”

“Well I suppose we’ll both be unaware for quite some time it seems…”

Misato felt a twinge in her shoulder. Pain from where she had tackled Gendo to floor however long ago.

“Is everything alright Miss Katsuragi.”

“Nothing to be concerned about, seems I hit something rather solid with my shoulder when that light went off.”

Gendo made the connection in his head. The immense pain he felt in his stomach at that moment had been Misato tackling him to the ground.

“You…”

“Yes, I tackled you to the ground before they had a chance to shoot us in the confusion. Don’t get the wrong idea I didn’t do it for you. I did it for Shinji.”

“Thank you.”

“When this is over, I don’t want him to return to news of his father’s death. I don’t want his last image of you to be me shooting you, I can’t imagine what he must have thought when he saw that.”

“He knows the truth of why you did it though?”

“He should do, Adler was supposed to explain it but I’ve had no contact with Adler since that night. I’ve only heard from Langley and updates on the children have been scarce.”

“I see. So what do we do now?”

Misato looked around their darkened chamber, “I guess we wait…”

\---

Asuka paused on the first step of the entry plug and peered inside. It was exactly how she remember the one for Unit 2 to be. There was a seat with two handles either side for her to grip. Along the bottom were a number of pipes that would allow the LCL inside the plug. Left on the seat were a small pair of red neural clips.

Her leg trembled as she reached for the railing and climbed another step. Being this close to it brought back so many memories. Her first synchronisation tests in Germany, her first fight with Shinji on the USS Over The Rainbow, the many fights they took part in and won. The memories of the fights they lost were stronger though. It was in one of these things she had tasted fates worse than mere defeat.

Being taken out so easily by the Angel possessing Unit 03. Having her Eva’s limbs sliced clean off in the Geofront and worst of all having her mind invaded. Her darkest thoughts and fears laid out in front of her for her to waltz through repeatedly until she had finally been freed by Rei and the Lance of Longinus.

She had been beaten so many times in one of these things and then in her last time in one she had died. She had fought and fought well. She had been on the verge of winning but then she had died. She could still remember the pain she felt on that day. She unconsciously raised a hand to her left eye. She could remember the feeling of the blood trickling down her face from the damage. She could remember the pain she felt as the Lance pierced her Evas face transferring all of its damage onto her.

She looked at her hand, and down her arm. She could remember the pain she felt as the other lances pierced her body pinning her to the ground. She remembered coughing up blood and the anger and rage she felt within her. She remembered hearing the cries of the technicians, willing her to stop as she raised the sync ratio to one hundred percent. She was going to do it, she was going to make her Eva reach berserker status just as she had seen Shinji do all those times. She was going to regenerate and beat them all. Only that hadn’t happened, all that had come was more pain as a final lance rained down on her outstretched arm. Splitting it in too.

After that they had fed.

Suddenly she felt bile rise in her throat, her legs wobbled as she swallowed willing herself to not be sick. As she looked inside the entry plug she came to a realization, there was no way in hell she could get in it. She lowered her head and felt her stomach kick again,

_‘I feel sick…’_

She turned towards Shinji who was looking at her from the monitor and gave him an apologetic glance before clutching her stomach and running to the bathroom.


	33. Illumination Theory

Asuka slumped back against the wall of the bathroom, her stomach was in so much pain from the vomiting it had brought tears to her eyes. She took in a few deep breathes and shut her eyes trying to focus her mind elsewhere. Her entire body was shaking and she felt freezing cold. The thought of getting in that entry plug had done this to her, it had conjured up so many bad memories it had done this.

There was a gently knock on the door, “Um… Asuka are you alright?”

“Not really…”

“Can I come in?”

“No, I’ll come out there just… let me sort myself out first. Wait for me in the bedroom or something.”

“Okay… if you need anything you know wh-“

“I know, I just need a moment.”

Trembling she stood up and staggered towards the sink. Her reflection looked back at her, she had gone incredibly pale. If she had red eyes she could have passed for being the same thing as whatever Rei or Kaworu had been. She reached down and splashed some water on her face and washed her mouth out. Looking back up she didn’t look anymore presentable but she didn’t feel quite as disgusting.

She stepped into the bedroom and there was Shinji waiting for her. He immediately tried to embrace her but she shrugged him off and went to sit on the bed.

“Please… don’t touch me for a while, I don’t…”

He walked forward and tried again only to be pushed away, “No really… I still don’t feel right and I don’t want to risk vomiting on you.”

She smiled and leaned forward taking a few more deep breathes. The shaking in her body had been reduced to just a trembling in her legs but the pain in her stomach had still not gone completely.

“Is there anything I can get you? You look cold.”

“A blanket, please.”

Shinji complied and took a blanket from the bed and wrapped it around Asuka. He gently placed a hand on her forehead and caressed down her cheek.

“Anything else, I can make you some soup or get you some water?”

She shook her head, “Not right now, I don’t think my stomach can handle it.”

He sat next to her taking her hand and rubbed it gently allowing her time to calm down. It had happened so quickly, one minute she had been there striding confidently towards the Entry Plug, then she had paused on peering inside. The next moment she flew past him holding her stomach and with a hand over her mouth.

He knew why it had happened, the sight and thought of getting back in an entry plug. He had felt something similar when he had gotten back in the Eva all that time ago. It had made him feel sick before he got into it. It symbolized a lot of things for them both and for Asuka that could only be amplified.

“I don’t think I can do what my mother wanted Shinji…”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t get in it, I can’t do it. I… looked inside and I froze and I felt sick and I just can’t do it.”

“Asuka I…”

Shinji didn’t know quite what to say to her admission. Did he encourage her? Did he tell her that of course she could do it? Or did he tell her it was alright for her to not be able to do it? Did he offer to do it himself?

None of those things seemed like the right thing to say. In the end he settled for putting his arm around her and drawing her closer. He loved her so much and wanted to help her desperately but there was little he could do right now but hold her. They would manage, they would find another way.

He looked down at her, she had still not spoke but he could see her legs were still trembling and a small amount of colour had returned to her face.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“A little bit… just, hold me for a bit okay but not too tight.”

He nodded as she shuffled herself onto his lap and draw the blanket around herself. He felt her snuggle gently into his leg as he held her.

“You must think I’m pathetic right, can’t even get in an entry plug when it isn’t attached to an Eva… so much for saving the world…”

Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“Asuka… that isn’t true, I don’t think you’re pathetic… or weak or anything like that. You’re strong, you’re my Asuka and this doesn’t take away from that.”

“I’m not strong anymore… I used to be but, that’s gone now.”

“No you’re just… “

Shinji again searched for the right words to say. Asuka was still strong, she had been throughout all this time and this sort of thing didn’t take away from that. She was still the Asuka he had known all that time. It wasn’t her fault this sort of thing happened to her and it certainly didn’t make her weak or any less of a person. This wasn’t her fault, it was the Eva, SEELE, NERV and even their parents. Their fates had been decided long ago by forces beyond their control. That was why this was happening right now.

“You could do it Shinji… you’ve done it before, you saved us all once before. Go and do it again… just leave me here…”

For some reason those particular words awoke something in Shinji, he felt himself leap to his feet and pull Asuka up into a sitting position. Her eyes widened at his sudden burst of action but she didn’t move. It was her telling him to leave her there, words he recognized from his own past.

“No! I didn’t save us before! I was ready to let the world die, I wanted to kill them all Asuka. The world could have burnt for all I cared, I wanted to die and take everyone with me.”

“But you didn’t did you, invincible Shinji saved us all. Go and do it again… I’ll just, mess it up. I have no right to be here, I’ll just let them down.”

“No, I didn’t and that was because of you! All throughout it, when I felt that world with no pain and no borders and nobody I could feel it there within me. It was you, it was you fighting with me about it. It was you telling me how stupid it was, it was you telling me how I was a coward for trying to run away, it was you berating me. Every moment that passed I could feel your presence there, I could hear your words and that wasn’t my imagination Asuka it wasn’t something conjured by my mind.”

“I don’t unde-“

“It was you Asuka! We were all there together, our barriers were down but everyone else had vanished except for you because throughout all of it you were the strong one and weren’t going to give up and you weren’t going to let me give up!”

She gazed away from him as he continued, “I hated myself Asuka and I was ready to die and take everything with me but I could sense you there and I couldn’t do it. I loved you so much and knowing you were there fighting it… made me want to fight it too. So you’re not weak at all, you haven’t let anyone down and when I saved the world I didn’t do it alone because I would never have been able to do it if you hadn’t fought against it too.”

“I… I…”

“We can do this… you can do this. Take as much time as you need Asuka but don’t think you’re weak because of what happened in there. I’m here with you every step of the way, we’ll do this… together.”

Asuka blinked a couple of times before thinking about his words. Her issue wasn’t something that could be fixed with words, there was every chance that when she stepped into that room she’d encounter the same thing again. She would freeze up, or start shaking or pass out at the thought of entering that entry plug. That was what she was so scared of right now, that she’d fail because of something like that. That she had no control over.

She knew she had to try again though, because her mother had told her that only she could do it. There was to be no running away from it. She looked up at Shinji and blinked a few times before smiling weakly, “You know as speeches go that one wasn’t too bad…”

“You think so?”

“Was it true… what you said? Did I really help you save the world then?”

Shinji nodded, “Every word of it, you kept me going. You always have done Asuka… not my friends or Misato and certainly not my father or mother but you.”

“Fine… let’s do this.”

\---

Asuka found herself peering into the inside of the entry plug for the second time today. She looked back towards Shinji who was positioned at the console again before looking back in. Despite all of his words she didn't feel any easier about what she was going to do. Every muscle in her body wanted to rebel and turn her around out of this place.

_'You can do this... come on you're Asuka Langley Sohryu, the great Asuka Langley Sohryu. Slayer of Angels... just this one time... it only has to be this once, after this it's over right?'_

She still didn't feel any better.

_'No... I can't do this, it's just going to be like all of those other times. I'll get in and something will go wrong... it's going to go wrong and I'll die... I don't want to... I can't, I really can't.'_

Her leg started to tremble slightly as she took another step. She became painfully aware of Shinji looking at her. She knew he was concerned for her but at this time it really wasn't helping her. If anything it was making this harder.

"Stop looking at me! You're putting me off!"

"Sorry..."

"I'd have done this ages ago if you weren't looking at me."

"Sorry!"

He averted his eyes back to the monitor.

"You can see me on that too, there is a video feed look somewhere else!"

"Like where?"

"I don't know, close them or something."

"But I-"

"Just do it!"

"Okay."

She watched as he closed his eyes and stepped away from the console. He looked silly stood in the centre of the room with his eyes closed, she couldn't help but smile at it. Now she just had to climb inside.

_'Just blame Shinji on putting you off getting inside Asuka, it was his fault you couldn't get in because he was staring at you... just blame him... you can apologize later...'_

It seemed so stupid to her to blame someone else for what was her problem. It felt stupid to even call it a problem, it was logical, after all she had been through it was to be expected but knowing that didn't help. However much it made sense it still made her feel weak. She took another step and lowered one foot into the Entry Plug. Just a little bit more and she would be seated.

_'I have to do this... I'm not weak, I'm not pathetic... I'm going to show them all! I'm going to prove to myself I can do this.'_

Another step and she grabbed the neural clips from the seat. She wouldn't need them, she still had hers in her hair. Besides it wouldn't feel right for her to wear someone else's clips. She realized who the previous owner of these would have been.

_'These were Mama's clips... she must have worn these at one point... she would have been here, she would have sat in this seat.'_

Asuka lowered herself into the seat and leaned back letting out a sigh as she did so. She reached forward and grabbed the two control handles. It felt strange being sat in a cockpit like this one more time. She wondered what would happen next, there was no Eva to pilot. So why did they need this contraption?

"Shinji you can start now... I'm in."

"Okay... what do I do?"

"Follow the instructions on the console idiot! Do I have to explain everything to you?"

"But I can't see."

The palm of her hand meeting her face she yelled back, "Open your eyes then!"

"But you said..."

"I know what I said, I just meant until I got in. Hurry up will you!"

"Okay, sorry!"

She heard the sound of Shinji moving to the console. Her heartrate immediately went up as the door to the entry plug closed and the feeling of the LCL trickling in around her feet began. She remained perfectly still staring straight ahead as the plug started to fill up. Around her ankles, her knee, her hip and now her stomach. There was no going back now.

"Asuka..."

"What is it Shinji?"

The LCL was almost completely over her now as she waited for his reply, "I'm not sure what this means, but I think everything is going well. All is green and I think this one here is for your heart rate and that looks good too... well it's green anyway which I think is good."

"Thank you Doctor Ikari for that sparkling analysis, next time I need a check-up I'll probably give you a miss if that's alright."

"I was just sayin-"

"I know, it was a joke. Just keep an eye on it and... Make sure everything is green alright. Let me know if it changes colour, hey do you reckon if we can make a rainbow?"

The LCL had finished filling the plug as she gripped the controls tighter. She had a final thing to say before Shinji started whatever process was going to happen. Something that had been playing on her mind for some time.

"Hey Shinji... Are you mad... at your mother I mean?"

"What do you mean?"

"For leaving you so young, for going into the Eva knowing what was going to happen? For your life turning out the way it did..."

Shinji thought about it for a moment. It had been something he had thought about for some time since coming back. For all his mother’s kind words during Third Impact, for all the times she had protected him in the Eva he had to admit he was angry at her.

"Yeah... I am. I know she had reasons and I don’t think she expected it to turn out exactly the way ti did but yeah... I'm angry at her. Why?"

"Because... I just wanted to make sure I'm not the only one. While we were children our parents played god with our lives, more so than most parents do. They thought they had a big reason for doing so but they never considered the effect it'd have on us... I just, they're so selfish and I hate them in a way for that."

"I know Asuka... me too."

"Let's begin then."

Without a further word Shinji pressed the next button on the console to begin, and waited and hoped that it would work.

\---

Almost immediately the inside of the Entry Plug came alive. It flashed a variety of colours before turning a pure white. Asuka gripped the controls tightly and awaited the next stage but after fifteen seconds nothing happened. Thirty seconds passed and still nothing. Forty Five… a minute.

“Hey Shinji is this thing worki-“

There was another sudden flash and she became aware of a light directly overhead. Within a second immense pain rushed through her body.

“Arrrrgh, what… is… this…?”

She felt her body lurch as the pain racked her body, she tightened her grip on the controls to try to ease some of it. She gritted her teeth to stop herself from screaming out. The pain moved throughout her body settling on her head.

_‘It’s happening again… it’s this again… oh god don’t let it happen, don’t let it, don’t let it, don’t let it.’_

The pain increased, it was as if a needle had been inserted into her brain and was being moved around. She convulsed violently bringing a hand up to her head.

“Shinji, stop it, stop this I can’t… I can’t do this…”

There was no answer and there was no sign of this stopping. The pain increased rushing into her ears, she felt a roaring sound building up around her as the intensity of the light increased forcing her to close her eyes. The roaring grew louder and louder in her ears, it was circling her now. She could feel it moving around her, there were parts of it she could make out that were louder than others. In her left ear it was there and within a second it was in her right ear.

She took a deep breath willing it to stop, as she caught something else. It was a voice, someone she didn’t recognize.

_“Hello, can I help you?”_

The voice and the roaring panned around her again, on the next go around a new voice had been added to the mix. It belonged to a woman this time,

_“I did it, they accepted me! I’m going to University!”_

A third voice was heard, an older man.

_“I’ve been organizing security teams for years. It’d be an honour to be part of Section Two.”_

The pain started to ease to be replaced by this carousel of voices. Each time it spun around a new voice was added.

_“Hello, can I help you?”_

_“I did it, they accepted me! I’m going to University!”_

_“I’ve been organizing security teams for years. It’d be an honour to be part of Section Two.”_

_“I’m home!”_

It went around her again,

_“Hello, can I help you?”_

_“I did it, they accepted me! I’m going to University!”_

_“I’ve been organizing security teams for years. It’d be an honour to be part of Section Two.”_

_“I’m home!”_

_“I’ve got a new job, but I’m going to have to move away. It’s a big opportunity for me.”_

Again

_“Hello, can I help you?”_

_“I did it, they accepted me! I’m going to University!”_

_“I’ve been organizing security teams for years. It’d be an honour to be part of Section Two.”_

_“I’m home!”_

_“I’ve got a new job, but I’m going to have to move away. It’s a big opportunity for me.”_

_“Drunk again? Yeah I’ll come and get him.”_

And again

_“Hello, can I help you?”_

_“I did it, they accepted me! I’m going to University!”_

_“I’ve been organizing security teams for years. It’d be an honour to be part of Section Two.”_

_“I’m home!”_

_“I’ve got a new job, but I’m going to have to move away. It’s a big opportunity for me.”_

_“Drunk again? Yeah I’ll come and get him.”_

_“I did what I had to do, I wasn’t ready then.”_

And again

_“Hello, can I help you?”_

_“I did it, they accepted me! I’m going to University!”_

_“I’ve been organizing security teams for years. It’d be an honour to be part of Section Two.”_

_“I’m home!”_

_“I’ve got a new job, but I’m going to have to move away. It’s a big opportunity for me.”_

_“Drunk again? Yeah I’ll come and get him.”_

_“I did what I had to do, I wasn’t ready then.”_

_“Let us down once again, same old team. Build you up just to break you down.”_

With each voice being added to the fray the roaring was beginning to cease. As a new voice was added the spinning was slowing down. More and more voices were added to the mixture. All of them different. They belonged to people of all backgrounds, races, gender and sexuality. They were from all over the world yet. Asuka knew none of these people yet for some reason she felt like she knew them all somehow. Like they were all connected to her and each other.

“Who… are you all?”

She wasn’t sure why she had attempted to converse with these voices, it just seemed like an appropriate thing to do. Almost immediately she felt a rush of motion past her. A number of lights appeared before her, like fireflies hovering above a lake. A distorted voice replied back to her.

_“We are one and we are many.”_

‘Well that was cryptic!’

“Where am I?”

The lights hovered for a moment before giving their answer, _“You are where you started, yet you are within each of us.”_

_‘This makes no sense’_

“What… am I doing here?”

They hovered again seemingly contemplating their reply, _“You are freeing us. We have been awaiting you… mother.”_

_‘Mother!? What the hell is this?’_

“I don’t understand.”

_“He… he uses his lies to control us, he uses his facsimile of the mother but the true one has returned. You will free us, you will free the many who are now one. You will release us.”_

“Release… Mother? I’m not a mother! I don’t know how to release you, I don’t even know what you area.”

There was silence again as the lights hovered. Eventually one of them moved towards her. It danced in front of her eyes for a moment before bursting apart with a flash of light. She recoiled backwards at what stood before her. It was one of the Marionettes, it stared through her before fading away and being replaced by the light again.

_“We are the many that have become one, you are the mother. Do you see now?”_

_‘These are…’_

Asuka pieced together what she had just been shown, the voices and the Marionette. Those voices were the people whose bodies had been enslaved by Cohen. It made sense, all of these voices belonged to members of Section 2.

“You are the Marionettes…”

_“We are servants of the mother, given life by the mother but this mother is not the true one. She is a facsimile. You have been sent to free us.”_

“I… don’t know how, I’m not the mother. I can’t free you.”

_“You must free us. If you do not the world will be lost.”_

She glanced around at the sea of lights in front of her. It stretched out as far as she could see. There were so many lights, so many people and so many voices. This was the army of Marionettes in front of her. This was each and every person Cohen had under his control. This was each and every person that had been transformed into her mother’s creation.

She turned towards a number of the lights, they had gathered closer together. Suddenly an image sprouted up above them. It looked like footage from a movie, one of those movies that had been made to look like they were shot on a handheld camera. She watched as the camera lurched forward, it was some street. An American city if she was not mistaken. She could see an overturned Yellow Cab, smoke and an abandoned food cart.

“What is this?”

There was no reply only the movement through the street. Suddenly screams were heard and it panned around. She saw the pedestrians scattered on the floor, scrambling on their backs to get away from whatever approached. Her eyes widened as she saw the hand enter the picture. It was the hand of that particular Marionette. She was looking through its eyes right now. There was a gun in its hand, she watched as its finger positioned itself on the trigger.

Instinctively she pulled the handles back and yelled, “NO STOP!”

The hand on the screen seemed to linger for a moment before stopping. It lowered itself and tossed the gun onto the floor.

_‘It… it did what I said.’_

_“We do as the mother wishes. We are one with the mother.”_

Another image popped up in the distance. It was another city, for some reason she knew it to be London. She didn’t know how, she couldn’t see any of the landmarks. No Big Ben, no Millennium Wheel or Shard to gaze on but she knew it was London.

_‘Wait… I know because it knows’_

The creature was on the rooftop of some building, a hospital. It looked towards a ledge, a man was backing away slowly from it slowly. He placed one foot on the ledge still backing away, his gaze was fixed upon the monster. His curly brown hair covered in sweat, his black coat and scarf billowing in the wind.

_‘No wait, he’s going to…’_

As soon as she thought it the man took one step too far back.

“HELP HIM!”

Immediately the image darted forward with lightning quick reflexes. It stretched out its arm and caught the man before he could plummet to the ground below. The view scanned the ground below, in the distance she could see another man looking up shocked and clutching a mobile phone.

_‘They’re doing… as I tell them to do… I’m controlling them. This is… this is amazing.’_

Realizing finally what she could do, the power that she had she turned her head scanning the sea of lights before her. Marvelling at the masses now under her control. She was the most powerful being on Earth right now, she could do whatever she wanted. They would do as she wished, she was the centre of it all she was…

_“Mother…”_

She went from view to view scanning areas where Cohen had deployed Marionettes. A host of different countries and timezones. Beijing, Melbourne, New York, Los Angeles, Paris, Cape Town. She travelled the world in minutes, commanding these creatures to do as she wished. To save the people they had been attacking moments before, to pull people from explosions, to stop the regular soldiers who wished to hurt civilians.

_“Save us…”_

She ignored the words as she continued her work. Showing her power the same way she would dodge and twirl in her Evangelion. She was all powerful, she was saving them. She was saving everyone.

Another one popped up, she recognized it as New Berlin. A small group of people had been herded against a wall. They carried rocks and were throwing them towards the Marionettes and the others within Cohen’s group who had not transformed. One of the soldiers raised his rifle.

“NO!”

Asuka ordered the Marionette to dart forward. It raised its claw and extended its A.T. Field shielding the civilians from the spray of bullets. Raising the clawed hand she willed it to dart forward piercing the soldier through the stomach.

“All of these… are under my control now. I can’t possibly lose, thousands of them all with A.T. Fields. I’m finally going to win!”

She span it round, there was another soldier aiming directly at her. Willed it to attack and so it did knocking the enemy to the floor in one swift motion. Another few entered the area, they deployed themselves a good ten of so metres away from her. Aimed and fired.

"Hah! No match for my A.T. Field!"

The field was raised and the bullets were stopped in mid-air before simply falling to the floor.

"My turn."

The Marionette darted forward barrelling directly into two of the soldiers. Asuka actually felt herself shudder at the impact it made. It span around with lightning speed just in time to meet another one and catch it with an uppercut to the stomach.

The others backed away from it steadily retreating. She wouldn't pursue them. Her goal was to subdue and save rather than kill anyone.

_"ON MY MARK"_

She turned the Marionette towards the new voice, another smaller group had set up a cordon near to it. She prepared to raise the A.T. Field again when she noticed them setting up a small tripod, a gun positioned on the top of it. She had seen this before, some time ago.

_"FIRE!"_

A second later a beam was sent forward from the gun directly towards the Marionette. The A.T. Field was raised stopping the beam directly in its tracks but it didn't let up. Instead moments later it pierced through the field sending the Marionette stumbling back. Asuka hissed in pain and clutched her chest as the feedback from it went right through.

"Gott, it’s just like piloting an Eva..."

The view from that Marionette went hazy before dropping out completely. Another had sprung up almost immediately afterwards. It was a room. A chamber that she recognised. It was still in New Berlin. She had been there before and in the centre of the room was Cohen.

_“Not accepting commands from any of our stations…”_

Asuka stared straight ahead at the man. She had never met him before but she had been told about him. This man who was usually so calm and stoic now wearing a look of panic. She watched as he slowly turned his head towards the lone Marionette in the room.

_“Oh… of course.”_

Asuka silently willed the Marionette to move forward. She watched as Cohen’s expression suddenly changed. He was no longer wearing an expression of panic. He was grinning and staring straight at the Marionette.

_‘No… he’s staring at me.’_

_“Finally… we meet… Asuka. Don’t bother trying to respond, you won’t be able to. Your mother didn’t bother to give these creatures much in the way of communication. I know you can see me Asuka… how does it feel to have that much power, you can do whatever you want can’t you? Well except bring her back…”_

“Bastard.”

_“You know… I can’t imagine how it must have felt for you. To watch her die like that, to rot away in that shell of hers and not recognize you. I almost felt bad for her but had she not worked against me then this wouldn’t have happened.”_

“I’ll kill you.”

_“The funny thing is Asuka is that you hate me and you don’t even know why. Yet I was never your enemy, all I wanted was what was good for mankind. They needed someone like me to control them. Someone who could dictate the flow of the world to suit the needs of humanity. I had even chosen you Asuka to be god amongst these creatures. You would have had power, true power more than you have ever had in your life and yet here you are resolving yourself to be yet another puppet of your mothers.”_

“I’ll kill you.”

_“How does it feel Asuka? To know that you’re nothing more than a tool in a chess game between myself and your mother that has gone on your years. I bet you don’t even know which piece you are, you don’t even know what role you have.”_

“I’ll kill you.”

_“I know what you have to do Asuka... I know exactly what you have to do, so I want you to savour your victory as long as you can because when you find it… Oh would I love to feel some of that hatred flowing in your veins. I just wonder which of them you’ll hate more, your mother for abandoning you with this task, or your father for running away from her when she was in the hospital to fuck someone else?”_

“I’ll kill you.”

_“Now I know what you’re thinking because much like your mother you’re predictable and boring, you’re thinking ‘I’ll kill him’, and in your defence I don’t blame you. There is just one problem.”_

“I’LL KILL YOU!”

Asuka willed the creature forward aiming its razor sharp claw directly towards Cohen’s skull. He was too quick for her though, in a swift moment he pulled out his own gun. He raised it towards the creature before stepping back. Asuka screamed out as she saw Cohen quickly turn the gun around and fire a bullet straight through his own head. She watched as the creatures clawed swiped nothing but air as Cohen’s body fell to the ground still wearing that sinister grin.

“He… shot himself… he…”

Asuka looked around the area again, all had fallen silent and all she felt was emptiness. She didn’t quite know what to feel at this point, she felt sick as she recalled the sight. He was dead, it was over shouldn’t she be happy? He had admitted to practically murdering her mother so she should have been. Yet she wasn’t.

_‘He… robbed me… of my revenge, and he smiled as he did it.’_

She looked around at the lights again, somehow everything had grown a little bit dimmer in the air. She was sure there were fewer than before. Again the distorted voice of the many echoed.

_“Help us… mother.”_

“They are suffering…”

It was a new voice, belonging to an adult woman. Asuka spun around, there was another glow but it had no form. She recognized this feeling, she had felt it before in Unit 02.

“Mama?”

“You must let them go Asuka… they have been active too long. All this existence brings them now is constant pain. They are all too many voices sharing one mind, humans are not supposed to live like this.”

Something didn’t seem right, the voice was robotic, mechanical. The feeling washing through her was slowly fading. This wasn’t as strong, it wasn’t the same but she had to ask.

“I… is that really you?”

It passed over her struggling to find a form, it was not as strong as what she had felt in Unit 02.

“I am… a remnant. Left behind to guide you, I am a… fragment of that which you call Kyoko. Your mother.”

“A fragment?”

“Yes, I was left here to help guide you in the final stages. To put an end to this. You must ease their suffering.”

“How can I do that?”

“You have to shut them down, there is no other way.”

“You mean kill them? There must be some other way?”

“There is no other way… when she was here she searched for a way. If she had more time then maybe she would have found a way but there is none. In this form they are incomplete, stuck in a limbo between being alive and dead, their souls are in constant turmoil. There are thousands of voices occupying one mind. They cannot recover. Their identity exists in a world beyond this one, their body just a shell to be commanded.”

Asuka looked out amidst the sea of lights again. They were silent but she could sense one unifying thought from them all.

_“Help us… Free us… End us…”_

“I… I can’t, I can’t be responsible for all these… It isn’t right.”

Asuka felt a tear trickle down her cheek. To end so many lives at once, she couldn’t do it there had to be some other way. Yet this was their wish, an end to their pain and suffering. They had been made into this by Cohen. They were suffering and in pain. They were empty shells to be controlled and discarded.

“Asuka.”

She turned to the voice, the glow had found its form now. A woman with long red hair in a white lab coat. Her eyes widened some more at the sight of it.

“Mama? No… you’re not her.”

The figure nodded, “That is correct, I am the memories of Kyoko at this point of time. I am a manifestation within this sea of what is called LCL of her soul.”

“I… can’t do it.”

“Why not?”

“Are you stupid? I’d be killing thousands of people, I can’t do that!”

“Do you believe these people are still alive?”

Another chorus from the sea of lights begging for help, for release.

“I… what are they?”

“These people died the moment they were transformed. They ceased to be alive on the day that happened.”

“But their memories… their thoughts are all there!”

“Their souls are tethered to the creature, what you are seeing are echoes from that. Each moment the creature is alive it degrades, it encounters more pain it will die eventually anyway.”

Another chorus rang out as Asuka nodded, “I… have no choice? I have to kill them all.”

“You are not killing them, merely freeing their soul. Much like the souls of those lost in Tokyo-3 these will find a home too.”

“You mean they can come back?”

“I don’t have the relevant information to make that guess.”

Asuka lowered her eyes at the figures words. It was so strange for her to see it there. It looked like her mother, it had the same voice as her mother but it wasn’t. The way it spoke was so robotic, so matter of fact that she knew it couldn’t be. No matter how much Asuka wanted it to be.

“She didn’t desire this to happen.”

“Huh?”

“She wished there could have been some other way, did regretted having to leave this to her daughter. On the day I was created she expressed that most of all. Her regret for what you would have to go through.”

“You… she told you that?”

“Not in words, I represent aspects of Kyokos personality and thoughts.”

“But you are not her?”

“No, I am an incomplete being. Just like these Marionettes. Much like you I am here to serve a purpose, when your job is complete and I have detected you are safe I will activate a self-destruct on this facility.”

“So not even you will survive.”

“No, I will not but then if I am just a copy of an aspect of your mother did I ever exist to begin with? I am but a tool to serve a purpose, to guide you to what you need to do.”

“What if I can’t do it?”

“Then you will prolong these beings suffering. They will continue living in this state of constant pain, the thoughts of thousands invading each ones heads repeatedly. When it becomes too much they will become unpredictable. They will be uncontrollable, some might shut down instantly others will become feral.”

Once more she looked out to the sea of lights. She could sense the pain from each of them. They were longing for release and she could give it to them. Asuka already knew that death didn’t necessarily mean an end to consciousness and that the soul would go on living elsewhere. After all she had died herself. There was a sea of LCL in Tokyo-3 in which human souls still inhabited. Would that happen to these ones? Would they return to that state too when she let them free?

She was almost angry with her mother. The task left to her was to decide the fate of thousands of lives. This was the gift left from mother to daughter. After feeling so invincible moments before, after finally recovering some of that power that had been lost. It had been stripped away. How could her mother have expected her to decide people’s fate like this? No matter what the logic was behind it. This was too much, yet she knew she had no choice.

Asuka shut her eyes and tightened her grip on the controls again. She took a deep breath and knowing what she had to do gently whispered, “Be free.”

She didn’t open her eyes throughout it all. She didn’t see each the glow of each light in the room slowly fade away to nothing ness. She shut out the sounds of each voice thanking her. She held back the tears as each Marionette took it in turns to thank her for release. She waited, clutching the controls tighter and tighter.

Finally she felt a warmth envelope her, “I always said you were special, Mein Kleiner Engel”

“Mama?”

Asuka finally opened her eyes, the glow had vanished. All she saw in front of her was the silver wall of the Entry Plug, even the LCL had drained from the device. She made no sound as the tears fell down her face, thinking about what she had just done. What she had just witnessed. She didn’t even move when she heard the Entry Plug door opening. She didn’t move or react when Shinjis face came into view. He was saying something to her but no words were being processed by her mind. She felt empty and exhausted.

She couldn’t even remember Shinji picking her up into his arms and placing her in the bed.

\---

Time had passed since that day, she wasn’t sure how much time had passed. All she knew was that time had indeed passed. It had been a blur, a haze of events in which she had felt like nothing more than a bystander. Slowly her mind began trying to piece it all together.

The door to the enter plug had opened and Shinji had gotten her out. She had passed out in his arms on the way back to their bedroom. There she had slept for a while. She remembers Shinji attending to her, bringing her soup and trying to talk to her but she had said nothing. She had barely moved except to answer the call of nature and wash herself.

She remembers that after a couple of days of this they had been rescued. Misato had lead a small team and picked them up. She hadn’t said anything then either but she could remember the concerned looks on their faces as they tried to get her to talk.

From there she remembered being taken back to New Berlin, she had been examined by a doctor there. It was there she had finally spoke, it was one sentence.

_“Let me go home.”_

So they had. They had determined she was healthy, that the problem was in her mind. That she would recover in time and all they could do was support her. So they had been back for some time, it might have been a week. She had entered a routine, she’d sleep, have breakfast and sit staring out over the city. She’d have lunch then resume looking out before having dinner and returning to the bedroom.

She remembered Misato trying her hardest to talk to her, to get her to open up. Telling her stories about how after the Second Impact she had been the same and that she understood. She didn’t understand. Asuka had just condemned thousands of people to death, she had been robbed of her revenge against the man responsible for her mother’s death. She didn’t even know anymore how she felt about her mother. The one who was supposed to have loved her had set this up, knowing what Asuka would have to do.

There was one person who understood and that was Shinji. She wanted to open up to him. He would understand what she had done. He had been there himself during the Third Impact. Yet she couldn't say anything to him.

It was the early hours of the afternoon. Asuka was sitting on the balcony of their apartment looking out over the skyline of the city. Everything looked peaceful and calm yet she had seen snippets and flashes of what had happened on that day. She had managed to get caught up in it. She had seen Cohen's Marionettes and soldiers running down civilians, filling them with fear and taking control.

She heard the door to the inside of the apartment slide open. She knew within moments Shinji would be sat next to her, he'd hold her hand and talk to her. Tell her he was worried about her and try to get her to say something or open up. He'd tell her that their friends had been in touch, or that the rebuilding of the city was going smoothly.

"Hey Asuka..."

She moved her eyes to meet his as he sat down. Without asking, without hesitating he took her hand and looked out over the skyline with her.

_'What is it Shinji?'_

"I... hope you're alright. Misato called earlier, she is going to have to go away for a couple of days. She hasn't told me why, just something to do with the rebuilding project."

_'Well that's good for her.'_

"She wants me to start going back to school but I've told her I won't until you're better... I can't go there without you Asuka. I can't leave you here alone."

_'Idiot, you'll be waiting a long time.'_

"She got mad with me for it but... I don't care. I guess being around you has taught me to stand up for myself a bit more."

_'You shouldn't learn anything from me.'_

"I still... don't know what happened on that day Asuka. I don't know what happened to you but I want to talk to you about it. I want to help you... if you'll let me."

Here it came, the same words she had heard for the past seven days. It was always the same, he would say that and try to coax her somehow. He'd compliment her, he'd put his arms around her but she wouldn't talk. She couldn't talk about it, what could she say?

_'If you knew Shinji... you wouldn't want to be near me anymore.'_

"I'm not going to give up on you... you didn't give up on me after we came back and you were there for me so many times since. Just let me..."

She gave no response just as he had expected. He truly didn’t know what to do, she had been like this since she had returned. At times it had frustrated him, at others it had made him sad. He had cried many times at how little he seemed to be able to do to help her. He was told that talking to her might help but every day he had seen no reaction from her no matter what he said. Whether it was get well soon messages from their friends, words of comfort. He had even tried reading to her and playing her favourite music.

He knew she could hear him, they had been concerned at first maybe she couldn’t but tests have revealed that everything was fine with her physically.

“Your father… my father and Misato they all met last night to discuss what had happened and moving forward. Your father cleared up a few things about the plan, he had no knowledge of it until a short time before the Angel attacks.”

Shinji smiled, “It was actually just before you met Mr. Kaji for the first time. Kaji came to your father for information on SEELE on the same day your father received a package from your mother. She had arranged it to be delivered on that day. It contained the details of everything apparently.”

He paused for a moment, “Those things in the white armour… they were made by your mother as well. They’re similar to the Evangelion Units somehow, I don’t know clones or something but they were made to guard that facility and only allow us in. He said my mother helped make them too… I didn’t know our mothers knew each other so well. I guess the two of them planned this out.”

She was thankful that his phone started to go off just at that moment. She couldn’t bear to hear any more about her mother and her plans. He released her hand and answered it.

"Oh hey Misato..."

"No, nothing much we've had lunch and we're just sitting."

"You have some news? What about Tokyo 3? Survivors but I thoug-"

Asuka turned her head towards Shinji intrigued by his end of the conversation. There was a long pause as Shinji listened keenly to Misato's words. Asuka couldn't make out any of it but she judging by the expression on Shinji's face it was good news. Maybe the technicians had finally returned after all this time.

He turned towards Asuka and his expression changed to surprise at whatever Misato was telling him.

_‘They know… they know what I did…’_

"Okay, thank you for telling me. Bye."

Shinji put his phone away and walked back over to Asuka. Her eyes hadn't stopped following him.

“Asuka they found people in Tokyo-3! Just earlier today they found them washed up on the beach! They thought it might have been JSSDF or people from NERV but it wasn’t…”

She turned away, as he continued. "Asuka it was… the people from Section 2. All those people who had disappeared, that Cohen took. They confirmed it, they… I don’t know how or why but…"

Her eyes widened at what he had just said. The people had come back, or at least they had started to come back.

She remembered overhearing Misato talking about what had happened to the Marionettes. Witnesses had described them as just vanishing in front of their eyes. There was a glow and they disappeared. Hundreds of people maybe a thousand had disappeared and no one knew why. Except for Asuka.

"Misato had to change her plans, she is going to travel there tomorrow to investigate it. They want to make sure everyone is safe. I don’t understand it, she said they had all gone… she said they had all been defeated and they had died when Cohen did.”

Asuka cringed at hearing him say that. She wanted to scream whenever she heard someone say it. She had been the one to cause that, she had killed them all. She felt his hand intertwine with hers. She sighed and finally spoke, she had to know. Her voice was barely above a whisper, it had been a while since she had used it.

"How... How many?"

"Asuka? You...” Instead of answering her question he turned to meet her eyes, “Are you feeling better? Is there anything I can do?"

She repeated her question, her voice raised a little bit more this time and her tone sharper. "How many people Shinji... please, I need to know."

"She said about twenty or so. Only a couple washed up this morning but more have appeared since then.”

"So… they didn’t die.”"

"Huh?"

"I... didn't kill them! They... lived, they got pulled into the Sea of LCL. I didn't murder them."

His expression changed with her words.

"Asuka I don't understand."

She brushed away the threatening tear in her eye and smiled. "I guess... I have some explaining to do."

So she explained. She told him about what had happened when she entered the Entry Plug in that facility. She told him how she had been connected to each and every Marionette in the world at that time. She told him how she had been able to control them and make them to do what they wanted. How in a matter of minutes she leapt from city to city all around the world.

Finally she told him about seeing Cohen, how he had robbed her of her revenge at the last moment and then how she saw her mother again or at least the simulation of her. How she had been given her final task to end the suffering of all the Marionettes.

"She... wanted you to do that."

Asuka nodded, "I... didn't know what to do. I could feel all of their pain and suffering Shinji. It was horrible but I couldn’t do it. I felt like I was murdering them all, I wanted to find another way but there wasn't one. All those people... I killed them."

Her head dropped immediately on saying those words. The brief moment of happiness she had felt at news of the returns quickly diminished by that realization.

"But they're returning."

"I know but... I still did it Shinji. What if they weren't coming back?"

Shinji paused for a moment thinking over her words. "I... don't know but I understand..."

"You do?"

He nodded, "I... nearly killed everyone in this world remember? When I returned on that day I spent the entire morning by myself wondering if maybe I was the only person left. Maybe I had succeeded in killing everyone like I wanted to when that entire thing started. Then you washed up on shore and I..."

He stopped himself remembering just what had happened when he found Asuka washed up on that shoreline. He had straddled her and tried to strangle her. It wasn't until she had caressed him that he had stopped.

Asuka clearly remembered it too by the glare she was shooting him, "Yes go on Shinji."

"I realized that maybe I hadn't... that it was up to the people to come back. I didn't know if anyone would choose to but it helped a little bit."

"It isn't the same..."

"Why not?"

"Because there was no offer when I did it, there was no one saying if these people imagine themselves in their heart they can return. There was just the choice to let them die or let them suffer."

"But you didn't kill them!"

"I didn't know that then! All I had was some copy of my Mother telling me to end their suffering. That was the amazing destiny my mother had in store for me, to be an accessory to correcting her stupid mistake, to kill thousands of people because she couldn't get it done in time. Asuka Langley Sohryu the invincible, Asuka Langley Sohryu the great, Asuka Langley Sohryu the murderer!"

She rose to her feet and continued, “She turned her own daughter into a monster. Look at me Shinji, look at everything I’ve done. She left me behind and what happened to me? I turned into a monster, I become a horrible person. I lashed out at everyone and hid behind some stupid wall until it was too late. Her shadow was always looming over me, from the moment I saw her body to when I was in the Eva and now, when I was in that Entry Plug. Then she made me put an end to all of those lives. It doesn’t matter that they might come back now, I still did it and I obeyed because it was my mother. She did all of this and I hate her so much for it… I hate her… I hate… her…”

“Asuka!”

Shinji without thinking pulled Asuka forward clutching her tightly and letting her bury her head into his should, “You’re not a monster Asuka… you’re not horrible… and you’re not a murderer. Those people had already been killed, you saw them. They couldn’t come back from that…”

“You don’t get it, I could hear their thoughts Shinji. I could hear them before they were transformed. I heard their happiest moments. I…”

She pulled her head back, tears were falling freely down her face now, “I don’t know what to do Shinji… or think. I can still hear them, every time I close my eyes I’m back there. I keep on thinking that I could have done more but I know that I couldn’t.”

“Asuka…”

Shinji had nothing to say to her. He knew what she was feeling, he had been there himself. He had been responsible for killing Kaworu all that time ago. He had been responsible for the Third Impact. Humanity itself would still be trapped within it if he hadn’t have made the decision to return. Asukas feelings of guilt, he had felt them himself. Yet he couldn’t find any words to say to her to calm her down. Instead he let his instincts guide him, he leaned forward and kissed her on the lips taking her by surprise.

He didn’t know why this seemed like an appropriate thing to do but he prepared himself to be pushed away. Instead he felt her hands tighten on his arms and she returned the kiss. For moments they stood kissing and embracing each other on the balcony overlooking the city.

“I love you Asuka. You’ll get through this… you saved the world and you saved those people. No matter what you feel right now… you’ll get through it.”

Asuka nodded and caressed his cheek wiping one of the tears from his eyes away, “Thank you. I love you too.”

\---

Hours had passed since their conversation on the balcony. Asuka was starting to feel somewhat human again. They had gone over everything again, she had told him what had happened in the Entry Plug, and how she had felt when she had to make the choice. She had cried again whilst doing it but somehow the guilt didn’t feel as heavy as before. Maybe it was the knowledge that those people could return, or maybe it was the fact that she had finally told someone and knew that they didn’t hate her or think she was a monster for it.

She had even spoken to Misato. Told her a short version of what had happened. Of course Misato was full of nothing but praise of Asuka for saving them all. Misato knew all along Asuka could do it and she didn’t blame Asuka at all for her decision. That Asuka was being too harsh on herself. Hearing that praise from both Misato and Shinji had helped somewhat. The quickest way to cheer Asuka up was through her ego.

A week from now she would meet with her father again. They would discuss things, and all that had happened. For the first time she would talk to him about her mother. A part of her hated her mother for what had happened but the other part loved her unconditionally. She understood why it had happened the way it had. She was also proud of the faith her mother had placed in her at such a young age. Even though it had brought her unimaginable pain, even if the road ahead was going to be paved with bumps she felt her pride returning.

_‘She knew how brilliant I was… what I was capable of even then.’_

So now she sat on the sofa, her hands gripping a joypad with a game playing on the TV. It was a game set in the Wild West, she was playing as some guy being forced to hunt down his former associates in order to keep his family safe.

She brought the man on screen into cover and clicked the two analogue sticks on the joypad. Everything went into slow motion as she effortlessly navigated the crosshair from enemy to enemy putting them down instantly. She continued this cycle a few more times, darting from cover to cover wondering where Shinji had been for the past half an hour.

“Shinji where are you?”

The voice shouted back from within the kitchen, “I’m just in here.”

“What are you doing?”

“Uhh… nothing, just keep playing your game.”

“Are you doing something in there?”

“Yes… I mean, no! I mean wait two minutes.”

So she waited patiently, as patiently as she could. Which meant she immediately paused the game and got up and started sneaking towards the kitchen door. She got there just in time to meet Shinji glaring at her, his hands behind his back.

“I told you to wait.”

“You’re going to start telling me what to do Third Child?”

He nodded, “Yes.”

“When did you grow a backbone?”

He said nothing, instead bringing one of his hands from behind his back. Clutched in it was a wooden spoon. Without giving her time to react he gently pressed it against her nose and grinned before closing the door.

Stunned she stood there for a moment before bringing her own hand up to the stain now present on her nose. She smiled immediate when she saw what it was and eagerly popped her finger into her mouth, “Chocolate! Shinji you!”

“I promised didn’t I?”

“Yes but I didn’t…”

“Do you want to see?”

She nodded, “Of course I do.”

He pulled her into the kitchen and wiped away the rest of the chocolate on her nose. On the table in front of her was a delicious looking chocolate cake. It was fresh out of the oven. Along the rim it had been decorated with little swirls of chocolate and looked twice as good as anything she had bought in a store.

“I’ve been wanting to make it for you for a while Asuka. I wanted to wait until you were better… and I thought after what you told me this afternoon now might have been as good a time as any to make it.”

“Shinji… I don’t know what to say. I…”

Instead of saying anything she proceeded to dart forward and fling herself at him. Wrapping her arms around him and gaze lovingly into his eyes. She leaned forward and the two of them shared a kiss. For the second time on that day they stood still and alone embracing each other. She thought for a moment that she didn’t deserve this, that this would only be brief happiness before she’d have to face reality the next day. That didn’t matter though, he was probably thinking the same thing. That he didn’t deserve this happiness and that it might fade tomorrow just as they had seen countless times in the past.

They both still had ghosts they had to lay to rest. Shinji with his father, Asuka with her mother but together they would face them.

\---

The taste of the sand was an unpleasant one so she was immediately thankful when the uniformed officer handed her the small canteen of water. Drinking a small portion of it to satisfy her third and using the rest to wash the sand from around her mouth she moved forward amidst the people. There were so many here, a few had small tents set up as other uniformed officers moved between them delivering food and asking questions. None of them had visited her yet, her time would come but for now she just drifted.

She looked over to one side and could see a woman in a red jacket and purple hair conversing with someone on a phone. There was a familiarity to this person but she couldn’t remember why. She continued moving drifting to another section of the beach when a young uniformed man leaning next to a vehicle stopped her.

“Sorry you can’t go past here Miss…?”

“I apologize, I will return.”

“No worries, have you been processed yet?”

“No I don’t believe so.”

“I can do it now if you want, I was just about to finish my break.”

He pulled out a clipboard with a form on it and a pen, “Okay so, name please?”

She paused, what was her name? She tried to force herself to remember but nothing was coming into her mind. With a blush she replied, “I apologize, I’m afraid I don’t remember.”

At that moment she caught a look at her own reflection in one of the vehicles side mirrors. She caught a glimpse of her pale skin, her blue hair and red eyes staring back at her. She turned to the solider, “I… I think I am the fourth.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well everyone/anyone who has been reading this. That is the end of my little fic. I started work on this in April of this year (2015). It was supposed to be a one-off story which ended in a sweet little scene after End of Evangelion. I hadn’t wrote Eva fanfiction in about seven years and one day the opening chapter to this popped into my head and it wouldn’t let go. From that moment on I just kept on having more ideas and it developed into this story. One that I’m immensely proud of and grateful to people for reading.
> 
> So this isn’t strictly the end, I plan to indulge a little bit more with this world I’ve created and do little one-shot side stories from time to time. Maybe explain a little bit more about the world I’ve made. I realize some things are maybe a bit ambiguous but if I really wanted to explain everything I’d need another few chapters and it would detract from the core story I was trying to tell. That said my Tumblr (Progdor) has an open Ask box so if you have any questions feel free to ask.  
> I didn’t make a habit of this during the posting of chapters but if people have things to say about the fic, comments/reviews that sort of thing feel free to leave it. If you stayed with it, thank you so much that means a lot to me and I hope you check out my other work or any future stuff I post.


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